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Four vibrators in my wife's drawer.


HurtHusband

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HurtHusband

Ok I am venting so please excuse me ..have no where else to let this out...

 

There were two I discovered previously, and two more I found today.

 

I will never have sex with her as long as I live. My story is already on here...but why 4 ? No batteries,don't know when they were last used. But 4 ? There capsule shaped, one cock shaped.. I mean seriously wtf!?!!

 

I hate being gas lighted and lied to my face. I just want to leave this summer and get away from her. It's pathetic, I don't even want to hear her excuses or lies. Where's the honesty? She claimed to have zero interest in sex, she had an affair ( pregnancy followed by abortion) no interest in sex with me ..

No sex for years, would she use the vibrator instead of cheat? Did she use it with that rat OM last year.. Who knows who cares... Just roll on summer..

Edited by HurtHusband
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Been thinking of you, HH, and wondering how you have been doing.

 

I'm not sure why you are as upset about a continuation of lies - as though you would expect something else?!? - when you know her for the liar that she is.

 

But hold strong and know we are here for you.

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I'm sorry for your pain but I will volley to you the same excuse men say when their wives catch them watching porn, which is "you won't have sex with me, so I do this".

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HurtHusband

Thanks... The other two may have been there all along.. But I am not sure...

Your right, I should not care at all at this stage. I guess in away I felt abit sad, that she never had any interest in me sexually and preferred a piece of plastic.

 

Anyways, I have been wading through all this for months.. Sad and hurt yes, but I take it less personally and know that I surely can do better

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HurtHusband

Popsicle' in my case we never had sex. It was ( passionate kissing, hand shandy, pass the tissues) She claimed no interest, or it hurt, or her period or loads more excuses, said most couples with kids like us don't have sex. Jeez I was fricken desperate and accepted a celibate life. Now after her affair etc. we can never repair it and I will not go near her.

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Perhaps this is the proverbial last straw & you will now be able to free yourself.

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There is making love

there is having sex

and there is masturbation

and then there is fantasizing

 

Someone might not want to make love, even have sex, but still masturbates.

 

There are many variables. There are many uses for vibrators. No one here can do anything but speculate. The answers to these questions lie within her, not this forum.

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Four vibrators is a pretty modest number of sex toys. Just sayin.' ;)

 

You have to understand the OP's backstory of his wife's affair(s?) and the abortion after years of being told she didn't like sex:

 

Clickety.

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HurtHusband

It was just a shock that's all.... If we had a normal healthy sex life and used them together I would'nt care. But this is something I know nothing about.

Of course your partner cheating is hurtful. But realizing that they are fantasizing and using a toy instead of you also makes me feel dejected, abandoned, not needed.

 

 

Of course after all the crap I have been through, I shouldn't care and I am trying not to. I have to suck it up until the kids are 16 or else we go back home and try and divorce/ separate. I honestly don't think I can hang on in this relationship for another ten years. It's not healthy.

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You gotta find a way to stop obsessing and just let it go.

 

Let HER go.

 

She obviously is really into sex. Just not with you.

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Popsicle' in my case we never had sex. It was ( passionate kissing, hand shandy, pass the tissues) She claimed no interest, or it hurt, or her period or loads more excuses, said most couples with kids like us don't have sex. Jeez I was fricken desperate and accepted a celibate life. Now after her affair etc. we can never repair it and I will not go near her.

 

Well, why don't you leave then?

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HurtHusband

I am living in a country where there is no tradition of ' shared custody' in fact legally it does not exist. Only one parent can legally have custody in the event of separation/divorce.

 

#2 there are no visitation laws, it's entirely at the discretion of the parent who has custody ( my wife) you can't ' fight for your rights' cause you have none.

 

I am hoping to legally separate back in Europe this summer.

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I think half of the active users on LoveShack have already pleaded you to leave that woman in your last thread, although it's still glad to read that you've moved your plans from the beginning of 2016 to summer 2015.

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HH, I was in Japan last week and spent the day with an old friend who is in a similar boat; he married a Japanese girl and had a child. He told me that he and his son share a room because his wife also pushed him away and refused sex very shortly into the marriage. Their delightful son is 9 years old and my friend said he hasn't had sex in about as long. He is also working on an exit plan but it is slow work. Seeing him reminded me of you and I hope your European trip is fruitful for regaining your sanity and your singledom.

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Ok I am venting so please excuse me ..have no where else to let this out...

 

There were two I discovered previously, and two more I found today.

I will never have sex with her as long as I live. My story is already on here...but why 4 ? No batteries,don't know when they were last used. But 4 ? There capsule shaped, one cock shaped.. I mean seriously wtf!?!!

 

I hate being gas lighted and lied to my face. I just want to leave this summer and get away from her. It's pathetic, I don't even want to hear her excuses or lies. Where's the honesty? She claimed to have zero interest in sex, she had an affair ( pregnancy followed by abortion) no interest in sex with me ..

No sex for years, would she use the vibrator instead of cheat? Did she use it with that rat OM last year.. Who knows who cares... Just roll on summer..

 

Summer is less than three months away, you need to be preparing right now. Wouldn't it be funny if all 4 of those vibrators were accidentally washed in Tabasco Sauce? Ah Chihuahua.

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I read some of your back story when you originally posted but I'm not going to go over every detail. For me, I don't care if my wife has a barrel full of sex toys that I don't know about. In fact, I wouldn't even say anything to her if I found them because she get's to have fantasies and orgasm's as often as she wants. But I completely understand that all of us view this differently and, for you, this is just another in a long line of disrespect, lies, and betrayals.

