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Do the pain and triggers ever go away?


TheWalkingDead

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TheWalkingDead

Insomnia (again), on 4 hours of sleep last night, so I thought I'd ask the only question that really matters:

 

Do the pain and triggers ever go away?

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IfWishesWereHorses

It takes a ton of time! I guess it's different for different people. That waking up every time you happen to fall asleep and feeling like you were punched in the gut lasts until your mind eventually makes peace with it all. Remember that every day, happiness is a choice. You are never defined by someone else's actions. Practicing mindfulness takes time and effort but goes a long way in learning to control your own emotions and taking YOUR power back. Very sorry for your pain.

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purplesorrow

Time, time, time. And most importantly what you do with that time. Don't isolate yourself. Find other things to focus on like a new hobby or taking a class. Spend time with supportive friends and family. Being a volunteer is also very helpful. Peace to you, hope you are feeling better soon.

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Reading through your posts, what I don't see is what you're DOING to make the pain more bearable???

 

It sounds like you tried IC for a short time?

 

Time doesn't heal all wounds.

 

What are you DOING to help those wounds heal? What has your wife done to rebuild your trust in her? What has she done to try to help you heal?

 

What have you done to help yourself? Therapy? Counseling? Scheduled an appt with your doctor to consider meds for anxiety and depression? What treatment are you currently under for the PTSD/Depression/Anxiety you've posted about here?

 

What changes have you and your wife made in your relationship to help that recover/reconcile/grow? Marriage counseling? Started courting each other again?

 

Your pain and anguish come across loud and clear. The question is...what are you doing about it?

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lilmisscantbewrong

Time and lots of it. It will get better, but I can tell you that even now almost 5 years out, they are there - just dull. I actually had something weird happen last night. My husband and I had just finished working out and he turned on the tv. He was flipping channels and came across a movie that XMOM and I had actually gone to see together. I had avoided that movie like the plague because I was really afraid of the reaction I would have and I was pleasantly surprised at myself.

 

 

We ended up watching it and I was totally fine - I guess it had been long enough -I had a fleeting thought about it and then it was gone. Indifference? I think maybe so.

 

 

For me, it was a huge epiphany - I am doing okay - much better than I thought and so is my husband.

 

 

Hang in there - be patient - I remember those nights. They were horrible. Take care of yourself, try to meditate, don't drink too much, eat healthy and above all exercise - truly these are the only things that got me through in those early years.

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For awhile I was taking over the counter sleep aids from Drug Mart. They worked ok.. Then I found a brand called Unisom which knocks me out in about 15 min after taking. The other poster was right though. It takes a lot of time.

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Hang in there - be patient - I remember those nights. They were horrible. Take care of yourself, try to meditate, don't drink too much, eat healthy and above all exercise - truly these are the only things that got me through in those early years.

 

Second this advice. It's all part of doing what you need to for yourself in order to recover.

 

If you're not doing this...and if you're not directly addressing the anxiety/depression/PTSD that you've mentioned...all the time in the world won't help you recover.

 

The first step is deciding that you don't want to feel this way anymore.

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TheWalkingDead

I have neither the cash nor the trust for IC at this point. Drinking dulls it. Sleep makes it go away n the rare times when there aren't nightmares, but I'm only sleeping 4 or 5 per night. What I'm DOING is absorbing it all....that's all I can do.

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I have neither the cash nor the trust for IC at this point. Drinking dulls it. Sleep makes it go away n the rare times when there aren't nightmares, but I'm only sleeping 4 or 5 per night. What I'm DOING is absorbing it all....that's all I can do.

 

No...it's what you CHOOSE to do.

 

I outlined several things that you can do to help...but at this point, you're choosing not to do any of them.

 

The first thing you need to do is to choose to stop letting yourself stay in the pain. You need to choose to do something to improve your situation.

 

Until you do that...any advice you get from us isn't going to do you any good at all.

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I have neither the cash nor the trust for IC at this point. Drinking dulls it. Sleep makes it go away n the rare times when there aren't nightmares, but I'm only sleeping 4 or 5 per night. What I'm DOING is absorbing it all....that's all I can do.

 

Alcohol isn't going to help in any way. It's just going to suppress it for a couple hours then you'll have to wakeup and re-visit it over and over again and feel like garbage the next day. You should take the advice that was given and get healthy. Go try to workout and you'll notice an overall better feeling.

