Am I Wrong? Should I Let It Go?

[SJ69]

Hey guys! Okay, I met this girl about 2 months ago and we've talked every day since. A week into us talking, my friend tells me that she's got a boyfriend but dumb me, I continued to talk to her. Now, strong feelings have developed between both of us, to the point where her friends are even saying something to me about her considering leaving her boyfriend for me, etc. We talk every day, and often have arguments over when and if she's going to leave him. Anyway, we live about an hour away from each other and I go to college. Regardless, last weekend we hung out and things got a bit serious, would have gone further if she didn't have to go back home, so she's already cheated physically and emotionally. She's expressed her strong feelings for me, and so have I. My question to you all is, what do I do? Not to mention I was going to see her today, and she said she was with family and couldn't, but I found out she was actually with her boyfriend... I need help! Should I walk away and just be done? I'm tired of the games, it's not fair to me and her friends even think so as well.

[CarrieT]

If she cheats WITH you, she will cheat ON you.

 

 

Walk away and don't look back. You know she is capable of lying. Do you really want that in a girlfriend?

[HereNorThere]

Nooooo... He's special. Sometimes people meet special people and have special relationships.

 

I'm sure your girl probably wants you to help her break-up. I'd go ahead and forward him any messages or proof of your relationship. I'm sure once he knows, he'll go give his blessing and you two can ride off into the sunset.

 

Aww.. Very romantic!

[bubbaganoosh]

Just think for one minuet and if need be zip up your pants and think with your big head because as of now your thinking with you little head.

 

She has a boyfriend and she's cheating with you and she's maybe on the verge of leaving him for you. Know what you got?

 

It's like getting a phone call telling you that you just won first prize in a contest. Then you find out that what you won was a all expense paid trip to a clinic for a free enema.

 

Think man. How long do you think before your that guy she's with and she's screwing around with another guy on the side.

 

It's sure fire stupidity on your part. Your no different then the other guy that's getting the shaft except it's not your turn yet.

[Appreciate]

I'm a living example of "if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you".

Worse, I am forever tied to this person via kids.

 

The lack of loyalty shows a lack of maturity and boundaries on her part. She probably feels only "so-so" about her boyfriend and he is clueless. You could be him in a few years.

 

Tell her you can't do this but to call you if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend.

[HereNorThere]

Not to mention, you have this guys sperm inside of you now. Yup, it doesn't just work one way. She has sex with him, you have sex with her and now you all share fluids.

[jm2013]

Not to mention, you have this guys sperm inside of you now. Yup, it doesn't just work one way. She has sex with him, you have sex with her and now you all share fluids.

 

As long as they don't have sex within a 72 hour window they're good

[petee]

Not to mention, you have this guys sperm inside of you now. Yup, it doesn't just work one way. She has sex with him, you have sex with her and now you all share fluids.

 

Right mate. It's a grey area. She's a coward.....she won't break with him because it's awful.m grow a set and tell her what you want to happen. If she wants yo then she needs to square her admin away and get stuck in. If she hesitates then more fool you....move on.

Easier said than done, but do NOT be a foot stool, or worse.

[Silveron]

SJ,

 

 

You need to becareful here. First off, how old is she? I was in the same situation, she lived an hour away and I would go see her about 3-4 times a week. This went on for about 10 months until she left him and started a relationship with me. We didn't do anything physical during that time except kiss. My mind was getting screwed up and during those months I actually dated someone else for a month but that didn't last because I was in love with this woman.

 

 

Long story short, we got married. It will be 10 years next week. However the first year of marriage was HELL. She wanted to get married so quick and within' a month or so after she was seeing her ex behind my back. It destroyed a lot in me. You have to realize that the only way to get her full heart is only if he's not in it. You also have to realize the way she is disrespecting him is the same way she can easily do this to you. You will be in his shoes if she becomes your bf. You will be wondering where she is at, if she's talking to him, etc..

 

 

If I were you, I would take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Personally I would lay off the contact and let her get her head straightened out. If she's meant for you she will come to you after she has left him and had time to get through her emotions. Only then will you be able to get full love from her. Otherwise you are in the same heartbreak that she is giving to her current bf.

[eching]

Hi SJ69. Here's my opinion: cheating is wrong, hurtful, and immoral.

