Reactivate Facebook account

[I4givehim]

My H deactivated his facebook account years ago. I think he was cheating on me back then and I am tempted to reactivate it and see if anyone writes to him.

[Rainbowlove]

My H deactivated his facebook account years ago. I think he was cheating on me back then and I am tempted to reactivate it and see if anyone writes to him.

 

What would be the point of this action?

 

What would you do with the information should someone chime in?

 

How will it help you moving forward?

[MuddyFootprints]

Ask your legal counsel about that one.

[Raena]

Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Besides... I'm not sure how long they keep fb accounts after you deactivate. It could be that it's already gone anyway.

[Satu]

Don't look back.

 

Look forward.

[sandylee1]

My H deactivated his facebook account years ago. I think he was cheating on me back then and I am tempted to reactivate it and see if anyone writes to him.

 

Why would you needto do that.

 

Are you still going to divorce?

 

You have all the information you need. One year long affair is enough, with his stupid excuses of you weren't there. All you need to do is read the messages from the OW and remember he spent money YOU worked for on HER.

 

Are you looking for more reasons to divorce him?

[I4givehim]

Why would you needto do that.

 

Are you still going to divorce?

 

You have all the information you need. One year long affair is enough, with his stupid excuses of you weren't there. All you need to do is read the messages from the OW and remember he spent money YOU worked for on HER.

 

Are you looking for more reasons to divorce him?

I'm in the process of divorcing him. I read somewhere that a man never gets caught with his first A. Years back we went through an awful time in our marriage. I asked him if he was having an A then also. He said no but my gut feeling is telling me different. I guess I want to reactivate it just to confirm my instincts.

I received so many good responses thank you everyone. I have decided to leave well enough alone. Reactivating his account won't change anything.

[i am gutted]

I understand you wanting to do this, I have searched for a facebook account on the computer he had..........no luck. I gave it up.

 

 

BUT......I did go back onto his profile he had on another site and went thru the messages he sent to numerous other women and I have to say I felt sick. I hadn't been near that page for eight weeks but something just made me look thru them again yesterday.

 

 

to see what he had written and to whom made me realise that he had been doing this a long time and one of the messages was saying he wanted to :catch up: again.

So, when he was telling me there was only the one - this seems to have proved that there was more than one.

 

 

yes I felt sick but part of me also thought that it has helped me to try and learn harder to let him go as he has not been happy with me for a long long time and will not come back.

 

 

he was on different sites and I no longer try to find him......whats the point now..........no doubt he has his "contacts" on hand daily to chat to or meet up with.

 

 

Do it if you think it will help......this is a decision only you can make....I do understand tho about some sort of closure especially when you don't get it or the truth from them.

 

 

all the best,,,,,,

R

[Confused48]

If you want this you should do it. I did similar things and I do not regret it for one minute. I wanted to know. I have always been the kind of person that wants the truth. Good or bad, I just want to know the truth. You and I will never have the whole truth but don't deny yourself what truth you can get. Go for it. Then once you have what info you can get, you can leak bits of it to him and perhaps get more from him if he is unsure of what you know. Just don't tell him how you know.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Confused48

[sandylee1]

I'm in the process of divorcing him. I read somewhere that a man never gets caught with his first A. Years back we went through an awful time in our marriage. I asked him if he was having an A then also. He said no but my gut feeling is telling me different. I guess I want to reactivate it just to confirm my instincts.

I received so many good responses thank you everyone. I have decided to leave well enough alone. Reactivating his account won't change anything.

 

Your gut is probably right and if you were reconciling, it would be more important to know the truth.

 

Good on you for divorcing him. His only regret is that you found out.

[Art_Critic]

it will send him an email...

 

wouldn't it be better to just leave it lie, crossing that boundary would be huge in my book...

[I4givehim]

He keeps telling me he wants to work on reconciling. I keep telling him NOOOO!!! I want a divorce!!!!...... I told him I feel he isn't telling me the truth about there being more OW. I ask questions about the A and he says drop it, stop dwelling on it, it's over, let's not live in the past.

I want answers and he won't answer them. I will say after I spoke to the OW I was so upset, hurt, gutted. I couldn't believe she was talking about the man I married. I couldn't believe my husband did all those awful things to deceive me. I can't understand how or why anyone would treat another person so badly as my husband did to me in the past year.

If I go on the Facebook account I will get answers and I will get more pain. I'm so fed up of pain. I don't want any more pain. So for today I won't activate the account.

[Lois_Griffin]

I ask questions about the A and he says drop it, stop dwelling on it, it's over, let's not live in the past.

Ahhh...spoken like the typical cheating liar whose STILL lying through his teeth to you in order to save his sorry hide. No surprise there - it's typical cheater behavior. I can guarantee you that if his OW hadn't told you the things she told you, he wouldn't have admitted to them at all. He's just looking to save his own sorry ass.

 

He wants you to rug-sweep his bad deeds and go right back to normal as though nothing happened. Because that serves HIM, not you.

 

Truth is, you now know who he REALLY is. He's shown you, loud and clear. He's left no doubt whatsoever as to how very low he can actually sink.

 

When someone shows you who they REALLY are, believe them.

[AlwaysGrowing]

He keeps telling me he wants to work on reconciling. I keep telling him NOOOO!!! I want a divorce!!!!...... I told him I feel he isn't telling me the truth about there being more OW. I ask questions about the A and he says drop it, stop dwelling on it, it's over, let's not live in the past.

I want answers and he won't answer them. I will say after I spoke to the OW I was so upset, hurt, gutted. I couldn't believe she was talking about the man I married. I couldn't believe my husband did all those awful things to deceive me. I can't understand how or why anyone would treat another person so badly as my husband did to me in the past year.

If I go on the Facebook account I will get answers and I will get more pain. I'm so fed up of pain. I don't want any more pain. So for today I won't activate the account.

 

 

You already have the most important answers from him that you need.

 

He has no intention of making you feel safe, puts the onus on you to find out answers to questions that he knows the truth about, he wants to go back to the status quo.

 

When a WS does not get that going back to the "status quo" is extremely toxic/dangerous/disrespectful/self-esteem crushing for a BS....you really don't have a snowballs chance in hell to heal.

 

This is exactly when a BS should turn all their resources inward. Even though it is difficult to let the issue/s of the relationship go....hold yourself accountable...do not pick up his affair/s ****. Stay to your side of the street. Clean up yourself. Whatever that means personally to you. Get thyself into IC...for you, about you, moving forward.

[merrmeade]

Originally Posted by I4givehim

I ask questions about the A and he says drop it, stop dwelling on it, it's over, let's not live in the past.

Ahhh...spoken like the typical cheating liar whose STILL lying through his teeth to you in order to save his sorry hide. No surprise there - it's typical cheater behavior. I can guarantee you that if his OW hadn't told you the things she told you, he wouldn't have admitted to them at all. He's just looking to save his own sorry ass.

 

He wants you to rug-sweep his bad deeds and go right back to normal as though nothing happened. Because that serves HIM, not you.

 

Truth is, you now know who he REALLY is. He's shown you, loud and clear. He's left no doubt whatsoever as to how very low he can actually sink.

 

When someone shows you who they REALLY are, believe them.

omg, do they share scripts or what??

[merrmeade]

When a WS does not get that going back to the "status quo" is extremely toxic/dangerous/disrespectful/self-esteem crushing for a BS....you really don't have a snowballs chance in hell to heal.

 

This is exactly when a BS should turn all their resources inward. Even though it is difficult to let the issue/s of the relationship go....hold yourself accountable...do not pick up his affair/s ****. Stay to your side of the street. Clean up yourself. Whatever that means personally to you. Get thyself into IC...for you, about you, moving forward.

What I thought, too, but getting the information straight and accepting you must deal with the WS like a child that needs to know that you know everything is part of it.

[ChumpinMP]

I relate to you are saying 100%. Our stories are very similar.

 

About a month after we decided to divorce, we were still living together. I went into his room to look for candle votives and saw that his email was open. I kept telling myself to not look, but of course I couldn't help myself. Went through his email, found nothing. Went through is other email, found nothing. Then I opened his Facebook account.