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nousername21

It took me awhile to be okay with the triggers. I even had to move. It took me about 2 years, but even now 4 years later, I have dull triggers. Sometimes, I'll hear a song that I used to listen to when I was feeling down or during that time, and I'll spend the entire time that song is on reflecting on things. I just don't get sad about it anymore.

 

One thing that helped me is, set a time, about an hour a day (say 4pm or if you work, make it an hour or two before you go to work, so that you'll be distracted when the time is up) where you can reflect on things, and then when you encounter a trigger, just think to yourself "no, it's not time to think about that yet." make a mental note or an actual note to remind yourself when that time comes. It's healthy to give yourself time to be sad. It won't help immediately, but it'll get easier. I use that tactic for everything now, especially anxiety episodes.

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TheBladeRunner

Only with time. Here I was last night, WWXW drops off my kid and offers up her typical long drawn out goodbye like she'll never see her again. This of course creates HUGE drama with my 6 year old daughter; the tears, the missing mommy (she just had her 5 days), and the inevitable statement that always comes at the end: "I wish you and mommy weren't separated". This kind of garbage that her mother instigates sends me into a complete trigger.........

 

The cool thing is that the last real trigger I had was so many months ago I cannot remember when nor what it was about and I also realized it only lasted about an hour.

 

Two years ago, right after DDay, I would have been "Triggin' out" for days. All I can say is time, time, time, and work on you.

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TheWalkingDead
What are you DOING to help those wounds heal? What has your wife done to rebuild your trust in her? What has she done to try to help you heal?

 

What have you done to help yourself? Therapy? Counseling? Scheduled an appt with your doctor to consider meds for anxiety and depression? What treatment are you currently under for the PTSD/Depression/Anxiety you've posted about here?

 

What changes have you and your wife made in your relationship to help that recover/reconcile/grow? Marriage counseling? Started courting each other again?

 

Your pain and anguish come across loud and clear. The question is...what are you doing about it?

 

 

What she has done is stopped screwing me over. What she says is "I'm very sorry." She, ahem, "doesn't remember" very much about it because it was so long ago.

 

Therapy and counseling are out because of money. I don't want melds for a chemical depression when my depression is situational--the same way I don't want a cast for a sprain.

 

I'm trying to read what I can, which is almost universally useless and triggery.

 

No MC, no money. We're trying to spend more time together, and I suppose we're "courting each other", but we sort of always have (even when she was screwing me over), so that doesn't do all that much for me.

 

So, I'm trying with what resources I have left, but they, like me, are just about gone.

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compulsivedancer

If you have insurance, they often cover counseling so you only pay the copay.

 

I second (fifth?) exercising. When you are stressed, your body produces cortisol. The only things that get rid of it are sleep and exercise. Regular exercise will also help you sleep. Alcohol and caffeine will kill your sleep schedule. Research circadian rhythms to try to repair yours. Sleeping pills often keep you from having many of the healthier types of sleep.

 

After DDay, yoga was the easiest way for me to let go of my swirling thoughts and stresses. Yoga meditation specifically. You can look these up on YouTube if you can't afford classes.

 

It's up to you to take control of your life. There are lots of ways to do it, but it sounds like what you're doing isn't working and you are treading water.

 

I wish you well, and if you have any questions about WSs' thought processes, I'd be happy to offer my thoughts.

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TheWalkingDead
There are lots of ways to do it, but it sounds like what you're doing isn't working and you are treading water.

 

I wish you well, and if you have any questions about WSs' thought processes....

 

Ohhh, to be treading water....I wish I were!

 

Thanks for the offer, but I'm humiliated enough without going into detailed questions in public.

 

The good news....it won't kill me today.

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compulsivedancer

Thanks for the offer, but I'm humiliated enough without going into detailed questions in public.

 

When you reach PM capabilities, you're welcome to drop me a line. I can't guarantee it'll be helpful, but I can offer my perspectives.

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TheWalkingDead

Thank you.

 

As far as the 18 month long insomnia goes, if I can just convince myself nights are naps, they are really quite long...,

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TWD, between the two threads I've been posting to you on, I'm pretty convinced that you're right.

