sweet_pea Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Hey friends, So I was just recently contacted (recently as in like an hour-ish ago) by my ex. Yep. Basically I received some text messages from an unknown number, and that number turned out to be his. He asked me if I would be willing to meet with him this Saturday to talk about "us" and "what happened" and some other things. This definitely came out of left field, as I haven't talked to him in a while and I am just not sure what to do? I am naturally curious about what he wants to say to me about everything. I have no clue why he wants to discuss this all of a sudden, because as I said this totally came out of nowhere. I haven't responded back yet. I've talked to two close girlfriends about it and they're both split on whether I should/should not go. Thanks for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Don't know how it could hurt but I don't recall your backstory enough to say. What concerns do you have? It sounds like he's seeking closure. Or perhaps he wants to offer it to you. Typically, I've found that seeking closure from someone else is fruitless. Most of us are stuck with closure coming from within. But every once in a while these conversations are successful and both parties leave feeling better for having had it. What does your gut say? I would probably entertain such a conversation with my ex but I wouldn't have any eggs in that basket, so to speak, and I'd be skeptical about it being productive. Edited June 19, 2014 by BetrayedH 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Don't know how it could hurt but I don't recall your backstory enough to say. What concerns do you have? It sounds like he's seeking closure. Or perhaps he wants to offer it to you. Typically, I've found that seeking closure from someone else is fruitless. Most of us are stuck with closure coming from within. But every once in a while these conversations are successful and both parties leave feeling better for having had it. What does your gut say? I would probably entertain such a conversation with my ex but I wouldn't have any eggs in that basket, so to speak, and I'd be skeptical about it being productive. Thanks for replying, BH. My story in a nutshell (a quick one at that) is that my exH had an affair (obviously) and we divorced as a result of it. We've been divorced for a few years now, and as far as I know, he is with the xOW… but I don't keep tabs on that so I don't know for sure. My gut isn't even helping right now, lol. There's one side of me that wants to hear what he has to say for himself, what he has to say about "us" and "what happened" (the affair, I assume) and why he wants to talk, why he's doing this. But theres another part of me that says its a bad idea. Maybe I need to sleep on it? Its funny because if this was someone else, I would probably tell them not to go, but its different when it's you in the situation. If anyone else has any advice, please share! Edited June 19, 2014 by sweet_pea 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Hmmmmmm.... So I assume there are no kids involved right? Are you in a relationship? If so, how does your partner feel about this? I want to tell you not to go to protect yourself, but I know I would have to hear what he had to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 He asked me if I would be willing to meet with him this Saturday to talk about "us" and "what happened" and some other things. This definitely came out of left field, as I haven't talked to him in a while and I am just not sure what to do? I am naturally curious about what he wants to say to me about everything. I have no clue why he wants to discuss this all of a sudden, because as I said this totally came out of nowhere. I haven't responded back yet. I've talked to two close girlfriends about it and they're both split on whether I should/should not go. A very close friend of mine had his wife cheat on him. When he divorced her because of the affair, she fought him for all the money that she could get, eventually getting exactly what he had offered her in the first place, but only after he spent a lot of money on legal fees and wasting a lot of his time and effort in the divorce. Years later she contacted him and asked to meet with him. When she met with him, she was not trying to get back together with him. She met with him to say that she was sorry for what she had done to him. She thanked him for having been in her life, and told him that looking back on it, she no longer believed her own lies and excuses for doing such bad things to him. She told him that he was a good husband, and did not deserve what she put him through. She did not ask for forgiveness. She just wanted to ease her guilt a bit by telling him that she accepted full responsibility and blame, and that she did not want him to go the rest of his life wondering if he could have been partially to blame. As you can guess, the meeting was great for him. They have never spoke again, so this was not a trick or ploy to get back with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 If you have moved on, I would say continue moving on. If he has something interesting to say, he can put it on paper and send it to you. Because he is an ex who cheated, and as far as you know, continued to stay with his OW, then the first flag that comes to mind for me, because he is A GUY, is that something unpleasant happened to him in his ongoing and now he is thinking he should check out if maybe the grass is back being greener from