Lula Belle Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 So my husband cheated on me. I found out after it ended...decided to stay with him after a few months of leaning towards divorce. and this was a year ago when I found out. 2 weeks ago I went in for a regular check up and was not only diagnosed with HPV, but the kind that causes cancer...and I have a tumor on my cervix from the damn HPV. Based on my sexual history, it is clear it came from him. I just had the biopsies done...What hell that was...and the doc said it doesn't look good. I am anxious and stressed out. I may actually have cancer from his damn cheating. Definitely have to have surgery. From his damn cheating. I am mad all over again, having trouble sleeping, it is just all coming back all the anger and hurt and it is eating me up. I just had to vent. This **** sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Hi Lula Belle, I'm so sorry to read this. It is like you are being punished for his mistakes. Life is really unfair sometimes, isn't it? And I guess this does not affect him at all, health-wise? Have you told him at least? Surely he is supposed to wake up at night from guilt or is he the type who does not have a conscience? Bastard. I hope you have a good support system to help you through this? And I really, really, really hope you will be ok in the end. Btw, you have every right to shout, scream and throw stuff against the wall, so go ahead, do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Next to trust this is No. 2 on my list why a cheater gets a kick from me. OP, sadly, you're not the only one this happened to. Some googlig will reveal plenty of stories how married people were 'suddenly' infected with stuff from herpes to HIV/AIDS. Wishing you a lot of strength! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 This exact scenario happened to my cousin and she found out when she went in to address fertility issues. I found out my ex exposed me to HIV when he quietly lived with a girl with in a different country - who had been with an HIV high risk. Came home from that job, had unprotected sex with me (days after having unprotected sex with her)and then my first Dday. I sweated my HIV testing at each incubation interval so much. I am so sorry. I can still feel how scared I was at each doctor visit afterwards. You have all my sympathies moving forward, focus on healing, wholeness... And if there's a thought at the end of the day, spend it on him. Focus on you, though. Feel the anger, accept it and go through it. But don't let it take hold of you, because you have more important things to do. Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Lula, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish and pray for you good health. My STBXH is a serial cheater and I was diagnosed with HPV while pregnant with our second child. I had moderate to severe lesions on my cervix and had several biopsies. All the while he was meeting a new OW in hotels for unprotected sex. He didn't care if I lived or died nor about the health of his unborn daughter. The strain I contracted was obviously cancer causing too. Thankfully, after having my daughter, my immune system really kicked in high gear and I'm cancer and HPV free. You'd be surprised about the rates of undiagnosed HPV cases in women. It's very scary. I am so sorry for your pain. It does suck and I'm sorry this is happening to you. Right now, I hope you have loved one's to lean on and I hope you can focus on your health. That is the most important thing you can do right now. This is a great place for support. I know I made it to a place where I became strong enough to walk away and fall in love again. Life did go on. I hope you get that procedure asap so you can heal physically and emotionally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 It's really messed up what these cheaters expose us to. Real messed up. And what is known now about hpv in men is that it doesn't impact them, although there has been some research into whether it can cause cancer in them, too. There is not even a test that can show if a man is carrying it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm sorry to hear this. You should know, however, that you could have contracted HPV years before you ever even met your husband. It can lie dormant in your system for practically forever, not showing up on paps. It will only show up on a pap when it's in its active phase. It can come and go. There's no HPV test for men, either. So, you can't test him. Just be sure that he actually cheated; don't use your diagnosis alone as proof. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm sorry to hear this. You should know, however, that you could have contracted HPV years before you ever even met your husband. It can lie dormant in your system for practically forever, not showing up on paps. It will only show up on a pap when it's in its active phase. It can come and go. There's no HPV test for men, either. So, you can't test him. Just be sure that he actually cheated; don't use your diagnosis alone as proof. I am very sure he cheated, and we have been reconciling. I am also very sure I got it from him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I am very sure he cheated, and we have been reconciling. I am also very sure I got it from him Okay. You can be very sure he cheated; but scientifically, unless you never had any sexual contact before him (even a finger near your vagina), you cannot be sure you got it from him anymore than I can be sure I caught the flu from my sister instead of my coworker. Best of luck to you. Sucky time indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 It's really messed up what these cheaters expose us to. Real messed up. And what is known now about hpv in men is that it doesn't impact them, although there has been some research into whether it can cause cancer in them, too. There is not even a test that can show if a man is carrying it. You almost wish the SOB gets cancer And for the poster who says there is a chance she may have gotten it from a former lover or anything; the point is here that he exposed her to this. He did not care about anything but his selfish needs. What is she supposed to do? Forgive him just in case there is the off chance she caught it somewhere else? She has a right to be angry so don't try to make her feel she doesn't. That is bull****. Anyway, as others have said, OP, focus on you and getting yourself better. Best revenge ever will be to live a long happy life with someone much more deserving of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 So my husband cheated on me. I found out after it ended...decided to stay with him after a few months of leaning towards divorce. and this was a year ago when I found out. 2 weeks ago I went in for a regular check up and was not only diagnosed with HPV, but the kind that causes cancer...and I have a tumor on my cervix from the damn HPV. Based on my sexual history, it is clear it came from him. I just had the biopsies done...What hell that was...and the doc said it doesn't look good. I am anxious and stressed out. I may actually have cancer from his damn cheating. Definitely have to have surgery. From his damn cheating. I am mad all over again, having trouble sleeping, it is just all coming back all the anger and hurt and it is eating me up. I just had to vent. This **** sucks. I wanted to give an update. It was confirmed. I had cancer. From an std, HPV. Linked to my husband cheating. I had multiple surgeries and treatments, but am now cancer free. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I am SO sorry that this happened to you. Big, big hugs. I am glad you caught it and took care of it before it got any worse and I am glad you are now cancer free. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Hope it stays away forever. glad that you beat it. Did your H ever tell you how sorry he is? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Glad to hear you're okay. And still hoping your exes' testicles turn black and fall off someday. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Sorry to hear about your problem. On a positive note, I know two people who had this condition, and who were treated, and they are symptom free and healthy five years later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sorry to hear about your problem. On a positive note, I know two people who had this condition, and who were treated, and they are symptom free and healthy five years later. I had a full hysterectomy, I am not playing around. A close friend of mine died in her early 30s from uterine cancer, so I went full throttle to handle this ****. My husband is extremely apologetic and I am dealing with my anger still. He should have been the one to get biopsies and cut up and laid out and in pain etc. I am glad it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I had a full hysterectomy, I am not playing around. A close friend of mine died in her early 30s from uterine cancer, so I went full throttle to handle this ****. My husband is extremely apologetic and I am dealing with my anger still. He should have been the one to get biopsies and cut up and laid out and in pain etc. I am glad it's over. So you two are still together. Thats awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 So you two are still together. Thats awesome. Yes. I decided almost 2 years ago to reconcile. I found out about the cheating, nearly divorced, but in the end reconciled. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. This was about a year and a half post reconciliation. So do I leave now after he has done so much and nearly 2 years after the fact? Yeah, ugly mess, isn't it. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but I am sooooo excited that now you're cancer free.:bunny: I don't know you, but I'm sending you so many hugs. A great way to start the new year!! Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yes. I decided almost 2 years ago to reconcile. I found out about the cheating, nearly divorced, but in the end reconciled. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. This was about a year and a half post reconciliation. So do I leave now after he has done so much and nearly 2 years after the fact? Yeah, ugly mess, isn't it. I don't know? Would you invite a drunk driver who hit you and as a result you lost a limb to live with you in your home? It worked out for Linda Pugach I guess. Although he went on to cheat on her after he blinded her. Hey, you beat Cancer, thats awesome and takes some real guts. My guess is that you can face and survive anything. Perhaps its time to cut some other Cancers out of your life? All the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I don't know? Would you invite a drunk driver who hit you and as a result you lost a limb to live with you in your home? It worked out for Linda Pugach I guess. Although he went on to cheat on her after he blinded her. Hey, you beat Cancer, thats awesome and takes some real guts. My guess is that you can face and survive anything. Perhaps its time to cut some other Cancers out of your life? All the best. Ya, the anger I am feeling is not healthy. And I am pissed. I had to go thru he'll the past several months. Now that things have calmed down, I need time to get my mind right. I just don't feel like dealing with a divorce and all that goes with it right now. I have too many balls in the air. But I do think about it. I hate that I married a cheater. I hate that i have spent nearly 15 years with a liar. But he has I have never cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Ya, the anger I am feeling is not healthy. And I am pissed. I had to go thru he'll the past several months. Now that things have calmed down, I need time to get my mind right. I just don't feel like dealing with a divorce and all that goes with it right now. I have too many balls in the air. But I do think about it. I hate that I married a cheater. I hate that i have spent nearly 15 years with a liar. But he has I have never cheated. Yeah. I can feel your anger in your posts. Anger can be healthy for a time. Congratulations, you have a merit badge. Big whoop, right? I like that quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe it." Why don't you at least, even with 'balls in the air' make an appointment with a or some lawyers to see how a divorce might play out. Research it. It is your life too, you know. I really wish I had a time machine, but sadly I don't so why you "hate" the last 15 years, the next are on you. That time machine starts tomorrow! You got this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Sorry to heat this and honestly ... i'd probably want my pound of flesh out of his ass in your place. It's really messed up what these cheaters expose us to. Real messed up. And what is known now about hpv in men is that it doesn't impact them, although there has been some research into whether it can cause cancer in them, too. HPV can in fact cause cancer in men : - throat cancer is caused by HPV - mouth cancer is caused by HPV - skin cancer is caused by HPV - penis cancer is caused by HPV [small chances overall, but still] - anal cancer is caused by HPV - colon cancer is caused by HPV - prostate cancer might also be caused by HPV There is not even a test that can show if a man is carrying it. Not one given by a gynecologist obviously. But there is a test, besides the obvious skin test of weird growths. A sample is taken from the urethra ... you have to address an urologist though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Yeah. I can feel your anger in your posts. Anger can be healthy for a time. Congratulations, you have a merit badge. Big whoop, right? I like that quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe it." Why don't you at least, even with 'balls in the air' make an appointment with a or some lawyers to see how a divorce might play out. Research it. It is your life too, you know. I really wish I had a time machine, but sadly I don't so why you "hate" the last 15 years, the next are on you. That time machine starts tomorrow! You got this. I have researched...I contacted an attorney when I first found out about the cheating. Financially, I'm fine...custody of kids is in the bag, our kid is old enough to choose and I know she would be with me and have visitation with him. I am just emotionally drained from other things (my sister recently died, other family and work related stuff not involving my cheating husband) and I am still healing from my hysterectomy. I have my finger on the trigger, I just haven't pulled it yet. But you are right. It's on me now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lula Belle Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Sorry to heat this and honestly ... i'd probably want my pound of flesh out of his ass in your place. HPV can in fact cause cancer in men : - throat cancer is caused by HPV - mouth cancer is caused by HPV - skin cancer is caused by HPV - penis cancer is caused by HPV [small chances overall, but still] - anal cancer is caused by HPV - colon cancer is caused by HPV - prostate cancer might also be caused by HPV Not one given by a gynecologist obviously. But there is a test, besides the obvious skin test of weird growths. A sample is taken from the urethra ... you have to address an urologist though. Hmmm, I did some research and didn't find anything like that! Awesome, maybe he'll get butt hole cancer. And I feel guilty saying that. Cancer is the devil, I can't wish it on anyone. ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts