How to cope when husband leaves you!!

[Lisa1984]

I have been with my partner for 11 years and married to him for 6 years and he has broken my heart! Where to start... Before we got marriedi found out that he was having an affair with a work colleague who lives round the corner from us (i found vile messages on his fone to her) i confronted him and he ended the affair and swore he would never cheat again. He left his current job and moved to work in a factory full of men. We married 2 yrs later and have had a happy relationship until the topic of trying for baby came on the cards..before we went to the clinic to be checked my husband came out with he wanted to get checked for std incase as he never got checked when he had the affair prior, his test was postive for clamydia my test came back negative (which i found strange) 3 yrs we tried to concieve and nothing happened so we decided to go to a fertility clinic to both get checked over, straight away i got the blame no tests were done we just got told i was too overweight and this was the reason why we were not concieving. Granted i had put on weight from when we first started dating but to be told that was the reason we were not having a baby put a big load of strain on our relationship and i think my husband started to resent me so a few years passed and then out the blue he announces he wants the relationship to be over as i was fat, ugly he could not bare to look at me i made him feel sick so off he went for 3 months. In the 3 months i got myself a personal trainer and totally changed my way of living eating healthier and exercising 4 times a week. I lost 1 and half stone in the 3 months and then a miracle happened and my husband came back to me. We then went back to fertility clinic and they did tests on us they then found that i had a huge ovarian cyst (size of large water melon) on my right ovary and a smaller cyst on my left ovary, they had to operate straight away as they thought it could of been cancerous so i got both cysts removed and my right ovary which was so traumatic for me and i was sick for 4-6 months. Once i was well enough we went bk to clinic and my husband got told that his sperm was too low and the only way we were to have a baby was by having ivf... I needed time to make sure my body was upto the ivf so we went on an amazing holiday to florida and we have been so loved up until my bday 5 weeks ago he ended the marriage again saying he cant do ivf with me but he would with someone else. He then told me that he had made a profile on a dating website and hed been pretending to play snooker hes been meeting up with girls and sleeping with them throughout our marriage. I cant believe it as i feel like this person is not the person i know. Hes started dating someone and wants to start trying for a baby with them straight away... The pain i feel is really bad i have never felt so low in my whole life and idont know how to get through each day 11yrs we have been together and i dont know how to live without him.... Please any advice would be greatly appreiciated

[sandylee1]

I have been with my partner for 11 years and married to him for 6 years and he has broken my heart! Where to start... Before we got marriedi found out that he was having an affair with a work colleague who lives round the corner from us (i found vile messages on his fone to her) i confronted him and he ended the affair and swore he would never cheat again.

 

 

He left his current job and moved to work in a factory full of men. We married 2 yrs later and have had a happy relationship until the topic of trying for baby came on the cards..before we went to the clinic to be checked my husband came out with he wanted to get checked for std incase as he never got checked when he had the affair prior, his test was postive for clamydia my test came back negative (which i found strange).

 

3 yrs we tried to concieve and nothing happened so we decided to go to a fertility clinic to both get checked over, straight away i got the blame no tests were done we just got told i was too overweight and this was the reason why we were not concieving.

 

Granted i had put on weight from when we first started dating but to be told that was the reason we were not having a baby put a big load of strain on our relationship and i think my husband started to resent me so a few years passed and then out the blue he announces he wants the relationship to be over as i was fat, ugly he could not bare to look at me i made him feel sick so off he went for 3 months.

 

 

In the 3 months i got myself a personal trainer and totally changed my way of living eating healthier and exercising 4 times a week. I lost 1 and half stone in the 3 months and then a miracle happened and my husband came back to me.

 

We then went back to fertility clinic and they did tests on us they then found that i had a huge ovarian cyst (size of large water melon) on my right ovary and a smaller cyst on my left ovary, they had to operate straight away as they thought it could of been cancerous so i got both cysts removed and my right ovary which was so traumatic for me and i was sick for 4-6 months.

 

Once i was well enough we went bk to clinic and my husband got told that his sperm was too low and the only way we were to have a baby was by having ivf... I needed time to make sure my body was upto the ivf so we went on an amazing holiday to florida and we have been so loved up until my bday 5 weeks ago he ended the marriage again saying he cant do ivf with me but he would with someone else.

