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Are there faithful women out there?


Striver

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I will probably try a relationship again in the future, but I just want to know if there are women out there who want the same thing as me.

 

I am not going to be a manipulating, noncommittal player. Just not who I am, and I would stink at it. But some women just seem to eat that up, are willing to be the OW to those men, don't respect men that treat them as equals.

 

I'm also struggling with the issue that some women are great talkers but lousy communicators. Whatever they are telling you is only pertinent to that place and time, and don't bother remembering all of their words, all of the I love yous, because they are only meant for that particular moment and won't be remembered by her the second after she says them.

 

I can be loyal. I can be steady. I can be loving. I can be intimate. I can work to improve myself, though like anyone else I have my limits and I can't be all things to all people. I am not going to make some charismatic instant connection with someone else, I have to work at that. For women that are looking for "sparks" and "instant chemistry", I have my doubts that I can be that sort of guy for anyone. Or even if I am, that she doesn't have someone in her past that she is secretly pining for more than me, despite however many years we spend together.

 

Is another commitment ever going to be worth it for me? I already had a marriage and kids, and my W threw it away like it was nothing. I'm too old to have any more kids and I have baggage now, and I'm older. I'm not sure I can sort out the potentially honest women from those who are hiding something. Women just seem so good at hiding their true feelings, at not coming forward.

 

Sorry for the rant. I really think I can be a good partner, I really want that again someday, I just don't know how I can get that trust back again or what I can build to replace it. Commitment is supposed to lead to some level of comfort, but how can I do that if any relationship can end at any moment?

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Man Mountain Makino

Of course there are loyal women out there.

 

Focus on what you are, not what you're not.

 

Also, don't imagine the things you're not. Focus on what you are.

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Sorry for the rant. I really think I can be a good partner, I really want that again someday, I just don't know how I can get that trust back again or what I can build to replace it. Commitment is supposed to lead to some level of comfort, but how can I do that if any relationship can end at any moment?

 

I know the feeling. You cannot let the negativity win! Fight back!

 

Stay positive and keep trying. Hiding behind a shell of bitterness will not make your life better. Be brave! Do not stop attempting to find that special someone. It just takes one amazing lady and then... faith restored!

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Marriage can teach lessons. It appears yours taught some important ones, about the breadth and diversity of the gender you choose to interact with at an intimate, romantic and sexual level.

 

That person was one of billions. Unique. Individual. She provided insight into the individual psyche. Can another woman be like her? Yep, it's possible. Many? Maybe. All? Not on your life.

 

The gift is the lesson which was taken away. That's individual.

 

Marriage helped me dispel many unrealistic ideals I had regarding women; to see them more as real people, and accept them as real people with the diversity which all real people exhibit.

 

IMO, every person has the potential to be a 'faithful' partner. After one acknowledges potential, one acknowledges choice. We each choose what potential we realize in life. Some choices are today, now. Some are interim. Some are forever. Everyone is different. No guarantees and no rewards at the end for being 'perfect', if such a thing even exists. Good luck!

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Been amrried a long time and never cheated. I never cheated in any relationship. To me, it just feels wrong to do it, and why would I do something that makes me feel bad? To be honest, when i;m with a person, it's like I don;t "see" anyone else, just them.

 

I've been told that amkes me weird, but i don't care.

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Been amrried a long time and never cheated. I never cheated in any relationship. To me, it just feels wrong to do it, and why would I do something that makes me feel bad? To be honest, when i;m with a person, it's like I don;t "see" anyone else, just them.

 

I've been told that amkes me weird, but i don't care.

 

 

 

I'm the same. Never cheated, never will.

 

 

When I'm with someone, I only have eyes for them.

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There are definitely good women out there. For me personally, I would do more vetting on who the person I'm with really is. I would also take things a lot slower. There's no need to rush into marriage again right? Play the field awhile. If I divorce my wife it would take a lot to give a second go at marriage. I'd lease that car a few years out to make sure it is the right one.

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I've never cheated in a relationship! Neither have any of my friends.

