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Slowly going into an affair :(


Purepony

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Im in a sticky situation. I have a gf of almost 2 years and about 3 weeks ago we where going thru some issues she was having with her friends and everything including the holidays was making things worse for both of us... well around that time i met a girl, and lets just say she was a breath of fresh air, she listens to me, shes fun, she makes me smile again so its actually very fun and exciting but we only text.

 

This new girl has asked me out about three times but ive declined because i have a gf so today i gave her a ride to work because she loaned her grandfather her car.

We went to eat and talked for about 3 hours, the whole time it was fun, we even held hands and she reached in for a kiss before leaving but i didnt because i have a gf :(

 

I really dont know what to do because my gf has been trying harder for about a week and because we had a talk but now i catch myself thinking about this ....

 

Advice appreciated.

 

Ps im at work so had to summarize quick.

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Stop it right now.

 

If you love your girlfriend and more importantly, if you respect her, you need to break contact with this other woman. And honestly, do you respect yourself?

Can you look yourself in the mirror and honestly say you are proud at the face staring back at you?

 

Couples go through hard times and each is a test of your maturity, communication skills, values, and empathy. If you are unable to speak to your girlfriend and address the issues then there is an issue. Again if you truly love her then you will find a way.

 

Now, if your feelings have truly changed (not just because your ego is all swelled up with new attention) then do the right thing and let the girlfriend go. I know, I know this new girl makes you feel this and that...I get it and I honestly am not bashing you. But she is a shiny new toy at this point, nothing more so before you destroy three people, set back from the ledge and give everything a long hard thinking!!

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Great advice allumere, thank you.

 

I guess im torn because one wants a serious relationship, as in settle down (the new girl) and my gf still eants to live at home with her parents etc

 

Man this is tough :(

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how would you feel if your gf was spending 3 hours with some guy?

 

Stop seeing the new girl, or break up with the gf, before you cheat.

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Im in a sticky situation. I have a gf of almost 2 years and about 3 weeks ago we where going thru some issues she was having with her friends and everything including the holidays was making things worse for both of us... well around that time i met a girl, and lets just say she was a breath of fresh air, she listens to me, shes fun, she makes me smile again so its actually very fun and exciting but we only text.

 

This new girl has asked me out about three times but ive declined because i have a gf so today i gave her a ride to work because she loaned her grandfather her car.

We went to eat and talked for about 3 hours, the whole time it was fun, we even held hands and she reached in for a kiss before leaving but i didnt because i have a gf :(

 

I really dont know what to do because my gf has been trying harder for about a week and because we had a talk but now i catch myself thinking about this ....

 

Advice appreciated.

 

Ps im at work so had to summarize quick.

 

You need to cut that other girl out of your life. Of course she is exciting to you, she's new and you have a crush so obviously your gf cannot compete with new fluttery feelings in your heart that you now feel for someone else. Though, it is based on selfishness.

 

I say cut the OW out of your life, focus on your girlfriend since she is trying her best to make amends with you, or be honest with your girlfriend, that you met someone else and want the R to end so you can go be with that other girl. You CANNOT have it both ways, that's just scummy behaviour and selfish/cruel on your behalf. If you don't love your gf anymore after 2 years, end it and move on.

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Great advice allumere, thank you.

 

I guess im torn because one wants a serious relationship, as in settle down (the new girl) and my gf still eants to live at home with her parents etc

 

Man this is tough :(

 

You do not know that new girl at all. What you feel is based on feelings that have grown a bit in a taboo situation. So ask yourself if throwing away 2 years with your gf is worth it for someone you barely know.

 

Though just to add, it also isn't a healthy or good idea to end one R and start another so quickly..Most need time in between to grieve the loss and be on their own before jumping into another R.

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Oldspiceywolf

Let's just take the new girls out of it.

Rule number one if your an adult and you've been in a relationship for over a year and don't have answers on where it is going you should break it off. Why have and ongoing GF/BF at a young age if your not getting married. The longer it goes on the more baggage a relationship gathers and when resentment starts it's hard to let go of.

