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Married coworker is driving me crazy...


Crazy4You2

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Hello everyone i'm new here, not sure how to start but any way I'm a foreign female in my early 30's and married, have a coworker who is 50 and married too, who I have a big crush on, but never made it known to him or anyone else, I hide it pretty well.

We don't work closely together but see each other for a short while every day, for the last year he always have a big smile on him the moment he sees me, always waiving to get my attention, always looks straight into my eyes and once winked at me everyday for a whole week, says hello and bye everyday day sometimes goes out of his way just to say " c u 2marro darling" , always making excuses to get into my personal space sometimes just inches away from me, touches my arms/shoulders nearly every day, has put his hand over mine several times, calls me baby, babes, darling, honey most days several times, compliments my work, says he misses me when I'm not about, always ready to help even without me asking, always very affectionate and concerned about my wellbeing... all that stuff.

He is a shy and very quiet person but very playful, does not talk or act with other coworkers the same way he does me.

Sometimes he gets all red and nervous in my presence.

We talk quite a lot know many thing about each other, but he has never made an attempt to see me outside of work.

He is a lovely friendly person and very polite never said or done anything inappropriate.

Do you think he is harmlessly flirting or just being over friendly?

Sometimes i think he does have a crush on me too and is looking for an affair, he does not talk about his wife and gets uncomfortable if I talk about my husband.

Oh god when he looks at me with that mesmerized look and touches my hand I melt, he is very charming......I'm so attracted to him but trying my best to not put myself out there. Wonder if he senses my attraction?

Other times there is days when he is more casual, avoiding looking at me, instead looks down at his feet and smiles to himself when walking past, no pet name calling just my name, runs away from me as soon as possible, seems completely aloof, he will do this for 2 or 3 days and then back to being very friendly and flirty again with all the touching and sweet talk.

 

I'm just very confused as to why he's been doing this for so long?

Is he waiting for me to give him a hint that i'm attracted to him too?

Why the hot and cold? More hot than cold anyway.

Some days i feel there is already more than friendship between us, we just connect and think so alike, he's just so sweet and attentive to me, the other day i slipped and called him "babes" after him calling me "darl", he had the biggest smile on him ever.

 

Just hope for someone to help me understand what is going on in his head. I have no one I can talk to about this.

 

Please don't judge we are all humans with feelings that we can not control, but i control my actions around him as best as i can.

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Maybe he does, maybe he is very attracted to you. Question is how does that knowledge help your situation unless the end game is jumping in the sack with him? How does it aide your marriage, or your career?

 

Is your attraction or crush worth losing you job or even your husband?

 

These may seem like silly questions NOW, but if you continue down this path they will become very real question and anwser to those you will have to deal with.

 

Think of your husband, are you willing to toss him aside? How would he feel knowing you have this (or wishing to) deep connection. How would you feel about your husband putting himself in this position?

 

Make no mistake, you've put yourself in this position. A married woman shouldn't allow this type of interaction with another man let alone doing it at work. Your putting your whole world on the line for what? A school girl crush that you don't seem to have any intention of stopping? Control yourself? Only until you think your in love then its to hell with your husband and job. Only thing you will see is this other man. Is that what you want?

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Since this is a new comer, May I first welcome you. Please make sure your medical insurance is up to date and covers you. You'll need it for various reasons.

1: You are deliberately playing with fire.

2: You may need to see a cardiologist or your spouse may, after hearts break

and lastly.

3: At the age of 30 and stating married, you need counseling. You are not secured in your reality seat and probably need to be.

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Unless you're looking for a way out of your marriage, get out of this "relationship." He'll use you for sex, then dump you, and then where will you be? Please give some serious thought to the possible outcome of your "crush." Remember, crushes are for kids. Grow up.

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Hello everyone i'm new here, not sure how to start but any way I'm a foreign female in my early 30's and married, have a coworker who is 50 and married too, who I have a big crush on, but never made it known to him or anyone else, I hide it pretty well.

 

Keep it that way. Do not talk or discuss how you feel with your co worker. Ever.

 

Him calling you pet names actually is insulting. You're at work, in a professional setting so therefore he should be calling you by your name.

 

Others probably notice too, so if you blush and smile, have puppy dog eyes for him, others will gossip about it and assume you two are having an affair.

 

 

Please don't judge we are all humans with feelings that we can not control, but i control my actions around him as best as i can.

 

Yup, you can. Start by stop 'enjoying' the ego feed that he's giving you. That attention and how it makes you feel inside IS addictive and this is how affairs can start up. You can act more professional at work and ask him to call you by your real name, you can stop the chit chat and focus on your work instead of being distracted by him.

 

How would you feel if your husband was lusting after another woman that he worked with? Calling her pet names and flirting with her, be honest. I'm sure you'd be concerned and also hurt.

 

Your co worker isn't stupid, he is playing the hot/cold, come here, go away, be close, be distant game with you so you will be interested in him all the time.

Edited by whichwayisup
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Welcome...

 

Please don't judge we are all humans with feelings that we can not control, but i control my actions around him as best as i can.

 

Paramountly false.... and being judged is an important part of life... it reminds us to look in the mirror.

 

 

I'm just very confused as to why he's been doing this for so long?

Is he waiting for me to give him a hint that i'm attracted to him too?

Why the hot and cold? More hot than cold anyway.

Some days i feel there is already more than friendship between us, we just connect and think so alike, he's just so sweet and attentive to me, the other day i slipped and called him "babes" after him calling me "darl", he had the biggest smile on him ever.

 

Why is this an issue? Firstly you are asking if he is into you "for real"... and are a married woman asking this at that.... so let me rephrase this.. why should this be an issue? Why is their confusion? If you are seriously confused, you need to revaluate you marriage first. Although I would wait for the butterflies to go away before doing so.

 

Just hope for someone to help me understand what is going on in his head. I have no one I can talk to about this.

 

What is going on in his head should not be relevant. Flirting should be superficial with nothing behind it.. the second that changes is when it is time to move on and stop the activity.

 

You are clearly already filled with butterflies at this point and would love nothing more than to hear that he is indeed into you. How is that truly helpful to you though... you are not being fair to yourself first of all by dancing around this.

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OK, it concerns me that you said he has never done or said anything inappropriate and then proceeded to detail a number of inappropriate things he said and did. I just used this same word on someone else's thread, but you are already "normalizing" his inappropriate behavior. Calling you darling, baby or any cutesy variation thereof is inappropriate so is touching your shoulder or putting his hand over yours. Btw, we here on LS don't have to judge you because your colleagues already are. They will see you as flighty, flirty and unprofessional.

 

Most of us develop post marital crushes. Sexual attraction for another after we've taken our vows is common. How we handle it is what separates us from our animal friends. Take it from a MW who's been there and deeply regrets it.

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He's waiting for you to make the first move so that you can have an affair. He has not for a second considered leaving his wife. The fact that you both know the other is married means he wants an affair only.

 

He will keep this up for years if he has to. Or he may just up and leave for a better job one day.

 

Hot and cold just enough to keep you interested but not enough for you to expect commitment.

 

Have fun! You can keep it platonic, which by classical definition is a friendship with restrained sexual desire. And really, that explains many close interactions with adults who are attractive to each other.

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He wants you to make the first move to prevent him from getting trouble about sexual harassment.

 

Do your husband a favor and divorce before becoming his mistress.

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I'm a foreign female in my early 30's and married, have a coworker who is 50 and married too, who I have a big crush on, but never made it known to him or anyone else, I hide it pretty well.

 

You might not hide it as well as you think

 

We don't work closely together but see each other for a short while every day, for the last year he always have a big smile on him the moment he sees me, always waiving to get my attention, always looks straight into my eyes and once winked at me everyday for a whole week, says hello and bye everyday day sometimes goes out of his way just to say " c u 2marro darling" , always making excuses to get into my personal space sometimes just inches away from me, touches my arms/shoulders nearly every day, has put his hand over mine several times, calls me baby, babes, darling, honey most days several times, compliments my work, says he misses me when I'm not about, always ready to help even without me asking, always very affectionate and concerned about my wellbeing... all that stuff.

 

Are you sure you're not encouraging him? If your behaviour toward him were cool and professional, it's hard to imagine that this guy would be all over you with his smiles and touching

 

He is a shy and very quiet person but very playful, does not talk or act with other coworkers the same way he does me.

Sometimes he gets all red and nervous in my presence. Do you think he is harmlessly flirting or just being over friendly?

You're in your thirties. I'm sure you have the emotional intelligence to figure this one out...

 

Sometimes i think he does have a crush on me too and is looking for an affair, he does not talk about his wife and gets uncomfortable if I talk about my husband.
Are you really this dull...or are you just pretending to be the innocent, clueless gal?

 

Oh god when he looks at me with that mesmerized look and touches my hand I melt, he is very charming......I'm so attracted to him but trying my best to not put myself out there.
Sucks to be your husband

 

I'm just very confused as to why he's been doing this for so long?
Maybe because he wants to have sex with you but you're both married (and co-workers)

 

You've already said that he's rather shy (despite his flirtatious behaviour). He's waiting for a green-light from you, a clear signal.

 

Is he waiting for me to give him a hint that i'm attracted to him too?
No, he's waiting for the stars to align

 

the other day i slipped and called him "babes" after him calling me "darl", he had the biggest smile on him ever.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, excuse me...

 

Please don't judge we are all humans with feelings that we can not control, but i control my actions around him as best as i can.

 

People have a right to judge you based on your actions. You have a right not to care

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