gloriaE Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that has been cheated on and has also cheated. I have been emotionally connected with a couple men over the course of my 20 year marriage (all of which my husband was aware of). I felt guilty and took steps to stop. Needless to say, my marriage has been unfulfilling and I have found my husband negligent. He traveled a lot for work and has a drinking problem. While he has been resistant to counseling I have worked hard in therapy. Last year I find out he has cheated a few times during our marriage. I physically stayed but emotionally checked out. I recently met with an old coworker/friend and kindled an emotional affair. I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there in a similar situation. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that has been cheated on and has also cheated. I have been emotionally connected with a couple men over the course of my 20 year marriage (all of which my husband was aware of). I felt guilty and took steps to stop. Needless to say, my marriage has been unfulfilling and I have found my husband negligent. He traveled a lot for work and has a drinking problem. While he has been resistant to counseling I have worked hard in therapy. Last year I find out he has cheated a few times during our marriage. I physically stayed but emotionally checked out. I recently met with an old coworker/friend and kindled an emotional affair. I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there in a similar situation. Yeah, there are several posters here that fit the bill. You say you've had several emotional affairs and your husband knew. I hope you weren't shocked when you found out he cheated. I guessing your not the only one unfulfilled in your marriage. I'm also guessing your husband emotionally check out as well. Link to post Share on other sites
AmyBamy Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 I was a BS and then was an OW. Marriages are ending all over the world at this very minute. I wouldn't change my experiences, but I am a lot less naive now about happily ever after. I am strongly of the mind now that if a relationship isn't working for me and I've done all I can possibly do, I simply end it. I have yet to regret ending any relationships that I've ended. I am hopeful that other people will catch on to this in time and that we as a society (the US) will either stop marrying so frequently or realize that divorce is not the end of the world and we are in this life only once (that we know of) and that happiness is a worthwhile pursuit. I agree with the first response, your marriage sounds like it's nonexistent other than on paper and perhaps for some sort of convenience. Why stay? Trust me, a little discomfort for a lifetime of happiness is well worth it. I don't regret my divorce at all and never have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gloriaE Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Yeah, there are several posters here that fit the bill. You say you've had several emotional affairs and your husband knew. I hope you weren't shocked when you found out he cheated. I guessing your not the only one unfulfilled in your marriage. I'm also guessing your husband emotionally check out as well. Actually, I was shocked. Because while I allowed myself to get a little too close emotionally maybe 4 times over 20 years- he took his clothes off and screwed around 7 (that he's admitted to). My husband was the one traveling for work, leaving me behind and refusing any kind of counseling. I never denied his sexual needs for extended periods but he was ok with denying my emotional needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gloriaE Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 I was a BS and then was an OW. Marriages are ending all over the world at this very minute. I wouldn't change my experiences, but I am a lot less naive now about happily ever after. I am strongly of the mind now that if a relationship isn't working for me and I've done all I can possibly do, I simply end it. I have yet to regret ending any relationships that I've ended. I am hopeful that other people will catch on to this in time and that we as a society (the US) will either stop marrying so frequently or realize that divorce is not the end of the world and we are in this life only once (that we know of) and that happiness is a worthwhile pursuit. I agree with the first response, your marriage sounds like it's nonexistent other than on paper and perhaps for some sort of convenience. Why stay? Trust me, a little discomfort for a lifetime of happiness is well worth it. I don't regret my divorce at all and never have. Thank you for sharing. So far I have stayed for religious reasons and for my child. Now, I am staying out of weakness and fear. I am truly trying to grow some balls and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Sounds to me like you've both contributed to an unhealthy relationship. Get counseling and rebuild from a place of trust and transparency, or get out. Since you've both been bad partners, it may make reconciliation easier. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Buckle up gloria, don't take the easy road to satisfaction, don't succumb into it just like your husband has, be better than him. Work on this issue the right way, even if it's difficult and painful. Be patient and optimist, take things step by step, eventually you'll find a way to get through each weakness and fear and be where you want to be properly. Back off from the other man, he'll just make the whole situation more difficult, and you won't get anywhere with that relationship now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gloriaE Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Buckle up gloria, don't take the easy road to satisfaction, don't succumb into it just like your husband has, be better than him. Work on this issue the right way, even if it's difficult and painful. Be patient and optimist, take things step by step, eventually you'll find a way to get through each weakness and fear and be where you want to be properly. Back off from the other man, he'll just make the whole situation more difficult, and you won't get anywhere with that relationship now. thank you for your thoughtful reply. there is a lot of wisdom in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Let me just say that this entire distance I've traveled in infidelity has been the most breathtaking and desperate feeling that I've ever known. I watched my H run around on me and reject me for years. I allowed the shabby treatment. I let it destroy me and turn me into a bitter and entitled wrecking ball. My M is over. Still living together until he gets his finances together. He is actually going to go look at a place this Friday. Anyway, I was dying to feel beautiful and special again. My stbxh and I didn't sleep in the same bed or have sex. His porn addiction satisfied his needs pretty much since the last affair that I know of going on two years ago. I started a new amazing job. Really the job of my dreams. As you can guess....I met a man there. Someone just as screwed up and aching as I was. I fell in love and lost who I was. I crushed my values, my convictions and everything I thought I knew to be true. I've thought about posting the whole tale but I haven't came out on the other side of things yet. I hope that you have sense enough not to take your RA as far and wide as I have. I hope that you heal from all of this. I have no advice as I'm not in a place to give it. I'm still cracking up from the emotions stirred from this man I fell for. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Yes - both an OW and a BS - sucks to be both. I have no desire to really recount my tales. You can read them in my previous posts. Link to post Share on other sites
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