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Just got busted having affair with the perfect True Love


2bemyway

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Both of us are married. Almost a year after we met again from knowing each other 20 years ago in school, I fell quickly in love with a perfect match. By the 3rd lunch we both knew we were brought together for a reason. She is just like me in similarities, we know what each other is thinking (kinda freaky because she is dead on with me), Our job and tastes in music are similar, she gets me and we connect. I am 1000 miles away and come back to the area for work. a couple of trips later I could not travel due to work budget for 3 months. once we were able to go out for a nice dinner we kissed in the parking lot risking being seen by someone and this was the most amazing feeling in the world that just went through us. at 40+ years old this was my first love kinda kiss with the fireworks and such a great feeling. We knew from there it was something. We wanted to be with each other as much as we could when i came to town on business. Motel rooms, days off, even a sneaky trip together for 3 days. She is everything to me. Well. My wife and kids who i do love so much were at home now knowing. My wife and I don't have that bad of a marriage but we do not connect. I'm not in true love with her. Sex is awesome when it happens and she is drunk. otherwise she doesn't give me any attention like that. Now my lover wants me and will do anything to spend time with me.

 

The affair ended a few weeks ago when her husband called my wife. Yep. Not good. I was going through so much emotion and i didn't know what to do. I wanted to go through with this and told my wife we will no longer be married. She yelled and i was told to move out in 4 days and move 1000 miles away to my family and assuming to my lover. It hit me. I beg for her to let me stay and try to work it out with her.

 

Now this is my hardest decision. the proximaty is a bitch. or a blessing depending on who's side you are on. If I go with the lover I will have to relocate my family to the city where we have all of our family to support us plus is the same city my lover is in. My wife loves her job but could probably get a $30K bump in the other city. My kids have friends, love their good schools and we love the area for our favorite things to do.

 

I am having a hard time getting over my lover. I cut communication off totally so that she and I could work on our marriages if that is what we are going to do. So I don't know for certain what she is doing and she doesn't know about me. It sucks to leave it at that. I told my wife it will be a long time before i get over my lover because there was no breakup.

 

Comparing the two people: my wife and my lover. Yes I would prefer to live my days with my lover for what I do know of her and I do understand there is some affair fog and it all looks like the grass is greener on the other side. But it's how i feel with the person. comfort vs agetated. so much in common vs very little except the household routine.

 

It comes down to this. I think i need to have a face to face discussion with my lover and see if we are on the same page about ourselves as a couple. Maybe she discovered something while she had this time to think and maybe i have some questions too.

 

Next. If I still believe I would want to be with my lover but I do not and i stick in my marriage, i will wonder, worry, possibly regret and hate the feeling of what if for the rest of my life.

 

Do you Follow your heart? Life is short? It was meant to be? If so I am even more selfish right? to take my kids through this divorce with such change that will take place.

Do I stick with my marriage and try to chalk this up as hey i wanted a girl to love me and she did love me. I had fun and now i have a mess to clean up. Trust me i don't think i can do this.

 

Any thoughts? I appreciate it.

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Right out of the cheaters handbook "she gets me" "we just connect" "my spouse doesn't want me"

 

Thing about a man's heart, sometimes it drops down to penis level, then slowly moves back up as it gets its fill. All of a sudden this woman you were so in love with becomes a speed bump for a fast moving bus.

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Why do you assume your wife and kids will move with you? What if she chooses to stay and gets shared custody of the children with you? You may end up moving alone or not being able to move at all.

 

Can the courts compel your ex-wife and kids to move just because you want to?

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my lover and i both said we are true love and never felt this way before about anyone. It went on for 10 months and we grew stronger. We are perfect for each other. We get each other, connect, have same similarities and love each other so much. Well we got caught and now we are in silence to try to help our marriages but one or both do not look promising. We had fantasy thoughts that we would be perfect together and live happy if we ever did get caught.