 

Men aren't a monolithic group. They don't all behave and act the same way. Neither do women. I realize that you are burned right now, and that's coloring your opinions of women as a whole. If you can, I would try to work through those feelings before you start dating. If you don't you'll repel many of the very women you wish to attract. Please don't let your past negatively impact your future. You don't deserve that.

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There are definitely good women out there. For me personally, I would do more vetting on who the person I'm with really is. I would also take things a lot slower. There's no need to rush into marriage again right? Play the field awhile. If I divorce my wife it would take a lot to give a second go at marriage. I'd lease that car a few years out to make sure it is the right one.

 

You are right, there's no need to rush into another marriage. I will probably start with more casual dating. Not going to have any more kids, so no bio clock.

 

Reality is, most people try another LTR, marriage or not. I'm 49, it's a couples world, dating works for a while but gets tiring. As we get older loneliness and other issues become more important. I will probably have to handle it sooner or later.

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I will probably try a relationship again in the future, but I just want to know if there are women out there who want the same thing as me.

 

I am not going to be a manipulating, noncommittal player. Just not who I am, and I would stink at it. But some women just seem to eat that up, are willing to be the OW to those men, don't respect men that treat them as equals.

 

I'm also struggling with the issue that some women are great talkers but lousy communicators. Whatever they are telling you is only pertinent to that place and time, and don't bother remembering all of their words, all of the I love yous, because they are only meant for that particular moment and won't be remembered by her the second after she says them.

 

I can be loyal. I can be steady. I can be loving. I can be intimate. I can work to improve myself, though like anyone else I have my limits and I can't be all things to all people. I am not going to make some charismatic instant connection with someone else, I have to work at that. For women that are looking for "sparks" and "instant chemistry", I have my doubts that I can be that sort of guy for anyone. Or even if I am, that she doesn't have someone in her past that she is secretly pining for more than me, despite however many years we spend together.

 

Is another commitment ever going to be worth it for me? I already had a marriage and kids, and my W threw it away like it was nothing. I'm too old to have any more kids and I have baggage now, and I'm older. I'm not sure I can sort out the potentially honest women from those who are hiding something. Women just seem so good at hiding their true feelings, at not coming forward.

 

Sorry for the rant. I really think I can be a good partner, I really want that again someday, I just don't know how I can get that trust back again or what I can build to replace it. Commitment is supposed to lead to some level of comfort, but how can I do that if any relationship can end at any moment?

 

 

The hardest thing to overcome is not trusting someone else but to trust yourself again. In reality...no one has any real control over someone else's character or choices. There's a fragile innocence that is lost when harsh reality replaces it.

 

Trust is the foundation that humanity relies upon in order to flourish. Imagine a world without trust, it would be an ugly world to live in. That's why choosing a life partner is such an enomourmous endeavour. It's understandable that a failed marriage or relationship will make you feel wary and afraid to trust again.

 

I believe innocence is beautiful. It's pure and hopeful. But I also believe experience is beautiful and offers greater hope.

 

There's something lost but something also gained as we grow older and wiser. There are so many lovely people in the world. It would he a shame to lump them in with some bad apples.

 

If you're not happy with yourself first and formost don't expect it to come from someone else.

 

Nothing is more attractive than an inner glow, a joy for lfe. Do things and be a part of things that matter to you. Be adventurous, taste things, smile, give, and be kind to yourself. Trust that you're core is flexible and strong.

 

The frustration is waiting it out....that the special someone is not around the corner today. In the meanwhile, by shutting out life and digging yourself into a hole of pessimism will not make that day come any closer.

 

So why not take that trip, or join that charity, or see that concert, or visit with and spend time with friends and family. Why waste your time worrying about how crappy some people are, as opposed to enjoying what life has to offer.

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I've never cheated in a relationship! Neither have any of my friends.

 

Men aren't a monolithic group. They don't all behave and act the same way. Neither do women. I realize that you are burned right now, and that's coloring your opinions of women as a whole. If you can, I would try to work through those feelings before you start dating. If you don't you'll repel many of the very women you wish to attract. Please don't let your past negatively impact your future. You don't deserve that.

