My "new" husband/stalking by proxy

[purplesorrow]

We had our first date this past weekend. For the most part, it was very pleasant. Things are slowly moving forward. I have some issues! He apparently has read some book about helping your spouse heal from the affair. In the last few weeks he installed a new gps on his phone, the damn thing sends me an email and picture of his whereabouts every thirty minutes! Really! I don't even look at the webcam for my daughter's preschool that often. I haven't checked any of his stuff since dday and never planned to. I'm stalking him with his permission.

I asked him why and he said he wants me to know he is safe. Part of me feels like it is more for him. He mentions so much how free he feels from not living a secret life and not being a liar any more. He said he has been a liar his entire life.

My other issue is he is so different now. Too soon to tell if we like the new and improved versions of each other. The biggest change is how emotional he has become. He cries a lot. He could be playing with our daughter and have to step away to cry when he thinks about the direction his life was going in. His therapist doesn't think he is depressed. For those reconciling, is any of this remotely familiar? Please, any insight.

Edited July 23, 2014 by purplesorrow

[Spark1111]

Yes....all of it.

 

First, I cannot imagine the effort, the subterfuge, it takes to lead a double life. The relief of not doing that anymore must be huge....and emotional.

 

Secondly, once the fog clears, it must be overwhelming to realize what was almost lost due to their selfish actions and hard to digest just how despicable it is to lie and cheat.

 

I think in my H's sitch, he still looks back and cannot believe his actions during his affair. He shudders, and 6 years later, still triggers.

[katielee]

I would LOVE a WS like this...

Mine says we need to have trust or we don't have a marriage. He hates it when I spy or look. Doesn't understand, apparently, what betrayal does to a person and he should.

Him making you feel safe is huge!

[notserene]

My H was palpably relieved when he ended the affair. Of course I was then the one who couldn't sleep at night. He also looks back and says that he can't believe that he was the person that he was during that time. It's very sobering. I'm glad your H is so willing to do what needs to be done.

[purplesorrow]

Thank you both. It is just so weird to me because I have always been an open book. Never even had a lock on my phone. As an adult I just can't imagine sneaking around and hiding stuff. I do appreciate his efforts. He is either going to do right by me of he isn't. I hope he does.

[BetrayedH]

I think you might just be seeing true remorse. It's a rare thing.

 

If I remember right, you've been separated for a year now and came to the brink of divorce but he has been trying to make things right the whole time. And now that he has a shot, he's making increased efforts (reading affair books on his own and being voluntarily transparent).

 

I think the tough part is that now the pressure tends to shift to you. Although he can't be the one to say it, you're going to have to decide if you can "get over it." That's not to say that you have to just forgive and forget or have blind trust again but you do have to decide if you can embrace your husband again and get back into the marriage with both feet. If you can't, you may have to decide to let him go. It's a tough position to be in. Up until now, the pressure has been on him. You have to decide if you're ready to give up that victim status and forgive. Acknowledging his true remorse means the pressure is on you.

[purplesorrow]

I think you might just be seeing true remorse. It's a rare thing.

 

If I remember right, you've been separated for a year now and came to the brink of divorce but he has been trying to make things right the whole time. And now that he has a shot, he's making increased efforts (reading affair books on his own and being voluntarily transparent).

 

I think the tough part is that now the pressure tends to shift to you. Although he can't be the one to say it, you're going to have to decide if you can "get over it." That's not to say that you have to just forgive and forget or have blind trust again but you do have to decide if you can embrace your husband again and get back into the marriage with both feet. If you can't, you may have to decide to let him go. It's a tough position to be in. Up until now, the pressure has been on him. You have to decide if you're ready to give up that victim status and forgive. Acknowledging his true remorse means the pressure is on you.

You are so right! I do feel the pressure. It is truly an internal battle still about respecting myself for staying. Thank you for this, I needed to hear this.