 

He then told me that he had made a profile on a dating website and hed been pretending to play snooker hes been meeting up with girls and sleeping with them throughout our marriage. I cant believe it as i feel like this person is not the person i know. Hes started dating someone and wants to start trying for a baby with them straight away...

 

The pain i feel is really bad i have never felt so low in my whole life and idont know how to get through each day 11yrs we have been together and i dont know how to live without him.... Please any advice would be greatly appreiciated

 

OP - I've broken up into paragraphs to make it easier to read. I'll try and reply when I've read it.

[sandylee1]

OP - I've broken up into paragraphs to make it easier to read. I'll try and reply when I've read it.

 

Oh dear what an awful things to happen. That useless clinic saying your weight was the problem without even doing any tests. How unprofessional.

 

Anyway. ....I know you are in pain from your husband leaving you, but you can't do anything about that. He had made his mind up, he's cheated throughout the marriage. ... why on earth did he get married if this is how he wanted to live his life.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but try and focus on yourself. He is not who you want to be the father of your children. Be lucky he didn't pass on any Std's to you.

 

You deserve a lot better than a serial cheater.

 

Look after you. Don't let him see you miserable or looking low. Even if you cry when you are on your own. Just don't give him the satisfaction. Go out with friends and do things to occupy your time. I know it's hard, but you will be okay.

[Chasing_mya]

Lisa, first I want to send you hugs. I can only imagine the hurt you are going through. I think there were always red flags with your H, you just refused to see them. He was in conflict whether to continue the marriage or leave and he seems to have finally made his decision. Let him go and know this is a blessing in disguise. He came out told you the truth and now you have to dust your shoulders off, pick your head up and remain strong through all this. You're going to go through so many different phases of missing him, loving him, hating him, wanting him back, wanting to punch him in the face but go through the motions and know you will be stronger because of it. I know its been 11 years but be glad it wasn't 11 more. Don't waste anymore of your precious time and get your life together. Continue your workouts to have a healthier and fitter life and in the future you can have that beautiful child you want with someone who deserves you. Wishing you the best sweety!

[Lisa1984]

Thanks for your advice sandylee i know i deserve better but i have been with him for 11 years and i dont know how to live my life without him.

 

I am so scared that hes replaced me already, im so close to his family and i still want to be apart of there life and the thought that hes now with another girl makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

I know i dont think alot of myself as if he wanted to come bk i would take him back and i know he would eventually cheat again.

 

I hate the way i look even though i have lost a total of 3 stone but im scared of being on my own for the rest of my life.

 

This is the worst pain ever i dont know how to w to move on and get him out my head.

[Lisa1984]

Aww chasing_mya thanks so much for your kind words... How do i get stronger, what can i do, i have never felt so alone

[loveboid]

Sometimes it's better to be alone than to be hampered down by someone who is emotionally draining you.

 

I would build myself up. It's going to be a lot easier once this guy is fully gone and no longer hurting you.

[elaine567]

YOU are better off without this cheating person.

Look after NO. 1.

 

For anyone else here that this tale may resonate with.

The moral of this story is that if your bf /fiance is found to be cheating on you BEFORE the marriage DO NOT MARRY HIM.

[oldshirt]

 

 

 

 

That useless clinic saying your weight was the problem without even doing any tests. How unprofessional.

 

 

someone should have done a thorough assessment and found the cysts earlier but a lot of fertility specialists won't even start the process until people are within a certain parameter of body weight.

 

 

A gal that my wife used to work with had the opposite problem and was underweight. She was a compulsive runner and basically lived on grapefruit etc and when her primary care doctor sent her paperwork to a fertility clinic for a referral the fertility clinic sent it all back and said they wouldn't even schedule her to be seen until she put on 20 or more pounds.

 

 

If you fall too much out of a weight range whether too much or too little, they may not even accept you as patient and may not even see you until you are in a healthy enough weight range to begin the treatment.

[oldshirt]

Lisa that is a heartbreaking story and I am sorry that has happened to you, but he obviously wasn't husband and father material to begin with and it is better that he took himself out of that equation now rather than after you had children and leaving you high and dry with hungry babies to raise and take care of on your own.

 

 

I know that is not any real consolation to you at the moment but it is the truth.

