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Spouse kept cheating after wife found out about affair


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My wh had started an affair and not long after I found out about it.He moved out for a few days and stayed with the ow, I let him come home with the promise that the affair would end, but he kept seeing the ow.This has happened 2 more times.Divorce papers were signed so I told him I had went out with someone else, after this he destroys the other cell phone he had used to talk to her with and says he wants us to workout and that he never loved anyone but me, I want it to work but I don't know if I can get past all the hurt this has caused.

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You are further than many others. You're divorced found somebody new and want to go back to your cheating husband? Find the new happiness you deserve. It doesn't sound like he'd ever change anyways. I'm sure if you got back together things would be ok for a little bit until you're comfortable then he'd probably rinse and repeat. Though that time would be a lot harder to figure out since he knows where his mistakes were when he got caught. Sorry and hope you can find peace soon.

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Follow through with the divorce and then after its done if you want to have a relationship that is up to you but this way he learns there was a clear consequence to his actions.

 

There are far better people out there that will love you for you and wont cheat on you.

 

Clay

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I'm a big fan of people reconciling after infidelity but when they've seen what it does to you once, only to do it again, I'm no fan of seeing someone repeatedly hurt.

 

My wife's infidelity was TRAUMATIC to me. I gave her a second chance. She blew it. There will not be a third. In your case, I've lost count. Let him hit the curb.

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First, don't have sex with him until you are tested for all STD's. Secondly, if the O/W is married or in a relationship, expose her, her significant other needs to know the truth. Third, is reconciliation really what you want? Don't decide on reconciliation until you know what it is best for you. He made his choice and has shown you just how selfish he can be. The line he crossed can never be uncrossed, the imbalance he created will be there for all eternity, can you accept that?

 

If you decide to try again make sure your demands for staying in the marriage are clear and the consequences for breaking them are understood. Counselling is an absolute requirement for reconciliation, make him do the work. Hard to tell from your post if his decision to come back to you was for the right reason.

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My wh had started an affair and not long after I found out about it.He moved out for a few days and stayed with the ow, I let him come home with the promise that the affair would end, but he kept seeing the ow.This has happened 2 more times.Divorce papers were signed so I told him I had went out with someone else, after this he destroys the other cell phone he had used to talk to her with and says he wants us to workout and that he never loved anyone but me, I want it to work but I don't know if I can get past all the hurt this has caused.

 

So did you go out with someone else?

 

He didn't like how it felt when the shoe was on the other foot... did he? GOOD!! Move forward with the D. Go on more dates and realize your worth and potential with a man who will give it to you.

 

((Hugs))

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If there are no kids involved, the weather in North Carolina is good this time of the year (see sig). If there are kids, then maintain LC and move on. I also agree with what Clay and BetrayedH said.

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He made the choice to cheat on you and lie repeatedly about ending his affair. He wants you back only after he realized somebody else was taking his place. Stick with your divorce.

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His desire to rekindle your relationship comes from either posessiveness [the fact that you told him you are moving on] or from lack of options [she dumped him or is not long term material].

 

Probably the former.

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Bethtc,

This is typical cheater behaviour and it's called "cake-eating". Don't fall for it.

 

My exH told me, (3 days after he got the divorce papers, when he'd calmed down) that he had told his AP it was over. Fortunately I didn't believe him, and carried on with the divorce.

 

It turned out that it was a lie, he'd just told her that "he couldn't see her for a while because it was 'difficult' ".

 

Then his AP dumped him and he tried very hard to worm his way back into the house. Fortunately, I didn't fall for this one either.

 

IMO you should push the divorce through and move on to a man who doesn't cheat on you.

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Bethtc,

This is typical cheater behaviour and it's called "cake-eating". Don't fall for it.

 

My exH told me, (3 days after he got the divorce papers, when he'd calmed down) that he had told his AP it was over. Fortunately I didn't believe him, and carried on with the divorce.

 

It turned out that it was a lie, he'd just told her that "he couldn't see her for a while because it was 'difficult' ".

 

Then his AP dumped him and he tried very hard to worm his way back into the house. Fortunately, I didn't fall for this one either.

 

IMO you should push the divorce through and move on to a man who doesn't cheat on you.

 

Precisely. He has already manipulated OP with this several times before and this is more of the same. He will play dutiful husband for a few months and then go right back to cheating, either with OW or a new one.

 

OP - You have given him far more chances than he deserves.

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TrustedthenBusted

I love my wife dearly. Really, besides my children, she is the most important person in the world to me.

 

But she already fell through the thin ice once, and I grabbed her back to safety. But if she walks out there again, she does so on her own.

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I love my wife dearly. Really, besides my children, she is the most important person in the world to me.

 

But she already fell through the thin ice once, and I grabbed her back to safety. But if she walks out there again, she does so on her own.

 

___________________________________________________________________

 

 

I loved my WW more than words can say...Until i didnt....

after things were shown to my by her Boss/OM ..It was done..

 

She and the Om both fell thru thin ice.....( Loss of their jobs and his D ruined him)...

 

I stood and watched them both drown..NEVER looked back...not for a second...

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howcouldInotknow

Did you tell him about the new person to make him jealous?in my opinion divorce papers are signed your personal life is exactly that, personal. Why bait him or pull a reaction out of him. Especially when he continues to cheat.

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