Anniversary of dday approaching and nothing has changed

[Raena]

Just about a year ago I joined this forum because I google searched "how to know if your man is cheating". I was in a very bad place... felt like my world was just about to crash down around me and I was right, it was and it did.

 

I've been through hell and back in the past year and I still don't feel like I've made much progress.

 

How long does it take to get over having your heart and soul crushed by the one person you loved the most in this world? Finding out that this person I loved and trusted had lied, cheated and humiliated me in the worst way possible was awful. I've tried so hard to keep my head above the water but I still feel like my world is a huge mess.

 

I've become numb. I care about what's happening, but I can't seem to shake this bone weary tiredness that has enveloped me... snuck up on me when I wasn't watching and covered me in this blanket of sadness that is so great that I can't even bear it.

 

Just when I thought things were getting better, it became worse again.

 

Shouldn't I be over this by now? It's been a full year. We aren't together anymore, will never be together ever again and I know this is for the best because he wasn't worth the pain and misery I went through. No one should have to ever go through what that man has put me through and continues to put me through.

 

I could share all the nitty gritty details of how things are falling apart again but the truth is, I want to know how to stop the pain. When will I stop being so sad? I wish someone could tell me the date and time that things will be better so I could know when there will be an end to this misery.

 

A year ago I had all these ideas of how I could improve my life. I thought just getting rid of him would be the final ticket, but having a child together makes that impossible. I sit here today feeling like I haven't really made any progress. If anything, I feel so much more negative about my future than I ever have before in my life. I've never been this pessimistic about things. Serious, yes, pessimistic, no. I just have this strong suspicion that I'm going to be alone for a very long time because of my circumstances.

 

Has anyone else been here before? When did it stop hurting? When did life improve after being cheated on and choosing NOT to reconcile?

[James-London]

hey Raena,

It was a year in August for my d-day, so I'm in a similar situation to you. I can say that what happened to me was the worst single experience of my life. i would make a few observations that i hope would help.

 

first, just because you have a kid with him, that will not stop you moving on. in time, this will be just a chapter of your life. it would be a dark chapter, but you will have moved on. it is difficult to believe me this until it has already happened; and when it has, it will be obvious. this guy may be a part of your life because of the kid. But when you are over this, it will almost be like knowing a different man. It will be a man that you have no emotional connections to and who you feel really quite neutral about (apart from for the sake of your kid). I hope that all makes sense.

 

you also talk about what is the date and time this will stop hurting. I don't think that is a realistic way to look at it. If you feel sad, angry, confused, whatever. Just allow yourself to have those feelings. I do.

 

For me, she told me the truth in little parts over about 9 months. I still don't know if I have all the truth. I suspect there is still more, but I'll never know... I also don't know what she really felt and wanted from this guy. I know she relied upon me to make her feel safe and secure but at the same time she was never really there for me. She basically used me. And after the d-day, she never really made a huge effort or sacrifice to deserve another chance. She didn't even want to remove the other guy from her life because she promised me he was "just a friend". I think she honestly believed her own nonsense.

 

But anyway, I tried shutting out the emotions and thoughts but pushing things down does not help. Now, when this stuff comes into my mind, I just allow myself to look out of the window and think about it. After a few minutes, I usually come to the same conclusion: she didn't respect or value me, she simply had a crush on another man etc. etc. When I reach this clarity of "why", then I am temporarily satisfied and I do something else.... But then my brain says: "but why did she do all those tears and tell you she loves you and how you were the more important one" etc. etc.... So, I look out of the window again for a few minutes and realise that she was just immature, confused, scared to lose me (even though she didn't even want me) etc.

 

This is not a place to tell my story. Just to say that what happened to us is a huge, huge thing. I have learnt that there is not always an explanation of why things happen in human relationships. I found that very hard to accept but I think its true.

 

It sounds like we have both made the decision that our cheating ex-partners do not deserve another chance. That is a really important step. So, there is already progress right there. Now, is the process of letting go.... For some people, they can simply turn off a switch in their brain and move on. For me, it is not like that. Letting go is a slow process where I gradually care less and less about the truth.

 

There is a letter she wrote to the other guy and I would have loved to read it. It would probably have answered many of my questions about their relationship and her feelings for him. But she simply did not want me to read it. She does not want me to understand. She didn't even respond or comment upon my request for me to read it(!).... I suppose that really says it all about her. Given that she is such a person, perhaps it doesn't matter what she wrote.