[Zeurich]

Hi there your story very well familiar by me I don't know what I am saying will help you or not but at least you can see if there any similarity. My ex-husband was done the same. We were married 12 years. I never asked him why he was late from work or why he has go out station. He tells me everything where he goes why so and so. Also he used to send me sms with saying I am here for work. So once he left home very early with saying he is going to a course and he probably will be late it is in that institute. Well around 15:00PM I have received a call from a Belgium Hotel and they said they have the forgotten mobile phone of his wife and they will post it but charge from his credit card. I was totally shocked, mad, sad , disappointing everything at the same time. As he said he was very late. I did not say anything but since then I started my self look for everything. While he went to bath I have checked his bag. Then I found a rent contract for an apartment, and also credit card paid bills for earrings,necklaces, lot more other stuff as perfumes and more than 22 hotel invoices. I have lost my soul, my heart was broken. Then I went to his car. Back was full with porn magazines. Front cabin was full with condoms and woman underwear. And some parcel envelopes what he received at his work.

The same night I have drop the issue on the table. I could not wait any more.I said that I received a call from a hotel that his wife's mobile phone was found in hotel and they will send it to his work and I have asked who is that wife they are talking about and how many wife's he has? He said that might be some sort of mistake and it is not possible he was in a hotel while there is a course to follow. Then I drop all the invoices and all the condoms and woman slips what I have found. Then he very calm said he had an affair it is finished. She is harassing him it is not his fault. And he kneel down and touch my feet and ask for forgiveness and also second chance. Since I have found out about his affair he is very emotional some times hard to talk. Crying lot. Even he goes to read a book to our daughter he is crying, while watching tv together sitting on the couch he is crying. More often he said what sort of a disaster he was going to do. He start sending me GPS locations through messenger. He start calling me from every other locations and some of his friends also start telling me over the phone my husband was with them.

We start completely new. went for dating. Dinners out and gave fresh start. Crying was daily routine. But once when we were having dinner in a restaurant one woman came very arrogantly and start beating my husband with her umbrella or something what she had in her hand. She loudly accused my husband for lies. She confirmed with a sms what my husband send to her with saying "I am divorcing this ****ing Bitch" 5 days before we came to this dinner out.

For me his crying was completely an acting. But I cannot say exactly what is yours. So watch out that is the best. Hope you will figure this out soon.

[purplesorrow]

Hi there your story very well familiar by me I don't know what I am saying will help you or not but at least you can see if there any similarity. My ex-husband was done the same. We were married 12 years. I never asked him why he was late from work or why he has go out station. He tells me everything where he goes why so and so. Also he used to send me sms with saying I am here for work. So once he left home very early with saying he is going to a course and he probably will be late it is in that institute. Well around 15:00PM I have received a call from a Belgium Hotel and they said they have the forgotten mobile phone of his wife and they will post it but charge from his credit card. I was totally shocked, mad, sad , disappointing everything at the same time. As he said he was very late. I did not say anything but since then I started my self look for everything. While he went to bath I have checked his bag. Then I found a rent contract for an apartment, and also credit card paid bills for earrings,necklaces, lot more other stuff as perfumes and more than 22 hotel invoices. I have lost my soul, my heart was broken. Then I went to his car. Back was full with porn magazines. Front cabin was full with condoms and woman underwear. And some parcel envelopes what he received at his work.

The same night I have drop the issue on the table. I could not wait any more.I said that I received a call from a hotel that his wife's mobile phone was found in hotel and they will send it to his work and I have asked who is that wife they are talking about and how many wife's he has? He said that might be some sort of mistake and it is not possible he was in a hotel while there is a course to follow. Then I drop all the invoices and all the condoms and woman slips what I have found. Then he very calm said he had an affair it is finished. She is harassing him it is not his fault. And he kneel down and touch my feet and ask for forgiveness and also second chance. Since I have found out about his affair he is very emotional some times hard to talk. Crying lot. Even he goes to read a book to our daughter he is crying, while watching tv together sitting on the couch he is crying. More often he said what sort of a disaster he was going to do. He start sending me GPS locations through messenger. He start calling me from every other locations and some of his friends also start telling me over the phone my husband was with them.

We start completely new. went for dating. Dinners out and gave fresh start. Crying was daily routine. But once when we were having dinner in a restaurant one woman came very arrogantly and start beating my husband with her umbrella or something what she had in her hand. She loudly accused my husband for lies. She confirmed with a sms what my husband send to her with saying "I am divorcing this ****ing Bitch" 5 days before we came to this dinner out.

For me his crying was completely an acting. But I cannot say exactly what is yours. So watch out that is the best. Hope you will figure this out soon.