whence he left. I had a relationship once with a woman whose husband cheated on her. They ended their marriage and he left to live with the OW (a colleague). Later, when I was dating this woman (I by complete coincidence ended up working in the same job as her ex and his OW, thereby opening a window of opportunity for him to be in contact) she told me that he had come by to visit to discuss "something" (on the pretense that he wanted to discuss my working in the same job as him and that he was cool with that) but all it really was, was in fact to offer her the opportunity to hook up with him. So I hope this provides a balanced view for you in spite of the wonderful story that the other poster wrote about her friend (notably a woman). Maybe he wants you now to be the OW to his failing fledgling new primary relationship. So if you have moved on, why go back there just out of curiosity? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Hi sweetpea, I didn't know a lot of your backstory so thank you for sharing. I've always really liked your posts and usually agree with what you say! Maybe I misunderstood your OP but a lot of responses here have the assumption that your ex has contacted you to try to get back with you in some way. Do you think this is likely, and even if it is, is that a possibility for you? Do you have a SO in your life now? If so, I would ask for his opinion especially if you decide you might want to meet up with your ex. Good luck and keep us posted! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I've been divorced from my cheating ex wife for just over 2 years. About a year ago she wanted to meet. She disguised the request to meet by claiming she wanted to return a few items of mine. She did not want to mail them or drop them off to a family member of hers from where I could later pick it up. She would only meet in person. I examined every angle she could be playing. From whether is was an attempt to apologize or wanting to rub my face in the fact that she was married the OM and had a baby with him. And all points in between. I ended up not meeting with her. The reason: I had nothing to gain from it. Nothing she can say or do will help me or hurt me anymore. I want nothing from her. She is not the kind of person I want in my life in any way, shape, or form. If it was an attempt to ease her own conscience, I sure as hell am not going to do anything that will help her. As far as the "items" she claimed to have (if she really did) she can throw them away for all I care. So the question you have to ask yourself is: "What do I have to gain from meeting with him." The answer will tell you whether you should meet with him or not. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Why don't you ask him what he wants before the meet? Ask him to be a bit more specific, then you can decide if you want to or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 We all know what curiosity did to the cat, but THEY DO have 9 lives. I would not be able to help myself. I would have to go and hear him out. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 She just wanted to ease her guilt a bit by telling him that she accepted full responsibility and blame Bingo. Just like the affair, any meeting would be about your ex's needs and, years later, still trying to meet them. Had a similar request from my ex years after our divorce and after I had remarried. When I told her about it, my wife was actually more curious than I was. Ultimately decided I simply wasn't interested in what would be to me old news and angst. Happy focusing on my new life ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Hmm. Well I guess Sweetpea is not going to get a consensus here. I would welcome an apology from my exwife. And she couldn't hurt me with anything she'd have to say these days so I wouldn't see any harm in entertaining the conversation. At worst, I would have wasted a half hour. To each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 First off, if you decide to go to meet him, don't expect a sincere apology. And even if he starts babbling in an apologetic manner, don't believe it. Be aware that he might try to further keep in touch if you go to the meeting. After all, a closed door is probably the best way to signal "NO". Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Hey, y'all. I fell asleep right after my second post and haven't been around to answer questions… sorry about that! I am currently single, so no SO to discuss with. I think I might just ask him what he wants to meet specifically about, and go from there. Ha, I realize I've never really shared much of my story except for what I talk about in posts, but it really isn't anything unique (are they ever?