 

Thanks for your post. I know there are good women out there. But I thought I had one in STBXW. I'm not sure if I can tell the difference.

 

Are there any different approaches to dating, ways to create more trust. Is it okay if I let people know I've been burned a bit? When I was dating my wife, like a lot of people the conversations don't always go to deep because it is fun dating time, or the bio/marriage clock is ticking and people are afraid they'll be left out. That will be different now, so maybe if I start slow things will feel better in time.

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The hardest thing to overcome is not trusting someone else but to trust yourself again. In reality...no one has any real control over someone else's character or choices. There's a fragile innocence that is lost when harsh reality replaces it.

 

Trust is the foundation that humanity relies upon in order to flourish. Imagine a world without trust, it would be an ugly world to live in. That's why choosing a life partner is such an enomourmous endeavour. It's understandable that a failed marriage or relationship will make you feel wary and afraid to trust again.

 

I believe innocence is beautiful. It's pure and hopeful. But I also believe experience is beautiful and offers greater hope.

 

There's something lost but something also gained as we grow older and wiser. There are so many lovely people in the world. It would he a shame to lump them in with some bad apples.

 

If you're not happy with yourself first and formost don't expect it to come from someone else.

 

Nothing is more attractive than an inner glow, a joy for lfe. Do things and be a part of things that matter to you. Be adventurous, taste things, smile, give, and be kind to yourself. Trust that you're core is flexible and strong.

 

The frustration is waiting it out....that the special someone is not around the corner today. In the meanwhile, by shutting out life and digging yourself into a hole of pessimism will not make that day come any closer.

 

So why not take that trip, or join that charity, or see that concert, or visit with and spend time with friends and family. Why waste your time worrying about how crappy some people are, as opposed to enjoying what life has to offer.

 

Very well said.

 

Yeah, the special someone will not be there right away. I feel my personality already changing, and that's okay. I talk to women a lot more, initiate conversations more. Less nice, quiet, and shy than I used to be.

 

I suppose once we've "done it all" with the first spouse that with the second there can be more focus on the individual. That's one positive.

 

I do want to date/interact fairly soon after D so I don't get too lonely and desperate.

 

Feelings are more intense all over, and some days I am more drawn to women than ever. Then there are days when I just need to rant!

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Very well said.

 

Yeah, the special someone will not be there right away. I feel my personality already changing, and that's okay. I talk to women a lot more, initiate conversations more. Less nice, quiet, and shy than I used to be.

 

I suppose once we've "done it all" with the first spouse that with the second there can be more focus on the individual. That's one positive.

 

I do want to date/interact fairly soon after D so I don't get too lonely and desperate.

 

Feelings are more intense all over, and some days I am more drawn to women than ever. Then there are days when I just need to rant!

 

 

 

Rant away...it's good to get things off your chest.

 

Give it time, have faith that life is a gift. Take one day at a time. it's ok to question things and sometimes stumble, it's what makes you human. Connect with yourself and cut yourself some slack.

 

You'll be amazed by how life does get better when you let go of negativity and instead move towards positivity.

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Just become a player, man. Lot safer emotionally for you, and no strings.

 

As soon as my D is final, that's my plan. Hell with commitments, etc.

 

Evidently, ladies dig players and guys that act like d*cks. Be one.

 

BB

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Michelle ma Belle
I'm the same. Never cheated, never will.

 

 

When I'm with someone, I only have eyes for them.

 

Halle-f*cking-lujah! I concur!

 

You're hurt and jaded and it's hard to see clearly through broken and tinted glasses. As another poster already said, it goes BOTH ways. This isn't exclusive to one gender after all. You must realize this.

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Michelle ma Belle
Just become a player, man. Lot safer emotionally for you, and no strings.

 

As soon as my D is final, that's my plan. Hell with commitments, etc.

 

Evidently, ladies dig players and guys that act like d*cks. Be one.