 

 

I don't know if there is anything that any of us can say to completely smooth over your grief. This may be worth seeing a professional counselor about.

 

 

The good news here is that you are eating better and living healthier so you will feel better, look better, function better and be in a much better position so when a decent guy does come along, you will be in a better position to make a better home and family with him rather than the loser that was mistreating you from day one.

[sandylee1]

Thanks for your advice sandylee i know i deserve better but i have been with him for 11 years and i dont know how to live my life without him.

 

I am so scared that hes replaced me already, im so close to his family and i still want to be apart of there life and the thought that hes now with another girl makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

I know i dont think alot of myself as if he wanted to come bk i would take him back and i know he would eventually cheat again.

 

I hate the way i look even though i have lost a total of 3 stone but im scared of being on my own for the rest of my life.

 

This is the worst pain ever i dont know how to w to move on and get him out my head.

 

You know Lisa, I truly believe there is someone for everyone. He just wasn't the one for you. Don't ever make a man your whole life, because human beings are capable of hurting each other so badly.

 

The very same way he went on dating sites, you could as well. Though you are not in a position to do so right now. He is a cheater. He cheated before marriage and during. He'll probably cheat on anyone he's with. Why would you want a man like that?

 

You've done really well to loose 3 stone, but you know beauty is only skin deep. It's what's inside that makes you beautiful and I can't believe you aren't attractive, because you were the object of your husband's desire at one time.

 

A marriage is based on trust. You can't trust him. He would only have ended up passing a disease on with his cheating ways.

 

You have love to give to a man who deserves it and he does not deserve it. Don't be a doormat, don't ever be someone's back up plan. I've never been a slim person, but even when I was single and looking, I would not tolerate a guy messing me around.

 

Lisa - I mean this really gently. Try and have some self belief and confidence. Don't show this man he was your world. He broke your heart once, don't ever give him the chance to do it again.

[loveboid]

the fertility clinic sent it all back and said they wouldn't even schedule her to be seen until she put on 20 or more pounds.

 

Yeah, underweight, exercising women sometimes have amenorrhea or lack of menstruation. Women need at least seven pounds of body fat to even begin making a baby. And overweight women sometimes have high blood pressure which is dangerous in pregnancy. So this clinic might have saved your life and definitely your time.

 

Unfortunately, the thing about specialists is they only want to deal with their one thing, in this case fertility, not weight, cysts, high blood pressure, etc. They leave that to your primary physician.

 

This guy was throwing stuff out there to hurt you. You can do better on your own.

[LifesontheUp]

So sorry to read this.

 

I was with my xH for 18 yrs and thought I would never cope when I found out about his affair. But I did, with the support of family and friends and for a little while I also saw a works counsellor.

 

I know you'll find it hard to believe now but you will get through this. Surround yourself with people who love and support you, look after yourself.

 

Life will get better as many here can confirm too.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have been up and down with my sneaky, cheating, alcoholic husband for the last six years.

 

We have a five year old daughter together.

 

I love her, but because of this ridiculousness, and because he "gets well" for a little bit and then relapses, it has been emotionally and financially disastrous.

 

You got away! You don't realize it yet, and you may never realize it, but you have your whole life to design how YOU want it here on out.

 

It may be lonely AT FIRST, but even that ebbs when you start letting friends and family back in more than they have been. Talk to your church etc. Be strong for when that idiot makes a return and just send him back out the door.

 

You have made enough comprimises for him, it would never have been enough because he thinks he's entitled to anything he wants whenever he wants it, and don't think that part of it wasn't just the thrill of screwing you over. It was. Abusers like this are hostile towards their partner.

 

And cheating is a form of covert abuse.

 

Imagine how much more awesome the next guy is going to be, especially with you all healthy etc. now!

 

The grief ebbs over the course of six months, but starts to ebb within the few couple of weeks dramatically. Like a detox.

 

I have been through this cycle so many times, that as long as you 180 and start to take really nice, loving care of yourself, you start to attract awesomeness into your life by the boatload.

