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Confessed - **Updated**


OverIt75

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My H picked up my ipad while I was out. Saw some google searches about affairs, as well as this website. He asked me point blank, so I told him. All of it.

 

I don't know what to say. I don't expect sympathy. He kicked me out and I don't blame him.

 

I am scared, broken, sick, ashamed.

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My H picked up my ipad while I was out. Saw some google searches about affairs, as well as this website. He asked me point blank, so I told him. All of it.

 

I don't know what to say. I don't expect sympathy. He kicked me out and I don't blame him.

 

I am scared, broken, sick, ashamed.

 

I said I wasn't going to post in this part of the forum anymore, but since I was involved heavily in your other thread I'll post in this one.

 

You did the right thing by confessing regardless of what the consequences will be. You couldn't have that on your mind everyday the rest of your life. It seems almost like you wanted him to see what you were searching so you wouldn't have to deal with the pain of keeping it a secret anymore.

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Good thing is, it's all out there. Your husband caught you with the evidence so you had no choice but to come clean and tell him everything.

 

Maybe he's read all your threads, if not you should tell him your username so he can read them. At least he'll get some insight into your frame of mind. Give him time to think, anything can happen...But right now his worst fear has happened.

 

Love your kids, make sure they are okay. I hope you and your husband are at least civil towards each other when around them.

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It is good just to hear from you NJ. You were right of course. I was just desperately trying to avoid the consequences of my actions. Sick. Desperate.

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It is good just to hear from you NJ. You were right of course. I was just desperately trying to avoid the consequences of my actions. Sick. Desperate.

 

It's okay. Believe me, you did the right thing by confessing. I guarantee it'll be the best thing for you in the long-term since you don't have to carry that secret with you anymore. I could tell by your posts that you had extreme guilt but you just didn't want to deal with the consequences. But I'm sure in time you'll be fine.

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I don't know your story but I am guessing you've been cheating on your husband. Is he someone you really care for or did you settle for him? Is he done with you, does it really matter to you? If it does what are going to do about your new situation?

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I don't know your story but I am guessing you've been cheating on your husband. Is he someone you really care for or did you settle for him? Is he done with you, does it really matter to you? If it does what are going to do about your new situation?

 

I didn't settle for him. Dated since I was 20, married for 15 years.

 

I don't know how to answer your questions. This all happened less than 12 hours ago.

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gettingstronger

OK, well, kudos to you for not trying to wiggle out of it and continuing to lie, thats a huge plus and not easy to do-

 

Read the post pinned to the top about what every WS should know-it has lots of dead on advice/insight in to how your husband is thinking and feeling-

 

Read up on the stages of grief, not just for your husband but for yourself-

 

No matter what path you decide to take- or what path you are given by your husband-continue to be open and honest- don't minimize, it will come back to bite you later-

 

AND of course- try to sleep, stay hydrated, EAT and get some counseling-

 

Good luck-

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I feel badly for you, Overit, I really do. I read your other threads and one thing that puzzled me was why, if you wanted to end it with your slimeball boss, didn't you just quit that job and get away from his toxic influence? Anne1707 is the only one I'm aware of who was able to continue working with her AP and not fall back into her affair. For anyone else, I'd say it's impossible to keep working in that same environment. I just don't understand it. But, it's all out in the open now. Does your husband indicate that there's any chance you might be able to reconcile over this, or is he adamant that your marriage is absolutely over? Are you in communication with him? I pray that you'll get through this, and that things will work out in the long run. Be well.

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Affairs are just horrible all around every gets hurt even the WS. I am glad to hear you confessed. Now you have a chance to truly heal and work on you.

 

I am sure the next couple weeks are going to be very hard for you but this is time to really look at what you want in your life. There is nothing wrong with being alone for a while to figure out where you are at.

 

I feel horrible for your H I hope he will seek counselling

 

Good for you for confessing.

 

Clay

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the_artist_1970

I am sorry that you are hurting and that you chose to have an affair rather than address what is really going on with you and your marriage. Understand that your husband is feeling the worse kind of pain that he has probably ever felt in his life. Now is the time to decide whether you really want your marriage. If you do, know that you will have to fight like h3ll for it. I wish you peace.

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So OVERIT75

What are your next steps?

 

You always knew this day would come. I am glad you met this DDay with honesty.

 

But your H is most likely reading all your posts here and they are very damaging to you and your marriage.

 

As well as very hurtful to your H.

 

So what are your next steps?

 

HM

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He asked me point blank, so I told him. All of it.

 

You have to look at it this way - there's a process that needs to occur to get your life back on track. And your confession is the starting point of that process.

