longjourney Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 THE PEOPLE WHO'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING ARE THE ONES WHO REALLY DON'T BELIEVE IT. If I truly was to be STUPID enough to believe that my WH is not lying to me (lets face it, I AM) and he truly ended contact with OW after SO many years, and IF I put myself out there again, only to get kicked in the teeth with MORE evidence. What will I do then? I will look like such an IDIOT to EVERYONE. Then what?? Pick myself up AGAIN, after TWO DDays?? How?? Just how? Sad thing is, I know I NEED him and with my physical condition, I know there is nothing out there for me, and that may be my real problem. I stay because my baggage is way to high. I know I wouldn't jump at the chance to be with me. A monkey could string the dots together, WHY CAN'T I??. I find myself with that sick feeling in my stomach again, like I had during the LTA. How long can I lie to myself. I know, let the 2 x 4 swinging begin. I have news for Shakira, The gut AND the hips don't lie. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 So you have a physical condition... I am sure I can find someone else who has similar or worse, who is living and not feeling held back. The main issue, is you're holding onto being left for another woman x2. You need to regain your strength and fight, as at this time it seems you given up and won't bother picking your arse off the floor. There are a number of peeps here who have been through D-day feeling low and unwanted. Perhaps a few will see this, and give words of support. Until you find your strength any man you allow into your life will be just as bad as before. I am sorry to be so harsh, but the biggest fight is letting go and seeing yourself as a beautiful woman. Once that is done, living through all that is easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 How long can I lie to myself. longjourney, Sorry if I'm misinterpreting, but it sounds like you're struggling precisely because you're NOT lying to yourself...or at least are at the crossroads where you won't be doing it for very much longer. I'm also dealing with a situation where what I WANT to believe is wildly contradictory to all available evidence, and good sense and judgment (not that the latter were in too-great supply on my end...I WAS stupid about it for a way too-long time!) Can you see your way clear to stay in your situation but without also feeling any need or desire to tell yourself that it's something other than what it is? That is, can you find your self-interested or self-protective reasons in making it okay FOR YOU to be where you are, knowing exactly what it is...and is not? I think...you don't have to be "stupid" or "an idiot", but you can still make it work FOR YOU and what you need. Hugs and best. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Are you saying - dDay occurred, and you stayed and your worried he might cheat again and look like a fool for it happening again. You are being to hard on yourself. Do you have reasons to believe he has or will slip again back to OW? Or has broken NC? Are you keeping an eye out on him, is he being transparent and allowing you access to his phone/emails, etc? Trust has to be earned or verified after dDay. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 THE PEOPLE WHO'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING ARE THE ONES WHO REALLY DON'T BELIEVE IT. If I truly was to be STUPID enough to believe that my WH is not lying to me (lets face it, I AM) and he truly ended contact with OW after SO many years, and IF I put myself out there again, only to get kicked in the teeth with MORE evidence. What will I do then? You leave. You find a way to get it together on your own, he may feel sorry for you like you say and if he is up to his old tricks and he admits it then what? You beg him to stay and take care of you? I think we know when our intuition says something is wrong. You need to prepare yourself for the worst. I have many friends with physical ailments or handicapped who have lived happy productive lives. If you need a nurse or home care attendant to stop by your home to help care for you I am sure your insurance can arrange one. Don't use your illness as a reason to keep him. A friend of mine had a heart attack earlier this year. She has since recovered but usually will throw this in her husbands face when they argue. It's not cool. She will blame him, tell him not to aggravate her condition, she tries to get him to do things and makes him feel guilty. That is no way to live. Face the truth. Be brave. You will be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I would rather be alone, than prostrate to another. After D-Day, this was my biggest struggle. I felt like I was allowing myself to live under a set of rules that she would never tolerate if things were reversed. I felt like a 2nd class citizen, and in the VERY beginning, I even allowed myself to accept some of the blame. Luckily this passed quickly, and I realized that I wasn't the damaged one. She was. Link to post Share on other sites
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