[Lion Heart]

I have been with my partner for 11 years and married to him for 6 years and he has broken my heart! Where to start... Before we got marriedi found out that he was having an affair with a work colleague who lives round the corner from us (i found vile messages on his fone to her) i confronted him and he ended the affair and swore he would never cheat again. He left his current job and moved to work in a factory full of men. We married 2 yrs later and have had a happy relationship until the topic of trying for baby came on the cards..before we went to the clinic to be checked my husband came out with he wanted to get checked for std incase as he never got checked when he had the affair prior, his test was postive for clamydia my test came back negative (which i found strange) 3 yrs we tried to concieve and nothing happened so we decided to go to a fertility clinic to both get checked over, straight away i got the blame no tests were done we just got told i was too overweight and this was the reason why we were not concieving. Granted i had put on weight from when we first started dating but to be told that was the reason we were not having a baby put a big load of strain on our relationship and i think my husband started to resent me so a few years passed and then out the blue he announces he wants the relationship to be over as i was fat, ugly he could not bare to look at me i made him feel sick so off he went for 3 months. In the 3 months i got myself a personal trainer and totally changed my way of living eating healthier and exercising 4 times a week. I lost 1 and half stone in the 3 months and then a miracle happened and my husband came back to me. We then went back to fertility clinic and they did tests on us they then found that i had a huge ovarian cyst (size of large water melon) on my right ovary and a smaller cyst on my left ovary, they had to operate straight away as they thought it could of been cancerous so i got both cysts removed and my right ovary which was so traumatic for me and i was sick for 4-6 months. Once i was well enough we went bk to clinic and my husband got told that his sperm was too low and the only way we were to have a baby was by having ivf... I needed time to make sure my body was upto the ivf so we went on an amazing holiday to florida and we have been so loved up until my bday 5 weeks ago he ended the marriage again saying he cant do ivf with me but he would with someone else. He then told me that he had made a profile on a dating website and hed been pretending to play snooker hes been meeting up with girls and sleeping with them throughout our marriage. I cant believe it as i feel like this person is not the person i know. Hes started dating someone and wants to start trying for a baby with them straight away... The pain i feel is really bad i have never felt so low in my whole life and idont know how to get through each day 11yrs we have been together and i dont know how to live without him.... Please any advice would be greatly appreiciated

 

 

Dear Lisa,

I am sorry for your experiences with this man and especially the pain and anguish you feel at the loss of him and the hopes you had.

 

 

I would like to say many things to you. Keep posting and we may cover a lot.

 

 

Firstly, I think you "know" intellectually that this man is a creep and you deserve WAY WAY better than him, that if you had a choice of him or a far better man who would treat you well and love you enough for a real commitment, then it'd be a no brainer right?

 

 

Secondly, you're grieving the death of a marriage. So just like when we experience death of a loved one who was terminally ill, we know they had to die to end their pain and suffering, but we still grieve the loss of them.

Now that you know the marriage is dead, I think you need to write a list for yourself of the reasons why it's dead. I'm pretty sure you'll have tons of things he's done and don't you dare write that you didn't try hard enough because, in fact, you tried too hard. It was like giving a 1 year treatment of chemo to a patient who has 1 week to live. Why prolong horrible suffering only to have the death anyway in worse condition.

 

 

The facts you have listed in your original about WH having an A BEFORE you married him should have been the hugest red flag to you. It was a man in your imagination that you married, not actually him. If you had known HIM for who he actually was, would you have married him anyway to have it end several times like this? I hope not.

 

 

So continue on into the marriage and he continues to cheat? This equals a serial cheater. I honestly believe that no one or nothing in his past or in his future, including 10 babies would stop this man from doing what he loves to do, which is cheat. So don't think for 1 second that he's truly in love with the OW. Nor that he's ever going to be happy with 1 woman. Nor will he be happy with 5 babies to 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 women. Nothing but his own addiction to cheating will give him a "high" he thinks is "happiness".

If ever there was a way to stop him cheating, this man would be white-knuckling his compulsion to cheat. Then he will.

 

 

IF you had had a baby (and it's a blessing that baby waited until WH was out of your life) WH would have cheated anyway. Do you think that baby would thank you for choosing such a crap father? I think not.

It would have been near impossible for that child to be raised in a "normal" way - whatever that means. I'm trying to say, you would have had your heart broken time and time again, as you have already had, and you would have struggled to keep it all together but to little or no avail. Life would have been very hard for you.

