Nahtaivel616 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I felt that something was going on between him and the OW, even though that he just tried to say that they was just friends. I found out the truth when he changed his phone number after they got into a spat, and she sent me a message on facebook wanting me to call her because she had something to tell me. That's when I found out the shocking truth. She even told me that he might have fathered her last baby. When I told him everything that she told me, he denied it all at first, but now I am getting trickle truth. I'm so hurt by it all. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 If he's cheated for so long that he fathered a baby(!!) with the OW... Divorce. Run run run. You'll never get the full truth anyway. Even the fully remorseful wayward spouses never admit fully because it feels uncomfortable to talk about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 If he's cheated for so long that he fathered a baby(!!) with the OW... Divorce. Run run run. You'll never get the full truth anyway. Even the fully remorseful wayward spouses never admit fully because it feels uncomfortable to talk about. She doesn't know if he's the father, because she was cheating on her husband with him. I feel like he's doing this out of revenge because we just discovered the true paternity of our oldest child, and he is the father. Long story short, I had an ONS 8 years ago before we got married, and we was on and off (well off at that time it happened). He decided to forgive me and take me back (well I thought he forgave me). We have 3 other children together. I learned my lesson and never did that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I feel like he's doing this out of revenge because we just discovered the true paternity of our oldest child, and he is the father. Long story short, I had an ONS 8 years ago before we got married. I'm confused. Your current husband is the father or some other guy? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 OK- so you guys have some very deep issues to work through-you also have children to take care of- I hope you get some counseling so that you can become strong and have healthy relationships for both yourself and your children- I would imagine that finding out the oldest is not his child would be a huge blow and he would have major issues-the answer was not to cheat but to face it head on- Now is the time for the two of you to get some outside help. These issues are huge and most likely will not be resolved without some trained, professional help- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) Sorry for the confusion guys, my current husband is the father. I feel that he was getting revenge for all the drama of it all. Edited July 10, 2014 by Nahtaivel616 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 She doesn't know if he's the father, because she was cheating on her husband with him. I feel like he's doing this out of revenge because we just discovered the true paternity of our oldest child, and he is the father. Long story short, I had an ONS 8 years ago before we got married, and we was on and off (well off at that time it happened). He decided to forgive me and take me back (well I thought he forgave me). We have 3 other children together. I learned my lesson and never did that again. Ok first some clarification. You had kid(s) before you got married, one of which could have been from a ONS you had when you were both having problems (pre marriage) and you cheated .....but you did not check paternity of this child till 8 years later when you were married? Why the wait on paternity ? Did the ONS just come out (you had a delayed dDay of sorts ?) ???? But since OW is married - and there might be an issue with her child's paternity why risk contacting you...she just blew her cover with her own husband? Whats happening on that side of the asile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Ok first some clarification. You had kid(s) before you got married, one of which could have been from a ONS you had when you were both having problems (pre marriage) and you cheated .....but you did not check paternity of this child till 8 years later when you were married? Why the wait on paternity ? Did the ONS just come out (you had a delayed dDay of sorts ?) ???? But since OW is married - and there might be an issue with her child's paternity why risk contacting you...she just blew her cover with her own husband? Whats happening on that side of the asile? After we had reconciled from my indiscretion, we both tried to contact the other guy (he was sitting next to me holding my hand when I composed the initial email) to let him know that I was possibly carrying his child. Well, after many failed attempts to contact the guy (he never answered or responded), my husband then looked me in the eye and told me that he was going to be there for me and that she is his child, no matter what. So he took care of her for all these years not knowing her true paternity, willingly. We decided to do the paternity test after all these years because of all the nagging doubts, and when the results came back, it was a relief because my WH is her biological fathe.r 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 After we had reconciled from my indiscretion, we both tried to contact the other guy (he was sitting next to me holding my hand when I composed the initial email) to let him know that I was possibly carrying his child. Well, after many failed attempts to contact the guy (he never answered or responded), my husband then looked me in the eye and told me that he was going to be there for me and that she is his child, no matter what. So he took care of her for all these years not knowing her true paternity, willingly. We decided to do the paternity test after all these years because of all the nagging doubts, and when the results came back, it was a relief because my WH is her biological father I am not excusing his recent and only affair, but you found quite the man to marry there. I mean you cheated way back then, you were not even married?... and he loved you so much and the unborn child so much... he stayed and married you? and raised that child for 8 years thinking it might not be his? Wow...give that man an award... and maybe cut him a little slack. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Ok first some clarification. You had kid(s) before you got married, one of which could have been from a ONS you had when you were both having problems (pre marriage) and you cheated .....but you did not check paternity of this child till 8 years later when you were married? Why the wait on paternity ? Did the ONS just come out (you had a delayed dDay of sorts ?) ???? But since OW is married - and there might be an issue with her child's paternity why risk contacting you...she just blew her cover with her own husband? Whats happening on that side of the asile?. We were also too scared and too chicken to do the paternity test until now, so we both screwed up on that too. Now the OW decided to contact me because she got mad that my WH decided to cut contact with her. Her and her husband is having a whole bunch of issues to the point where he completly decided to abandon her and their 3 kids and now she's homeless and the kids are over at her mom's house. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 I'm sorry, but with that background, him cheating really shouldn't have surprised you. Instead of hurting your pride over it I think you should thank the Gods he didn't find a young single thing and ran off with her. Respect to that man. If you two do some MC and maybe IC you might become a sound family after all. And that's the forum's pessimist saying. Didn't expect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 my husband then looked me in the eye and told me that he was going to be there for me and that she is his child, no matter what. So he took care of her for all these years not knowing her true paternity, willingly. We decided to do the paternity test after all these years because of all the nagging doubts. How could he? After those years of bonding I wouldn't have been able to push for that. This is more worrisome than his having an affair with that crazy girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 Me and the WS spouse had a long talk today, and we've decided to give MC a try. I can tell that he's really remorseful, and so I feel hopeful that we will have a sucessful reconcilliation. After all he has done for me over the years, I at least owe to him and our kids to give our marriage another shot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 I think the two of you would benefit from watching the movie "Stuck in Love" with Greg Kinnear and Jennifer Connelly, together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 I do hope you will get a good MC. Sometimes the first one is good for other people, but not for your situation. If you have to, keep trying until you get one that works for both of you. The OW could really be pulling your chain. Is your H going to have a test to see if the other child it his? He may or may not be the father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) I do hope you will get a good MC. Sometimes the first one is good for other people, but not for your situation. If you have to, keep trying until you get one that works for both of you. The OW could really be pulling your chain. Is your H going to have a test to see if the other child it his? He may or may not be the father. I told him about what she said about the possibility of her last child being his, and he just laughed and said that she's delusional. I really don't know if he's telling the truth because there could be a strong possibility. Edited July 13, 2014 by Nahtaivel616 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) I would use logical deduction according to the dates, but the child could have been born early and my husband job requires him to travel a lot. I would ask her for more details, but the last interactions with her turned into a flaming throwing fest over the internet. She even had the nerve to tell me to tell him to reactivate his account on facebook and inbox her, gave me her new phone number and told me to tell him to call her and that she loves him. Our last few interactions also involved a lot of name calling and put downs. I'm not proud that I stooped to her level at all. Edited July 13, 2014 by Nahtaivel616 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Only a DNA test can bring certainty. But since it's impossible to even talk properly to a furious, disappointed and not-rational OW I guess that's out of the question. As long as she doesn't try to get money/financial support from him, you can be pretty certain that she just lied to you to make you divorce him. No wonder her husband kicked her to the curb... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nahtaivel616 Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 Only a DNA test can bring certainty. But since it's impossible to even talk properly to a furious, disappointed and not-rational OW I guess that's out of the question. As long as she doesn't try to get money/financial support from him, you can be pretty certain that she just lied to you to make you divorce him. No wonder her husband kicked her to the curb... I'm just going to focus on fixing my marriage. At this point all I can do is wait and see if she tries to file for child support, and if she does I will be right by his side. He was by my side in my drama, I can only be fair and return the favor. Link to post Share on other sites
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