 

Whatever will happen - divorce or reconciliation - needed this to happen first. And were you ever to emerge from the frozen, numb stasis that led you to post here initially, you also needed this to happen.

 

Just the first of many difficult steps for both of you. Once you and your H decide what you want, hope it's something that works for both of you. Lot's of great advice here from many that have already stumbled down this road, try and really hear what's being said...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Given that you never bothered to quit your job to quit your job to get away from OM, I would not advise BH to ever reconcile with you.

 

Sorry. Sleeping with the boss, then trying to carry on with a working relationship, that should not be forgiven by a husband.

 

Good luck.

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No matter what, the truth is always the best thing. As Carl Sagan said, "That which can be destroyed by truth, deserves to be destroyed by truth."

 

Now is the time to really look into therapy for your family. Have you really thought deep about what caused you do this? I've seen you in other threads try to externalize the reasoning behind your affair, but very little introspection on what is wrong with your character. Do you lack empathy? Do you have a problem with impulse control? Do you need constant validation? Now is the time to look deep into yourself and figure out what's wrong with you.

 

Also, prepare for more fall out. It's likely that your bosses life and career will destroyed as well as yours. That's okay, he deserves it. He messed with someone's family. He should consider himself lucky that he doesn't live somewhere with more severe consequences.

 

Try to see things from your husbands perspective. He's been violated in one of the worst ways possible. Even if he loves you, he knows you aren't a good person now. He can either stay with you and lose his self-respect and inner peace or he can leave, and only lose it temporarily. Make no doubt about, his life, nor your childrens will ever be the same.

 

It was going to happen sooner or later because this is what you wanted. You don't go into a family ending affair without knowing it could destroy everything you have. If you have any bit of sense, you'll figure out what's wrong with you so that you don't hurt your next partner the same way.

 

We all mess up from time to time. I think what makes this so much different than a "mistake" was how calculated it was. You worked really, really, hard to create this mess. Now you have to work really, really hard to put some of the pieces back together.

 

Good luck.

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What is your plan moving forward? Stay with H or try to get with your MM?

 

This is the question.

 

What's your goal at this point?

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Given that you never bothered to quit your job to quit your job to get away from OM, I would not advise BH to ever reconcile with you.

 

Sorry. Sleeping with the boss, then trying to carry on with a working relationship, that should not be forgiven by a husband.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah, that's a problem. I'd hope she'll quit her job if she wants to try to save her Marriage. I just don't see how it'll be possible to save it if she's still working at the same job.

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Yeah, that's a problem. I'd hope she'll quit her job if she wants to try to save her Marriage. I just don't see how it'll be possible to save it if she's still working at the same job.

 

If the BS does the right thing, she won't have to worry about quitting her job. The OM will either get fired or they both will.

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If the BS does the right thing, she won't have to worry about quitting her job. The OM will either get fired or they both will.

 

So you think the Husband should go to their job & say that his wife & her boss had an affair? I mean I could see that possibly happening out of anger on his part. But if there's any possible way to save the marriage, she's going to have to leave that job in one way or another. And she's going to have to have absolutely zero contact with her boss ever again.

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So you think the Husband should go to their job & say that his wife & her boss had an affair? I mean I could see that possibly happening out of anger on his part. But if there's any possible way to save the marriage, she's going to have to leave that job in one way or another. And she's going to have to have absolutely zero contact with her boss ever again.

 

 

Why would you even mention saving the marriage? By all accounts, her husband is a good person. Don't you think it would be unhealthy for him to stay with someone like her? Now is the time to make sure they are both held accountable for their actions, not protect them.

 

Of course her (ex) husband should have him fired. Personally, I'd make sure he'd never work again. If you googled his name, my post would come up before his resume.

 

Even if they reconcile, without appropriate punishment, she'll just do it again. If you notice on this site, the only way cheaters learn is through actions. If he's just a pushover, he'll end up a cockold. It's pretty much mandatory that he has to take this guys life like he took his.

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TiredFamilyGuy

"confessed"? Pshaw! Caught and unable to spin it, more like.

 

The OP's posts to date have been concerned one way or another with her boss, the A, whether boss was banging someone else etc. All about her, no consideration worth the name for her H. No willingness to do the hard thing, leave the workplace, come clean of her own will. If her H regards anything she says as self serving and untrustworthy, I could not fault him at all.

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You didn't confess you got caught (BIG difference)

I suggest you quit your job as a first step on working on your marriage and saving your family , your husband may give you a seconde chance maybe not

-but that will be the first step in showing him that your remorsful

-seconde step is tranparente give all the password/emails

-and thirt give him the link to your post to see the truth

 

 

Really, really good point on the confession vs. getting caught

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