 

Funny how different each of us are when it comes to sexuality and our SO.

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Popsicle' in my case we never had sex..

 

 

How can you have never had sex?

Edited by wizer
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devilish innocent

Of course your partner cheating is hurtful. But realizing that they are fantasizing and using a toy instead of you also makes me feel dejected, abandoned, not needed.

 

My friend told her boyfriend she was thinking of getting a vibrator, and he said it would feel like she was cheating on him with the vibrator. I guess it's not that different from the way many women feel about their significant other looking at porn.

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My friend told her boyfriend she was thinking of getting a vibrator, and he said it would feel like she was cheating on him with the vibrator.

 

I remember an old Playboy cartoon. There was a vibrator in the middle of a bed and the wife was knelling on the bed with the covers pulled up to her neck looking frightened. The husband had burst into the room with a gun and was about to shoot the vibrator.:laugh:

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I've actually heard this happening a lot with Japanese women, especially those who marry foreigners. Tings are great at first, then after marriage and a kid or two the wife suddenly turns into a wet noodle with teeth. It's not going to get any better. And one thing I have learned from all of this is if I ever go to an Asian country, especially Japan, DO NOT GET MARRIED TO THEM.

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I know this has been proposed one way or the other, but would it be SO bad if OP went out and got a little geisha action on the side. I think it would just do WONDERS for the male ego/libido to get some pleasure and maybe even new tricks to try out on your future mate (that I hope you're fantasizing about). I mean, how could it be wrong for pete's sake? The only question would be whether it could compromise his master plan. What do you think? How about finding a really fun teacher/partner for homework sex? (Can't believe I'm saying it either but his wife is just SO BAD....)

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HurtHusband

Wizer: we have two kids. We just never had 'recreational sex' once the kids arrived I could'nt even go near her down there. I mean 'god only knows' I thought she had some problem, low libido, I was made to feel like a bit of a freak for actually wanting it.

 

Now after her affair etc. she can't exactly say she has no interest in sex anymore, plus the 4 vibrators. One month after her abortion ( yes there was a weird 1 week hysterical bonding phase ) I thought we might actually have a new relationship with sex but when i brought it up, she snapped at me and said " if you want to have sex find another woman, I won't be angry! " those are her exact words spoken while we were driving in the car with our two kids.

 

She does not go out at night, but she has no intention of being faithful to me. That much is clear. There is an old flame in the US ( now married with 2 kids) she reconnected with him, he is planning to visit some time this year.

 

It's in the other thread, but they met briefly in summer 2009 and our eldest was born 9 months later and because of that I had to get both of them DNA tested. ( thankfully both kids are mine ) there is no doubt in my mind, if he came over she would cheat with him. The emails are flirty and she offered to book a hotel and show him around. He ' wished' he could be there for valentines day to have a romantic meal with her.. That kind of clammy rose tinted grass is greener fantasy stuff.

 

 

CarrieT I have a work friend who stuck it out until the kids grew up, divorced last yr and now got himself a filipina gf and seems very happy. His kids are doing well too. I could be like him or your friend. The boy is 9, would he not hang on until the kid is 16? Maybe he can't take it anymore. He'll have to bargain with the wife or else go back home and try to reach some kind of agreement. I'm sure he is probably worried about separating here.

 

 

My wife has a massive sense of entitlement, one kid goes to school. The younger will start eventually. Until now it made sense for my wife to mind the youngest, as she does not have a career. However when there both in school, she could do some p/t work. Am not asking a whole lot. She would obviously have more time to cheat when both kids are in school.

 

She said to me " I don't work, if your asking me to work I'll divorce you and find a rich man" I hate being threatened like that. I wish just for once I could say the same thing thing to her and mean it " Hey babe, I can iron my own clothes but if you don't start pulling your own weight, start acting like a real wife and 'put out' more often than a solar eclipse than I am going to kick your ass to the curb and shack up with a hot 19 yr old.. And I'll bring the kids with me"

 

I work 3 jobs, I am not rich. I have no debts. Most of my money goes on bills, kids schooling and other necessities. I like providing for my family, I really do. But I am not making mega bucks either. But there is a family, stability, continuity...I am not miserable every day, I have two amazing kids who I adore and we do stuff as a family too. And I enjoy the moment, instead of being paralyzed by worry. I no I have problems and I will have to do something. Yesterday I just slipped alittle, it happens now and then when some detail or discovery from your partners life or infidelity seeps out.

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VeryBrokenMan
I don't work, if your asking me to work I'll divorce you and find a rich man
As bad as my WW and situation with entitlement and selfishness is I see it's all relative. Your wife sounds extremely entitled an it goes far beyond what I've ever seen from mm WW.

 

My WW is extremely sexual and she has many sex toys but the difference is that she has always been more than willing to have sex before, during and after her affair. So those sex toys have never made me jealous or mad. It's actually a turn-on for me when I know she uses them when I'm not around or available. But I can totally see your point of view since she is not having sex with you and can see how hurtful that must be to live with. I'm not sure there are many people, men or women, that would put up with your situation.

 

And if my WW ever said something like that I'm certain I'd kick her out that day. I think the 180 would be a good option and if she does not respond then it's her loss. Make yourself happy, live selfishly for a while and live for you.

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