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To Men. Who can actually resist (infidelity)


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ShatteredLady

I was just reading a post on the OW forum. There was mention of loosing faith in people (men in general) after reading these forums & going through affairs. I get that.

 

I worked in the drinks industry. Very male dominated. I was the only successful woman in my section of the company. For a while I held the view that I would NEVER get married. Wives were idiots! They dressed-up once a year for a work function. We're very nice. I watched them & their husbands avoiding their mistresses for the night & playing 'great husband & father'. It was all a sick joke! Wives were "The old ball & chain" who nagged & looked after kids, too stupid to realize that their husbands were chasing every new secretary or telesales girl who joined the company.

The whole industry felt like it was constructed for affairs. Long working hours. Lots of alcohol & nights in hotels with co-workers. Most of the married men had affairs or flings...or tried!

Girlfriends & single women got respect! Wives didn't.

 

I grew-up! I fell in love. Got married. Great marriage! Fast forward & my husbands the guy sneaking out to restaurants at lunchtime thinking no-one knew he was having an affair with his assistant!

 

I've known a few (quite attractive) women in my life who try to have sex with anything that moves when drunk. I don't know of many men who have said "No!".

 

I just want my faith restored. Are there men here who have been offered unconditional sex when drunk & said no? Are their men who have been very attracted to a woman who shows interest in being 'friends' but avoided them because they are married? Can the men here PLEASE tell me stories of avoiding temptation? Real temptation thrown at them? Please tell me there are.....

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Celestial-dreamer

Interesting thread......I am the same, I have ZERO faith/trust. Too much has gone on for me, and every relationship I have had has been tainted by lies and betrayal. I believe it must be my fault. I know men will say they can resist, but that's a VERY long story to believe. I haven't known ONE man stay faithful, not in my own family, other family/co-workers/friends etc.

 

NOT ONE.

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...

Are there men here who have been offered unconditional sex when drunk & said no? Are their men who have been very attracted to a woman who shows interest in being 'friends' but avoided them because they are married? Can the men here PLEASE tell me stories of avoiding temptation? Real temptation thrown at them? Please tell me there are.....

 

I've never had a drunk woman grab my crotch and beg me to screw her so I can't say positively no to your first question.

 

I've turned down many women, married and single, who came on to me at work. The friend thing I have no problem with as long as there is no attempt to cross the line. I usually invite a third person if there are lunch plans.

 

I had a gorgeous flight attendant drop a matchbook with her room number on it when at a hotel on a business trip. This was 30 years ago when I was young & handsome and I will always remember it because it was very flattering. She was walking by with other stew's when she gave me the matchbook and, after another cup of coffee, I tossed it in the trash and went up to my room. Of course, like I said, I was drinking coffee in the bar and was only there because it is so boring to just watch TV in the room. Maybe, just maybe things would have been different if I was drunk. The thing is, if I was interested in cheating I would have been drunk so I could lower my inhibitions and increase my courage. I've never cheated and I maintain strong boundaries. I'm not tempted to be tempted - that's the secret.

 

PS - when I was single I wouldn't turn down advances from any woman I thought was attractive. Other than a friends wife or girlfriend their commitment status meant nothing to me. She's offering it then I'm taking it. I'd screw any attractive woman who would hold still for me.

Edited by drifter777
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Can the men here PLEASE tell me stories of avoiding temptation? Real temptation thrown at them? Please tell me there are.....

 

I'm dying to find this out myself!

 

I know women cheat too, but there seems to be way more males than females...for example look at how many men were signed up on AM: 30 MILLION compared to 5.5 MILLION women and most of those women were fake profiles to lure the men's CC payments!

 

And I don't want to hear the excuse that it's in their DNA to cheat.... they weren't meant to be monogamous creatures!

 

Huh, maybe this should be posted in the marriage section and not infidelity section? I mean, we do want to hear from the men that are strong enough to pass on messing around even when it's handed to them.

 

In my personal life, my current husband says he would never, ever cheat on me because he's more worried about the eventual judgement before God, than my wrath. My Ex husband never had a morality point of view and was a serial cheater.

 

I don't know.... I fear that people will always cheat if they knew they could get away with it. :(

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I went thru seven years of what sex therapists would define as a sexless marriage. My wife simply claimed to have no libido.

 

I didn't cheat on my wife and it wasn't due to lack of opportunity. I'd like to maintain some anonymity here but I can tell you that throughout that period, I taught an introductory course for college-age employees. I taught 30-60 people for 3 days and then a whole new batch would come thru. There were a ton of college hotties and I was their instructor. I am quite respected for what I do and I'm quite good at it. Back then, I was about 10 or so years older than my audience and I was put-together. It wasn't uncommon for ladies to become enamoured with me. In some cases, it was apparent to the entire class that a young lady had a crush going.