 

Even if it doesn't work with this new girl, your young and shouldn't be wasting the earlier years of a relationship with complications.

 

Either way decide what you want and pull the trigger. The hemming and hawing is worse than pulling the trigger. If you break up and both decide the break did you good, you might be able to rekindle what wasn't working before.

 

Good luck, there are a lot of people in this world, it's no crime to sample especially if you're single!

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Mickey_Fitzpatrick

I suggest considering that you and your current girlfriend may not be right for each other. You will have to give that some thought, but the fact that you are so interested in a new girl to me signals that you and current girl's time might be over. If so, break it off with her before starting up with the new girl. Don't let her find out from someone else that you're screwing around on her behind her back. Don't be that guy. Tell her the truth, you met someone new but haven't done anything yet, but you want to, and you realize you don't have the right feelings for current girl, you feel your current relationship has gone as far as it's gonna go, and you're moving on. Let her down as gently as possible without lying to her.

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If you like the new girl, you formally break up with your current girlfriend before pursuing her. This is the right thing to do, and also a very hard thing to do. It takes guts, but will be the road of less regret. In the long run, your old girlfriend will respect you for it and you will respect yourself for it. These types of situations and how you react to them are the real character-builders in life.

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tiredofitall2

All new relationships are nice and with butterflies, rainbows and unicorns. LOL It is just a phase. Once that wears off reality sinks in. Look beyond all the crap and if you really think you and your GF might make a good couple and can have a happy marriage never see this new girl again. If this girl is a better match for you based on her qualities then go for it, but not before ending your R the right way and being honest.

 

Now remember, you don't really know this new girl and not everything that shines is gold, the grass is never greener on the other side and all the other adages, yadda, yadda, yadda, but all true.

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Thank you guys for the insight it really does help. I haven't done anything as of now so I am still thinking and considering about what my next move is going to be.

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So my gf took of with my cousin and hasnt been seen since. Its actions like this on her that make me want to see what this other girl has to offer

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But if you weren't giving her what she needed, then you cannot blame her for not being there. I am dealing with this first hand after 16 years of marriage. Advice from experience (and I cannot say this loud enough!!): drop new girl shenanigans and if current gf has moved on, then pursue. If not and she calls you on it, you have not crossed a serious line yet and you can hopefully continue this one.

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If you can't make up your mind maybe you don't really want either of them? If you really wanted one or the other then you wouldn't be asking the question.

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Keep that in mind that your girlfriend could also be a "fresh air" to other guys as well. Maybe she is struggling herself because of the lack of attention she wants from you, or her thoughts that you might be not interested in her. Maybe she wants to see if you still get jealous of other people. I do not think it is a good idea to turn your back when your girlfriend is going out of her way.

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Oberfeldwebel

Always finish one relationship before you start another. I know that it is tough to get the concept of a relationship into a few sentences. However, here are a few things for you to chew on in the mean time. What is the status of your relationship with current gf? We know that she lives at home. Does she want cohabitation? Does she want marriage first? Can you support a wife and family? Is there a planned future with gf or are we just living in the moment? She is with your cousin, are they male or female?

 

It seems that if you are wanting to move your relationship in a new direction, you need a plan. Then you need to sit down with her and propose your plan and then work towards achieving your objective. If she wants to keep the status quo, then you have a decision to make. Always finish one relationship before moving on to another.

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Let's just take the new girls out of it.

Rule number one if your an adult and you've been in a relationship for over a year and don't have answers on where it is going you should break it off. Why have and ongoing GF/BF at a young age if your not getting married. The longer it goes on the more baggage a relationship gathers and when resentment starts it's hard to let go of.

 

Even if it doesn't work with this new girl, your young and shouldn't be wasting the earlier years of a relationship with complications.

 

Either way decide what you want and pull the trigger. The hemming and hawing is worse than pulling the trigger. If you break up and both decide the break did you good, you might be able to rekindle what wasn't working before.

 

Good luck, there are a lot of people in this world, it's no crime to sample especially if you're single!

 

 

 

Good advice.

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