 

 

At least this way, there is NO tie keeping you in contact whatsoever with this man. I understand you love his family but IMO that's a sacrifice you'll have to make. OR be very clear about not wanting to know a THING about exWH life. Maintaining contact there will also only hurt you more as exWH life unfolds and they will never know all the gory details of his new relationship, so could paint it all rosy and that creates repeated and continued anguish for you.

 

 

I congratulate you on your MAJOR health and fitness gains. You're AWESOME!!!! Look at your own incredible attributes! Your strength, determination and resilience in being able to hold strong to your goals and achieve them. Now convert these to apply to your emotional situation by looking at it in a practical way. Make goals there beginning at least with the 180.

 

 

I left my exWH 21 years ago the day after D Day with my 9mth old baby DD, penniless and grief stricken. We went to MC for 2yrs but I remained separated from him. He was just no good. Plain and simple. My proof is not only his A when married to me, but his multiple As whilst being married to the poor sucker who took him on after me, thinking she could change him! 2 more children later, made NO DIFFERENCE to him whatsoever. In fact since W no. 2 stays, he's become a lot worse. The 2 chn from that marriage are introverted, anxiety stricken adolescents who appear to not know which way is up. My DD now 22 has travelled the world, supported missions OS, has a wonderful, exuberant presence, is incredibly emotionally mature, is in a stable relationship with a beautiful man and is a wonderful mother to her baby boy BECAUSE exWH had very little presence in her life. In fact any presence was negative, critical, cutting and blatantly abusive. I thank God every day that I left that man.

I soared professionally, bought properties, travelled OS and generally had a ball! Until meeting present WH. I am sorry that I am 10wks since D Day in this marriage with 3 more children.

 

 

I am hoping that story and others you may read will convince you, at least intellectually for now, that he did you as MASSIVE favour by scooting on to OW. That woman will suffer like you and it just could be worse if that's imaginable for you!

 

 

You are getting your sh** together girl!!

Know that you can love again, because you will.

Love yourself so completely first so that no one can take that away.

Get counselling.

Treat yourself to everything you want.

Plan the things you've always wanted to do, heck make a dream folder that is based on your new found, incredible single life.

Make sure to surround yourself with your safe, loving friends and family.

Start up or keep expanding your safe social network.

 

 

Be very careful and without being paranoid, take notice of ANY red flags in future relationships of any kind. The more you read about these personality types, the more you notice people at work even, who you need to keep personal distance from whilst maintaining professional relationships.

 

 

Best wishes. I think it's obvious you have it in you to soar after this and lead a wonderful life that is genuine and in line with your values and character.

 

 

Lion Heart

[Lisa1984]

Lion heart thank you so much for sharing your own story with me you are very inspirational and i hope that i soon feel like i have got the strength to move on from my husband.

 

I went to see a councillor today (first ever time) and not sure what to make of it really i spent the majority of the time talking about my life and crying she kept telling me its ok to still love him and thats normal but i dont want to feel this way as i know i should be hating him for what he has done to me....

 

It does scare me that if he was to try and come back to me i would take him back even though i know he would carry on hurting me by cheating. I am only 31 and everyone keeps telling me im still young and i will find someone who will treat me like i deserve to be treated but i dont believe them... I am so scared of being alone for the rest of my life and how would i trust another man after this... I know not all men treat women like this but how will i know???

 

I am oneof those people who always wants to please others and think maybe thats where i went wrong in my marriage as i would practically kiss the floor my husband walked on, always cooking his breakfast, lunch, tea always making sure he was ok, never ever argue with him or anyone im proper laid back... Which is prob why he treated me like that as he knows how much i love him and he could do whatever he wants and il always be there.

[sandylee1]

Lion heart thank you so much for sharing your own story with me you are very inspirational and i hope that i soon feel like i have got the strength to move on from my husband.

 

I went to see a councillor today (first ever time) and not sure what to make of it really i spent the majority of the time talking about my life and crying she kept telling me its ok to still love him and thats normal but i dont want to feel this way as i know i should be hating him for what he has done to me....

 

It does scare me that if he was to try and come back to me i would take him back even though i know he would carry on hurting me by cheating. I am only 31 and everyone keeps telling me im still young and i will find someone who will treat me like i deserve to be treated but i dont believe them... I am so scared of being alone for the rest of my life and how would i trust another man after this... I know not all men treat women like this but how will i know???

