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The Off Feeling..


jm2013

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My wife an I have been working at reconciling our marriage. I'm going to admit this is the most difficult thing I've ever undertook in my life. I come here asking the people who've reconciled if you ever had that off feeling. You hope your spouse is remorseful and they try and prove it to you TODAY but you still question what the hell happened YESTERDAY .

 

I still have lingering questions and have built that sixth sense most of us have. The other night I had a conversation with my wife and kind of re-iterated over some things we have talked about many times. But as time goes by there have been slips and even more information spilling. I have this weird feeling she's still limiting the details of the affair in fear it would completely destroy what we have left. I want to know the 100% truth of what all went down but she's still not allowing me access. This is at least the feeling I get. It may be cause all of the betrayal but things still seem off to me. I know this is most likely common. She'll most likely only admit to things she things are known already while omitting various things.

 

Some nights I lay in bed wondering how this woman was capable of such things against me but goes above and beyond daily for me showing me she wants "only" me. I'm not sure if this feeling ever fades away. As more time passes the feelings get easier to deal with. I'd like to say I have done a good job at dealing with the radiation and trying to move forward. But what I'm having a hard time dealing with is knowing there is perhaps much more to her story than she still admits to.

 

At times I feel like her fallback though she clearly denies this. she insists he went after HER and wanted to be with her. Though at times I thought about it the other way around. Maybe when I found out about the affair he told her he wasn't leaving his wife. And basically only used her for a piece during that time. She claimed the affair lasted 6 months. This was in 2012. They banged in 2013 as well. The phone records all indicate they kept daily communication from the spring of 2012 all the way to when I found out in September of 2013.

 

Then is stopped just like that. I know it's something I shouldn't keep resurfacing with our plan to be together. But I feel like there is still information being omitted for one reason or another. And if this is the case I ask myself if she IS truly remorseful and wants to make our marriage work why she's still limiting the information. Sorry for my rant, I'm having a rough week.

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Welcome to the club sorry to say unless u where there u won't know what happened you have to believe what she tells you....I already know yeah right

It's something you will have to accept I sometime think years down the road I will hopefully get all the answers to my question but it doubt it .with time it starts to get buried and it won't be a Constance thought best of luck

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GorillaTheater

It's so common there's a name for it: trickle truth.

 

I've seen it kill more reconciliations than I can count.

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Sorry for my rant, I'm having a rough week.

 

Don't ever apologize. I know full well how difficult reconciliation can be and having ups and downs during it are nothing to be sorry for.

 

I come here asking the people who've reconciled if you ever had that off feeling. You hope your spouse is remorseful and they try and prove it to you TODAY but you still question what the hell happened YESTERDAY .

 

To give you a simple answer, yes. You'll feel "off" because you're still coming to terms with who you thought she was, and who she really was by betraying you.

 

To your other points, you will feel like the "fall back" because she had the wonderful time in affairyland, and now when it's time to come back to reality and accept responsibility, it's you she's with. You cannot compete with affairyland because it does not really exist. It's where the two of them told lies about how crappy a husband you were, how they were soul mates, how no one understood them, but they didn't have to deal with real life (a mortgage, kids, dirty dishes, laundry). Hopefully in time, you'll feel like less of the fall back because you'll come to terms with the fact that hopefully your wife actually does love you and chooses to be with you.

 

And as for knowing 100% of everything, that is your choice to ask and want to know. But make sure you're not doing it to try and get to a "why" that you understand. In the end, the "why" is "because it was fun and it felt good." I was like you thinking if I knew everything, I would understand how she could have done this. But the fact is I'm not wired to cheat on someone like that, and she is. So the why becomes irrelevant. Eventually you'll need to leave the past in the past. Not to forget it, but to know that's where it belongs and if you're going to move forward, it's because you're focused on the future.

 

I hope some of that helps. Reconciliation is far more difficult than separation (IMO). But don't allow yourself to wallow too much in the past and trying to understand it. Eventually you'll get to a point where the details of the past don't matter anymore, because hopefully both of you are different people today as compared to that past.

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Welcome to the club sorry to say unless u where there u won't know what happened you have to believe what she tells you....I already know yeah right

It's something you will have to accept I sometime think years down the road I will hopefully get all the answers to my question but it doubt it .with time it starts to get buried and it won't be a Constance thought best of luck

 

I'd like to think she'd just come clean with all. I told her and our MC I was still thinking about taking her to a polygraph. I'm not really sure if she thinks I'm bluffing or what.

