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I feel that my husband is having an affair


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I'm not sure but I've been having suspicions. My husband is an OTR Truck Driver and he hired his ex-girlfriend to be his personal assistant because she is having a hard time in life. I noticed he's been aloof and distant, but he keep telling me that their relationship is strictly business. His mom inquired him about it and he told her the same thing. The kicker is that the ex-girlfriend is on the truck with him and she was the one that he was considering leaving me for when we was separated and contemplating a divorce last year. The only time he calls me is when I'm mad about something or it's about financrd or the kids. When I send him sexy texts or leave him sexy voice message he ignores those. So I'm wondering if I'm being irrational, or is there truly something going on be cause I don't fully trust him.

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If you can come up with a legitimate reason as to why the hell a truck driver needs a personal assistant then I would say no.....he's not cheating on you.

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whichwayisup
she was the one that he was considering leaving me for when we was separated and contemplating a divorce last year.

 

No way should he even be friends with her, let alone working with her like this.

 

Put your foot down and let him know this is unacceptable and if he allows her to work directly with him, he can move out and go be with her.

 

Why is he still even friends with her, let alone helping her during her hard times? Did you know of their friendship?

 

Listen to your gut on this. If something feels off chances are it's right.

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Hide a voice-activated recorder in his truck. You will learn the truth soon enough.

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If you can come up with a legitimate reason as to why the hell a truck driver needs a personal assistant then I would say no.....he's not cheating on you.

 

He's an lease operator (sort of like an owner operator) and he tells me that she's just in charge of handling his paperwork. I used to handle his paperwork while I was on the rpad with him, but I am not comfortable at all about the situation.

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[quote=whichwayisup;5738635

 

Why is he still even friends with her, let alone helping her during her hard times? Did you know of their friendship?

 

Listen to your gut on this. If something feels off chances are it's right.

 

He's always helped friends from way back during hard times. It's just the fact that she's his ex-gf that's tripping me up. I am going to confront him about it though.

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He's always helped friends from way back during hard times. It's just the fact that she's his ex-gf that's tripping me up. I am going to confront him about it though.

 

Google "gas lighting" beforehand. See if any of it seems familiar when/if you do confront.

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whichwayisup
The kicker is that the ex-girlfriend is on the truck with him and she was the one that he was considering leaving me for when we was separated and contemplating a divorce last year.

 

This isn't just an ex girlfriend, someone from his past many years ago, this is someone he was going to be after he left you! BIG difference.

 

Helping friends during tough times is one thing, that's kind and giving of him but there has to be some boundaries, especially in this situation.

 

I'm sure she has other friends and family who could have helped.

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so she is living in the truck with him while he is on the road...is that correct?!?

 

:confused:

 

If that is the case, I would not tolerate any woman living with my husband in such close quarters for any reason, never mind an ex girlfriend that he "considered leaving for."

 

He may not be cheating but I think it is highly unlikely given this situation. If he isn't actually cheating then he will be soon. I would seriously consider seeing an attorney to find out what your options are if he's not going to get rid of this "assistant." :rolleyes:

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excusememister
So I'm wondering if I'm being irrational, or is there truly something going on be cause I don't fully trust him.

 

No, you are not being irrational at all. IMO, there is definitely something going on and there is definitely something wrong with this entire arrangement. For starters, no female, other than his wife, daughter, mother, or sister should EVER be on the truck with him; second, he shouldn't be helping her out, let her go elsewhere to have her needs met. He is a married man and the fact that you thought he was going to leave you, for her last year is very disturbing. What was going on last year that gave you the impression that he was going to leave you for her?

 

I would go into spy mode and gather as much evidence as I can because otherwise, if you have nothing, then be prepared for him to lie and deny to the point where you will question your own sanity.

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excusememister

Even with evidence, be prepared for him to lie and deny.

 

Good luck - I feel as if you are headed for turbulent times

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He is a married man and the fact that you thought he was going to leave you, for her last year is very disturbing. What was going on last year that gave you the impression that he was going to leave you for her?.

Me and him have been having issues for a few years. I was the wife from hell. I'm not saying he didn't have issue, but he wasn't as bad as I was. I was always picking fights, nagging, accusing him of cheating, being domineering and disrespectful. In July 2012, when he decided to be a truck driver, I was so outraged over the decision that I decided to pack up and move me and my kids all the way from Tennessee to Texas to live with my mom for a while. That was one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. Needless to say, I kept calling him while he was on the road starting arguments, complaing and picking fights until he called me one day and told me that he wanted a divorce. During the time of our separation, he had told me that he had rekindled a relationship with his high school GF. I was hurt, but I couldn't be too mad because I had cheated on him in the past before we got married, and that ended up with me having a child with another man. We stayed separated for about 3 months until we decided to reconcile.

