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What’s your WS's after divorce story?


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One of the missing pieces I’ve noticed in these threads is what happens to the EXWS, after divorce. I’ve read those stories where the BS and WS are attempting reconciliation and their challenges and successes in that process, but I’d like to hear from those BSs and the WSs where reconciliation did not work or never happened. What has become of the WS since the divorce?

 

After our divorce my EXWW turned to alcohol. She was never a fall-down drunk, but during the two years after our divorce I, nor any of friends, could ever remember a time where she did not have a drink in her hands when she was not working. She engaged with some questionable people who enabled her drinking and it wasn’t until her second DUI, with our kids in the car, that I had enough. I gave her two options at that point, get some help or we return to court to re-evaluate the shared custody.

 

The good news is 10 years later she remains sober and has a good career. The bad news is that due to the affair and the drinking she does not have a good relationship with our now adult children, she rarely interacts with any of our old friends, she has not maintained a relationship with another man for longer than a year at best, and even though we have remained friends she rarely can have a conversation with me that is much deeper than one you would have with a casual acquaintance. What’s your story?

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i don't know much about what goes on in my xWH's personal life & i'm not interested at all. we have an OK relationship & communication but that's about it. i think he's reunited with his AP but not sure. other than that, life didn't change drastically.

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SawtoothMars

Interesting thread. I really don't know too much. I think she tried dating her affair partner, but he wound up cheating on her with another coworker. I also heard from a mutual friend that she got in trouble at work for some things she did with him.

 

I also know financially that she didn't pay her mortgage for 13 months straight... because I was still on the house and it nuked my credit. My assumption is that she continues to fly around the world to drink and party like a teenager and continues to have a decent career.

 

To be entirely honest... I wish her the best. I have just as good of a career as her... I married an amazing woman, and I'm very happy. When we were married I think we were both miserable despite actually caring for each other.

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autumnnight

I would bet most of them work really hard to make it look like they love their freedom but that at night when no one is around they feel dark and empty and have quite a bit of regret.

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My first WW, I know she eventually moved out of town (away from OM/MM). She got a nice promotion to higher job, never married again, lives alone, and certainly no kids. Exactly what she wanted in her life. I have no idea on her social life, but being reasonably attractive I am sure she as sex when she needs it without commitments or compromises on her part, my guess a FWB or two..

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My XWW is now pregnant at 42 with the OM's baby. He's 51. Good luck with the 1, 3, and 5am feedings.

Karma bus ran 'em over.

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Had to stay in touch with xWW as we have a (now adult) son together. Her AP never really wanted a relationship with her and she never remarried. She's had the same off and on BF (nice guy) for the last 20 yrs but seems the same bitter, unhappy person I divorced many moons ago...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Nawlins,

I am gratified to know that the Karma Bus not only ran over my exH and his AP slutbag but then backed up and repeated the move several times.

 

After we divorced his relationship with his AP was on-and-off for a year (she had a fiance at the time) until finally they bought a house together.

 

After 4 years of living together and no sign of marriage she conveniently got pregnant and they got married. The baby was stillborn. After a year she got pregnant again but lost that child due to a cot death. She had some kind of a breakdown and was hospitalised for 3 months.

Another year after that, she had another child but was having problems coping so her mother moved in to help.

 

Five year later she was expecting another child so they moved into a really big house and did extensive remodelling. I don't know what went wrong but they hadn't been there long when it was up for sale. It took 2 years to sell and they lost £30,000 on the deal because property prices in UK were falling at the time.

 

After they moved she was hospitalised again for depression and he had to take time off work to look after the kids for 3 months because mother was getting too old to cope.

 

After a few more years they invested in property in Spain with a view to retirement and they rented the property out to holidaymakers when they weren't there, thinking they could make money at this. They soon found that being landlords of a property a couple of thousand miles away wasn't a good idea. One lot of tenants trashed the place and nicked most of the stuff that could be moved. Now it's up for sale and no-one wants to buy it because the Spanish market has gone down the chute.

 

They now have two thick kids at home who have "failed to launch" and stack supermarket shelves for a living. The daughter's boyfriend is living there now that AP's mother is in a care home. AP is always moaning on FB about how hard she has to work cooking and ironing for 5. (Why the kids can't do their own laundry is beyond me :confused:)

 

Ahhhh the joys of schadenfreude ........:lmao:

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My ex has gone thru the money. Has had and lost several great jobs. Had a marriage that lasted about a year. Takes promiscuous behavior to the next level hooking up with younger and younger guys til they dump her or she finds the next great catch. She apartment hops like a wild woman with no roots...

She's tried to get me back numerous times... :laugh::laugh::laugh:

Has a distant, but OK relationship with daughter whereas I see her often and text or talk to her daily.:)

 

My life isn't perfect, but I'm in a way better spot than she.

 

I don't really worry about the karma bus taking her out. She's one of those people who can fall in a bucket of $hiTT and come out with roses and probably would be screwing the bus driver....

 

 

I truly hope and pray she gets her life together!!!!!

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fWS and fOW happily married for several years now. Kids all well-established young adults. XBW - herself a fWS - had a less stellar outcome.

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Not betrayed myself but after my mom divorced my dad it seems he fell into a really, really dark hole. Fled the country to escape child support demands; was imprisoned at some point for other shenanigans and when I a few years ago searched for him on Facebook his hair was gone (thank God I was born female, wouldn't have wanted to inherit that early hair loss trait! :laugh:). No relationship with me to speak of (he did attempt once when he probably suspected I was starting to work and earn my own money, no thanks) nor those few half-siblings we knew of post-divorce (I think 3, not sure though). "His kind" gets people to like him real quick so I wouldn't be surprised if he remarried, but he can't be too happy existing without the future he'd imagined for himself.

 

I also know of a case where the OW died shortly after WS dumped his wife for her during surgery. A bit too hard for karma but that guy's wife didn't take him back anyway.

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toolforgrowth

My xWW tried to get me back after her AP dumped her, and I said Hell no. Immediately after the divorce she moved in with another guy. They got married a few months ago (her third at the tender age of 31). They have up to four kids there at a time, whereas I'm kid free every other week.

 

I ran into her and get new H at the store last weekend. She looked rather unhappy, and so did her H. She spends money like crazy, and I have to imagine that they're hurting for cash.

 

I don't think their marriage will last very long, she rebounded really quickly. My 7 year old daughter says she yells at them a lot. My mom recently asked my daughter if she gets lots of snuggles, and she said yes. She asked if I snuggle her, and she said yes very enthusiastically. She then asked if her mother snuggles with her, and apparently my daughter hesitated before saying yes. I think it's really a no, my daughter just didn't want to throw her mom under the bus.

 

I think my xWW is trying to get by as best she can, but she lives with a lot of regret and her life isn't any better than when we were together. Mine, on the other hand, is awesome.

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badkarma2013

After I exposed the pics the Om gave to me of my WW and Him...I sued their company and they were both fired ...her family demanded proof of her Affair..(she had lied and said it was me)..After much thought and their continued cursing me and hounding me ..I showed them...

 

I Outed the Om to his wife and she used the pics he gave me in the divorce..and destroyed what life he had left...

 

After the lawsuit and his divorce the OM/Boss left town and refused to speak to my WW...

 

Her relationship was forever ruined with her family in the aftermath and she moved about 85 miles away...Our son will not hardly speak to her...

 

My understanding is that she lives alone...

 

Badkarma Indeed..

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Karma bus ran 'em over.

Ahhhh the joys of schadenfreude ........:lmao:

Badkarma Indeed..

 

Especially for those of you with children with the xW/H, don't you want happiness and success for them :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Especially for those of you with children with the xW/H, don't you want happiness and success for them :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That’s a great question. For me I don’t believe I was thinking about her long-term happiness or success; and NO I did not have ill-will toward her either. I came to the point by the time of divorce that I was not going to get to the “why” of the affair so I turned my focus on being good parents with her. Several times a year we would discuss where our kids were, where they were heading, what we were going to do to support them, and most importantly that we agreed to be united in this effort. As far as the other aspects of her life I wished her well and kept out of it.

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Several times a year we would discuss where our kids were, where they were heading, what we were going to do to support them, and most importantly that we agreed to be united in this effort. As far as the other aspects of her life I wished her well and kept out of it.

 

Charted a very similar course. Guess I was reacting to some of the "hope they get hit by a car" vibe...

 

Mr. Lucky

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toolforgrowth

I really think that "the best revenge is living a good life" is really very true. Sure, I could curse my xWW out, call her names, bad mouth her, etc. But would that really bother her as much as knowing that:

 

1) I got an awesome new job making a lot more money

2) I have a girlfriend in my life who loves me to death

3) I've forged a relationship with our daughter that's stronger than ever, and in some ways is stronger than her relationship with our daughter

4) I got in better shape and am much better looking (ironically, quite a few married women at my work think I'm "really hot"; go fig!)

5) I did all of this on my own

 

These are things that have totally enriched my life in many ways, and have shown the world that I have value and am desired, in addition to having goals and ambitions that include the ability to achieve them.

 

Who has time to wait for the karma bus to strike her? I'm far too busy succeeding in life.

 

And in the end, I think that's the ultimate karma.

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badkarma2013
Especially for those of you with children with the xW/H, don't you want happiness and success for them :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

My son is with me....as for the rest ..My WW made a statement when all was said and done and I will give you the quote...."There is nothing left but Ashes.."

 

 

That pretty much sums it up and For once she spoke the truth...

 

Badkarma

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EverySunset

Hmmmm well, I know my (WS) xH started hooking up. Left and right. Keeps trying to make them "the one" way before they're ready and it seems to backfire a lot. I don't care, but I wish he'd stop exposing my daughter to them until at least a couple months went by first. So sad for her. Sometimes they care, sometimes they seem to see her as a bother or in their way.

 

Otherwise, he's asked me back a few times, which floors me. I have never felt healthier but everyone I know says he's like poison he keeps feeding himself, venomous.

 

I have started feeling sorry for him. He keeps grasping at what we had before he ruined it, and then when it doesn't work out with them, he lashes out hard, like he does with me. So basically like a mini divorce after divorce after divorce...

