Bethtc Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 My wh had started an affair and not long after I found out about it.He moved out for a few days and stayed with the ow, I let him come home with the promise that the affair would end, but he kept seeing the ow.This has happened 2 more times.Divorce papers were signed so I told him I had went out with someone else, after this he destroys the other cell phone he had used to talk to her with and says he wants us to workout and that he never loved anyone but me, I want it to work but I don't know if I can get past all the hurt this has caused. Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You are further than many others. You're divorced found somebody new and want to go back to your cheating husband? Find the new happiness you deserve. It doesn't sound like he'd ever change anyways. I'm sure if you got back together things would be ok for a little bit until you're comfortable then he'd probably rinse and repeat. Though that time would be a lot harder to figure out since he knows where his mistakes were when he got caught. Sorry and hope you can find peace soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Follow through with the divorce and then after its done if you want to have a relationship that is up to you but this way he learns there was a clear consequence to his actions. There are far better people out there that will love you for you and wont cheat on you. Clay 8 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 The OW probably dumped him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I'm a big fan of people reconciling after infidelity but when they've seen what it does to you once, only to do it again, I'm no fan of seeing someone repeatedly hurt. My wife's infidelity was TRAUMATIC to me. I gave her a second chance. She blew it. There will not be a third. In your case, I've lost count. Let him hit the curb. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 First, don't have sex with him until you are tested for all STD's. Secondly, if the O/W is married or in a relationship, expose her, her significant other needs to know the truth. Third, is reconciliation really what you want? Don't decide on reconciliation until you know what it is best for you. He made his choice and has shown you just how selfish he can be. The line he crossed can never be uncrossed, the imbalance he created will be there for all eternity, can you accept that? If you decide to try again make sure your demands for staying in the marriage are clear and the consequences for breaking them are understood. Counselling is an absolute requirement for reconciliation, make him do the work. Hard to tell from your post if his decision to come back to you was for the right reason. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Cut all ties to him. He's just afraid that his reserve-woman is about to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 My wh had started an affair and not long after I found out about it.He moved out for a few days and stayed with the ow, I let him come home with the promise that the affair would end, but he kept seeing the ow.This has happened 2 more times.Divorce papers were signed so I told him I had went out with someone else, after this he destroys the other cell phone he had used to talk to her with and says he wants us to workout and that he never loved anyone but me, I want it to work but I don't know if I can get past all the hurt this has caused. So did you go out with someone else? He didn't like how it felt when the shoe was on the other foot... did he? GOOD!! Move forward with the D. Go on more dates and realize your worth and potential with a man who will give it to you. ((Hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Like he can't go out and get another phone tomorrow....please don't say you're that naive? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
NoC Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 If there are no kids involved, the weather in North Carolina is good this time of the year (see sig). If there are kids, then maintain LC and move on. I also agree with what Clay and BetrayedH said. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He made the choice to cheat on you and lie repeatedly about ending his affair. He wants you back only after he realized somebody else was taking his place. Stick with your divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 His desire to rekindle your relationship comes from either posessiveness [the fact that you told him you are moving on] or from lack of options [she dumped him or is not long term material]. Probably the former. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Bethtc, This is typical cheater behaviour and it's called "cake-eating". Don't fall for it. My exH told me, (3 days after he got the divorce papers, when he'd calmed down) that he had told his AP it was over. Fortunately I didn't believe him, and carried on with the divorce. It turned out that it was a lie, he'd just told her that "he couldn't see her for a while because it was 'difficult' ". Then his AP dumped him and he tried very hard to worm his way back into the house. Fortunately, I didn't fall for this one either. IMO you should push the divorce through and move on to a man who doesn't cheat on you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Bethtc, This is typical cheater behaviour and it's called "cake-eating". Don't fall for it. My exH told me, (3 days after he got the divorce papers, when he'd calmed down) that he had told his AP it was over. Fortunately I didn't believe him, and carried on with the divorce. It turned out that it was a lie, he'd just told her that "he couldn't see her for a while because it was 'difficult' ". Then his AP dumped him and he tried very hard to worm his way back into the house. Fortunately, I didn't fall for this one either. IMO you should push the divorce through and move on to a man who doesn't cheat on you. Precisely. He has already manipulated OP with this several times before and this is more of the same. He will play dutiful husband for a few months and then go right back to cheating, either with OW or a new one. OP - You have given him far more chances than he deserves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Take your heart and Run...you already gave him a chance . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I love my wife dearly. Really, besides my children, she is the most important person in the world to me. But she already fell through the thin ice once, and I grabbed her back to safety. But if she walks out there again, she does so on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I love my wife dearly. Really, besides my children, she is the most important person in the world to me. But she already fell through the thin ice once, and I grabbed her back to safety. But if she walks out there again, she does so on her own. ___________________________________________________________________ I loved my WW more than words can say...Until i didnt.... after things were shown to my by her Boss/OM ..It was done.. She and the Om both fell thru thin ice.....( Loss of their jobs and his D ruined him)... I stood and watched them both drown..NEVER looked back...not for a second... Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 You already extended once. He's just trying to keep you on hold. DO not go back with him. Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Did you tell him about the new person to make him jealous?in my opinion divorce papers are signed your personal life is exactly that, personal. Why bait him or pull a reaction out of him. Especially when he continues to cheat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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