 

But anyway. You are not alone in what you are going through. Not by a long shot. I would advise that you try to keep busy, look for passions and interests in your life, foster new friendships. You will slowly find that this other guy becomes more and more irrelevant. And then you will find it much easier to have contact with him for the sake of your kid....

 

hope that helps.

[Arieswoman]

Raena,

I would would just like to say that I take my hat off to you for deciding to stay in your marriage and work at it. That is something I couldn't have done (even if my cheating husband had wanted it).

 

I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do.

 

Good luck x

[No Limit]

When the WS ****s up so royally like yours and goes out with bat**** crazy junk folk, it's definitely harder. Even more when the court takes its time.

 

Have you made any progress regarding the rules about your sons visitations at least?

[BetrayedH]

I started a similar thread here one year after my divorce, wanting to know when I'd be better. Consistently I was told that one year after the divorce was too soon. One said that I'd look at it remarkably different at two years post-divorce. That's the one I sorta believed.

 

Well, it's two years post divorce now. I guess I'd have to go back and read more from those days but I'd say I'm likely emotionally healthier. I care less and less about what my exwife did.

 

Like you, I'm still dealing with the coparenting nonsense. I think the challenge for people like you and I is that the people we've decided to extricate from our lives because their behavior is unacceptable and crosses our boundaries - well, they can't be extricated.

 

One thing I will say is that I am less focused on her as time passes. I don't care what she thinks or how she's going to take things. I suppose there will always be times that she gets under my skin. She tries to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. She recently asked about what I was going to do about security at my house since we'd had a recent break-in. There was no nice way to say that it was none of her business. So I stopped searching for one. I told her I didn't trust her motives in asking. She got indignant, saying that her motives had to do with the safety of the children. I didn't bother replying. The truth is that I don't trust her and I don't really care if she doesn't like it. She made that bed and she can lie in it. Not long ago I probably would have detailed out my security efforts so I could placate her, be the good guy, and whatnot. Now I'm busy moving on to things that are relevant. Anyway, I guess that's progress.

 

I think things will be significantly better for me once I feel more financially stable. That's the more relevant issue for me. It's happening but very slowly. I'm just kinda glad to have that as my focus rather than the wondering why she did this, what did I do to deserve it, blah, blah, blah.

 

It's certainly been gradual. There was no magical date and I still dont think I'm quite where I want to be with it all. Oh well. One thing I do know is that I'm going to be one strong motherf*cker by the end of it. I have a feeling it's going to be much the same for you, Raena.

[dichotomy]

9 years, 4 since last known weak attempt at contact by OM.

 

I dont always post the good things that have happened, or the good days, I should, they do occur and we are functional.

 

However, I still hurt. Its not overwhelming like it used to be, but its there low level and sometimes gets higher for a while.

 

The hurt and anger sometimes comes even when (as of the last month) things are really good between us. I think that's when it bothers me the most - when I am sad or hurt or angry when things are going well, when she is being a good wife, because I feel mad at myself and I work so hard to hide it from her, but I don't always do a good job of it.

 

I have NO regrets over staying these years, I made the right choice, just not the easy one. Sometimes I am lonely, even when I am not alone. However, its a good life I have, and my wife is key part of this.

 

Now one thing of importance to your post - me and my life (separate from her and the marriage)....this has gone very well. I made a strong focus on me, to continue to improve me and seek my betterment. I felt while would continue to try to improve the marriage and her, I had to focus on myself. My career, my community service, my physical fitness, trying new things, new ways of thinking, feeling, seeing things, those have all grown. I am a better man, perhaps even better because of the betrayals it pushed me to explore and grow. I hope you can find this for yourself.

Edited October 11, 2014 by dichotomy

[Raena]

When the WS ****s up so royally like yours and goes out with bat**** crazy junk folk, it's definitely harder. Even more when the court takes its time.

 

Have you made any progress regarding the rules about your sons visitations at least?

 

We went to court and it was a farce. I never got a chance to speak my mind at all. The guardian for my son suggested strongly that we go with a simple custody agreement.... I have physical custody, we have joint custody for major decisions and visitation is at our mutual agreement. We were in front of the judge for all of 10 minutes and there was no discussion of child support and no discussion of the other issues that surfaced during the past year. I feel like it was a waste of time.

 

He lost his job the other day, told me he's moving to another state very far away to get a job and has the OW back in his life again. So, nothing really came out of court other than for him to think he can do whatever he wants and it doesn't matter.

[Raena]

I started a similar thread here one year after my divorce, wanting to know when I'd be better. Consistently I was told that one year after the divorce was too soon. One said that I'd look at it remarkably different at two years post-divorce. That's the one I sorta believed.

 

Well, it's two years post divorce now. I guess I'd have to go back and read more from those days but I'd say I'm likely emotionally healthier. I care less and less about what my exwife did.

 

Like you, I'm still dealing with the coparenting nonsense. I think the challenge for people like you and I is that the people we've decided to extricate from our lives because their behavior is unacceptable and crosses our boundaries - well, they can't be extricated.

 

One thing I will say is that I am less focused on her as time passes. I don't care what she thinks or how she's going to take things. I suppose there will always be times that she gets under my skin. She tries to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. She recently asked about what I was going to do about security at my house since we'd had a recent break-in. There was no nice way to say that it was none of her business. So I stopped searching for one. I told her I didn't trust her motives in asking. She got indignant, saying that her motives had to do with the safety of the children. I didn't bother replying. The truth is that I don't trust her and I don't really care if she doesn't like it. She made that bed and she can lie in it. Not long ago I probably would have detailed out my security efforts so I could placate her, be the good guy, and whatnot. Now I'm busy moving on to things that are relevant. Anyway, I guess that's progress.

 

I think things will be significantly better for me once I feel more financially stable. That's the more relevant issue for me. It's happening but very slowly. I'm just kinda glad to have that as my focus rather than the wondering why she did this, what did I do to deserve it, blah, blah, blah.

 

It's certainly been gradual. There was no magical date and I still dont think I'm quite where I want to be with it all. Oh well. One thing I do know is that I'm going to be one strong motherf*cker by the end of it. I have a feeling it's going to be much the same for you, Raena.

 

I think that's the one thing that really drags me down... knowing that I want him out of my life for good but I can't do that because of our child and he has drama in his life that is effecting me.

 

It's also the realization that I'm heading forth alone in all of this. I've lost my support system. I had my mother helping me, but she just had a quadruple bypass surgery so she's in no condition to help me. Now he's lost his job and is leaving the state. That means I'm alone, parenting my child alone and child support is about to end. It scares the hell out of me. I'm slowly making connections, making friends, but it's a very slow process. I'm left sitting here alone, broke as a joke with no way to fix it.

 

It's all just so overwhelming right now that I can't stand it.

 

I guess I really thought that in a year, I'd feel better but for some reason, I feel like I'm right back where I started, only this time I'm barely hanging on financially.

 

I think out of everyone on here, you probably get where I'm at right now better than most anyone. It's a tough place to be. It's hard enough to end a relationship due to infidelity, it's even harder when you really can't get them gone completely because of children.

[Raena]

Raena,

I would would just like to say that I take my hat off to you for deciding to stay in your marriage and work at it. That is something I couldn't have done (even if my cheating husband had wanted it).

 

I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do.

 

Good luck x

 

I didn't stay.... I kicked him out a year ago.

[BetrayedH]

We went to court and it was a farce. I never got a chance to speak my mind at all. The guardian for my son suggested strongly that we go with a simple custody agreement.... I have physical custody, we have joint custody for major decisions and visitation is at our mutual agreement. We were in front of the judge for all of 10 minutes and there was no discussion of child support and no discussion of the other issues that surfaced during the past year. I feel like it was a waste of time.

 

He lost his job the other day, told me he's moving to another state very far away to get a job and has the OW back in his life again. So, nothing really came out of court other than for him to think he can do whatever he wants and it doesn't matter.

 

This is astonishing to me. Did the court refuse to make a ruling on custody and support?

[toolforgrowth]

I'm almost three years out since my xWW and I split. The first two were really hard because I was really struggling financially. In March I got a new job making a LOT more money doing something I've always wanted to do, and it's played a huge role in me really moving on. I felt...strong. And independent. Like there was light at the end of the tunnel.

 

It really does take time, but also something a little more than that... You gotta have a goal. Work towards something that YOU want, that YOU will feel proud of, and will help you feel tougher and more independent.

 

I have a wonderful life. For the first time in about a decade, I have money!! My xWW spent it all when we were together. Yes, I pay child support, but that's all she gets...what I have after that is all mine.