 

But I wonder. the situation of hiding, sneaking around and lies to be with each other is stressful. Some things that bug me is that she bought a meal one time, brought me cupcakes one time and paid for a parking meter once. Meanwhile I bought countless meals, a trip expense for the both of us and even curtains for her house. really? that was odd she didn't pay me back the $40 for that.

 

Besides money i wonder. At times of the affair she said she would never leave her husband because of the children. But late in the affair she said how she wished sometimes she would tell her husband about me so he would find out and leave. At the end when he blew up about the whole thing and we got caught, they argued, she threw a chair at him, he threw her phone at her head, and they called the cops. It was nasty and she said to me i should have left him years ago.

 

True love. thoughts about us together forever. But now we are not speaking and i am sitting here thinking. If I was in it 100% with her, was she? I am in a bad position with reality and trying to buy some time to think things through and "save my marriage". But if she knows she is definitly going to divorce, wouldn't she be calling me and wanting so bad to have her true love back in her life?

 

appreciate your thoughts. thanks.

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Why don't you ask her husband if you can have that conversation with his wife?

 

Why don't you ask your wife what she wants?

 

It's all about you...but you've been caught - so you really don't get to choose anymore.

 

You could lose it all and find yourself alone. Be ready for that, it's possible.

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Yes I would prefer to live my days with my lover for what I do know of her and I do understand there is some affair fog and it all looks like the grass is greener on the other side. But it's how i feel with the person...so much in common

Did you not, way back when in those heady first days, once feel that way about your wife?

 

I hope you understand you're comparing two different things. Every time I go on vacation someplace warm and tropical, I'm convinced in the first 48 hours that I'm going to sell all my worldly possessions, move to a shack on the beach and spend the rest of my days drinking margaritas and body surfing. You're at that stage right now, one hand on the blender.

 

It's usually day 6 or 7 when I realize there's more to life than sweet and sour mix and rock salt. If and when you come to a similar conclusion, hope there's something left to appreciate. Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Right off the bat you have over a 90% chance at the relationship failing as it was born out of an affair. I would say the best course of action for you would be to get a divorce and find someone new, neither one of you will ultimately be able to trust the other. As the old addage goes, those that lie with you will lie against you, and I am quite certain others here will echo my sentiments.

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What starts in blood ends in blood.

 

of course she seemed perfect and wonderful. It was an affair. Not everyday real life.

 

Grow up and be the adult you are.

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Your affair partner is "everything" to you. You're not in "true love" with your wife. You would prefer to "live your days" with your affair partner. You seem more interested in wanting to know if your AP is still with you in seeing yourselves "as a couple".

 

So why in the heck did you beg your wife to let you stay and try to work it out with her???

Do I stick with my marriage and try to chalk this up as hey i wanted a girl to love me and she did love me. I had fun and now i have a mess to clean up.

Well...your wife may take the 'burden' of that decision out of your hands, on this side. On the other, your affair partner may choose to stay where she is and actually work on saving her marriage.

 

Yes, it is a mess. The ladies will have some -- or a great deal of -- say and influence over how it's gonna get cleaned up. I guess it's a waiting game, for now...but you might want to start preparing for the possibility that you end up with neither of them.

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I am in a bad position with reality and trying to buy some time to think things through and "save my marriage". But if she knows she is definitly going to divorce, wouldn't she be calling me and wanting so bad to have her true love back in her life?

In your post in the 'infidelity' sub-forum, you typed, "I cut communication off totally so that she and I could work on our marriages if that is what we are going to do."

So...why would you expect your affair partner to get in contact with you after you cut off communication? And, why would she contact you if she actually is working on saving her marriage?

 

In any case, I don't know how you can turn a mutually consensual affair into a case of the other person "using" you? You were not absent from the decision to indulge in the first place, and you knew what it was all along.

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Divorce and let your wife and kids live their lives. Obviously you have no regard for either of them if you seriously consider tearing them away from their home just so you can screw your lover more regularly.

