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25 yr old cheating wife/need help


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Old 30th October 2004, 10:11 PM   #1
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Unhappy 25 yr old cheating wife/need help

Hi . I'm 25 yrs old been married for 4 yrs and have a 19 month old daughter.

(First I have to say How happy I am I found this board, I need to talk to someone about this,)


I started cheating on my husband last march. Since last march I have cheated on him/ sex with 6 different men. One affair is still continuing. Been going on since last march.
Our marriafe started going bad Last Feb, He wasn't there when I needed him most. I wnet through post partum depression, he just didn't care. I guess that's what drove me away.

I Have no feelings left for my husband. I have no desire to hug him/kiss him or anything. I look forward when I go see the guy I have been seeing for a while.

I tell my husband I'm not happy (he doens't know I'm cheating) and that I wnat out. I tell him I've lost feeling for him, but he still wnats to work things out. I DON"T. I don't know what to do. Do I just leave? Or how do I get him to leave. Something has to be easier then fighting with him. Am I just sticking around right now cause it's easier then leaving?

SOMEONE please help me. And just Yesterday the guy I've been seeing since last march(I really have feelings foe him) I actually told him I wnated him. He told me to explain myself, I of course didn't I already said to much at that point/afterall it was supposed to just be sexual.

I"m not looking for my knight in shining armour, but obvioulsy i'm only 25 and in a big mess. Someone please help me.
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Old 30th October 2004, 11:09 PM   #2
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Is there anything you like about your husband?
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Old 30th October 2004, 11:43 PM   #3
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You are using other men as a way to self medicate your post partum depression. The men you had sex with and the man you are having an affair with have already shown that they care absolutely nothing about you and see you as nothing more than a piece of meat for their enjoyment and as soon as they tire of you will dump you like yesterday's bad news. Please, for you and your daughter's sake, end your affairs and get medical treatment ASAP otherwise you will continue to self destruct harming not only yourself in the process but those that love you [your daughter and your husband].

Another good forum to post your story is http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=forum;f=37
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Old 31st October 2004, 12:04 AM   #4
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Another good forum to post your story is The Marriage Builders Forums .

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Old 31st October 2004, 12:42 AM   #5
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It sounds like your life is spinning out of control, and that's a real scary feeling. You need to understand though that "I'm only 25" is not an excuse for behaving badly. 25 is certainly old enough to know better. And it's not as if you don't care. If you didn't you wouldn't be asking advice on this forum.

There's something more at work here, and I'm not sure that post-partum depression is in itself encompassing the problem. You need a professional to help you sort through all of that, and to diagnose you correctly.

TMCM is right on when he says that you're 'self-medicating' and when he says that you're behavior is 'self-destructive'. So follow me here for a minute. If you are 'self-medicating' with a 'self-destructive' behavior then the initial problem is getting no attention at all. You are destroying yourself with your own brand of medicine, and taking your family along with you.

Divorce your husband if that's what you need to do. But cheating on him this way is just wrong. If you're not practicing 'safe-sex' you're putting his life at risk! What could he have possibly done to you to deserve that?

Please consider getting professional help. No matter what happens in your marriage, you're NEVER going to feel good about yourself if you don't get your life back under control.
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Old 31st October 2004, 12:43 AM   #6
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Do you just want to talk in order to take it out of your chest or you want to listen and take actions?. First of all you need to get out of the mess you are going through. Next you need to work on yourself by seeking professional treatment. Finally you both should start working on your marriage. Though it may take a while, it will eventually pay off. Good luck. We will pray for you.
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Old 31st October 2004, 2:35 PM   #7
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A question

Hello,

I have just a quick question: How would you feel if your husband has been cheating on you since March with 6 different women and putting your health at risk? If you really want out of your marriage like you say, why not tell him the truth that you have been having sex with 6 different men since March and I guarantee you he will not want to have anything to do with you. Why not tell him the truth? By the way your justification for screwing 6 different men is pretty say. Why do you suppose your husband has not been cheating on you?
Maybe he has something called character and a moral compass which apparently you lack. Again tell him the truth and I am sure he will let you out of your marriage which you claim you want. Am I wrong?
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Old 31st October 2004, 6:42 PM   #8
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Get treatment for your PPD ASAP!!

Post partum depression can be devastating. One of my girlfriends was hospitalized after battling it for about a year (she didn't want meds and didn't want to talk to anyone about it)

She ended up losing about 30 pounds and was hospitalized for close to a month.

This is a serious disorder. Talk to your doctor about medications (most are only needed temporarily) and counseling/support groups, etc.

Having a baby is a major life event. Even with a SUPPORTIVE husband it is a huge upheaval in one's life.