 

What I never did was to put out the vibe that I was ever receptive or available. I freely talked about my wife, marriage, and kids. I was approachable and people genuinely enjoyed the way I facilitated my course but I never came across as someone you'd even have the slightest chance of influencing. In short, these things would be shut down before they started.

 

There were some guys on my team that took easy advantage of that position. Some of them were only in the role so they could have first crack at these ladies. I wasn't one of them. It was never an option in my mind.

 

I highly doubt I'm the only one. But to your point, I do think it's rare.

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I'm dying to find this out myself!

 

I know women cheat too, but there seems to be way more males than females...for example look at how many men were signed up on AM: 30 MILLION compared to 5.5 MILLION women and most of those women were fake profiles to lure the men's CC payments!

 

And I don't want to hear the excuse that it's in their DNA to cheat.... they weren't meant to be monogamous creatures!

 

Huh, maybe this should be posted in the marriage section and not infidelity section? I mean, we do want to hear from the men that are strong enough to pass on messing around even when it's handed to them.

 

In my personal life, my current husband says he would never, ever cheat on me because he's more worried about the eventual judgement before God, than my wrath. My Ex husband never had a morality point of view and was a serial cheater.

 

I don't know.... I fear that people will always cheat if they knew they could get away with it. :(

 

My suspicion is that most DO get away with it.

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What I never did was to put out the vibe that I was ever receptive or available. I freely talked about my wife, marriage, and kids. I was approachable and people genuinely enjoyed the way I facilitated my course but I never came across as someone you'd even have the slightest chance of influencing. In short, these things would be shut down before they started.

 

^^^

YES!!!! It sounds like it boils down to character! Great job!!

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I will answer that. To be honest, its not difficult. All it requires is self respect. The reason I dont cheat is because I dont want that crap happenning to me. The same forums you read about men and dirt, have the same amount as women and dirt. Look at what men go thru. Mind movies, children who are not theirs, years of sticking it out for the kids, financial destruction.

 

No thank you, maam.

 

I think it is very insecure (people) who cheat. The validation and attention thing baffles me. I validate myself based on what I am doung. I also dont need the headache and really dont have the time for a AP. I think you also have to have that "inner voice" I once came close, and was on my way, "just to talk" , but the inner voice said "call your girl" I called and we talked and talked so much that my car battery went dead and she had to come give me a jump.

 

Besides, one woman a handful. Your gender is so damn confusing, complicated, all over the place, but we wouldnt have it any other way. Absolutely stunning you are.

 

Its not hero, its not "good guy" it s just who needs the drama.

 

Lastly, I have really enjoyed every woman I have been with 1 exception. Sex never was a issue. Distance became the problem and is a issue now.

 

Dont gloss over the stories you read here about men who dont.

VBM, Zinger, Robbie. Etc. Its more comman than you think. It is just that the dirt makes the evening news.

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I know quite a few faithful men in real life (I know, someone will say "as far as you know"). My ex had many issues, but cheating was not one of them. There are men who post on LS who I would bet my next paycheck have never even gotten close to the line. Sadly, the one person I gave the most faith to recently DID cheat, and it was awful. But I still think there are faithful men out there.

 

Call me a romantic.

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Married 20 years with two kids. I have never cheated or been tempted to, and yes, I have had opportunities.

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Are their men who have been very attracted to a woman who shows interest in being 'friends' but avoided them because they are married?

 

I'm currently friends with a co-worker that I find attractive, and honestly just an awesome person. Definitely my "type". And she's always complimentary towards me. Even maybe said things that could be construed as flirtatious if I really wanted to read into them. But I've never fantasized about her or felt the need to keep my distance. We mostly talk about our families and work b.s.

 

On another note: I was a college professor for a while and had 21-year-old co-eds devote a "crush" FB page to me. Some of them came on to me in different ways. It never really did much for me. Maybe it was the age. Ironically, it was around this time that my W was having an A. And one of her friends convinced her that I may have been banging one of those co-eds.

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Shattered Lady

 

 

Yes there are guys out there that will not cheat.

 

 

I am in sales. Have been in sales all my life.

 

 

I have been propositioned by coworkers, strangers, customers and a few prospects. Most sober interesting enough.

 

 

I once was on a sales call with a junior sales rep showing her the ropes. We were meeting with one of y customers. The customer was hot.

 

 

As the meeting progressed the client and I kept getting more personal about our lives and hobbies. We shared a few common hobbies. I did not wear a wedding ring at that time but the client knew I was married.