 

BB

 

I think someone needs a hug :rolleyes:

 

I call bullsh*t but whatever floats your boat. Just be sure to wrap <it up>

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language and editorial comments redacted
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Definitely wrapped. Who needs another trap?

 

What used to "float my boat" was a monogamous marriage. That boat sunk.

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Just become a player, man. Lot safer emotionally for you, and no strings.

 

As soon as my D is final, that's my plan. Hell with commitments, etc.

 

Evidently, ladies dig players and guys that act like d*cks. Be one.

 

BB

 

This is terrible advice. You're obviously very bitter due to your divorce. It's not that women "dig" players or jerks, it's that a lot of players and jerks are really smooth in the beginning and hide who they really are really well and women don't see their true colors until AFTER they've already fallen for them and the reason women stay is because they think they can help the guy or that the guy will change and things will eventually get better. Players and jerks are con-artists.

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This is terrible advice. You're obviously very bitter due to your divorce. It's not that women "dig" players or jerks, it's that a lot of players and jerks are really smooth in the beginning and hide who they really are really well and women don't see their true colors until AFTER they've already fallen for them and the reason women stay is because they think they can help the guy or that the guy will change and things will eventually get better. Players and jerks are con-artists.

 

Actually, I'm counting the days until it becomes final. You may call it "bitter", I call it "survival".

 

" Changing " the guy. Reminds me of a quote I saw somewhere else.. "Women marry thinking that their guy will change. Men marry thinking their girl won't." Apropos.

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Actually, I'm counting the days until it becomes final. You may call it "bitter", I call it "survival".

 

" Changing " the guy. Reminds me of a quote I saw somewhere else.. "Women marry thinking that their guy will change. Men marry thinking their girl won't." Apropos.

 

As a guy I don't get it. So you're going to ball up all of your hurt and spread it around and make the lives of those you encounter miserable for some sort of self justification? Also, I think it is going to be harder than it looks coming out of the gate. You have to set aside all your emotional baggage and go forth like nothing is bothering you. Most women can sense when there's something wrong.

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As a guy I don't get it. So you're going to ball up all of your hurt and spread it around and make the lives of those you encounter miserable for some sort of self justification? Also, I think it is going to be harder than it looks coming out of the gate. You have to set aside all your emotional baggage and go forth like nothing is bothering you. Most women can sense when there's something wrong.

 

 

Nope. Just staying away from the strings. And I'll be up front about it, no commitment.

 

That's what I mean by being a "player". Playing the field, stay away from anything resembling a relationship. And honestly jm, women have no respect for " nice guys". They seem to be attracted to the guys that smooth talk, have their way with them and then disappear. There's truth to the saying "nice guys finish last". They do.

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I'm the same. Never cheated, never will.

 

 

When I'm with someone, I only have eyes for them.

I said that once too...

 

 

 

 

Said it right up until this year.

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I know for a certainty that no one can make a person change. I said women hope the men that are treating them bad will change...on their own...but yes, a woman will think they can love a man enough that he will eventually be better to her. This isn't the case. I did everything in my power to make my ex and the ex before him happy...I loved them with every fiber of my being but they still walked. They both came back but still. My point stands.

 

You are bitter. As was I. Only, I have never been married so I cannot relate and am in no way trying to compare to your situation. I don't know what you went through and I'm sorry your marriage did not last. In a lot of ways I'm still bitter. Quietly and to myself but mostly, I'm just completely emotionally unavailable. I don't believe in love like I used to. I don't want to get into another serious RS for a long time. I've been single 16 months now and I'm enjoying it very much. I see people around me getting married and all are in RSs except for me...am I jealous? Not one bit. Do I get lonely sometimes? Of course I do. But I will never ever allow myself to get hurt by a man ever again for as long as I live. And the only way they can hurt me is if I let them get close enough to me emotionally to hurt me.

 

So, believe me, I get why you have that attitude but you shouldn't offer up advise from a negative perspective. That isn't good for you or the person you're trying to help. Hitch didn't do that and he was extremely bitter. LOL (yes yes I'm referring to a character in a movie)

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