 

Once I truly became okay with being single and focused on me, I realized just how awesome I really am, and how her cheating is a reflection of HER personality, not mine. I could always wonder, was I not good looking enough? Was I not man enough? But that just overlooks all the wonderful things I did for her (like work a crap load of overtime so she could pursue her dream of being a realtor). And that she gave up a great life because if we were still together now, with our combined incomes we'd be rolling in dough. Instead, I'm living well and she's broke (she told me herself).

 

The point of all this rambling is to let you know that there are success stories for us BS's after divorce. You can be one of them. It takes work, and doesn't come easy. But I can look back and say, "I beat that! That was the worst time of my life, and I beat it! I came out stronger and better, and the world had better look out if it thinks it can beat ME!"

 

It does provide you with a whole unique perspective on yourself, your xWS's betrayal, the kind of person that they really are, and how you approach relationships in the first place.

Edited October 11, 2014 by toolforgrowth

[TheBladeRunner]

Hey OP, wish I could help/make it go away for you. I am 26 months post DDay and 16 months post divorce. I look back on the one year mark and I struggled too. I was however in a better place than say 30 days after DDay. I would suggest not focusing on the negative, but focus on the positive no matter how small. When I say focus on the positive what I mean is focus on how YOU have moved forward; I bet you've done more than you think.

 

I actually had to write it down how I had moved forward. At this point, I still have my moments, but with time, working on me, and focusing on what has happened that is positive I have been able to move forward. I feel for you, and it is hard when we get betrayed like you/I have. Do your best for you.....it's all you can do.

[Raena]

No, it seems that when the guardian said she was going to suggest what we ended up with (and she seemed in a hurry, only met my son once and never talked to me or his father beforehand) that what she did was hand in a "contract" that we had supposedly agreed to. This means the judge assumed we had discussed everything in advance and was just submitting information regarding that to him to be signed off on.

 

I don't have an issue with what was agreed to, I have an issue with the fact that I wasn't ever allowed to speak my mind about concerns that I had. It was all so very rushed and I felt like I was never really given a chance. I mean this guardian, pulled both of us together, in the hallway, in front of everyone and said "oh this seems like what you both need". It was very uncomfortable. Had she spoken to me without him in my face, I would have had the opportunity to bring up other issues.

 

And support was never discussed. I guess I need to file AGAIN.... but since he's lost his job, that isn't going to do me much good.

[Raena]

Hey OP, wish I could help/make it go away for you. I am 26 months post DDay and 16 months post divorce. I look back on the one year mark and I struggled too. I was however in a better place than say 30 days after DDay. I would suggest not focusing on the negative, but focus on the positive no matter how small. When I say focus on the positive what I mean is focus on how YOU have moved forward; I bet you've done more than you think.

 

I actually had to write it down how I had moved forward. At this point, I still have my moments, but with time, working on me, and focusing on what has happened that is positive I have been able to move forward. I feel for you, and it is hard when we get betrayed like you/I have. Do your best for you.....it's all you can do.

 

I think that's what I was talking about really.... MY improvement. I've made some changes, yes. But not enough really. I think the stress of all of this stuff has taken it's toll on me. I feel like I should be doing better than I was, not worse.

 

It is very difficult because everything I feel like I want to change... there are roadblocks in the way that I can't do anything about so I'm stuck.

 

One thing I've really tried hard to focus on is finding the positives... I try very hard not to focus on the negatives but my God... they are in my face ALL THE TIME.

[whichwayisup]

but I can't do that because of our child and he has drama in his life that is effecting me.

 

Yes his drama has affected you so much. You've had so much to deal with, I commend your strength! I believe you're incredibly stronger than you realize even though at times you may not feel that way.

 

This is more than just the average break up due to an A, OW in your situation is bloody nuts and a drama queen.

[No Limit]

He lost his job the other day, told me he's moving to another state very far away to get a job and has the OW back in his life again. So, nothing really came out of court other than for him to think he can do whatever he wants and it doesn't matter.

 

But isn't that good news? Finally he's gone, and the crazy slut with him.

Of course it'll hurt your son, but the distance will protect him from them.

[Mr. Lucky]

 

I don't have an issue with what was agreed to, I have an issue with the fact that I wasn't ever allowed to speak my mind about concerns that I had.

 

The reality is that the court system isn't equipped to handle the more complex issues you probably wanted addressed. And the truth is that their arbitrary decisions, had you presented everything, may have had different consequences than you intended.