 

There is nothing that anyone can do to help you.

 

You need professional level help...that you refuse to consider/seek out.

 

No one can help someone who refuses help.

 

You're not beyond help because you're worthless, etc... You're beyond help simply because you refuse it.

 

Until you hit rock bottom...which you haven't yet, let me assure you...you're going to stay right where you're at.

 

Until the pain of staying where you're at grows great enough that you finally opt to do something about it...you're going to stay right where you're at.

 

When you want to change, when you want help, when you want to stop hurting....remember the advice you got from the posters here. Perhaps it can help you then.

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TheWalkingDead

Is there some part of "I don't have $400 per month" or "My insurance has a $10,000 deductible" that you don't understand?

 

Now, you'll say, "You didn't tell me that." To which I'll reply, "I told you I didn't have the money."

 

Are you too stupid to understand that, or just so calloused you enjoy kicking the crap out of someone who is teetering on the edge? Oh....you're wise and don't think I've bottomed out yet, huh? If I told you how close I was to ending it all, sitting in a store parking lot considering the positives of both sides, you'd pee your pants. So, well, %#*=! YOU!

 

Take your alleged wisdom and shove it.

 

Too subtle? Something there you can't understand?

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The pain definitely lingers.

 

After a while, I became numb (for the most part.) I've dated/talked to other guys and it was fun while it lasted but eventually I get bored (or freaked out) and I disappear.

 

After 3 (not so great) RSs, I'm long overdue for a break. I'm enjoying the single life soooo very much. It's the best.

 

Now, I'm at the point where I just don't care. I'm not exactly proud of myself for that but it's certainly better than bawling my eyes out for days in a row. I walked through a very long, very dark tunnel all by myself...the light was unbelievably beautiful once I finally made it out of that tunnel and that light in my life is still shining.

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compulsivedancer

My town has several organizations that offer income-based counseling.

 

There have been several other options listed here that didn't require money. Most of them involved exercise or meditation.

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TheWalkingDead

Yes, working out makes me feel better....for the hour I work out. That leaves 23 each day, and that's, assuming I slept more than 4 or 5 hours and have the strength to do an hour. I pray, and so far what I've gotten is a huge phallic symbol flipped at me. I got a yoga app....That helps for the 30 minutes or so that I do it.

 

I'm.starting too think.I decided incorrectly that day at the bottom....

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TheWalkingDead

Awe, man.....you square away a jerk, know it all poster and the mediators 86 your post for telling the truth.

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EverySunset
Yes, working out makes me feel better....for the hour I work out. That leaves 23 each day, and that's, assuming I slept more than 4 or 5 hours and have the strength to do an hour. I pray, and so far what I've gotten is a huge phallic symbol flipped at me. I got a yoga app....That helps for the 30 minutes or so that I do it.

 

I'm.starting too think.I decided incorrectly that day at the bottom....

 

Yoga, meditation, and working out aren't just for the hour or so that you do them.

 

Yoga encourages you to connect your mind to your body, and find a harmony there. Meditation can guide you to a new spiritual place, and gives you release from earthly worries or stresses. Working out makes your body move the way it is supposed to, again, stripping you down to an animal self and healthy being.

 

No one... From a yogi, to a spiritual guide, or a personal trainer does any of these things or even a combination of them all day. They take these practices and turn them into a healthier way of life. Of thinking. Of feeling. Of moving.

 

Many of us here have been where you are, or somewhere close (yes really) or we wouldn't be here on this forum. But the difference is, we have largely accepted that yes, it is terrible, but we have to move on for some kind of peace in our own lives. So we get feeling and moving.

 

Happiness IS a choice. To move towards it, anyway, and find out what makes us happy now. For me, and I've posted this a lot, I was broke too. I found my happiness outside, breathing air, and simply being in one sunny place with my dogs. If I wanted to sleep, they were safe so I did. If I was hungry, I drank water and had small bites. It was that simple. No triggers to be had. Just me, alone but for my dogs, in the sunshine.

 

Choosing to be happy.

 

I know you are feeling sad and alone right now, but you can't go in any direction at all until you place your feet towards one. Then a small step comes next. Suddenly, you're on a journey to happiness - because every adventure had to start with that first, simple step.

 

Why not point your feet towards happiness today?

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