Have you and he talked about what's happening between the two of you? It sounds like you shut him out because your feelings were hurt by his negligence.

Unfortunately, sooner or later, no matter WHO you end up with, there will come a time when they sorely disappoint you.

This is part of learning how to be married.

Did you communicate to him how hurt and alone you felt?
Did you ask for help?
Did you say, "I need help with this baby,"
Did you tell him you felt like he didn't care about your depression?

Why does he want to work things out if he doesn't care about you?

I would trial counseling together and see if there's any love buried deep under all that anger.
You sound very angry and VERY destructive. It's hard to believe you have no feelings for your husband.
Somehow, I suspect you DO have feelings but they are very painful ones; disappointment, abandonment, grief.

I would try to face these emotions in therapy, together.

Please also get tested for any STD's.

Your cheating is a symptom of a much larger problem. As other posters may know from previous posts, I'm no sexual prude. However, lying to someone you promised to be faithful to is robbing you of your self.


If what you say is not the truth, you start losing touch with genuine emotions and a valid sense of self. This is not bible thumping or psychological pap. It's what I truly believe.


Reconnect with your feelings and emotions and expect things to be messy for a while between you and your husband. At least it will be real.

The 'feelings' you are having for your lover are displaced, most likely.

True, you may discover that it is time for you and your husband to part ways. But be sure about that.

Good luck
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Old 31st October 2004, 6:52 PM   #9
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Karlise13

What a wonderful friendly advice!!!! Great job. Bless.
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Old 31st October 2004, 7:08 PM   #10
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i know you said that you had PPD, were you officially diagnosed and treated for it then?
i agree that that could still be a part of things but if almost sounds like there's more going on than that. my (now) ex wasn't there for me, the way i had hoped/wanted after our first was born. i did not suffer from PPD but over time grew to resent the fact that to him, being a father meant being there when he didn't have anything better to do.
do you feel like you're still suffering from PPD or do you feel like this has gone futhre than that?
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Old 1st November 2004, 2:14 PM   #11
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25yroldwife,

You may not want to be with him anymore, but that does NOT give you the right to risk his life. To risk his life in getting a STD from you, because you are with other men. That's just plain selfish.
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Old 27th November 2004, 2:11 PM   #12
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25yroldwife,

There are at least 9 people impacted by your conduct: your husband, your child, you, and the 6 men with whom you've had sex. Each of these people assume some risk by virtue of your activities. The risk is heightened substantially if the 6 men and your husband are sexually active with others, including their wives, and have children who rely on them for support and guidance. In the scheme of things tens or even 100s of people could be impacted by your dissatisfaction at home.

It is understandable that people seek love, attention, sexual satisfaction and companionship from others when their marriages are not going well. However, if you do this, remember the potential devastation this might cause yourself and others. You are already compromised humanistic-ally and spiritually. You owe it to yourself, your child, your husband and those others you love and who love you to get things sorted out in your life. To seek and work for love and compatiblilty at home and if it cannot happen there, find it elsewhere, with someone who will be satisfied with you and you with he.

I think you need to speak openly to your husband about how you feel with him and to try to work it out with him. If that's not possible to him and you a favor and move on. In moving on, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your child, in legitimate ways.

Happiness and self satisfaction is more than having sex and getting an orgasm, it is a complex web of experiences, sacrifices, difficulties, work, play and responsibilities. I hope you are able to work through your very difficult situation and bring stability to yourself and your child.

Cisco
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Old 27th November 2004, 4:07 PM   #13
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all well said things above but what you will relize after he leaves you that .you truely love him and you would have wished you just worked it out..6 different men classy real classy.im sure they really care about you too..you are just free and clear action to them .thats why the one guy asked you to explain yourself ,and i can tell you hes thinking yeah right if she could do this to her husband where would i stand later...
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Old 29th November 2004, 11:58 AM   #14
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Sadhubby

are you sad because the same thing happened to you?
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Old 29th November 2004, 4:04 PM   #15
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yes i am sad becuase my wife this summer fell for some guys crap and she strayed we are since trying to work things out .she felt like i didnt love her and didnt pay enough attention ,and was emotionaly dead wich some of wich is true,mainley becuase i work so hard for the things we have.she admits to making out with this guy but says thats all it was im sure there was more.but im not gonna dig anyharder for the first time in months she again has opened her arms to me and tells me how much she loves me,and i have done the same not trying to make the same mistakes as before.i really do love her and i think she would have left if she dindt love me so maybe there is a success story here well see...for now i come here to ease the pain i guess becuase it does hurt to know the one person you are able to count on can do such horrible things behind your back while telling you evrything is o.k.
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