 

 

Right in front of my junior she asked me out for drinks. The invitation was out there for whatever goes. We all knew it.

 

 

 

 

I said Thanks but no thanks. When my junior and I left she was upset with me. She thought I was going to hang with the client and bump uglies.

 

 

I told her that I have a defense mechanism that works well in those situations. I told her when a woman propositions me I can gloat for 3 seconds and let my ego gloat that I was sexually attractive to another female other than my wife. 2 seconds later I visualize in my mind the face of my wife and then my 3 daughters in age order.

 

 

After that the moment is over and I look forward to going home to my wife and family.

 

 

It has worked for 24 years of marriage and 30 years of being with the same woman.

 

 

I only once had to leave a hotel early because a horny woman would not leave me alone.

 

 

ANd I rate myself an 8 when it comes to my looks. What does that make those women???

 

 

I know plenty of guys like me that prefer to go home and get it.

 

 

Maybe it is something in the water.

 

 

HM

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never have, never will. And I drink plenty and have enough options around me that it wouldn't take much to have an affair or cheat on my SO. Loyal men do exist. The world has really turned into an ugly and scandalous place, but I promise you there are still men out there who want something real and lasting.

 

I actually find myself in your same situation... wondering if I will end up posting as a betrayed husband in the infidelity section of LS.

 

Grandma and Grandpa made it 70 years without cheating on each other and they loved each other till the end. Now 70 days is too long for most people to remain faithful. Sometimes I just want to give up and be alone.

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I'm 38 and I'll say pretty good looking, in shape, good job, and have it together.

 

Was married for 7 years (including most of those years where my ex-wife was cheating on me), plus had many relationships before that with woman.

 

I can say I've had outright offers maybe 3 times to sleep with another woman while in a relationship or married. I've had plenty of "leading up to" encounters where I could tell things were starting to edge towards inappropriate and all it was going to take was one offside comment by me to seal the deal.

 

I've been at parties where hookers suddenly showed up and everything was "on the house". I even had a stripper try to get me back to her place.

 

Never, ever, even once did I consider cheating on whoever I was with at the time. I have too much self respect as well as respect for whoever I was with (even if things weren't great) such that I knew I should take care of my business at home before engaging anything like that.

 

And yeah, based on what I know now from here, friend and co-workers, I feel like a unicorn.

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[...]

 

I just want my faith restored. Are there men here who have been offered unconditional sex when drunk & said no? Are their men who have been very attracted to a woman who shows interest in being 'friends' but avoided them because they are married? Can the men here PLEASE tell me stories of avoiding temptation? Real temptation thrown at them? Please tell me there are.....

 

Yes - Years ago I was very tempted by an offer of some pretty kinky and wild sex from a very pretty younger woman. I could have easily "gotten away" with it, BUT my conscience was SCREAMING at me.. and I said no.

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I know women cheat too, but there seems to be way more males than females...for example look at how many men were signed up on AM: 30 MILLION compared to 5.5 MILLION women and most of those women were fake profiles to lure the men's CC payments!

 

I'm not sure you can derive much from Ashley Madison numbers as far as "men cheat more than women". Let's face facts: all a woman has to do to get laid is go to a bar and just not say no to the man of her choice that night. Nothing more. They can also smile and be friendly to the guys she works with and then don't discourage the ones that take it further and want to get in her pants. It's just way, way too easy for a woman to get laid and, as such, cheat on her husband if she's married.

 

Men have to pursue and compete with other men to get a woman to screw them. They don't get to just pick one out and let her have her way with them.

 

Probably lots of the men who were in AM database never paid a penny to sign up. They were curious as to just what was out there and what it would take to get laid. Its also hard to know how many were single and how many had more than one account. So lots of guys might have just "window shopped" and then had to pay ($20?) to have their account removed. Just like on dating sites, if a woman puts up her profile she could pick out a different man to have sex with every day. I'm sure there were women who just window shopped as well, but it's just so easy for them to hook up with one of the 100 guys who message them in the first hour.

 

I think men and women cheat equally. Some research shows:

 

In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite, author of the Hite Report, published data on affairs, she concluded that 70 percent of American women who were married for more than five years had broken their marriage vows at least once. A 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. I know that sounds outrageous; even I think that’s out of bounds. But I recall a very unscientific discussion with one of my mentors from medical school, who maintained a very successful Park Avenue practice, and he claimed that every single one of his patients had had an affair at one time or another.

 

I think most people cheat - regardless of sex.

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When I was young I was VERY handsome, and because i'm a musician, dancer, choreographer writer in the show business, a lot if girls were chasing after me ALL THE TIME! I had to say NO all the time to a very assertive attempts. (While being in a relationship).