 

It's so common there's a name for it: trickle truth.

 

I've seen it kill more reconciliations than I can count.

 

Yeah, I can't stand it. You move a step forward and take two back when new information comes out. I just wish she'd just be honest with everything.

 

Don't ever apologize. I know full well how difficult reconciliation can be and having ups and downs during it are nothing to be sorry for.

 

 

 

To give you a simple answer, yes. You'll feel "off" because you're still coming to terms with who you thought she was, and who she really was by betraying you.

 

To your other points, you will feel like the "fall back" because she had the wonderful time in affairyland, and now when it's time to come back to reality and accept responsibility, it's you she's with. You cannot compete with affairyland because it does not really exist. It's where the two of them told lies about how crappy a husband you were, how they were soul mates, how no one understood them, but they didn't have to deal with real life (a mortgage, kids, dirty dishes, laundry). Hopefully in time, you'll feel like less of the fall back because you'll come to terms with the fact that hopefully your wife actually does love you and chooses to be with you.

 

And as for knowing 100% of everything, that is your choice to ask and want to know. But make sure you're not doing it to try and get to a "why" that you understand. In the end, the "why" is "because it was fun and it felt good." I was like you thinking if I knew everything, I would understand how she could have done this. But the fact is I'm not wired to cheat on someone like that, and she is. So the why becomes irrelevant. Eventually you'll need to leave the past in the past. Not to forget it, but to know that's where it belongs and if you're going to move forward, it's because you're focused on the future.

 

I hope some of that helps. Reconciliation is far more difficult than separation (IMO). But don't allow yourself to wallow too much in the past and trying to understand it. Eventually you'll get to a point where the details of the past don't matter anymore, because hopefully both of you are different people today as compared to that past.

 

Thanks Rightthere. I guess it's not really the "why" but more of a building block used to start establishing more trust. If she's still lying to me why would I ever trust what comes out of her mouth ever again? I guess that's more of a rhetorical question.

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Thanks Rightthere. I guess it's not really the "why" but more of a building block used to start establishing more trust. If she's still lying to me why would I ever trust what comes out of her mouth ever again? I guess that's more of a rhetorical question.

 

What kinds of things do you think she's still withholding? The actual length of the affair? Or just things like places they went, dates, some of her "feelings" about the OM?

 

If she's withholding big things, I agree you need to get that kind of information so you can move forward. If it's still small details, the answers may not be as relevant.

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What kinds of things do you think she's still withholding? The actual length of the affair? Or just things like places they went, dates, some of her "feelings" about the OM?

 

If she's withholding big things, I agree you need to get that kind of information so you can move forward. If it's still small details, the answers may not be as relevant.

 

I think the true length of the affair is being omitted. I also think there were many more physical encounters than what's being admitted to. She originally told me it happened only "one" time. I confirmed with her friend it was more like a handful of times. But her friend knew about my wife's affair this whole time. And I am wondering if there was correspondence between my wife and her friend to have her friend open up about it being five times so I'd just stop. Five times sounds better than they were banging weekly.

 

I think it was much more physical cause our sex literally stopped completely in 2013 before I found out. I'm not sure if she didn't want to have sex out of the guilt she carried or if she was still wrapped up with him. I can only speculate. The other night she said "I don't know it might have been 4,5 or 6 encounters". Like it was hard for her to remember. She even expressed it and did one of those hard thoughts to express she was deeply concentrated into thinking about how many times they were physically together. I think it's a bunch of fluff but who knows..

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I think a combination of you being willing to let go of some of the details and her being willing to tell is important.

 

TT is sometimes from fear of the whole truth being too much, sometimes its keeping something back or holding on to what the wayward felt was special.

 

At any rate its hard to move forward when you feel there is more or like they are holding back. I don't think it automatically means she isn't remorseful or serious about R. From the sounds of it your wife is scared so trying to control how much you know for fear it would push you away.

 

On the flipside, you have to accept that things happened that she won't remember at the time but will later, accept that you will never, EVER know it all. And simply let some of it go.

 

I didn't have to deal with much TT, it was flat out deny, deny deny until I filed then I got a full confession of everything expect the true lenght of the affair. I was told "about 9 months" but it was closer to two years.

 

Please, if your committed to moving forward with her, accept you will never know it all. It will make this slightly better.

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I think a combination of you being willing to let go of some of the details and her being willing to tell is important.

 

TT is sometimes from fear of the whole truth being too much, sometimes its keeping something back or holding on to what the wayward felt was special.

