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Wife won't stop affair - thoughts?


Mn_bowhunter

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Mn_bowhunter

My story is long, and I will try my best to keep it brief. My wife started growing distant in late January and it continued through May. Working long hours, staying at hotels and "friends" houses on weekends, etc. I felt something was amiss but couldn't put my finger on it. Then on Memorial Day I found an email she had written to her counselor saying that things were going great with both of them. I was so angry about the email, by I didn't confront her about it right away.

 

The following weekend, she admitted to having an affair with a man from her work who is 12 yrs older than her. It was an intense relationship affair, and she was planning on leaving me for him. After finding out, she said it was over and she was sorry. Throughout the next few weeks I caught her talking to him on the phone multiple times, always professing her love for him. Each time I called her out, she said that it was the only time, made a mistake, blah blah blah. Then she moved out.

 

Since she moved out she continues to tell me that she has had no contact with him and is working very hardto push him away. Problem is, I have further email and phone records, along with other people telling me that she is still seeing him. I have asked her about this stuff many times, by each time she lies about it. She does not know that I am monitoring her email and phone records. I also have reasonable suspicion that they are communicating on skype, and confirmed evidence of it on snapchat.

 

She has swore up and down that she is telling the truth, and doesn't understand why I don't trust her. She continues to tell me that she wants to work on our relationship and "do the right thing". She tells me she loves me every day, and the sex is coming back slowly. So my question:

 

I can't handle all the lies and don't want to be with someone who is not being honest with me. What would you do in my situation?

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purplesorrow

If you're ok knowing you're being lied to and sharing your spouse, stay. If not, I don't see any option other than leave. What is it you want? You can't spend your life trying to monitor another adult. What kind of relationship is that?

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What would I do? Move on.

 

I wouldn't spend another day ... another moment ... being concerned about her truthfulness or the choices she made for herself.

 

I would make as clean a break as possible and look forward to living the rest of my life as well as I possibly can.

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Ok, you know that scene in the movie "Titanic" when Jack and Rose are making there way to the stern of the ship while it's bow was plunging into the water and people are falling off all around them and splashing into the ocean??

 

Ok the Titanic is a metaphor for your marriage, and you are Jack. However in this case you are just now start to suspect that the boat has a leak.

 

You are wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy behind the 8ball and she is playing you for a fool.

 

You've been asleep at the switch and have your head in the sand and she has gotten away with murder under your nose and playing you like a fiddle.

 

I'm not saying that to be mean or to put you down or rub salt in your wounds, but rather to jolt you back into reality.

 

Your marriage hit the iceberg a long long time ago and now it is plunging towards the ocean floor and there ain't a thing that can stop it at this point.

 

Your option is to either get a lawyer this very afternoon and get a handle on your financial assets and your property and hopefully you can get in a life raft and save a few things.

 

Or you can keep your head in the sand and you will soon be freezing to death in 30 degree water clinging to a piece of flotsam.

 

Get a lawyer today!!!!!!!!!

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Your wife is in the affair fog and has no problem telling you bald faced lies to your face. She will continue to lie and actually believe her own lies to keep her great situation going (you taking care of all the husband stuff and her OM taking care of all her fun, sexual stuff).

 

You need to know that she is still having sex with him, loving every minute of it, and has zero respect for you, your feelings, and your well being.

 

You need to implement the 180, cut off any and all communication and begin separation process.

 

It's hard to process at this point (and I know because I've been there) but I can all but guarantee 99% of everything your wife says to you is a total lie. You don't need to waste any more of your time sifting through what is a lie and what is the truth.

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You cannot reconcile with her as long as the affair is ongoing. The longer you let this go on the more likely it becomes that she will choose him over you. The fact that you are still willing to be with her while she lies and carries on an affair shows a like of self respect and women don't respect men who don't respect themselves.