 

And I always said NO. I never got tempted even once.

 

If it happens today at my age? I'm not so sure... :p:laugh::bunny::):confused:

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ShatteredLady

I know women cheat, possibly as much as men. I phrased my question that way because of this (quote) "I've never had a drunk woman grab my crotch and beg me to screw her so I can't say positively no to your first question.".

Firstly I REALLY want to know how many drunk men would push them away & say "I'm married!" & secondly, that blatant offer would often have a woman shouting "sexual assault!" in that situation!

 

When I worked in that industry I frequently ended the night after conferences, buisiness dinner & drinks etc. being propositioned or trying to avoid 'confessions of eternal love' from older married guys I'd previously respected.

A woman who worked there was a very attractive, petite blonde who had alcohol & mental problems. She was constantly having affairs with 'nice' married guys with lovely wives. Her lie was that her husband was cruel & abusive (I knew him. Gentle, kind man) I think men started out wanting to protect her. When drunk she would grab anyone. ANYONE! It was truly shocking how NO drunk (Happily married) men pushed her off...even in the middle of the pub with everyone watching!

When I was young I had a similar friend. Within a year she had slept with all but 1 of my husbands friends! Even knowing what she was like when drunk. Even seeing the embarrassment & regrets of their friends...after a few drinks none of that seemed to matter. In my experience women don't sleep with men like that!

 

On a possitive note... My Dad NEVER cheated. At one time it was a running joke that a woman they all knew was desperately 'in love' with him & fell over herself to get close. My Dad didn't even notice!! People found it very funny.

I know my brother never cheated either. When he was young he would get very drunk with the guys & there were women who found him very attractive both in looks & as person but he never strayed.

There are really good guys out there. I think to resist when very drunk it's about the true nature of a man. It's instinctive to push away any person who gives sexual advances. I do connect low self esteem with promiscuous sex.

 

My grandfathers friends (when young married men) actually ostracized a married friend who had an affair with the bar maid. I wonder if in today's society he would of received pats on the back for bedding the hot bar maid?? I don't know....

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I rarely go outside my thread, but would like to post here. Plenty of opportunities - drunk and sober, never taken, never regretted (perhaps slightly now at times of anger).

 

I would like to share with you a story from my past. When I and my closest friend were young and started dating as you call it exclusively, we were ridiculed by some of our peers who thing that "real man tries to sleep with everything that moves and drink everything that burns".

 

So there was an old guy then who was literally like a father and role model for me. We discussed the above with him and he told us the story I still remember .

 

Once there was a guy who didn't have a good job and used to drink me than he should. His wife disrespected him for that and made his life hell - she was openly calling him a loser , they were in constant fights. So he started to drink more, spending all nights out, sleeping on the floor, his wife starting to despise him, turning kids against him, she neglected all house work, his place was a mess, etc. All was spiralling out of control.

 

One night he came home do drunk he didn't know where he was and his friends had to carry him to his apartment. When he woke up next morning he realised he is in his family bed, undressed, his appartment is quiet and spotless clean and there is a note on his bedside: "honey, aspirin is on the table, breakfast in the fridge, kids are doing homework, I'm at work, please don't make any plans for tonight, I booked a restaurant for two of us". When she came home he naturally asked her what's the matter. She told him "when you came home not knowing where your are and I was trying to take your trousers off because you peed in them you mumbled "get off me wh#!*re, I'm a married man!".

 

I hope you see the relevance and apologies for a ridiculously long post.

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I have had many chances and I never even thought of cheating. Since I found a woman who actually made me want to marry again she is the only one for me.

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Mr Mind of Shazam

I've never cheated, though I have had opportunities, and this is rooted in my basic morality and values, and also because I am confident that any woman I am with would not tolerate that behavior and dump me in an instant.

 

And that's a good thing. There's nothing any other woman has that my woman doesn't have. Another woman doesn't offer me anything worth risking everything.

 

And that's that.

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Some of us do honor out commitments.

 

My first marriage was a huge disappointment, essentially sexless. Even so, I never cheated on her despite many opportunities. Perhaps I should have? Maybe it would have resulted in ending things sooner rather than suffering through years of neglect - and emotional abuse.

 

After several years of the above, I was on a trip to San Diego with a large group. We went out to a well-known social spot where we all got quite potted, and I was propositioned by two beautiful native Hawaiian girls on vacation to return to their hotel for the night. I declined, and even told my wife about it when I returned home.

 

I do and don't regret my choice, but don't regret keeping my integrity. And eventually I did divorce my sexless ex, and moved on to better things.

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