 

At any rate its hard to move forward when you feel there is more or like they are holding back. I don't think it automatically means she isn't remorseful or serious about R. From the sounds of it your wife is scared so trying to control how much you know for fear it would push you away.

 

On the flipside, you have to accept that things happened that she won't remember at the time but will later, accept that you will never, EVER know it all. And simply let some of it go.

 

I didn't have to deal with much TT, it was flat out deny, deny deny until I filed then I got a full confession of everything expect the true lenght of the affair. I was told "about 9 months" but it was closer to two years.

 

Please, if your committed to moving forward with her, accept you will never know it all. It will make this slightly better.

 

That's what I'm having a hard time dealing with. IF she isn't telling me the length or how many physical encounters there were it's hard to let go. How can somebody want to be forgiven for something they haven't admitted to completely. What she's doing is still selfish and only being done to limit the affects of what damages she things would happen to her if I knew the complete truth. These are still signs of a self centered person who's willing to lie about things still to me to change the perception of what I may currently think the situation is.

 

It completely baffles me today. We attend church regularly and she seemed to have tapped into a more spiritual lifestyle than I've ever seen her before. I just find it odd she'd still be hiding from the ugly truth to limit further damage than just coming out with everything. I would have had much more respect for her telling me all the truth. ALL of the grisly details that would make anybody cringe to hear about their spouse. I've heard it all. He didn't give her an orgasm and only I did that to her. My you know what is bigger than his blah blah. "It was more emotional than physical". As you can see, it's almost like she has created this fake negative perception of her affair partner than what it truly was. BTW congrats DK3. It's great to see success stories on here :)

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the_artist_1970
she insists he went after HER and wanted to be with her. Though at times I thought about it the other way around.

 

I will never understand why it matter who went after whom in the affair. Two adults cheated, lied, snuck around and didn't let their partners know that they wanted to sleep with someone else. It doesn't matter. Neither of them is a victim. My DH initially tried to tell me that the OW "pursued" him but I stopped him in his tracks and told him that they both were 100% responsible for the affair. He knew he was married to me when she was "pursuing" him and she knew he was a married man if he "pursued" her.

 

You deserve to know the truth. Not having 100% truth was a deal breaker for me. You have the right to demand the information you need to help you decide whether you want to rebuild or not. Contrary to the WS opinion, they are not the only ones who decide if they want to stay M. Most cheaters always say that they had no intention of leaving their spouse but who says that their spouse wants to stay married and share their spouse with someone else.

 

A lot of times, men are more fearful to pull the plug on a marriage and therefore they allow their spouse to hold all of the cards after they have cheated. One of the biggest revelations I had after finding out about my DH's affair was that I had a choice and my choice did not have to be staying married to him. I let him know that in no uncertain terms was I going to put up with him making me feel insecure again in our M no matter what it took.

 

You need to let your cheating spouse know that she is not the end all to be all, that there are women in the world who don't cheat. If she doesn't give you full disclosure and work with you with all that she has to help you heal from her indiscretion, you can't stay married to her. You need to feel safe in the marriage and she has a responsibility to you to help you feel that safety.

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I think the true length of the affair is being omitted. I also think there were many more physical encounters than what's being admitted to. She originally told me it happened only "one" time. I confirmed with her friend it was more like a handful of times. But her friend knew about my wife's affair this whole time. And I am wondering if there was correspondence between my wife and her friend to have her friend open up about it being five times so I'd just stop. Five times sounds better than they were banging weekly.

 

I think it was much more physical cause our sex literally stopped completely in 2013 before I found out. I'm not sure if she didn't want to have sex out of the guilt she carried or if she was still wrapped up with him. I can only speculate. The other night she said "I don't know it might have been 4,5 or 6 encounters". Like it was hard for her to remember. She even expressed it and did one of those hard thoughts to express she was deeply concentrated into thinking about how many times they were physically together. I think it's a bunch of fluff but who knows..

 

If you really think about it would it be any better if it was 7 times instead of 12? After the second time its really all the same. The second time show intent to decieve and planning.

 

I think its more important to focus on what she intented to happen with that relationship then it is the sex. Knowing that is more of a gauge then the number of times.

