Jump to content

What is this guy's angle?


adrian77

Recommended Posts

So my husband and I are pretty much on the outs. I've tried everything and he just isn't into me. So please no comments about my marriage. That is another post. This guy I used to know (just barely through friends) started texting me.

He is only 30 and I'm a bit older. It got sexual and he came over. All we did was pure virginal make out. He tried more but I stopped him. He then says he felt guilty and needed to be a good spouse and father to his son and daughter. Then he continues to text me saying I should ask my husband if I can have a lover and he wants to get drunk with me etc....but when I tell him to come over (just to get is reaction) he makes and excuse. So what did I do wrong? He came over once. Was he turned off? Why does he continue to contact me?

Edited by adrian77
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Several things. He has a lot to do around the house. Maybe next week. So the next week he has busy week so maybe the week after. Then that week he says maybe but he isn't sure yet. All the while asking me to ask my husband about a lover and that he wants to get drunk with me. Before the first time we hooked up he was all about wanting us to meet up and tellj by me to leave work and come over etc....

Link to post
Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8
So my husband and I are pretty much on the outs. I've tried everything and he just isn't into me. So please no comments about my marriage. That is another post. This guy I used to know (just barely through friends) started texting me.

He is only 30 and I'm a bit older. It got sexual and he came over. All we did was pure virginal make out. He tried more but I stopped him. He then says he felt guilty and needed to be a good spouse and father to his son and daughter. Then he continues to text me saying I should ask my husband if I can have a lover and he wants to get drunk with me etc....but when I tell him to come over (just to get is reaction) he makes and excuse. So what did I do wrong? He came over once. Was he turned off? Why does he continue to contact me?

 

You are still married. You are committing adultery and and cheating on your husbands until you are divorced. Keep this guy away until then.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

So off-base...

 

Listen, he just wants a clear conscience if he is going to do this. That's why he told you to ask your husband. If you are in the clear, then he'll feel better about the ordeal.

 

What you did? Is still be married.

 

Keeping in contact? Because he is hoping he gets a shot, but probably under his own terms. And you need to respect that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To put it simply, he's having visions of sugar plums dancing in his head. He's sitting there with his laptop watching porn and thinking how great it would be for some no-strings poontang on the side and at the moment you are his most available candidate who won't ask anything of him and he's getting all excited thinking about all this free porn-sex he can have with someone who is as hard up and desparate as he is.

 

 

He gets all wound up and sexts you but when you invite him over, then reality hits and he remembers he was supposed to clean out the garage and mow the lawn. Or his wife is home and will wonder where he is going. or his son needs picked up from football practice.

 

 

In other words, he is in a fantasy world when he is telling you all the things he wants to do with you.

 

 

But when push comes to shove, he real life interfers with the fantasy.

 

 

People are what the do, not what they say or what they dream about. He may dream about being a porn star and being a fantasy lover. But when he passes up the tryst to mow the lawn, that means he is just another married guy with a family and other responsibilities.

 

 

And if he does show up and lay the lumber to you, that means he is an adulterer and a cheater and lier. and he makes you one too.

 

 

This is a no-win scenario. the only way to come out of this without poop on your hands is to get the divorce and date some single guys.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you. And funny because mowing the lawn was one of his excuses. Then why did he come over the one time? I feel like after we made out maybe he just wasn't all that attracted to me but keeps texting me (I rarely contact him first) because he felt sorry for me?

I'm not desperate. He contacted me and broke me down. I had no intention of ever cheating and I feel very guilty. More so because he has a family. I just felt such an attraction him.

Edited by adrian77
Link to post
Share on other sites

Divorce your husband and expose him to his wife.

 

Other than that; he did it once and the kick wasn't enough/didn't feel that good because he's too aware of his family and so he wants you to at least lower the chance to get caught on your part.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8
Ok but as I said in the original post I am asking about this guy. My husband issues is a different post.

 

You wouldn't have issues with this guy if you weren't cheating on your husband ;)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
?. I just wonder what I did and why he keeps in contact.

 

Because you respond.

 

It's HIS ego feed. All at the expense of others.

 

Same as how you participate.

 

Proper order is best - get divorced. Then date available guys.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

But why if he if makes excuses. Is he playing mind games? Last week 3 days with no texts from him which was the longest and I thought I could finally move one and then on the 4th day he asks how my weekend was.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Who knows. Maybe if he keeps dawdling you'll get so frustrated that you'll make the move he hopes you'll make. Later on he can say, "Well, you started it."

Link to post
Share on other sites

You got him to commit to being an adulterer but then stopped him from getting laid. Now he's cheated and didn't get to have sex. He's got the guilt but no reward.

 

Why does he still keep in contact with you? He likes the idea of getting laid but doesn't like the guilt. Unless you give a clear red or green light on the sex, he's going to keep wavering about being in contact with you.

 

Does this tell you what it's about for him? Um, it's about the sex. He doesn't just want the guilt.

 

Quit betraying your husband for the sake of some dude who just wants in your pants. Grow up and make an adult decision: fix your marriage or leave it. You'd like to ignore the fact that you're married (which is called compartmentalization, by the way) but it's the fact that you're married that is causing the problem in your "relationship."

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He actually once said if he came over again I had to promise to be good. Like it was all me yet he was the one who started it all. What do you think that meant?

Link to post
Share on other sites
whatatangledweb

He could mean many things when he says something or texts. Why don't you ask him instead of driving yourself crazy wondering?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
He actually once said if he came over again I had to promise to be good. Like it was all me yet he was the one who started it all. What do you think that meant?

 

It just means that you're still willing to participate in the affair while he makes very little effort.

 

Are you divorcing or intending to stay married and cheat? I can't tell by your posts.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Please just stick to why he keeps contacting me?

 

Just my opinion... you want context for this guy, essentially (why won't he hookup with me?) in an infidelity thread, really??? It is kind of hard to stick to that context.

 

I agree with oldshirt and betrayedH, and will add he got scared when it got real... someone can take a fantasy all the way to the edge and not jump off. You are probably asking "is it me?" i doubt it. He contacts you because he likes the idea and likely wants it become real. I am sure he can be pushed off the edge too... but since this is an infidelity thread i will conclude in saying... that infidelity is like jumping off that edge with no parachute, the ride down is blast i am sure.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
It just means that you're still willing to participate in the affair while he makes very little effort.

 

Are you divorcing or intending to stay married and cheat? I can't tell by your posts.

 

I think she's very intrigued by the notion of getting a little on the side...very intrigued! Must be starved for attention, I guess. As far as divorcing, she's choosing not to touch on that subject. Must be she doesn't want any guilt she might feel to spoil what may happen, so husband's on his own here. Puzzling situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...