 

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I hope my husband isn't acting. I hope you are able to heal and find some happiness. Peace to you.

[Red123]

Purple- I can relate to a lot of your post. I too see a very different man than before my H had his A. He rarely shared how he was feeling, I call him a bottler because he never wanted to talk about his concerns. He is now much more emotional, and cries when he speaks about what he has done. He is very ashamed and will often say he doesn't recognize the person he was while in the A. He is now offering to let me see everything, but like you I struggle with wanting to check. I don't want a life of watching to make sure it doesn't happen again, it feels really unnatural. He also states that although our R is very painful, hashing everything out and the sadness that comes with it, he is so much happier than when in the A. He says living a lie and trying to look at himself knowing he was doing that was so much worse. He says that the realization of almost losing me after 18 years together was a huge wake up call. I have to agree with Betrayed H for you and for me, the pressure is on now to decide if we can go forward with them. My H and by the sounds of your posts, yours are doing the work, we have to decide if it's enough. I have followed your story and your posts and I wish you only the best. Betrayed H- I always hope you will weigh in on posts as I find your posts very wise.

[HermioneG]

Yes....all of it.

 

First, I cannot imagine the effort, the subterfuge, it takes to lead a double life. The relief of not doing that anymore must be huge....and emotional.

 

Secondly, once the fog clears, it must be overwhelming to realize what was almost lost due to their selfish actions and hard to digest just how despicable it is to lie and cheat.

 

I think in my H's sitch, he still looks back and cannot believe his actions during his affair. He shudders, and 6 years later, still triggers.

 

Exactly this. Exactly.

 

We are five years out, and my husband cried last week when we got bad news about another family. He was overcome with relief that our family was okay, and it was a sense of "that could have been our mess", and he just broke down.

[mikethemechanic]

leopards can't change their spots, we was humans just become more covert as well as manipulative every time we get caught! The question is why did ws cheat? Financial infidelity may be the new normal 67% of married adults admitted to doing it. Ow no was permissive and none condemning therefore they hit it off.

Best way to be manipulative is to be transparent or the motto of the Mossad is "by deception though shalt conduct war"! Are you convinced of his generous transparentness. I'd recommend that you should be more demur.

Edited July 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[purplesorrow]

I stated above that I think the transparency is more for him. It doesn't really increase my trust level for him no more than checking up on him would. I refuse to live like a probation officer. The trust is building because he is a more authentic person now, but for me the trust building is a very slow process and will continue to be. We still do not live together. He has been free to do whatever he wanted for the last almost 18 months. He stayed in therapy, got rid of some life long friends and mended relationships within his family. I do believe he has changed.

Edited July 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Snowflower]

I think you might just be seeing true remorse. It's a rare thing.

 

If I remember right, you've been separated for a year now and came to the brink of divorce but he has been trying to make things right the whole time. And now that he has a shot, he's making increased efforts (reading affair books on his own and being voluntarily transparent).

 

I think the tough part is that now the pressure tends to shift to you. Although he can't be the one to say it, you're going to have to decide if you can "get over it." That's not to say that you have to just forgive and forget or have blind trust again but you do have to decide if you can embrace your husband again and get back into the marriage with both feet. If you can't, you may have to decide to let him go. It's a tough position to be in. Up until now, the pressure has been on him. You have to decide if you're ready to give up that victim status and forgive. Acknowledging his true remorse means the pressure is on you.

 

BetrayedH brings up some really excellent posts here.

 

When reconciling, it has been my experience that we put a lot of the pressure on the betrayer of the marriage-and rightly so. However, the WS is only half of the equation. The other half is us-the betrayed. And this caught me by surprise the 2nd year of reconciling with my H. And since you're heading into your 2nd year, Purplesorrow, I just want to give you a heads-up. Like BH said, some of the effort will now have to come from you. It can't be just your husband trying to prove himself to you.

 

Please know that I'm not saying that you're not doing what you need to to contribute the the rebuilding of your marriage. I just wanted to warn ya' that sometimes we as BS can fall into that trap of thinking the WS has to do the hard work of trying to fix everything. However, we need to help rebuild too. As we all know, a marriage takes two! Again, I'm not saying that you're not working hard at your marriage with your husband.