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jm2013 a polygraph may help you out in being sure on major questions that are nagging at you. The major problems with an affair is trust. You know that your wife not only cheated on you, she had to lie to do it. She was able to get away with this for a certain amount of time. So she can be actually telling you the whole truth, however it will be difficult at best for you to believe. Now the next part is the real tricky one and that is trusting yourself. You know now that your WW did lie to you and you were unable to see it. As a result of this you are probably having trouble trusting your own judgement about your WW's honesty. It kind of sucks because this is not your fault. You trusted the one person that above all you should have been able to trust. Now your stuck with not trusting what your WW says and not trusting yourself to be able to tell the truth from a lie.

 

The next part hurts even more, that is about the affair itself. Your WW is married to you and yet she decided to bang another guy. So yes you are the fallback guy. She is staying with you because of stability, familiarity, or probably because the OM would not leave his wife for her. Her affair sex was better, hotter, she came more often and the OM was better in every way. I can say this because with most women it is a situation that turns them on. The OM was forbidden fruit for her, this adds a layer of excitement that a husband cannot compete with. She was in fantasy land, no troubles, no worries. She was free to ride this stud and be filled with every inch of him. Now she is back to reality which is you, the fall back guy.

 

So will she give you every detail? Will she tell you that she misses the things that the OM did to her? Will she tell you that she just want's you off of her so she can at least reminisce about the OM. Well if she is wanting to stay married to you chances are no. No matter what she did with the OM or how much she enjoyed it, she will never be 100% truthful about how she felt at the time. Yes she may be 100% about how she feels about it now. However she will never tell you about the pillow talk they had while she was making fun of you or how they were both sharing a laugh at your expense.

 

I don't advocate for a man to remain with his WW unless their is a solid reason to. However as far as I am concerned once a wife cheats then she has lost the right to expect her husband to remain faithful. Most don't share my opinion on this. I have this opinion because that marriage is a contract, a contract that has been broken by your WW. Until you decide to take new vows with her in my book your a single man. However each man has his own morals on what is right or wrong to do in your situation. Truthfully if I have to see an MC so that my wife can understand that I am hurt because she banged another guy, I am walking. Today I stay single out of choice. No way will I allow another woman to cheat on me then try to take all my stuff in a divorce. The broken heart is one thing, however trying to ruin a guy after that is just despicable.

 

I have no real idea on why you are staying with your WW and I really don't need to know. For some reason you feel that it is best for you and that is all that matters. However I know myself that once I knew for sure my XWW cheated on me, I banged about a half dozen strippers before she even suggested MC for us. Just make sure to do what is best for yourself my friend. If you have questions that you feel she is not answering then get that polygraph. If your WW works, then make her pay for the polygraph, after all she caused the mess she should have to clean it up. Do you spend sleepless nights thinking about the affair? Go to a truck stop and pick up a log book and log it down. Tell your WW that you are going to charge her for that time. Yes you heard me right. You have self-esteem issues, you have been humiliated, emasculated and a whole list of other emotions. Your head is filled with horrible thoughts due to the abuse you have suffered by your WW and yes it is abuse. Log that time down and come up with an hourly rate and charge your WW that. If she does not work, then tell her to either get a job or your cutting off all wants including gifts until you are either paid off or feel compensated. I don't know about you but my time is money. If I am wasting my time being hurt over a cheating wife that wants to stay with me, she will pay me for that time. The way I see it is that I am not going to allow my wife to bang some other guy and stick me with the check and the bad feelings. So at the very least she needs to pay for the time, which is your life, that she is stealing from you. This is something that an MC will never suggest because remember, she is always the victim and never accountable for her actions. Now you know why I told the last MC I saw that she was useless.

 

Sorry if I am a bit harsh in this post. In no way to I mean to offend or hurt you jm2013. However I do want you to know that I understand what it is like to be cheated on. I also want you to know that you have many options and don't be afraid to use them. You have one life and it is a shame to let a WW steal the joy from it. You may see fit to be compensated in a different way which is fine. Just as long as you feel that you have been compensated in some way. Remember you are not junk nor or you a fall back guy, so don't let your WW treat you as such. If you ask your WW to grab you a beer, then you should not get the word "beer" out before she has a cold one in your hand. Your WW chose to cheat on you. So remember that your WW is no longer a want for you. You are choosing to stay with her and she should treat it as that.

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There's no difference at that point between 2 and 1000. The only difference is truth telling. If she's still not telling me the truth then what are we building? Also.

 

the_artist_1970, thanks for the information. See, I do not know what the truth is. I'm only limited to the physical proof I have and the story she tells me. I left my home in the beginning and was in route to a divorce. I made my way back home and was surprised at the things she was doing for me. I took a step back and decided to try and work it out with her. Since then she's gone above and beyond for me. Our communication right now is fantastic. The only barrier right now is the ugly truth (so I think).