 

 

The best thing to do now is to completely end it with her. Tell her you are done and that you don't want her calling you or coming around your house. Start divorce proceedings. It doesn't mean you can't reconcile later on if she does a complete 180 and truly ends the affair and becomes remorseful, but right now she is making you a fool and by being her fool you are becoming less and less attractive to her.

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.

 

The following weekend, she admitted to having an affair with a man from her work who is 12 yrs older than her. It was an intense relationship affair, and she was planning on leaving me for him.

 

Since she moved out she continues to tell me that she has had no contact with him and is working very hardto push him away. Problem is, I have further email and phone records, along with other people telling me that she is still seeing him. I have asked her about this stuff many times, by each time she lies about it.

Sounds like an exit affair. She moved out. Did you have any rules on your separation? How can she be working on your marriage if she is out of the house, you guys probably don't see much of each other.

 

 

 

She has swore up and down that she is telling the truth, and doesn't understand why I don't trust her. She continues to tell me that she wants to work on our relationship and "do the right thing".

Typical Wayward behavior, she lies though her teeth... She wants her the best of both worlds. Hot steamy sex with OM and you to take care of the bills.

 

Out of respect for yourself, confront her with your evidence and tell her she is free to go. You are done.

 

 

She tells me she loves me every day, and the sex is coming back slowly. So my question:
hate to say this, but sounds like you are getting sloppy seconds. You need to get STD tested.

 

I can't handle all the lies and don't want to be with someone who is not being honest with me. What would you do in my situation?
Tell her to have a good life while handing her the divorce papers.

Run man run... It is a very tough road to reconcile, and she does not appear to be able to do the work.

 

 

S.

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I would not talk, text, or willingly see her face for the rest of my life. Start divorce proceedings today.

 

Is your handle a sick joke or are you trying to be funny?

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Mn_bowhunter

I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her?

 

And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ?

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purplesorrow
I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her?

 

And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ?

 

First, I don't believe in 'affair fog'. She knows she is lying and deceiving you. Even if you feel she is a good person, she's not behaving like one towards you. Secondly how can she be genuine in her care for you while she has a knife in your back?

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I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her?

 

And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ?

 

We are trying to tell you that since there are no consequences she will continue. She has the best of both worlds. And yes she is still ****ing the OM.

 

My guess is the OM will not commit full time to her. Thus she is keeping you on a string.

 

For your own sanity, give her divorce papers. You can always stop the process.

 

If you really want her back, blow up the affair. Contact the OM spouse and let her know what is going on. Show the OBS the evidence you have.

 

My money is the OM will toss your wife to the curb.

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I can't handle all the lies and don't want to be with someone who is not being honest with me. What would you do in my situation?
The title of your thread is "Wife won't stop affair - thoughts?" You gave it this title because you know for a fact, that although she "has swore up and down that she is telling the truth", that she is lying and continues to see the other man (OM). Read what you wrote above and you will see that you answered your own question of "What would you do in my situation?" when you said that you "can't handle all the lies and don't want to be with someone who is not being honest with me". The marriage that you had with her is dead. You did not kill it, she did. She even moved out when you kept catching her lying so that she could continue to cheat without you being able to catch her as easily. All that their is left for you to do is to make it official by filing for divorce and not looking back.
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I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her?
You are wrong, she can fake "genuineness". If you look at other threads, cheater do this all the time. It is part of the cheaters script. She is living a fantasy with her lover, and you are hanging on to a fantasy that she is still the loyal good person that she use to be.
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And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ?

If you use the same userid here as on other forums you may wind up being a lot less anonymous than you might like to be. Consider finding a new userid.

 

Also, sheesh. Get a divorce already. And don't use your LS userid on dating web sites when you start looking for WW's successor.

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TrustedthenBusted

Sorry to hear it man, and I am usually a huge proponent of Reconciling. You are going to get a lot of lies...this is normal and natural, and not necessarily a deal breaker in the beginning. She will tell you it was 4 times when it was 10. She will say they used protection when they didn't. She will tell you they never talked about leaving you, when they did. Stuff like that.