 

As an aside, based on what you write about him, Purplesorrow, you have one of the most repentent do-what-it-takes WS I have ever read about here. Many/most men would have given up on their marriage after a year of being separated and being so close to a divorce.

 

They may have been genuinely remorseful and wanted to fix things but they would have seen their situation-as you have described-as futile. Men are generally fixers and if they saw that it didn't appear their marriage could be "fixed" by their efforts they give up. As much as I don't like to think about it, I'm not sure my H would have hung in there as long if I had separated from him for a year.

 

No, I think you might have a real gem in your H. He didn't give up and even when you were near to filing, he was still willing to wait and try to work it out even if his marriage to you ended.

[mikethemechanic]

I stated above that I think the transparency is more for him. It doesn't really increase my trust level for him no more than checking up on him would. I refuse to live like a probation officer. The trust is building because he is a more authentic person now, but for me the trust building is a very slow process and will continue to be. We still do not live together. He has been free to do whatever he wanted for the last almost 18 months. He stayed in therapy, got rid of some life long friends and mended relationships within his family. I do believe he has changed.

I remember when pedophiles were thought to change through rehabilitation. One could have lost their lost job in law enforcement for thinking to the contrary. Homosexuality was also changeable so when a person was detained for acting out in a "gay cruising zone" and when the wife found out about the offence a chaplain was often brought in to salvage the marriage. Of course the solution always was redemption. Most of them bawled their eyes out promising to change. Among the higher ups in the police office a junior officer was looked on with disdain for expressing doubts. My recommendation is to avoid him.

[DKT3]

leopards can't change their spots, we was humans just become more covert as well as manipulative every time we get caught! The question is why did ws cheat? Financial infidelity may be the new normal 67% of married adults admitted to doing it. Ow no was permissive and none condemning therefore they hit it off.

Best way to be manipulative is to be transparent or the motto of the Mossad is "by deception though shalt conduct war"! Are you convinced of his generous transparentness. I'd recommend that you should be more demur.

 

Its not really about changing spots. Maybe I'm wrong here, but is simply don't believe that WS's go into affairs thinking about what they are risking. I know that it will cross their mind but by then they have likely already crossed the line.

 

Once they come face to face with what their actions have caused its a different story.

 

I also the that BH is on the money purple, I too faced that pressure. Once she was doing all the things that I had wished for in the years passed I had to decide could I be all in. It started to feel like I was being chased and managed to stay close enough for her to chase but far enough away that she couldn't touch me. At some point I had to slow up and reach back or speed away leaving her in my rearveiw. Its a hard to get back on that branch in our cases where we were no longer together and coming to grips with maybe never being together again.

[purplesorrow]

Its not really about changing spots. Maybe I'm wrong here, but is simply don't believe that WS's go into affairs thinking about what they are risking. I know that it will cross their mind but by then they have likely already crossed the line.

 

Once they come face to face with what their actions have caused its a different story.

 

I also the that BH is on the money purple, I too faced that pressure. Once she was doing all the things that I had wished for in the years passed I had to decide could I be all in. It started to feel like I was being chased and managed to stay close enough for her to chase but far enough away that she couldn't touch me. At some point I had to slow up and reach back or speed away leaving her in my rearveiw. Its a hard to get back on that branch in our cases where we were no longer together and coming to grips with maybe never being together again.

 

Wow! This describes it perfectly. I didn't think he would do even a fraction of what he has done. I do think he will be a great partner now. I just have to get the courage to really allow him to. How were you able to do that?

[purplesorrow]

BetrayedH brings up some really excellent posts here.

 

When reconciling, it has been my experience that we put a lot of the pressure on the betrayer of the marriage-and rightly so. However, the WS is only half of the equation. The other half is us-the betrayed. And this caught me by surprise the 2nd year of reconciling with my H. And since you're heading into your 2nd year, Purplesorrow, I just want to give you a heads-up. Like BH said, some of the effort will now have to come from you. It can't be just your husband trying to prove himself to you.

 

Please know that I'm not saying that you're not doing what you need to to contribute the the rebuilding of your marriage. I just wanted to warn ya' that sometimes we as BS can fall into that trap of thinking the WS has to do the hard work of trying to fix everything. However, we need to help rebuild too. As we all know, a marriage takes two! Again, I'm not saying that you're not working hard at your marriage with your husband.