 

Revelations, I kind of see your point on some levels. I cheated on my wife when she was my girlfriend (very early on in our relationship). I've been that guy before. I had guilt I carried with me then kind of forgot about later on in life with her. I felt when we married we started a new chapter. I mean never in a million years was I going to ever cheat on her. It was a hard pill to swallow when I discovered her affair. It was surreal. The woman I love, married and had kids with was capable of such a thing. When I left my house I was briefly with another woman(which I fully disclosed to my wife). I don't think I'd ever get a hooker to be honest even if I was single. That does not turn me on in any way, shape or form.

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Just so you know,

 

He didn't give her an orgasm and only I did that to her.

 

A lie

 

My you know what is bigger than his blah blah.

 

Told to make you feel better. Probably not true or untrue.

 

"It was more emotional than physical"

 

Usually it's the reverse story, but either version is a lie. It's both to the WW.

 

I have to agree that your wife is still withholding. Maybe not the "detail's" you think you are asking for, but she's hiding her true feelings about the affair. He was good in bed, it was an emotional and physical connection for her, and she does look back on parts of it fondly still. But that is a different conversation as than "how many times was it really."

 

Not a popular statement, but she had an affair because she was lacking something in your relationship that she felt she found elsewhere. If you really are going to move forward, you should ask about that and figure out how you can refill that void she thought was there.

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It sounds to me like you are still in denial. The denial of who your wife truly is. Do you really expect someone who would cheat on their husband repeatedly and continually lie about it to one day wake up and be this better person? Sorry, it just doesn't happen like that.

 

I think a part of this is just accepting who you are married to. You thought she was one way, but she isn't. As bad as your mind would like to go back and pretend she was the ideal mate, it's not the truth.

 

I think her minimizing the details and still lying is to be expected. This is part of who she is, whether you can accept it or not. You are expecting way to much from a person like her. At this point, there really shouldn't be too much more shocking.

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Just so you know,

 

 

 

A lie

 

 

 

Told to make you feel better. Probably not true or untrue.

 

 

 

Usually it's the reverse story, but either version is a lie. It's both to the WW.

 

I have to agree that your wife is still withholding. Maybe not the "detail's" you think you are asking for, but she's hiding her true feelings about the affair. He was good in bed, it was an emotional and physical connection for her, and she does look back on parts of it fondly still. But that is a different conversation as than "how many times was it really."

 

Not a popular statement, but she had an affair because she was lacking something in your relationship that she felt she found elsewhere. If you really are going to move forward, you should ask about that and figure out how you can refill that void she thought was there.

 

Yeah, I can agree to an extent. I don't want to make it seem like I'm putting myself on any type of throne here but I'm pretty good in the sex department. She knew this but we did hit a real stale point in our sex life. I think it was more exhilarating to her to have more of an emotional connection. She would always say I didn't "make love" to her. I'm not really sure what she meant by that. I'm sure he filled that void needless to say. It could also have been some sort of self confirmation of having another man wanting her. But like you said, maybe he did give her an orgasm maybe he didn't. I have no clue and I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm not even sure why I even wanted to know that. I guess it was more of wonder of why she kept going back. That I'll never know.

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Revelations, I kind of see your point on some levels. I cheated on my wife when she was my girlfriend (very early on in our relationship). I've been that guy before. I had guilt I carried with me then kind of forgot about later on in life with her. I felt when we married we started a new chapter. I mean never in a million years was I going to ever cheat on her. It was a hard pill to swallow when I discovered her affair. It was surreal. The woman I love, married and had kids with was capable of such a thing. When I left my house I was briefly with another woman(which I fully disclosed to my wife). I don't think I'd ever get a hooker to be honest even if I was single. That does not turn me on in any way, shape or form.

 

Well getting a hooker is not for everyone. For me it is a better option to rent than to buy. The main point is to get some sort of compensation for the trauma that you are going through if your staying with her. In my case I was not actually looking for compensation because I was not going to stay with my WW anyway. The strippers were just easy access for me and pretty good looking to boot. Please keep in mind that I am often very blunt and see certain things in black and white. So with me I find out I have been cheated on, I don't even give her the chance to whimper out an "I'm sorry" before I have left her.