 

With him moving away, at least your emotional path forward is clearer than those who deal with exes on a daily/weekly basis. Hopefully, that will help you make some progress....

 

Mr. Lucky

[goodyblue]

Raena, did you get a copy of the agreement? Maybe they left the temporary child support order in place with permanent paperwork. And if he collects unemployment you would be entitled to some of that.

 

I think it is good he will move away. Your little boy does not deserve the garbage his dad has introduced him to in his little life. Chances are you will meet someone good and kind and they will become your son's role model. For me, blood matters but not nearly as much as love does.

 

Try to remember that life is full of surprises and to minimize the bad ones as much as possible and embrace the good ones. Your love for your son is very evident in your posts. Someone good will see the love you have to give and life will feel a lot better. Meantime, keep doing what you are doing. Life will get better every day.

Edited October 12, 2014 by goodyblue

[Raena]

Raena, did you get a copy of the agreement? Maybe they left the temporary child support order in place with permanent paperwork. And if he collects unemployment you would be entitled to some of that.

 

I think it is good he will move away. Your little boy does not deserve the garbage his dad has introduced him to in his little life. Chances are you will meet someone good and kind and they will become your son's role model. For me, blood matters but not nearly as much as love does.

 

Try to remember that life is full of surprises and to minimize the bad ones as much as possible and embrace the good ones. Your love for your son is very evident in your posts. Someone good will see the love you have to give and life will feel a lot better. Meantime, keep doing what you are doing. Life will get better every day.

 

Yeah, it might be good for him to move away. Even my son's babysitter said the same thing. She told me that she's noticed that my son is much angrier after he spends time with his father. What I worry about is that he's going to want to take him for the summer. That upsets me for several reasons. First of all, I know he isn't going to stop working in the summer, that means this hobo he's screwing around with will be left alone with my child, in another state, where there is no way for him to come home easily if it isn't working. My other issue is that I chose my career because I wanted to spend summers with my children. So I get to do all the hard work of homework and following routines without a lot of time to have any fun together (especially in the winter here, it gets so cold and he can't be outside in the cold for long) and then I have to give him up for the summer? SCREW THAT!! I know it's awhile away and the court order we have actually says "mutually agreed upon visitation" which means I can just say that I don't agree with it and he'll have to take me back to court if he wants him to come there. It's my son's feelings I worry about. He wants to spend time with his father... whether I like it or not, he loves him. His behavior has gone down the tubes this past year, all because of these inconsistencies.

 

For the past couple of months, he's been consistently taking him either every weekend or every other weekend. My son was VERY happy. Mommy and Daddy were getting along and he got to see his Dad more often (and in his words "I'm glad that woman is gone, she was so mean to me"). For me it gave me a much needed break.... time to do things with my friends or to just relax in peace and quiet for a few hours or spend time with my mother who has been very sick. So now I won't have that either. No time to get to spend with friends without my son (I love him, but Mommy needs Mommy time once in awhile too) and certainly no time to date. Yes, yes, I know I could get a babysitter but at the moment, I really don't have one and I'm not currently dating anyway. But it shuts the door ya know? Or at least it puts me in the position to be fully a single parent for the majority of the year. Which, from what I understand from reading on here is a major turn off to men. Most don't want to date someone with a child, let alone one who has full custody the majority of the year.

 

Regardless, I'm probably not ready to date anyway and that isn't the huge issue at the moment... but it will be in the future.

 

See what I mean? I'm so much more pessimistic than I've ever been before.

[BrokenPrincess]

Raena, I'm on the other side of the triangle but today is the 2 year anniversary of xMMs DDay so your post struck a chord. He's still M and so am I. No one in our situation was even a fraction of the drama, antagonism, and social media blitzing as in yours, but it was still pretty devastating all the way around.

 

You might think that you haven't healed much but it's probably farther than you've realized. Reading back on my own old posts is like reading a stranger's words. Now I can't even fathom that depth of despair (thank goodness!) I know you have a long way to go, especially co parenting but just wanted to give you encouragement to hang in there, give yourself credit for the healing you HAVE done, and to give yourself hope that you will truly keep moving forward.

 

Hugs (((raena)))

[BetrayedH]

I think I'd be back in court. If he's not contesting paternity, I don't see how he has parental rights (major decisions) but you have full physical custody and no child support. He needs to financially support his child and it needs to be ordered.

