1q3455402828193 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 This is a pretty messy situation, but here it goes! I met this guy back when I was 15, he was 21. We fell in love with each other quickly. It wasn't normal for that to happen, but due to the circumstances it did. I even lost my virginity to him. Then, he made the decision for us to not be sexually active and try being celibate. He saw value in waiting until marriage. But, he wanted to marry me straight out of high school. I told him that I wanted to finish college. I told him that if he could wait for me, I would marry him right after I graduated from college. Long story short, not only did he end up leaving me because of my age, but he also got married less than a year later. Now it's been 5-6 years later, and I'm graduating college next year. He's still married and has a kid. But we still talk all of the time. Last night he revealed to me that he still loves me. He is planning on visiting me next weekend. We haven't seen each other in 6 years, so I'm nervous! I just feel like our relationship ended so abruptly....leaving things unfinished. My age was the reason why we had to separate. And I still want him. What should I do?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. You might want to consider telling him not to come until he is out of a relationship with someone else. Have you tried dating other people ? Clay 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 This is not good. He is married dont be denial. Find another man to love. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 He is married with a kid, the sex will be meh, because his wife is busy with the kid. He is bored, and family life is tiring and mundane. SO, he looks around for a new sex interest and excitement. Co-worker nah, they know the wife. Neighbour, nah could get awkward. Random hook up - potential, yes, but may be a skanky ho, nah. Ex gf - perfect. Throw her the "love" line and she will come running. Affection - tick. Sex - tick If the wife does find out, ex will take me back anyway, so all good. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If he is willing to betray his wife and family for you he will be willing to do the same to you. Any man that will have sex with a child should be in prison, wake up your still thinking like a minor. Don't waste all that good college on a looser like him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Doesnt really matter what you should do. You are going todo the wrong thing anyway because you want to. i do not think too many are going to encourage you to enter into an affair with a married man with a family. but like so many others, you will learn the hard way. What should you do. You should tell him to divorce his wife and then you will sleep with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Learn to let go, stop investing in people who seek to use only use you. But this sounds like the beginning another "affair until baby is born and the fallout happens" story, so good luck for the future. Don't hesitate to take him to court for child support, kids out of wedlock too are a man's responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I even lost my virginity to him. So you were worth pig boy's time to take your virginity, but you WEREN'T worth waiting for to marry, is that it? I find it rather amusing that you 'had to separate due to your age', but he had no problem crossing the line sexually with you 'at your age.' Then he tries to appear all noble by claiming the sex should stop but that's only because he'd already GOTTEN what he'd come for. Once he got that, all of a sudden you were 'too young' for him and you had to stop seeing him and miraculously, according to him, he found some woman who agreed to marry him within one year of knowing him. Good Lord. Do you honestly think he didn't meet this woman until AFTER you stopped seeing him? Come on. He was with her the WHOLE time he was conning you with promises of 'love and marriage' to get into your pants. It takes most women at LEAST a year or more to PLAN their weddings. He was with this woman longer than a year. This guy is such utter slime I cant believe you didn't see that. But then again, a naïve 15 year old teenage girl wouldn't even begin to know what these slimes are capable of - and that's what made you the perfect prey for him. You got conned by a sleazebag as an innocent teenager and the pig has kept his foot in the door all this time, looking for round #2. And here you are, still too naïve to know how badly you were played by him, all excited to do it all over again. You know what? I'd talk to his wife. I'll bet you $100 he was with her the whole time he was seducing you when you were 15. I'll guarantee it. I wouldn't spit on this piece of sh*t, much less meet up with him again. Take off the rose colored glasses. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Your age may have been the reason to separate but it was not the reason he decided not to wait for you and instead married someone else- He is still the same guy that at 21 would sleep with a 15 year old-he has poor boundaries and poor decision making skills- time has not changed this for him- hopefully it has for you and you will see this not as some star crossed romance but as the unhealthy situation that it is- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Good lord you are all so young. *sigh* Was he waiting to have sex until marriage due to religious reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Sweetheart, you have just finished college and are young. You have the world at your feet for goodness sake! Do not waste it on an old married man with a kid. Just don't do it. Now is the time to live your life and hang out with people your age. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. If you go through with this and end up in a full blown affair, this is going to cause you so much pain. He has a wife and a baby. You need to cut your losses. Do you want to be looked at as a home wrecker at the young age of 21? I know you think you love him, but he's married. The realistic chances of him leaving to be with you is slim to none. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Your age may have been the reason to separate but it was not the reason he decided not to wait for you and instead married someone else- He is still the same guy that at 21 would sleep with a 15 year old-he has poor boundaries and poor decision making skills- time has not changed this for him- hopefully it has for you and you will see this not as some star crossed romance but as the unhealthy situation that it is- A 21 year old man who goes for a 15 year old girl is a manipulator. Men who do this only want to control. At 15, you were just a kid. My stepdaughter who lives with us full time is only 15. She's not mature at all. She's still learning what life is all about. If a 21 year old man tried to pursue her or have sex with her, I would press charges so fast his head would spin. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've tried dating other people. I still have a huge attachment to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yes he was waiting for religious reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Believe it or not, your responses have really helped me to get get my head out of the clouds. There was always a thought that he was in a relationship with that female during the time that we were together, due to the marriage happening so quickly. I guess part of me really wanted a second chance because the little girl in me is still hurt and willing to make silly compromises for him. I felt like nothing when he got married....losing my virginity wasn't something I wanted to do at that age, but I did it anyways because he really wanted it. But the reality of the situation is that he is not married to me and he has no intentions of leaving her. I don't want to be taken advantage of like that any longer. I guess I will cancel the meeting I had with him. You guys are right! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I have to echo what the others here have said. I say all this out of concern for your welfare. Meeting with him is a bad idea especially as you still seem to have feelings for him. You do not want to end up in the position of being the other woman, and until he is divorced (which is likely to be never), that is all you will ever be. Take it from someone who is the other woman, it is very painful. Mine is a MM who has no intent on leaving his marriage. Of course it took me over a year to figure that out. Once a relationship starts it is very difficult to stop as your feelings will be stronger than ever. Save yourself the heartache and heartbreak and do not meet with this man. Tell him you think it is a bad idea, but if he is ever divorced (not just separated, completely divorced), he can look you up. It sounds like you have kept your relationship "alive" over the years and haven't made any attempt to start another relationship with someone else. Have you dated at all while you have been apart from this man? If you doubt what I say, keep reading these threads. They are full of OW and a few OM who go through hell trying to end a relationship (affair) with a MM or MW. The heartache is palpable. You are so young and you have everything ahead of you. You definitely don't need this as you go off to start your adult life. Find a single guy who can focus totally on you. You can and you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Clover IF YOU DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU ARE GOING TO DO AND CANCEL MEETING HIM YOU SHOULD BE CONGRATULATED BIG TIME FOR A REAL ADULT AND SMART DECISION. Do not meet him and get talked in to anything. he just wants in your pants again 6 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Believe it or not, your responses have really helped me to get get my head out of the clouds. There was always a thought that he was in a relationship with that female during the time that we were together, due to the marriage happening so quickly. I guess part of me really wanted a second chance because the little girl in me is still hurt and willing to make silly compromises for him. I felt like nothing when he got married....losing my virginity wasn't something I wanted to do at that age, but I did it anyways because he really wanted it. But the reality of the situation is that he is not married to me and he has no intentions of leaving her. I don't want to be taken advantage of like that any longer. I guess I will cancel the meeting I had with him. You guys are right! I really hope that you don't go through with meeting him. It would be such a waste of time. He will use your body again and go home to his W and little kid while you are left pining for someone who is M to someone else. The fact that a 21 slept with a 15 year old shows that he is a predator. It's also a bad idea to stay in secret contact with him. As long as you are still talking to him secretly your feelings for him will never go away. You have a full life ahead of you, don't waste it being someone's side piece. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 My dear young lady, the man is a predator. To have sex with someone under the age of consent(unrestricted, 16-18 in all 50 states plus Washington D.C.) is a strict liability crime also known as statutory rape, sexual assault and sexual misconduct with a child. You were still watching cartoons, he wanted sex and took advantage of your trust. Please don't waste your education on this poor excuse for a husband. Do not meet him. As long as your heart belongs to him you'll never be open to meet the man that should be in your life. Don't hinder yourself, get rid of him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If he had really loved you he would have waited for you and not marry another woman, have a baby and then offer to make you his mistress. Think about that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yes he was waiting for religious reasons. Yeah he fed you a line. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 It's good you are canceling the meet up with him. Don't help him cheat on his wife! See him for what he really is - a cheater who intends to use you. He can't if you don't let him. Just cut off all contact with him - nothing good can come from contact with a MM who intends to sleep with you. End it completely knowing he's just bad news. I feel sorry for his wife! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I feel sorry for his wife! If you really want to do something adult, tell his wife what a scumbag she is married to so she can stop living a lie with this ass hole. Tell her exactly what he had planned for this week end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RJays7 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If he is willing to have sex with a minor and now he is fine with having an affair on his wife, it doesn't seem like he has many true religious convictions at all. Take a stand and break off contact with him before he hurts you and his entire family. You have a bright future in front of you, don't waste it on a man who cheats. RJays7 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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