 

As an aside, based on what you write about him, Purplesorrow, you have one of the most repentent do-what-it-takes WS I have ever read about here. Many/most men would have given up on their marriage after a year of being separated and being so close to a divorce.

 

They may have been genuinely remorseful and wanted to fix things but they would have seen their situation-as you have described-as futile. Men are generally fixers and if they saw that it didn't appear their marriage could be "fixed" by their efforts they give up. As much as I don't like to think about it, I'm not sure my H would have hung in there as long if I had separated from him for a year.

 

No, I think you might have a real gem in your H. He didn't give up and even when you were near to filing, he was still willing to wait and try to work it out even if his marriage to you ended.

 

You make some very good points. I didn't think he would do all that he has. But he knowers that anything less would not have worked for me. I totally expected him to try to makes amends, but no real idea if he would. I know that stopping the divorce was only the first hurdle as far as my contribution goes. I'm on the ledge pondering just how to jump in with him.

[purplesorrow]

I remember when pedophiles were thought to change through rehabilitation. One could have lost their lost job in law enforcement for thinking to the contrary. Homosexuality was also changeable so when a person was detained for acting out in a "gay cruising zone" and when the wife found out about the offence a chaplain was often brought in to salvage the marriage. Of course the solution always was redemption. Most of them bawled their eyes out promising to change. Among the higher ups in the police office a junior officer was looked on with disdain for expressing doubts. My recommendation is to avoid him.

 

What is the recommendation based on? Everyone's experience is different. Are you limiting mine based on yours? Very curious, thanks.

[Snowflower]

I know that stopping the divorce was only the first hurdle as far as my contribution goes. I'm on the ledge pondering just how to jump in with him.

 

Baby steps!

 

Stopping the divorce was the hurdle and a huge one at that because it sounds like you were okay to live without him in your life.

 

Baby steps...a date night here, family time with your daughter there, marriage counseling if you're not already doing that.

 

Small steps are okay. I don't think you have to jump in and go full-out but what baby steps you do take with him (or toward him) do with 100% effort.

 

It's difficult. Successfully reconciling is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. But, it can be done. And, it sounds like you are doing a much better job at it than I did.

[harrybrown]

I am glad that he is trying to make changes.

 

Hope you both find some peace and less roller coaster rides.

[daisydook]

You are so right! I do feel the pressure. It is truly an internal battle still about respecting myself for staying. Thank you for this, I needed to hear this.

 

Yes, you should definitely take pride in this, and respect yourself for staying. You are stronger than I was. I just couldn't see a way to forgive the A, given the circumstances and mind numbing blows at every turn. I ran away. I ran from everything, not knowing how to cope. Leaving him was no walk in the park and staying NC, even harder. I have cried myself to sleep many nights, mad at myself for not being able to forgive him, because the reality is, I did not want it to be over. I did not want him to cheat. I wanted to get married and have children with him. There were nights where I woke up in my apartment, having been cuddling him, or something, and it was just odd to wake up all alone, in an apartment he had never been in, in a bed he had never touched, or slept in, and cuddling me, which he hadn't done in months. I still have dreams of him sometimes.

 

I was someone who did not have the strength to do what you have, even though my ex showed remorse, was broken by his actions, and still to this day 18 months later, would love me to come "home." We do not speak, or see one another but when you spend a decade with someone, they know exactly what you are up to, through mutual friends. I really don't think he thought I would leave, and then stay gone. I really do believe he thought, like everything else, I would eventually stop being mad. The problem is, I was mad, I'm not mad now, and I still do not feel I can forgive him. It is what it is. I like my life now. I enjoy coming home and sitting on my couch alone, playing video games, eating packaged noodles at 845 for dinner, and drinking milk out of the carton if I wanna!

 

One thing I have found myself for, is feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for leaving him. I feel guilty he is still so sad, guilty he still wants me to come home and guilty he still believes one day I might. I feel guilty I have moved on and I'm happier now. I opened my account in December when I started dating a really awesome guy. I had not been dating seriously, so I knew where my head was at! I met an amazing man online, and fell really hard, really fast. He absolutely rocked my world. Guilty! Why?!?!?! Lol Part of me feels awful guilt inside for not reconciling.

