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TheOneYouHate

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TheOneYouHate

So I sent a no contact email that my counselor had said was very good. I ended contact with my AP. However, she was upset that she didn't get to talk to me about it, so we started emailing. She said she was not going to draw me back in but wanted to know if she could just stay in touch because of all that we have been through together. Then we started chatting and I was crying like a baby, I didn't want to lose her, so a step forward and step back. My counselor recommended starting with 90 days no contact, and she said that would be a starting point. Now I can't even write that. I have it written but I can't even send it.

 

I know you are disappointed in me, but you guys have helpful and I just wanted to throw it back out there. I panic when I start to send the 90 day NC, and then I don't send.

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Southern Sun

I am sorry, what you sent wasn't a NC letter then.

 

Honestly, what you have to do, if you actually send an email stating you are no longer going to be in contact, is to state what you are doing and then after sending, immediately block all of her avenues of contact. I'm serious. Don't even allow her to reply. That may seem dramatic and cruel, but I'm telling you, anything else invites this to continue (as you have seen). Tell her what you are doing in the email so she doesn't write you back and get surprised with being blocked. Let her know you're serious. Of course, you must actually get serious.

 

Being firm doesn't mean you can't be kind to her. But realize what you are doing is MORE cruel than being firm! Unless of course you plan to continue this indefinitely. Waffling is cruel! And of course, staying in the affair is cruel to your wife.

 

Man up.

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RightThere
I didn't want to lose her, so a step forward and step back.

 

No offense, but you didn't take any steps forward. Didn't you state before after your NC letter that you deleted all your email addresses that she used to contact you on?

 

If so, you're not taking any steps forward, you are just going through the motions to convince yourself that you are trying to end it, but not really end it.

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You are getting sucked back in. Do you realize how common it is for AP's to break up and get back together? It happened to me and it happens in the majority of affair stories I've read. Stop over thinking it, do NC and deal with the withdrawals. I promise you NC gets easier in time. How would you be able to move on from the OW if you keep in touch?

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I am sorry, what you sent wasn't a NC letter then.

 

Honestly, what you have to do, if you actually send an email stating you are no longer going to be in contact, is to state what you are doing and then after sending, immediately block all of her avenues of contact. I'm serious. Don't even allow her to reply. That may seem dramatic and cruel, but I'm telling you, anything else invites this to continue (as you have seen). Tell her what you are doing in the email so she doesn't write you back and get surprised with being blocked. Let her know you're serious. Of course, you must actually get serious.

 

Being firm doesn't mean you can't be kind to her. But realize what you are doing is MORE cruel than being firm! Unless of course you plan to continue this indefinitely. Waffling is cruel! And of course, staying in the affair is cruel to your wife.

 

Man up.

 

Ten characters.

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