Ap22 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My dday was november last year, just a couple months ago. We decided to stay together and my WW has been extremely remorseful and is doing everything right. All in all, things are going very well....all things considered. That being said, things at work are getting a bit scary. It has really slowed down and I'm fearing dreaded layoffs. I dont know what kind of toll this will take. R is hard enough to go through without having to deal with being out of work. I dont know if this is in my future, but I dont know how I will handle this if it is. So I wanted to turn here. Is there anyone out there going through R, so soon after dday, and also dealing with job loss? Just wanted to get some advice if you have. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My FWH lost his job within six months of Dday. Yes it was tough. He went into a slight depression, but we got through it. I had to stay supportive and he had to realize the he is more than the sum of his job and money. It helped us to deal with the affair and made us turn toward each other. It can be tough, but can bring out the best in you too. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 It is tough to focus on work and the affair. Try to be the best employee that you can at work. However, I hope you are actively looking for another job. It is a tough world. You do need to look out for yourself. Does your spouse work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ap22 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yeah we both work. I handle all the finances and we live below our means. I have always kept us in a financial place where we would still be okay if one of us lost our jobs. Of course we would have to make lifestyle changes, but we wont lose our house, cars, or good credit. I fear the blow would be to my esteem, which is already low due to her affair. I've never been out of work but from the stories I have read, it sounds like a huge blow to your self esteem. I dont know how or if I can handle it so close to dday. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 You have enough on your plate working to reconcile with her and trying to heal yourself. Why are you taking on imaginary problems? Planning is one thing but anticipating how it "might" affect your R is a waste of time. Until it happens you simply can't know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) Based on this backstory, I'd be cautious and ramp up both transparency and M-focused communication. In your past, as a married person, if you had worries about financials or work, what would you do? Edited February 4, 2014 by carhill Fixed link Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ap22 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 Based on this backstory, I'd be cautious and ramp up both transparency and M-focused communication. In your past, as a married person, if you had worries about financials or work, what would you do? Yeah, a lot has changed since that post. I'm in a much better place emotionally as well as with her. Also, I've positioned us to be very well off financially. We live a bit below our means by choice. We've never had to worry about being broke or not being able to pay bills so this would be a first if we had to. The thing that worries me the most, if it does happen, is the emotional toll and self esteem blow to me. I'm pretty much at my lowest point in life already dealing with her affair. I just dont how I would handle the toll it would take on me. I'm the type of person who doesnt even like calling in sick to work. If I can stand, I can work. I'm more fearful the emotions inside me would cause me to damage our R. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yeah, a lot has changed since that post. I'm in a much better place emotionally as well as with her. Also, I've positioned us to be very well off financially. We live a bit below our means by choice. We've never had to worry about being broke or not being able to pay bills so this would be a first if we had to. The thing that worries me the most, if it does happen, is the emotional toll and self esteem blow to me. I'm pretty much at my lowest point in life already dealing with her affair. I just dont how I would handle the toll it would take on me. I'm the type of person who doesnt even like calling in sick to work. If I can stand, I can work. I'm more fearful the emotions inside me would cause me to damage our R. Just keep holding yourself accountable for your own actions and choices. And keep communication open. You overreact to somethin because of being stressed you apologize. Simple. If it does happen fill yoir time with being productive. But o agree with a lot of the other posters. "stop borrowing trouble" and cross thatbridge when you get to it". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts