Deniel23 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) Here's my story. Wife and I have been together 8 years married about 3. We had a great relationship. I work hard and make a bit more then her, but I still always made dinner clean the house did laundry as she didn't like to do these things. I helped her to be a better person as I knew she had a rough child hood. She lied to me a couple times before we got married but about small things so I didn't think about it. After we got married that's when it got bad. I took care of the money too, so I started looked for a house. We found one she loved and we bought it together. I was getting stressed after I got a new promotion at work and moving and then when we moved keeping up with the house. I made a mistake here and I didn't pay enough attention to her. Thats when she turned to the other guy. Just friends at first. When I found out I got jealous, and overreacted a bit, but there were thousands of messages back and forth and there was touching! After that I worked hard to meet her needs, spend time with her, listen to her, but never seemed good enough as her emotional needs were being meet by this other guy. We fought off and on about this for a year or so. In this time our sex life stopped. She said because it hurt her,which I believed was part true. She started lying a lot. After a couple of fights were she was, when she was coming home. It was hard. Caught her in the lies yet she wont stop the relationship with him. When I said its a emotional affair she would get mad and say "what are you talking about". Well I made another mistake I started having sex with her at night. Most nights she let me do it but some nights she pushed away and I would still try but if she told me to stop I did. I would say sorry next morning and she would say no its ok I understand I haven't been meeting your needs. While this is going on her father moves in and doesn't pay or help around the house, then shortly after her 17old sister moves in. So now I'm taking care of my home for 3. We had no time alone. After about year and half this guy breaks it off with her. Shes really upset said sorry about the way I treated u and lied to you. I also found out she stole from a retail store and lied to me.found out from her mom. After this I thought things were better. She started see another guy. She had asked for counseling for us and I admit I was stubborn on that too. After she started seeing the second guy and a couple fights begin she asked for divorce. I was hurt and I wanted it to work and I said you were right we should go to counseling. So we started a lot came out. She had told her sister about the night sex and her sister said what I was doing w as rape. I was shocked to know end. I said to my wife if that's what you thought or if it bothered you, why didn't you say so and just tell me to stop? She said she didn't know it bothered her so much. I never did it again. We had sex after that but then once she started seeing this guy sex stopped all together. I thought it was weird but I said I will let you be the one to start sex.Well we didn't have sex for six months as we were going thru counseling. I learned that she was lying in counseling about spending time with this guy and that they were more then just friends. She said she liked having friends without expecting sex. I said ok. Well then, I noticed how she started treating me like crap. I read a lot of counseling books and some of the advice from our counseling. I was working hard to rebuild our emotional connection and even gave up things I love to help that. Like sex. Six months go by...we started spending more time together but she seemed different. That's when I noticed how she was dressing to go there and her sex toys were disappearing. I worked hard to listen and not say she was having an affair but finally I said I need to know. I confronted her, she said no. She said that there was a connection with them and they cuddle but no sex. Week later more toys gone. I talk to her again and tell her what i found and she admits to sleeping with him three times. I was hurt but remained cool. I gave her two choices, divorce or stop the relationship with the guy. She said she couldn't choose but if she had to today that we were done. I was so hurt from both. I gave her space for a couple days and then asked if anything had changed. She just said its a mess. I told her how hurt I was and thought it best If she would leave for awhile. She agreed. She said she talked to her father about moving but that he said nothing. I decided to see if she was being truthful and I snooped at her messages to her lover and she wasnt. Her father said he would find a place for them.she also told her lover its done between us and were talking about buying a place together shortly down the road. I love her but so hurt and I don't see her wanting to work on her marriage but I don't know what to do with her living in the same house and sleeping right by me when she's not staying at her boyfriends house... which she does three days a week... I forgot to include that she told me that I could sleep around since she wasn't meeting my needs. I sad no, I want just love with you.when I confronted her about the affair she said she wished I had one and that she even set it up to have one. This would be so much easier if she hated me. I know I made mistakes but I did everything I feel I could for her... Edited February 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs please! ~T Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Cut your losses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Talk to a lawyer immediately. Cut her off from your finances because anything she takes from you will go to building a new nest with her boyfriend. Get tested because they never use protection, do not have unprotected sex with her. Read up on the 180 and implement it immediately because you need some distance from her while you decide if staying with her is the right thing for you. Get rid of her family, it's bad enough she keeps bringing new men into it, as it is there are too many people in your marriage now. Marriage counselling is a waste of money as long as she is still in her affair. You need to tell her that she is free to see her other men, just not as your wife. Do not make it her decision as to the survival of your marriage, she makes bad decisions. Tell her what you need before you decide on reconciliation, truth, transparency, no contact with other men, independent counselling, STD testing, no contact letters approved by you to all her other men. Get rid of anyone that helped her or facilitated her affairs, their no friends of yours. If she can't meet your demands, file and have her served so you can start to heal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 No paragraphs; dr. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I don't understand the problem, you said end it or divorce. She isn't ending it so be a man of your word. She doesn't respect you and likely believes you will be there no matter what she does. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 No paragraphs; dr. This. Sorry, i know it seems trivial given the subject matter, but I literally could not get through the whole thing. Just sharing so that other people will finish it and perhaps help you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Get out of that marriage before her clan decides to get you into prison with rape charges. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 The writing was on the wall when she turned to this other guy "just as friends" when you guys were having problems. Divorce her, let her be with the scumbag who gets with married women, so she can have her happily ever after that isn't really a happily ever after and you can find an actual decent partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deniel23 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Thanks everyone.sorry for the mess of the prs. I typed it on my phone at work and should've Waited till I got home,just was heavy on my Heart at the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hard read, lol! Yeah, gotta get some back bone! This is shattered into tiny microscopic pieces. No more doormat, get mean, get out! No more marital rape bro, when your wife who normally likes sex turns it off it means she has a new interest, should've cut your losses here. And if you are wondering if there was anything you could have done different, if you made all the moves to salvage and be a good man you could make. Maybe you could have done things different but most likely would've ended up here anyway, you did all you could do with the counseling and understanding, no regrets! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Here's my story.wife and I been together 8 years married about 3.we had a great relationship.i work hard make a bit more then her but I still always made dinner clean the house did laundry as she didn't like to do these things.i helped her to be a better person as I knew she had a rough child hood. she lied to me couple times before we got married but about small things so I didn't think about it.after we got married that's when it got bad.i toke care of the money too so I started looked for a house,we found one she loved she we bought together.i was getting stressed I got a new promotion at work and moving and then when we moved keeping up with the house.i made a mistake here a d I didn't pay enough attention to her.thats when she turned to the other guy.just friends at first. when I found out I got jealous..overreacted a bit but there were thousands of messages back and forth and there was touching.after that I worked hard to meet her needs spend time with her listen to her,but never seemed good enough as her emotional needs were being meet by this guy.we fought off and on about this for year or so.in this are sex life stopped.she said because it hurt her,which I believed was part true. she started lying alot after couple fights were she was when she was coming home.it was hard caught her in the lies.she wont stop the relationship with him when I said its a emotional affair she would get mad and say what u talking about.well I made another mistake I started having sex with her at night.most nights she let me do it but some nights she pushed away and I would still try but if she told me to stop I did.i would say sorry next morning and she would say no its ok I understand I haven't been meeting your needs.while this is going on her father moves in and doesn't pay or help around the house then shortly after her 17old sister moves in.so now I'm taking care of my home for 3.we had no time alone.after about year and half this guy breaks it off with her.shes really upset said sorry they way I treated u and lied to you. i also found out she stole from a retail store and lied to me.found out from her mom.after this I thought things were better.she started see another guy.she had asked for counciling for us and I admit I was stubborn on that too.after she started seeing the second guy and a couple fights begin she asked for divorce.i was hurt and I wanted it to work and I said you were right we should go to counciling. so we started alot came out.she had told her sister about the night sex and her sister said what I was doing was rape.i was shocked to know end.i said to my wife if that's what u thought or it bother you why did you say it was on and just tell me to stop?she said she didn't know it bother her so much.i never did it again. we had sex after that but then once she starting she this guy sex stopped all together.i thought it was weird but I said I will let you be the one to start sex.well we didn't for six months as we were going thru counciling and starting learning that she was lying in counciling about spending time with this guy and that they were more then just friends.said she liked having friends without expecting sex.i said ok. well then I noticed how she started treating me like crap.i read alot of counciling books and advice from are counciling and was working hard to rebuild are emotion connection and