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burningashes

I have friends who are truckers, and I have gone with them on road trips. There are rules you have to follow, usually truck companies don't allow visitors on trucks (liability reasons) and I really doubt your husband's truck company has her on payroll.

 

I would suggest calling his company to check about her employability. There is a chance she's not supposed to be there.

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GreySkyMorning
I have friends who are truckers, and I have gone with them on road trips. There are rules you have to follow, usually truck companies don't allow visitors on trucks (liability reasons) and I really doubt your husband's truck company has her on payroll.

 

I would suggest calling his company to check about her employability. There is a chance she's not supposed to be there.

 

If he is a lease operator, then she's on his payroll, not the companies. He's more of a contractor. The company doesn't really have a say as to who rides with him either in that case. He's not a company driver.

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GreySkyMorning

I wouldn't really say he's so much having an affair , as he's pretty much already left you for her. I'm sure he spends a lot more time with her than you. So does he have a double bunk or just one bed?

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I wouldn't really say he's so much having an affair , as he's pretty much already left you for her. I'm sure he spends a lot more time with her than you. So does he have a double bunk or just one bed?

 

Double bunk. He also told me that she's a lesbian and she doesnt sleep on the truck with him, and that she goes out looking for women.

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GreySkyMorning
Double bunk. He also told me that she's a lesbian and she doesnt sleep on the truck with him, and that she goes out looking for women.

Oh thats rich. She's a lesbian but she's also his ex gf that he was thinking about leaving you for?? Sure, anybody would buy that.

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Double bunk. He also told me that she's a lesbian and she doesnt sleep on the truck with him, and that she goes out looking for women.

 

 

Sorry, but if you are buying that line...

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Sorry, but if you are buying that line...

Oh, I'm not buying a damn thing he says. I'm going to purchase the most affordable spy software I can find for his phone, and I'm going to start collecting evidence. I plan to just spring a divorce on him, because I'm not telling him ****. I'm going to just act like I'm naiveand unsuspecting, and use all the evidence to take hI'm for every single red cent.

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Trustnoone

Nin5in

 

Quote: Oh, I'm not buying a damn thing he says. I'm going to purchase the most affordable spy software I can find for his phone, and I'm going to start collecting evidence. I plan to just spring a divorce on him, because I'm not telling him ****. I'm going to just act like I'm naiveand unsuspecting, and use all the evidence to take hI'm for every single red cent.

 

 

 

This is why you trust no one, the last sentence. You stated YOU cheated and he took YOU back AFTER you had AP's child. You are a piece of work. Take him for every last red cent. You have cheated, lied, and abandoned him in the past. Work on your issues. Not an advocate for divorce but in this case I hope he dumps you fast.

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Oh, I'm not buying a damn thing he says. I'm going to purchase the most affordable spy software I can find for his phone, and I'm going to start collecting evidence. I plan to just spring a divorce on him, because I'm not telling him ****. I'm going to just act like I'm naiveand unsuspecting, and use all the evidence to take hI'm for every single red cent.

 

 

Smart move. Phone keyloggers today are very very good. The best ones are only $20 more than the lower level ones, and I would definitely suggest springing the extra $20. Being able to listen in on what is going on at anytime would be worth its weight in gold.

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Oh, I'm not buying a damn thing he says. I'm going to purchase the most affordable spy software I can find for his phone, and I'm going to start collecting evidence. I plan to just spring a divorce on him, because I'm not telling him ****. I'm going to just act like I'm naiveand unsuspecting, and use all the evidence to take hI'm for every single red cent.

 

Now you're talking.

 

I recommend a voice-activated recorder, just like CarrieT mentioned. They're inexpensive. I usually recommend placing it under the steering column (catches the sound better than under a seat and no one looks under their steering column) but that may not be as advisable for a big rig. Regardless, I think you'd hear what you need to hear on the first use.

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Trustnoone

Nin5in

 

I'm sorry for my above post even though I stand by it. You came here for help as have I . Your post triggered me badly and I responded out of anger. I will stay off your thread. Good luck however you plan to choose.

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Nin5in

 

I'm sorry for my above post even though I stand by it. You came here for help as have I . Your post triggered me badly and I responded out of anger. I will stay off your thread. Good luck however you plan to choose.

That's okay. I'm deeply remorseful for what I have done in the past, and I understand that I'm getting what I deserve. But, as a mother, I'm looking out fpr what's best for my kids because I feel like they shouldn't have to suffer any longer. I'm very aware that I have issues and a lot of them are unresolved at this point.

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Update: He called me 15 minutes ago and told me that he is firing her. I still plan om getting spy equipment to see if he is being honest or just telling me what he wants me to hear.

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