Anxious, sad and Feel lost

[TheOneYouHate]

Yeah I sent the NC to my AP. I feel like warmed over dog crap about it. My wife and I have reconnected a little bit, but I was hoping to have a little more peace than this. I know this AP is what makes me anxious and jealous all the time. She is cheating as well, and not afraid to break up her family and my marriage, and I know all I am is someone to save her from her bad marriage, the "knight in shining armor". I was supposed to be up there visiting this week and didn't go.. Dear God, someone tell me you start feeling better or I might as well just go get in touch with her again right now, because this feel horrible.

 

My IC says it is an addiction and my brain wants that quick fix from that addiction. I don't know what it is I just want to feel normal again.

[Mr. Lucky]

If it is an addiction, here's two of the 12 Steps:

 

- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

 

- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

In other words, quit making it all about you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sandy43]

You will get through this, it will get easier as time goes by. Just like any addiction you need to break the habit and it isn't done over night but you will overcome this if you stay strong. Find a healthy way to fill the void, exercise, or find a hobby that will take your mind off of it.

Good luck!

[Southern Sun]

I feel for you. I do. You are in "withdrawal." I went back to your very first post, to see if I remembered it correctly. I did. See a quote from it below:

 

Then reality sits in and I realize that I am going to be leaving everything I own, my wife who is good to me, and would do anything for me. Leave behind children, my job, my life and go to be with someone, that even though I think we might be good together, is an unknown quantity. She has two kids that are teenagers, 13 and 14. Anyway, there are so many red flags that it is ridiculous but she continues to have this certain something that I can't walk away from. I have caught her conveniently omitting things, nice little lies. She recently told me that she is separated in house mind you, from her husband. She changes to accommodate anything that I want. Last time I went to visit her, I swore I would not go back again and that I was not even that attracted to her. I distanced myself the first week and then was drawn right back in. As you might have guessed it I have major self esteem and self worth issues.

 

You said there are red flags.

 

You said that she has omitted things, lied.

 

She changes to suit you, she says what you need to hear.

 

You said you aren't even that attracted to her.

 

You understand that you are drawn to this because of your own issues with self-worth.

 

You would be leaving your own good life and children for all this.

 

This is most certainly an addiction. You have to buckle up and hang on tight. You only know going to her for relief right now. You've created that cycle. SHE is actually the source of your pain, so of course she is the also the only source of your relief. It wasn't even there before you created it. You have to be the one to make it go away.

 

If you go back, it will just take you that much longer. You will re-set the counter. Just hang on. Press forward. You are in detox. You are doing the right thing.

[Bittersweetie]

One, an A can certainly be like an addiction, your IC is right. I look back at my A and see how every interaction...from a quick email to a drinks out...gave me a rush, and I wanted that rush again and again. After he stopped talking to me, I got the rush from googling and Facebook. Anything to get the rush.

 

After my d-day, I knew I couldn't give in to getting a fix, because that would've been the absolute end of my marriage. So I took it one day at a time. If I wanted to google, or contact, I said, "I'll do it tomorrow." It was hard at first, I wanted that rush so bad, especially since the rest of my life was in upheaval (because of what I'd done). A rush would help me escape.

 

But every day I said, I will not do anything today. And one day became one week. Which became one month. One year.

 

Now, 5.5 years later, I still get that urge for a rush occasionally. The difference is I recognize it for what it is. It has nothing to do with xOM; I just want that rush feeling. So I do something simple to assuage that feeling, like eating a chocolate, drinking a glass of wine, going for a walk, etc. Something to push past that "getting a fix" feeling.

 

So take it one day at a time. Try not to look at things as "forever" or "never"...just look at today and do the best you can today. You can do it for one day, right?

 

Good luck.