Even if you have feelings for each other, you need to decide which direction your moral compass points.

 

I really think you should leave her, telling her that you can't continue because she has a boyfriend. If she really finds she cares about you more, she'll leave him for you. But at this moment, it is wrong to stay involved with her.

[mammasita]

You're not the exception to the rule. She's cheating with you she will cheat on you.

[oldshirt]

I aim assuming we are talking about single people in their late teens/early 20s with no kids, no mortgages, mutual properties or true commitments here so I am going to take a little different angle here.

 

If I could go back and change one thing from my youth it would be that I wouldn't sit around and wait for the most desirable women to be completely free and clear before I made any moves.

 

Sorry to burst bubbles but the most desirable females in the 18-25 yr range are very rarely not dating someone or having someone claiming to be their beau.

 

Desirable young women do in fact change BF s frequently but there is rarely a period of complete singlehood, or if there is, it is only a matter of days or weeks.

 

They monkey swing from one to the next and if you aren't the one with your tongue down her throat and offering her the best deal while she is still with the old BF, you ain't gonna be the next branch she grabs on to while still holding the other branch.

 

Will she do it to you also someday?? Probably. But that's how it is. You can either have your 15 minutes of fame and take your chances. Or you can play it safe and sit and play Xbox with your buddies on Sat night while the guys with the giblets to take a few risks are out living it up with the pretty girls.

 

People in their teens/early 20s go through BF/GF s like NASCAR goes through tires. You are either in the game and taking a few lumps now and then or you are playing Xbox with the other nerds on Sat night.

 

Your choice.

[CallJames]

I aim assuming we are talking about single people in their late teens/early 20s with no kids, no mortgages, mutual properties or true commitments here so I am going to take a little different angle here.

 

If I could go back and change one thing from my youth it would be that I wouldn't sit around and wait for the most desirable women to be completely free and clear before I made any moves.

 

Sorry to burst bubbles but the most desirable females in the 18-25 yr range are very rarely not dating someone or having someone claiming to be their beau.

 

Desirable young women do in fact change BF s frequently but there is rarely a period of complete singlehood, or if there is, it is only a matter of days or weeks.

 

They monkey swing from one to the next and if you aren't the one with your tongue down her throat and offering her the best deal while she is still with the old BF, you ain't gonna be the next branch she grabs on to while still holding the other branch.

 

Will she do it to you also someday?? Probably. But that's how it is. You can either have your 15 minutes of fame and take your chances. Or you can play it safe and sit and play Xbox with your buddies on Sat night while the guys with the giblets to take a few risks are out living it up with the pretty girls.

 

People in their teens/early 20s go through BF/GF s like NASCAR goes through tires. You are either in the game and taking a few lumps now and then or you are playing Xbox with the other nerds on Sat night.

 

Your choice.

 

There's a lot of truth in this but at the same time girls and guys meet up socially and then pair off into regular relationships.

 

But he's right.. the woman who will cheat on her boyfriend with you is capable of doing it to you as well. She's already lying to you about where she was. So... it sounds like she is fine with assuming control. I don't think you really want to be involved with this person. She sounds like trouble.

[pteromom]

I don't necessarily agree with "if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you". It's possible she wouldn't.

 

But you shouldn't keep holding on letting her waffle either.

 

You should break it off, Tell her you have strong feelings for her but have too much respect for yourself to be a second choice. Tell her that if she ends it with her boyfriend, she knows where to find you.

 

Then move on. She'll either end it with him and run back to you, or she won't.

[oldshirt]

Not to mention I was going to see her today, and she said she was with family and couldn't, but I found out she was actually with her boyfriend... I need help! Should I walk away and just be done? I'm tired of the games, it's not fair to me and her friends even think so as well.

 

This is a simple question to answer really. You have a few different options -

 

- continue to see her on the down low and get what you can untill she dumps you or you find a legit GF.

 

- make her a valid offer contingent on her breaking it off completely with her current BF.

 

- save yourself some aggravation and drama and walk away.

 

All of those options have their own set of pros vs cons.

 

The thing to NOT do however is to let her dictate terms and you capitulate and settle for anything you don't want. If you aren't getting what you want out of the deal, then it's time to move on.