 

But what CANNOT be tolerated is her being allowed to continue to see him and remain in contact with him. This IS a dealbreaker where reconciliation is concerned.

 

Right now she is exhibiting what I call typical monkey-girl behavior. She isn't letting go of one branch, until she is sure she has a firm grip on the other.

 

You want to know if she loves you? Dump her. If she runs to him, let her.

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mn bowhunter

 

 

When a wayward wife continues to lie & deceive it is because they are not strong enough to face the truth. They are weak minded. They know they are doing wrong. So your wife fully understands that she has broken her vows to you.

 

 

When a wayward wife moves out it is for one reason only. To continue the affair and not be further judged by you.

 

 

It is interesting that she still comes around to spend time around you. She obviously is very torn inside. She is what I call "damaged" goods.

 

 

I truly think you need to act.

 

 

1. Hit her with divorce papers. Surprise her with them. Include a small sample of her recent interactions with her "other man" so she knows she no longer has any reason to continue to lie to you.

 

 

2. Make contact at her place of employment (human resources dept.). Let them aware of the workplace affair if you feel it will give the OM some consequences. He should not get off scott free.

 

 

3, When your wife comes to you all upset & angry tell her she has no reason to be angry at you. Only herself. Tell her you no longer are willing to share her with her BF and that you are sick of the lies. Sick of the games.

 

 

Tell her you want to keep it amicable and if she does not then you will send all of the evidence to her entire family & friends.

 

 

If all of the above does not knock your wife off the fence and want to seriously reconcile with you then guess what? You are already one step further to moving forward with your life without her.

 

 

Now go show her some tough love and stop waiting for her to end the affair. Because she is not able to.

 

 

HM

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I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her?

 

And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ?

 

 

 

Okay, she might be a good person deep down, but it doesn't change the fact that she's continuing to see and sleep with this other dude and lying to you about it!!! That's the reason why she moved out! She wanted to continue the affair without having to hide it from you. Worrying about you looking over her shoulder to see who's she texting. Talking openly on the phone with him without you overhearing her. And inviting him over without fear of you walking in on them. Those are not good traits that a good person would have,

 

 

What do you know of this OM, is he married? If he is, then you might want to inform his wife. She has the right to know what kind of man she's married to and she has the right to make an INFORMED decision on what she wants to do with her own marriage. You want to kill the affair? That is the fastest way to do it. 9/10 the OM is going to throw your wife under the bus to save his own ass.

 

 

Also, another thing you can do is serve your wife with divorce papers. That doesn't mean you have to go through with the divorce, but it might be enough to smack her in the head with a 2x4 and smack her out of her affair fog once she see's she's about to lose it all.

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Bow_hunter, I think you know what's going on and you keep lying to yourself and hoping that someone here will confirm it to you. wake up man. R start with complete end of A. she planned on leaving you for him but he rejected her she came back to you heartbroken but still reach out to him hoping he would have her back. you are on the shelve as a plan B she abviousely has no respect for you. you are fooling yourself go talk to a lawyer and start the divorce process

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Clarence_Boddicker

Divorce her ASAP. Your marriage is kaput. Ya, you betcha.

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Yeah dude. You really need to look at the big picture. She's doing more to try and keep this affair alive than trying to fix the marriage.

 

 

What does that tell you?

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Mr Mind of Shazam

If she'd rather be with the other guy, just cut her loose. You don't need this behavior cluttering up your life. Good luck.

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Mn_bowhunter

Her family and friends already all know. No one is supporting her decision. As for the other man, I know everything about him, right down to his address and the fact that his house is in foreclosure. He is once widowed and once divorced. She keeps telling me that she wants to work on our marriage, and she talks about the future, but it all seems like one giant smokescreen. I've told her I'm willing to work with her, but I can't build a new marriage without honesty...

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