 

Otherwise, Raena I am remarkably impressed with you. I thought my scenario was a traumatizing nightmare and mine is eclipsed by yours. But you have kept it together and made some very solid decisions regardless of a whole lotta hurt. I don't know how you've done it but you have. Keep focused on continuous improvement.

[Raena]

I think I'd be back in court. If he's not contesting paternity, I don't see how he has parental rights (major decisions) but you have full physical custody and no child support. He needs to financially support his child and it needs to be ordered.

 

Otherwise, Raena I am remarkably impressed with you. I thought my scenario was a traumatizing nightmare and mine is eclipsed by yours. But you have kept it together and made some very solid decisions regardless of a whole lotta hurt. I don't know how you've done it but you have. Keep focused on continuous improvement.

 

At this point it would probably be in my best interest to wait until he has a job again and then file for support if he still isn't paying me. If I file now and he has no job then the support will be nothing. I saw it happen with him and the other child he has. He wasn't working, went to court and boo hooed about how he couldn't find a job.... they ordered that he pay $50 a month to her. I'm sorry but, $50 a month doesn't cover anything and once it's ordered, you have to wait 3 years before you can go back and ask for a review. I'm not a greedy person at all, I don't want to make him go broke helping me out but he's leaving me here to take care of everything alone and he HAS to help me.

 

He didn't contest paternity at all... the birth certificate has his name on it and he knows our son is his. There is no way he isn't, I mean he's the spitting image of his father. In fact, it wasn't even brought up at court because the birth certificate was there and he agreed to the contract.

[EverySunset]

....once it's ordered, you have to wait 3 years before you can go back and ask for a review.

 

Wut? No.

 

Do you live in the states? If so find a free law clinic and get this checked out. Or go to your states government website and dig. I know of at least a few states where the mother can go through the state child support enforcement any time there is a new life changing situation. Like a new job, a move... Etc.

[Raena]

Wut? No.

 

Do you live in the states? If so find a free law clinic and get this checked out. Or go to your states government website and dig. I know of at least a few states where the mother can go through the state child support enforcement any time there is a new life changing situation. Like a new job, a move... Etc.

 

Yes and no, you can ask for a change if there is proof that there has been a change in the status. I'd have to PROVE that he is making more money than he was and really, since we don't live together and if he moves to another state, how would I even know? Or I could just wait the 3 years and file again.

 

This is all a guessing game at this point. I don't know what he's going to do or if he's going to help me out or not. As usual, it's some kind of drama with him. Always is, it's never ending.

[Raena]

So it's officially one year exactly from dday now. Technically the date is tomorrow but it was a Friday night last year this weekend that my ex texted me to tell me he'd been cheating on me for a year and a half causing all sorts of drama in my life.

 

AND... the stupid jackwad has done it again...

 

This time he didn't say a word to me, or to my son.

 

He left town and is now living with that skank he cheated on me with. (after dumping her multiple times in the past year and telling me three weeks ago that he never wanted anything to do with her ever again).

 

How did I find out? He is living 1.5 miles from my best friend. She saw the two of them together yesterday, snooped and looked at his FB page and saw that he had changed his address on there to her town.

 

So he took off, is with her and NEVER SAID GOODBYE TO HIS SON!!!

 

What kind of lowlife piece of trash does that? Well, what am I even saying.... after everything he's done in the past, this really should be no surprise to me. He told me (a week ago) he might be moving to Texas in 3 weeks. He never mentioned moving to where he is now. It all seems kind of sudden. If he's just there visiting, why would he change his status to say he's living there? He must have had this all planned out for quite awhile. I'm half tempted to go ride by his apartment to see if it's empty but it's 45 minutes away and I'm not taking my son there for that.

 

My son doesn't know yet. He hasn't seen his father in two weeks. He asked to call once and I told him "Dad's at work" just because I wanted to save him the pain of calling and it going straight to voice mail. (I can only assume that he has his phone off not wanting to hear from me, but I haven't tried calling him)

 

So... my question is... does anyone know how this works with custody? I mean we JUST went to court three weeks ago to set it up. When I research it, all I find is information on how the residential parent can't move without permission from the other parent, but not what to do when the non-custodial parent moves away without notice.

 

Does this mean I have to go back to court and file again? Or do I just leave it as is? Right now it says that I have residential custody, joint custody for major decisions and visitation at our mutual agreement. It doesn't say ANYTHING about either of us leaving the state. I've never seen anything like this... it's so generic that it leaves everything wide open.