even give up things I love to help that like sex.six months go by...we started spending more time together but she seemed different.thats when I noticed how she was dressing to go there and her sex toys were dissapearing. i worked hard past so months to listen and not say she was having a affair and finally I said I need to know.i confronted her she said nope yes theres a connection with them and they cuddle but no sex.week later more toys gone.i talk to her again and tell her what i found and she admits to sleeping with him three times.i was hurt but remained cool.i said well two choices divorce or stop the relationship with the guy.she sais she couldn't choose but if she had to today that we were done. I was so hurt from both.we spaced for a couple days asked if anything changed she just said its a mess.i told her how hurt I was and thought it best If she would leave for a while.she agreed and both her family members.she said she talked to her father about moving but that he said nothing.i decided to see if she was being truthful and I snooped at her messages to her lover and she wasnt.her father said he would find a place for them.she also told her lover its done between us and were talking about buying a place together shortly down the road. i love her but so hurt and I don't see her wanted to work on her marriage but I don't know what to do with her living in the same house and sleeping right by me when she's not staying at her bfs house which she does three days a week...I forgot to include that she told me that I could sleep around since she wasnt meeting my needs...i sad no I want just love with you. when I confronted her about the affair she said she wished I had one and that she even set it up to have one .....and this would be so much easier if she hated me.i know I made mistakes but I did everything I feel I could for her us... I didn't fix the spelling and grammar but made paragraphs. My advice: DUDE!! SHE DOES NOT WANTED YOU! Stop allowing yourself to be hurt over and over. Be done and move on with your life. It's almost like no matter what else she does to hurt you... you want more. You can ram your head in a wall and beat yourself silly to try to fix you for her. In the end, if she doesn't want to work hard to fix the marriage. The marriage is over. Clearly therapy is pointless. The marriage is done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deniel23 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Well thanks for the fix to my mess of grammar and spelling. I guess I beat my head into the wall cause I feel like I'm giving up and I hate that. But I understand what is being said.I was raised religious And that marriage was a commitment for life. oh course affair breaks that...but thought there could Be a chance to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I did read read it. I think you're a really nice guy that people are taking advantage of. Stand up for yourself, and don't let anyone use you. Divorce her. Build a new and better life. That will be hard, but its doable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Well thanks for the fix to my mess of grammar and spelling. I guess I beat my head into the wall cause I feel like I'm giving up and I hate that. But I understand what is being said.I was raised religious And that marriage was a commitment for life. oh course affair breaks that...but thought there could Be a chance to heal. You can continue to value the sanctuary of marriage, just find someone who values the same thing. Your wife does not, you are beating a dead horse. Let her be someone else's problem. She WILL continue to lead a destructive life. You didn't give up, she did. If you don't respect yourself, who will? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 No paragraphs; dr. Totally agree. I really struggle to read long posts with no paragraphs. I find I just don't bother because it's painful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Well thanks for the fix to my mess of grammar and spelling. I guess I beat my head into the wall cause I feel like I'm giving up and I hate that. But I understand what is being said.I was raised religious And that marriage was a commitment for life. oh course affair breaks that...but thought there could Be a chance to heal. Friend, Adultery is the only Commandment that is listed twice, once for doing it and once for thinking about it, must mean they really want people to obey that one. That's the one cause even the Catholic Church will allow divorce. You can't plan to defend yourself from the person you most trust, but you can change who you trust.......quote by me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 And you're still with her, why? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Don't let anyone tell you that you raped. If she said no and you stopped then there was no rape. You didn't put a gun to her head or threaten you and it's not like she didn't like sex since she was spreading it around with another guy. Her and her family will try to bamboozle you with that crap maybe to try to take you to the cleaners so if I were you, I would find a lawyer, tell him whats going on and file. Matter in fact, I would tell her to take the couch or the floor and if there's no more room, then tell the old man to move out now and take the other kid along with your wife and give them a deadline. Better find some backbone too friend because if you don't she's going to win. Link to post Share on other sites
NoC Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You need to see a lawyer and buy a one way ticket to North Carolina (see sig). Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 You chose a woman who does not share your values. A woman who does not want you as a man - sorry about this hurtful one but it is true. You chose the wrong woman to marry. I'd recommend that you seek counseling for yourself to address and resolve the issues that lead you to chose this type of woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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