 

 

And of course you're in the affair fog, you think you connect so well with her?

Of course you do, you don't share her daily troubles because you two only meet for sex.

 

 

Just divorce. Your wife deserves better, and you know it. And should you ever get out of the fog you can become a great part-time dad.

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gettingstronger

Why is it an either/or thing- why not strike out on your own knowing that your wife is not the one for you- if you truly felt that way, you would do right by everyone and leave-

 

As a BS, I can tell you reconciliation is a tough road and I would not want to go down it unless my husband was 100% all in-

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Think about this properly 2bemyway, gather the strength needed to be honest, transparent, and truthful in this trying time. Make a decision rationally, not just based on your feelings and emotions. Hold off the affair, and conduct any communication with your true love in a respectable way if you must i.e. not in a motel room. It is not the time anymore to put your desire and satisfaction above everything else. There is always the right path for every destination.

 

...If so I am even more selfish right? to take my kids through this divorce with such change that will take place.

If you conduct everything with consideration, understanding, and patient, your kids will make it through their childhood fine. Of course, it is implied here that you are the one who should sacrifice a bit more than everyone else.

 

Anyway, I hope at least you are feeling sorry for everyone else too, beside just yourself, for causing this terrible hurt. Try to make amend for that by being respectful and honest to them no matter which path you are going to choose. Be patient, and again, hold off the affair until you settle everything. Not everyone blindly follow a true love, some of us have let it go because it is unjust. It is your choice.

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Man Mountain Makino
By the 3rd lunch we both knew we were brought together for a reason.

That's complete, immature baloney by the way.

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You could lose it all and find yourself alone. Be ready for that, it's possible.

 

Not just possible. I'd say the odds are greater than 50% that he ends up with neither his wife nor his affair partner.

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I'm sorry, will you please clarify Why are you still Married right now? Why did you 'beg' your wife for a second chance?

Why are thinking that YOUR choices are between Wife and 'lover' when you are clearly still hoping for the lover?

 

From what you are writing, your choices should be between choosing your lover or being single.

Are you just afraid to be without a body at night?

 

It sounds like you only 'want' Your Wife, IF your lover stays with Her Husband... please tell me I am wrong.

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Hi

 

I found these pictures on twitter, I think you should read them based on your situation. I think this person broke down clearly about what affairs seems like.

 

Link 1 - Click here

Link 2 - Click here

Link 3 - Click here

 

It's really an eye opener and might help out with your situation.

Good luck :-)

 

Aside from the n bombs, this is pretty accurate.

 

Work on your marriage.

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Man Mountain Makino
Any thoughts? I appreciate it.

It's interesting to me that you still speak of making decisions for your wife.

 

When you decided to have your fling, there's nothing she could have done about it.

 

Now, if she decides she wants out of the marriage, there's nothing you can do about it.

 

It's perfectly fair, really.

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You are exactly right - life is short. What kind of legacy do you want to give to your children? The fireworks and all the bells and whistles you experienced with that kiss in the parking lot is fairy dust. It will also disappear over time if you leave your family for your "lover". Love is a choice and focus is an act of your will. If you sit around thinking about the OW all day and how great it would be to be with her, your mind will convince your emotions that this is indeed true. If you focus your attention on your wife and the two of you get professional help, things can turn around there as well.

 

I hope you will be honest with your wife and open yourself up to true healing. There is a reason the two of you got married and had children together. Relationships must be maintained and protected ruthlessly. Love is commitment not emotions. This isn't to say that feelings aren't important, but they can be manipulated by seasons, circumstances, and the lies our own selfishness speaks into our hearts.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. May the Lord bless your marriage and bring true reconciliation to your home.

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I haven't the vaguest idea whether your marriage should be saved or dissolved, but I do know that a 3d party should not be a voting member. You made a promise to this woman, at least you could do is to be honest with her. Either get in counseling to save your relationship or end it now.

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