 

I am oneof those people who always wants to please others and think maybe thats where i went wrong in my marriage as i would practically kiss the floor my husband walked on, always cooking his breakfast, lunch, tea always making sure he was ok, never ever argue with him or anyone im proper laid back... Which is prob why he treated me like that as he knows how much i love him and he could do whatever he wants and il always be there.

 

He took advantage of your kind nature, but with the qualities you have, I can't see why you wouldn't find another love. My H would love me to do all those things for him, but I don't and he loves me regardless. You are a good person.

 

Just know that people who love you don't treat you the way he did. It's not healthy to be in such a relationship Lisa.

 

If you were a friend of mine, I'd take you out for a nice girly spa and enjoy quality relaxation. My recently divorced friend set up a dating profile on Match.com, went out on a few dates with guys she met online and is now In a happy relationship, plus she has 3 kids from her marriage.

 

It can only happen when you're read for it though. When you've got some confidence back and are happy with YOU. Don't feel the need to rush yourself. After being married for as long as you have, you need time to heal.

 

Your marriage was based on lies from your H throughout. Just make sure you get what you are entitled to in the divorce settlement.

[elaine567]

I am oneof those people who always wants to please others and think maybe thats where i went wrong in my marriage as i would practically kiss the floor my husband walked on, always cooking his breakfast, lunch, tea always making sure he was ok, never ever argue with him or anyone im proper laid back... Which is prob why he treated me like that as he knows how much i love him and he could do whatever he wants and il always be there.

 

As a people pleaser you are open to abuse.

[Lisa1984]

He took advantage of your kind nature, but with the qualities you have, I can't see why you wouldn't find another love. My H would love me to do all those things for him, but I don't and he loves me regardless. You are a good person.

 

Just know that people who love you don't treat you the way he did. It's not healthy to be in such a relationship Lisa.

 

If you were a friend of mine, I'd take you out for a nice girly spa and enjoy quality relaxation. My recently divorced friend set up a dating profile on Match.com, went out on a few dates with guys she met online and is now In a happy relationship, plus she has 3 kids from her marriage.

 

It can only happen when you're read for it though. When you've got some confidence back and are happy with YOU. Don't feel the need to rush yourself. After being married for as long as you have, you need time to heal.

 

Your marriage was based on lies from your H throughout. Just make sure you get what you are entitled to in the divorce settlement.

 

 

 

Sandy lee i would love to find someone who will love me for being me, i suppose he has been a good liar as if i rewind my life by 2 months we were happy all loved up him constantly telling me that we are the happiest we have ever been, then a couple of months prior to that we were in florida having the best holiday of our lives.

 

Why do you think he would do and say all these things then end our marriage and get with someone new straight away.

 

I have found out that he has been with this girl for 2 weeks and last nite he introduced her to his dad (his mum refused to meet her) i feel like this has hurt more than anything as i have lost him and my biggest fear is to lose his family also. How can he do that so soon, its like he has replaced me and erased me from his memory plus i cant believe the cheek of the girl as she asked to meet them...i have a small family (mum n dad and brother)and as i have been with my h for 11 years i see his family as my own and i dont want them to be taken away from me, i do understand that hes there son and i would never want them to fall out with him even though they are fumen with the way hes treated me but i still want contact with them

 

I have not felt hate for my h but i wish them unhappiness and hope they dont last, does that make me a bad person to wish that.

 

I hope one day i will have the confidence to go and meet someone and one day i will be happy but i just cant see this, maybe its too raw and im still in shock.

[elaine567]

Why do you think he would do and say all these things then end our marriage and get with someone new straight away.

 

He has been found to be lying to you for your entire marriage and you need to ask?

 

He took a holiday, I guess you were the only woman he was seeing in Florida so he needed to keep you sweet. It would have spoiled his holiday if you two were fighting. He needed the sex too.

Back home he either went back to dating and hooked up with this girl or he already knew her and they picked up where they left off. I think the fact he has left you for her, the latter is most likely.

 

He couldn't really be bothered to go through IVF with you, so he replaced you with this woman who can give him kids with no hassle...