 

Just know that I wish you the best, I know these are difficult times for you. Another thing you need to remember is that at any time you don't feel it is worth staying with your WW you can leave. Often times people will feel obligated to stay with a cheating spouse because they were committed to trying to save the marriage. However this is not true, you don't owe her a damn thing. I don't care if you decide tomorrow or 10 years from now that you can't take it anymore, then walk away from her. The main thing is to do what is right for yourself. Put yourself first from now on, your WW has lost that privilege in my book.

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My counselor told me "well she has chosen you so you should be happy with that" that was our last meeting. She is right I guess I mean what are you gonna do? Either leave or get over it . I'm not leaving I have too much invested, be happy? Yea right.

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You say you have limited proof to what extent has she provide access to any of her online accounts and cell phone information - AND/OR - to what extent have you spied on her from computer loggers to VAR's in her car or home ?

 

Your not going to be able to rely on her for the details, most BS's dig this up on their own.

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You say you have limited proof to what extent has she provide access to any of her online accounts and cell phone information - AND/OR - to what extent have you spied on her from computer loggers to VAR's in her car or home ?

 

Your not going to be able to rely on her for the details, most BS's dig this up on their own.

 

I have phone records from 2012-2013. And yes, she gives full access to all of her stuff now. Everything since then has been deleted though. Any online stuff, phone texts etc. I have not installed any VAR or tracker in her car. Unless she's meeting up at lunch time she literally has absolutely no time. She doesn't go out anymore.

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this thread shows if a question is framed properly (and out of context) how the full picture is lost. the best current example is the opening warning to the tv show Tosh.O in which President Obama (via sound bites) says it.

 

OP, you are in a death spiral. its time to look in the mirror instead at your W. d-day was over a year ago and you remain unwilling/unable to move forward. you continually question everything, no area has been agreed, fine except she did have an A. you need to rebuilt your trust in W. instead you jump from one crisis to the next (see this thread: Wife MAY have searched OM's Instagram while trying to reconcile) btw OP was wrong.

 

either you are not working hard at therapy (you expect her to do all the work) or you need a new one.

 

i say the above to warn you at some point your W will either remember why she strayed or say 'enough' and move on without you. since you are in R, i assume you want the M to work. but this path will eventually lead to giving the power back to the WS.

 

so what to do: either accept what she has provided and work on rebuilding trust or realize you can not over come this and move on.

 

good luck.

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I will never understand why it matter who went after whom in the affair. *********************It doesn't matter.

 

 

 

It does matter. Because it is a piece of truth that the BS needs to know. Every BS has their own level of the truth that they need.

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It does matter. Because it is a piece of truth that the BS needs to know. Every BS has their own level of the truth that they need.

 

This is so true, and I have been guilty of pushing what I comfort level is in knowing details on others.

 

I was in a bit of a different situation then most BS. She denied everything until I filed for divorce then she wanted to tell and show me everything. She is the one that brings the subject up and often asks me if there is anything I want to know. For me knowing it happened and how she thought it would end is all that matters. The number of times, what was said doesn't matter to me.

 

OP I'm sorry for pushing that on you as well.

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[QUOTE=jm2013;5914904]There's no difference at that point between 2 and 1000. The only difference is truth telling. If she's still not telling me the truth then what are we building? Also.

 

This is it, this is all you need to know. She may be with you but she is still protecting other man. As long as there are secrets between only them, O/M is still in your relationship. Any number they tell you can safely double, I guess they are trying to make their betrayal appear less of a betrayal than other wayward's you read about. Bottom line, they ruined your trust and they forever changed the relationship.

 

If your gut is telling you there is more, listen to it and do whatever you need to do to get all the truth including a polygraph. It is not your job to find the truth, it is her job to prove to you without a shadow of a doubt that she has told you everything. Why would you bet the rest of your life on someone that is withholding secrets from you after proving that they are very capable of infidelity? If they are still lying they do not deserve a second chance.

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I said this to another poster but it applies equally to you:

 

Since she lied to and deceived you while this was going on, I wondering why you believe this version of what occurred :confused: ?

 

Doesn't it very conveniently fall under the heading of what every betrayed spouse wants to hear? "The sex wasn't great", "I didn't want to", "he wasn't that good", "I didn't enjoy it"; it reads like it was lifted from a script.

 

If it was all that awkward and unappealing, she could have stopped any moment up til the deed occurred. If you're into the details, I'd bet there's many you haven't been told...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

With out truth, there isn't any trust. And without trust, no chance of progress. Your wife has a lot of work still to do if you;re going to come out of this as a reconciled couple...

 

Mr. Lucky

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