 

I wanted to pipe in, because regardless there is pressure and guilt and all these feelings we are feeling, when we really should be respecting our decision and being solid for ourselves. WE chose what WE wanted and needed for ourselves and WE need to stand strong in that. I am a great woman and I had my world torn out from under me! I need to respect myself for leaving, just as I would have respected myself for staying. Sometimes it is helpful for me to see the other side of things, so thank you for opening up your life to us, and sharing your story.

 

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[daisydook]

Yes, you should definitely take pride in this, and respect yourself for staying. You are stronger than I was. I just couldn't see a way to forgive the A, given the circumstances and mind numbing blows at every turn. I ran away. I ran from everything, not knowing how to cope. Leaving him was no walk in the park and staying NC, even harder. I have cried myself to sleep many nights, mad at myself for not being able to forgive him, because the reality is, I did not want it to be over. I did not want him to cheat. I wanted to get married and have children with him. There were nights where I woke up from a dream in my apartment, having been cuddling him, or something, and it was just odd to wake up all alone, in an apartment he had never been in, in a bed he had never touched, or slept in, and cuddling me, which he hadn't done in months. I still have dreams of him sometimes.

 

I was someone who did not have the strength to do what you have, even though my ex showed remorse, was broken by his actions, and still to this day 18 months later, would love me to come "home." We do not speak, or see one another but when you spend a decade with someone, they know exactly what you are up to, through mutual friends. I really don't think he thought I would leave, and then stay gone. I really do believe he thought, like everything else, I would eventually stop being mad. The problem is, I was mad, I'm not mad now, and I still do not feel I can forgive him. It is what it is. I like my life now. I enjoy coming home and sitting on my couch alone, playing video games, eating packaged noodles at 845 for dinner, and drinking milk out of the carton if I wanna!

 

One thing I have found myself for, is feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for leaving him. I feel guilty he is still so sad, guilty he still wants me to come home and guilty he still believes one day I might. I feel guilty I have moved on and I'm happier now. I opened my account in December when I started dating a really awesome guy. I had not been dating seriously, so I knew where my head was at! I met an amazing man online, and fell really hard, really fast. He absolutely rocked my world. Guilty! Why?!?!?! Lol Part of me feels awful guilt inside for not reconciling.

 

I wanted to pipe in, because regardless there is pressure and guilt and all these feelings we are feeling, when we really should be respecting our decision and being solid for ourselves. WE chose what WE wanted and needed for ourselves and WE need to stand strong in that. I am a great woman and I had my world torn out from under me! I need to respect myself for leaving, just as I would have respected myself for staying. Sometimes it is helpful for me to see the other side of things, so thank you for opening up your life to us, and sharing your story.

 

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Journee]

What struck me the most was your H stating that he had been a liar his entire life. My stbxh has made similar statements. We also separated for a year at one point. We are not reconciling any longer. At the point that I was finally able to let him back into my heart and I became pregnant with our youngest....he began his latest affair. I was devastated and it killed me. I could never even dream of reconciliation at this point. We've not slept in the same bed since my 18 month old was born. We've not been intimate since February. I thought it was just because of his sleep schedule..... I know better now. There is nothing to salvage.

 

It doesn't seem like the case with you all. Your H sounds like he is really reflecting on his choices and it's shaken him to the core. I don't believe in just throwing people away. I gave my H the gift of my love and offer to reconcile multiple times. Whatever needed to shake wasn't shook enough for my stbxh. He cried to me and clung to me until the cycle repeated. I truly hope that he one day is able to love and be faithful to someone. Reconciliation pushed me to a point of darkness I have not known before. I'd not choose reconciliation again in my life. The pain has been too great and I'm not proud of my actions since.

 

I love to read successful reconciliation stories as I know that not all A's are the same because that's just not possible in my opinion. There are just so many variables. I think your being a bit cautious is ok. I don't know how to advise you on letting your guard down because it's just a leap of faith. I jumped and am still nursing my wounds, while you may find big strong arms to catch you instead of the dense, flat reality I met.

 

I wish you happiness and just take it one day at a time. You are both hurting.

[Jonah]

He its a free man now. Grew from himself and now has the ability to go out and enjoy life! Ah the bliss of abundance! Best realize for yourself lest yr get left behind!