[sandylee1]

Sandy lee i would love to find someone who will love me for being me, i suppose he has been a good liar as if i rewind my life by 2 months we were happy all loved up him constantly telling me that we are the happiest we have ever been, then a couple of months prior to that we were in florida having the best holiday of our lives.

 

Why do you think he would do and say all these things then end our marriage and get with someone new straight away.

 

Like Elaine said, he's an experienced cheat and liar. You can't understand what goes through the mind of someone so cruel. The thing is, if he can lie and cheat throughout your marriage, he is capable of anything. Quite frankly I'd be fearful of what else he is capable of.

 

I have found out that he has been with this girl for 2 weeks and last nite he introduced her to his dad (his mum refused to meet her) i feel like this has hurt more than anything as i have lost him and my biggest fear is to lose his family also.

 

It's terrible I know. You get close to the in laws and when marriages breakdown, everyone gets hurt. Do his parents know he cheated throughout the marriage and before?

 

How can he do that so soon, its like he has replaced me and

I have not felt hate for my h but i wish them unhappiness and hope they dont last, does that make me a bad person to wish that.

 

He may well be incapable of understanding what real love is.

Unfortunately you never knew the real him. He hid his real self from you and deceived you over and over.

 

Your hoping they don't last is normal. Is he really going to be faithful to her? I don't think so. He's a serial cheater.

 

I hope one day i will have the confidence to go and meet someone and one day i will be happy but i just cant see this, maybe its too raw and im still in shock.

 

You will. It will take time, but you'll get there. You may not realise it now, but finding out now, is better than doing so in another 25 or 30 years. I've read of betrayed spouses saying they just found out their spouse has bee cheating for 20/30 years. Just imagine that. A real waste and almost a lifetime of deceit. You are young enough to start over, when you are ready.

 

Keep up with the counselling. It should help.

[harrybrown]

Sorry for your pain.

 

Yes you hurt and you will.

 

But your life will be better without him in it.

 

It will take time, a long time, but start doing something nice for yourself.

 

Also you do need an attorney. File so you can be free to find someone that will treat you with respect.

 

Sorry, but he does not respect you. He can't and treat you the way he is treating you.

 

I do hope you have family around to help you thru this mess.

[Lisa1984]

He has been found to be lying to you for your entire marriage and you need to ask?

 

He took a holiday, I guess you were the only woman he was seeing in Florida so he needed to keep you sweet. It would have spoiled his holiday if you two were fighting. He needed the sex too.

Back home he either went back to dating and hooked up with this girl or he already knew her and they picked up where they left off. I think the fact he has left you for her, the latter is most likely.

 

He couldn't really be bothered to go through IVF with you, so he replaced you with this woman who can give him kids with no hassle...

 

 

Hi elaine yeah the girl he has starting seeing is a work colleague so i guess you are right that they most likley have pre planned to be together...

 

The girl he has started dating has had 3 tries of ivf with her ex partner and they failed everytime, a couple of months ago she and her ex started to go down adoption route but fast forward two months shes walked out on her partner, his kids (who she has helped raise)

 

My husband has got low sperm so this was the reason we had to go down ivf route so if he wants kids he will need ivf.

 

When he confessed all his sins to me he swore that the last 2 years since we got back together he has not cheated on me and throughout the 2 years we have been happy and loved up. You think this was a lie?

[Lisa1984]

Sorry for your pain.

 

Yes you hurt and you will.

 

But your life will be better without him in it.

 

It will take time, a long time, but start doing something nice for yourself.

 

Also you do need an attorney. File so you can be free to find someone that will treat you with respect.

 

Sorry, but he does not respect you. He can't and treat you the way he is treating you.

 

I do hope you have family around to help you thru this mess.

 

Thanks harry i do have family and good friends so i hope that i can come through this a stronger person... Its a daunting road but i suppose time will be the test

[Lisa1984]

You will. It will take time, but you'll get there. You may not realise it now, but finding out now, is better than doing so in another 25 or 30 years. I've read of betrayed spouses saying they just found out their spouse has bee cheating for 20/30 years. Just imagine that. A real waste and almost a lifetime of deceit. You are young enough to start over, when you are ready.

 

Keep up with the counselling. It should help.

 

 

Thanks for all your good advice sandy lee i really hope i get alot out of the counselling