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) Basically, one of the reasons he wants to meet in person is because he wants to apologize to me, face to face, over everything that happened between us. He says that there are other more personal things regarding "us" that he would rather talk to me about in person rather than telling me over text. He also said he missed me, so yeah. Honestly, if I meet with him, and I'm not saying I will, I will come out of it fine. ETA: I also asked him if he was still seeing xOW/GF and if she knew about his plans and have yet to receive a response. Edited June 19, 2014 by sweet_pea Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsie Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Basically, one of the reasons he wants to meet in person is because he wants to apologize to me, face to face, over everything that happened between us. He says that there are other more personal things regarding "us" that he would rather talk to me about in person rather than telling me over text. He also said he missed me, so yeah. Honestly, if I meet with him, and I'm not saying I will, I will come out of it fine. ETA: I also asked him if he was still seeing xOW/GF and if she knew about his plans and have yet to receive a response. I reckon he's sussing you out to see if he can get back with you in some way. I bet his new woman doesn't know a thing about him wanting to meet with you to apologise. Perhaps she should meet you too so she can add her apologies to the mix. I bet he'll start off gently with an apology, tell you how much he misses you, add in a few subtle complaints about the OW, and generally gauge your reaction to the idea of becoming the OW yourself while he extricates himself from his current relationship. Or I could be very wrong of course... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I understand you are curious, it is meant to be. He cheated, he is sorry, truthfully what else do you need? The question you might ask yourself. "Is there anything of value I might gain?" If not it is a waste of your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I tried posting this on my laptop but my wifi is acting a mess so I'm doing this from my phone. I'm just gonna keep it simple because typing paragraphs on this little keyboard is a no-go. SO, today I received a text from xOW asking if my ex and I are seeing each other behind her back aka having an affair. The answer is a huge HECK NO. I haven't responded to her however, because my ex HAS reached out to me a few times last week seeing if I would go out with him/see him again to "talk." I of course don't plan on it and haven't responded to him either. My dilemma is, should I delete/ignore/block her text and let them deal with their own mess or should I fill her in on his attempted contact with me? I am personally learning toward not responding but does that make me a bad person? I swear, infidelity is the gift that keeps giving! Also, the latest contact was done via new numbers bc both of them are blocked on their old ones. Wise LS-ers: what do y'all think? Link to post Share on other sites
FooledMeTwice Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 OMG, it's a year later and the weasel is still trying to contact you? I recommend blocking him, because he has some serious control issues. Be done with him and enjoy your new life without that serial cheater 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 OMG, it's a year later and the weasel is still trying to contact you? I recommend blocking him, because he has some serious control issues. Be done with him and enjoy your new life without that serial cheater I guess being married to me wasn't so bad after all I am going to block him, just don't know whether I should respond to xOW or leave it alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I tried posting this on my laptop but my wifi is acting a mess so I'm doing this from my phone. I'm just gonna keep it simple because typing paragraphs on this little keyboard is a no-go. SO, today I received a text from xOW asking if my ex and I are seeing each other behind her back aka having an affair. The answer is a huge HECK NO. I haven't responded to her however, because my ex HAS reached out to me a few times last week seeing if I would go out with him/see him again to "talk." I of course don't plan on it and haven't responded to him either. My dilemma is, should I delete/ignore/block her text and let them deal with their own mess or should I fill her in on his attempted contact with me? I am personally learning toward not responding but does that make me a bad person? I swear, infidelity is the gift that keeps giving! Also, the latest contact was done via new numbers bc both of them are blocked on their old ones. Wise LS-ers: what do y'all think? I wouldn't respond to her, block, block block. Stay away from crazy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 SO, today I received a text from xOW asking if my ex and I are seeing each other behind her back aka having an affair. Oh wow:laugh:. I wouldn't respond either, don't allow yourself to be drawn into whatever drama and disfunction their mess is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Does it make you a bad person if you don't respond? Definitely not, and I'd go with your gut and not do it. Unless you mean Michael Jackson "bad". Then yes, it makes you bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm so sorry. I'm way, way too close to D-Day to not smile at this situation. My mind is entertaining itself with all kinds of mean, cruel thoughts. People never cease to amaze me. Oh the poor OW must feel so terrible! Honestly, if it were me, I'd keep away from crazy & just let them wallow in their Karma. I wouldn't judge you for anything you feel you need to do for you. Do you still have any questions? Is there anything he could say that would help your mind or life? Is there anything you could say to her that would be of any kind of benefit to you? Do whatever you want. You've earnt it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 FooledMeTwice, Furious, World's.Edge, Sub & ShatteredLady: Thanks for the input! I agree with y'all, I'll be ignoring them and letting her handle that messy drama on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
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