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Mr Lucky - post #14,

 

I never had kids with my exH so your comments don't apply :)

 

Toolforgrowth,

 

The OP was questioning what had happened to the WS not the BS.

 

However, I agree that

 

I really think that "the best revenge is living a good life" is really very true

 

and I did move on to bigger and better things;- buying my own house, running a successful business, learning new skills and eventually marrying someone who appreciated my intelligence, skills and talents. :)

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2.50 a gallon

ExW was total foldout material, 30 plus years ago. Married shortly after she got a degree in electronics. She was recruited by a Fortune 100 company and we moved a thousand miles for her career job. Six months later caught her cheating with a co-worker and I walked away. After a month, she began a campaign to reconcile, which she continued for the next 3 - 4 years. I wanted nothing to do with her. Heard shortly after we broke up she got deeply into alcohol and maybe drugs. Was fired from her job and could not get another in her field. Another rumor had her living and working at a pet store. I got one last crazy call from her asking for one last chance. I think she remarried a day or two later.

A few years back I Googled her, think she is divorced a second time. Maybe running a puppy farm, I know she was selling puppys. A photo revealed that time has not been kind to her, she is easily pushing two hundred plus pounds.

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toolforgrowth

 

Toolforgrowth,

 

The OP was questioning what had happened to the WS not the BS.

 

I know. But I believe the OP's question is coming from the perspective of "did the WS suffer any consequences down the road?". That post is in response to what I perceive was the motivation behind the post.

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My ex attempted suicide three times after the discovery of her 2 year affair and DNA tests proved that our son wasn't mine but was her affair partners. She had her son's taken from her by government services, two son's from a previous relationship that went to the care and custody of her ex(I had accepted them as mine). Her affair child was put into foster care until she could proven to her doctors that she was no longer a danger. She got into alcohol and cocaine during her affair which the O/M was more than happy to supply her. She had unannounced drug and alcohol testing for just over a year before she got her affair child back. Her other two boys are permanently with her ex.

 

She had to take her affair partner to court for child support, he refused to have anything to do with their child. Over the years she has attempted to contact me directly and through my friends. No one is allowed to give her my contact information, I am still unlisted/unpublished because of her, she just won't stop trying to contact me. When we split she devastated me financially. That has changed over the years and I now live the lifestyle she has always wanted. She is now just another face in the crowd to me. I am aliveagain.

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My ex husband left me for his OW in 2011. For a good year and a half I was a wreck whilst he didn't seem to have a care in the world.

It took me a long while to get myself back on my feet but since I have life has been great and I am happier than I was even before my marriage imploded.

 

For the past couple of months we have gone through the mediation process to resolve our financial settlement.

Prior to the first meeting I had not seen him for over 2 years and I was pretty nervous about seeing him. But, I soon realised that I had come out as the winner in the whole sorry saga.

He looks tired, jaded, drawn. Dejected even. It's like he knows he messed up but has nobody to blame but himself. He also divulged he is in a huge amount of debt.

 

After that first meeting, as I was getting into my car, he asked me if I was happy. I said 'yes, I am very happy'. He then asked me if I was seeing anyone to which I told him that was none of his business anymore.

 

Yesterday we had another meeting and at the end again he asked me if I was happy. I told him that I was, because I genuinely am.

But I got the sense that he is not, and as I drove off I almost felt sorry for him. Almost, just not quite.

Edited by SoulCat
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WS here. I was convinced that if caught my first H would take me back. He did the opposite and this made me madder still. Having bragged about how great my Ex was in bed, my dear GFs gave him a ride. That woke me up, but there was nothing I could do or say to win him back. In order to escape the pain I moved back to my home town to be near my father. There I met and married my second H, and quickly had two boys. My 2nd H turned out to be the biggest jerk ever. Having cheated in my first M, I was determined ride this one out and make it work. When my boys moved out, so did I.

This time I moved back across the country to live near my mom, in the city where I met my first H. I thought I was long over him, until I began seeing him drive by repeatedly in an old beat up pickup truck. For a short time I thought he might have found I was back in town, until I realized my mom lived right down the street from a big hobby shop and my 1st Ex was driving by as it was a short cut to the freeway.

I found out where he lived so when I went looking for a new house I could avoid his part of town. I found the perfect house for me, I loved it at first sight, but alas it was not for sale, but I still drive by and dream.

Two Christmases ago my life was shattered once more, when my son brought out my grandson to spend the holiday. While at our favorite Mexican restaurant, who should walk thru the dining room but my first H. This was my first time being in the same room with him in decades.

He is in great shape. An all white shortly trimmed beard, topped of with a salt and pepper water fall of hair half way down his back. Oh and the woman walking with him, holding a single red rose was gorgeous. I could see the glow of love surrounding the couple and I was not the only woman in the room who did so, as almost every woman in the room watched the two of them walk thru and into the next room.

Then two nights later, while taking my grandson out to see the Christmas lights, I stopped by my dream home as they always have a small but great display. And what do I see, the old pickup sitting up under the carport.

That woman is screwing my man in my house and there is nothing I can do about it.

Edited by NYWoman
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