 

I found email exchanges between a female friend of his that he was back in touch with after a few years. I met her a couple of times and was FB friends with her too. Well! Turns out he had an affair with her in 2009. That was a terrible time in our marriage and I asked him several times if he cheated then and he always denied it.

 

Just to give you a summary of what I discovered:

 

She was angry at him because he just stopped speaking to her and she cared for him very much and he broke her heart. He felt terrible but felt it was best so she could get over him. She said she thought she was just some girl he cheated on his wife with. He insisted no, that's not true! And he still has all the gifts and cards she gave him!!!

 

He also said that we were "finally getting divorced" and that we both decided we'd be happier apart. This is the exact opposite of what he told me. He insisted he never wanted to break up and says he doesn't want to be alone. So who is he telling the truth to, her or me???

 

Anyway, the point of this post is - while my suspicions were validated, and I have even more proof that he's a liar, it didn't really make me feel better. It actually made me feel worse since now I feel that even more of our marriage was a sham. It also ruined my 40th birthday party since this ho showed up that evening with her fiancee. (Yes, she was engaged when she was hooking up with my H, along with a doctor at the mental institution they worked at. A real winner!)

 

I know it's easier said than done, but try to let it go. Your marriage is over. Be thankful you know now so you are not wasting any more of your life. Yes, there are probably others. I am convinced there are others too. But knowing more detail is not going to help us. It will only make us feel worse. Bottom line is they are liars and cheaters who don't deserve us. Let's kick them to the curb and move on!!!!

 

Wishing you peace and strength!!!

[I4givehim]

I relate to you are saying 100%. Our stories are very similar.

 

About a month after we decided to divorce, we were still living together. I went into his room to look for candle votives and saw that his email was open. I kept telling myself to not look, but of course I couldn't help myself. Went through his email, found nothing. Went through is other email, found nothing. Then I opened his Facebook account.

 

I found email exchanges between a female friend of his that he was back in touch with after a few years. I met her a couple of times and was FB friends with her too. Well! Turns out he had an affair with her in 2009. That was a terrible time in our marriage and I asked him several times if he cheated then and he always denied it.

 

Just to give you a summary of what I discovered:

 

She was angry at him because he just stopped speaking to her and she cared for him very much and he broke her heart. He felt terrible but felt it was best so she could get over him. She said she thought she was just some girl he cheated on his wife with. He insisted no, that's not true! And he still has all the gifts and cards she gave him!!!

 

He also said that we were "finally getting divorced" and that we both decided we'd be happier apart. This is the exact opposite of what he told me. He insisted he never wanted to break up and says he doesn't want to be alone. So who is he telling the truth to, her or me???

 

Anyway, the point of this post is - while my suspicions were validated, and I have even more proof that he's a liar, it didn't really make me feel better. It actually made me feel worse since now I feel that even more of our marriage was a sham. It also ruined my 40th birthday party since this ho showed up that evening with her fiancee. (Yes, she was engaged when she was hooking up with my H, along with a doctor at the mental institution they worked at. A real winner!)

 

I know it's easier said than done, but try to let it go. Your marriage is over. Be thankful you know now so you are not wasting any more of your life. Yes, there are probably others. I am convinced there are others too. But knowing more detail is not going to help us. It will only make us feel worse. Bottom line is they are liars and cheaters who don't deserve us. Let's kick them to the curb and move on!!!!

 

Wishing you peace and strength!!!

 

Thank you so much. You hit the nail on the head. I'm so done with pain. Him moving back home is like putting salt in the wound. Every time I look at him I picture him and the OW together. Thank you for your help.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I dunno. I would just think of the worst case scenario...assume the truth is pretty close to that, accept that it didn't kill you, and move on.

[Poutrew]

Just to let you know, Facebook is like having Herpes - once you get it, it never goes away. Even if you tried to delete an account, it is never really gone, just sleeping, waiting for the next 'breakout'. Also, if you know the password, you can access the account (and chatlogs) from any computer - even years after the fact. Reading it might be good for a few laughs after your divorce and the lying POS is out of your life...