Jump to content

I have made up my mind to stop an affair with a MM


Christ is Love

Recommended Posts

Christ is Love

Today is the day that I seek help to stop an affair with a Mm. This is really a fearful experience because we have dated for 8 years. In that time he actually left home, but returned within one month. Anyone experiencing this type of situation? I really do want to stop! Suggestions??

Link to post
Share on other sites
Today is the day that I seek help to stop an affair with a Mm. This is really a fearful experience because we have dated for 8 years. In that time he actually left home, but returned within one month. Anyone experiencing this type of situation? I really do want to stop! Suggestions??

 

Say " I'm done" then BE done.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
tiredofitall2
Today is the day that I seek help to stop an affair with a Mm. This is really a fearful experience because we have dated for 8 years. In that time he actually left home, but returned within one month. Anyone experiencing this type of situation? I really do want to stop! Suggestions??

 

Just look at your user name and follow what it suggests.

What love is not?

 

 

  • Destroying a family
  • Adultery
  • Fornication
  • Selfishness
  • Lust
  • Sin
  • Darkness (secrecy)
  • Lies
  • Deceit

 

Now we all sin so therefore I cannot and will not judge you and no one here should. So just leave him and and find true love.

 

You have chosen the right thing to do. If he won't leave you, threaten to disclose. Although I really feel that is his responsibility anyways.

 

Good luck

Link to post
Share on other sites

We know that he is married and cheating on his wife and family, but you didn't mention if you are also married. That would complicate matters a great deal more. Just END it! Don't hesitate, don't equivocate, don't pine for his "love." Just bail. It might hurt in the short run, but you'll be happier in the long run. Yes, Christ is love, but if you'll recall, the Bible is quite firm on infidelity.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

8 Years????? OMG me thinks you are going to have some trouble...

 

I assume (since you posted in this forum) that you are married?

 

Mine was a couple of months, and the fallout was beyond my (limited at the time) comprehension...

 

Suggest you do some reading of the many threads in this forum, you will find plenty of similar situations and some great advise.

 

 

Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
painfullyobvious

If you really want to be done check out Other Woman Forum. Also, learn about no contact and change the ways your (former) MM can contact you. Do not take his calls and fill your life with ways that can fill the void as you heal. Eight years is a long affair. Why did you stay so long?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope that you are able to break free of a situation that is not good for you. These years long affairs blow my mind.

 

Would you feel comfortable sharing if you are also married or what the catalyst for your decision is after all of this time?

 

Are you in any kind of counseling?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Christ is Love

Good morning all. Thanks for all the helpful comments. I cried when reading them because I could identify with truth . Yes I was in a marriage but now divorced . I reconnected with my high school sweet heart who is now the mm. Even though I was married when we ran across each other, I really thought I had married the wrong man because my husband and I fussed all the time and had been in counseling several times to try and make our marriage work .

 

Needless to say that the mm was also married to another girl that he use to date in high school. Long and complicated story. But anyway long story short. The mm man and I reconnected after 20 years. He convinced my husband that we were going to be together.

 

My husband and I got a divorce, my husband had another woman also. But after my divorce, the still mm was planning to get a divorce, or so he said, but I had a one night stand with another guy to pacify the pain I was experiencing by him being married. The mm found out about that and now is staying with his wife who also cheated on him. I never wanted to break up his marriage, he was a strong pursuer of me.

 

Wow what a complicated mess, but I have made up my mind to walk away from all the lies, deceit , and cheating. I am praying to God to give me the strength to continue on this long hard healing process.

 

You guys here have already helped me a lot. Thanks for not judging me. Sometimes you just never know what life will through at you or even the mistakes you might find yourself in, but the good thing is that there is always hope in Christ. Happy Holidays. I sure I have some rough days ahead, so I will need support.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You can do this! It won't be easy, but you can do it. You know in your heart that he isn't the man for you.

 

Take some time for yourself, get pampered, focus on you and let it go.

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing. We will be here to help you through the rough spots.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
experiencethedevine

What a terrible mess, I am so sorry!

 

 

Get out of this awful situation and give yourself the opportunity to experience the freedom that being single gives you to make choices unconnected to anyone else by you.

 

 

With the right counsel and guidance you will come to understand what it is that makes you vulnerable enough to have ended up where you are right now, and give you the tools to create a life in which you are in control and comfortable with.

 

 

I wish you lots of luck and the tenacity to begin anew.

Link to post
Share on other sites

8 years and all the mess from Every party involved! No wonder you are hurting :(

 

It looks from reading your user-name that you have finally found the Truth in your Savior. That IS good news. If you believe as it appears (again, only going off your user name and what that means to me*), you get to learn the right way to live and how to become a fufilled woman who no longer needs to cheat or lie or even need a man (for now maybe at least) that will be able to hold your head high and be proud of who you are Today!!

 

Even through your hurt and sorrow, give thanks for having today to heal and grow!

CIH*

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not Christian myself, so I hope this makes sense.

 

It sounds like you are a believer, and a big part of that is that adultery is a sin. You may have made some poor choices in your past, but the conflict between your beliefs and your actions is hurting you, and it needs to stop.

 

Is there anyone in your church, etc. who you an speak to in confidence and how may be able to support and help you through this time?

 

The a is so bad for your. So many levels. Maybe, if you really need to find the strength to make it through the next little while, think of it in higher terms.you are doing it for the right reasons, and for the saving of your own mortal soul. You are following the teachings of your belief system, and perhaps try to find ways to make amends for the pain your actions have caused. Find ways to give back to people, and you may just find that the lift you get from that helps you begin to realize you are worth more than the cheapness of an A and that you'll begin to value yourself, gain confidence and a sense of peace in your heart when your beliefs and your actions are in tune.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Now let me get this straight in my head. Your MM went to your hubby, man to man, convinced him that you two were going to be together, and your husband just meekly said, "Ok," gave up his wife and went away??? Wow! I'm not sure how to react to that. Didn't fight for you or anything? No counseling or plans to work it out with you? Just rolled over and let his marriage die? All those years down the tube?? Wow, again! Just how do you square that with your Christian beliefs? And then you had a ONS with another guy to "pacify" YOUR pain!! Wonder what kind of pain your husband felt? Or had you two pretty much checked out of your marriage so that he actually felt relieved to get rid of you so easily? Very strange story in a lot of ways. Anyway, I hope you find a way to deal with this confusing situation.

Edited by thummper
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
tiredofitall2
Now let me get this straight in my head. Your MM went to your hubby, man to man, convinced him that you two were going to be together, and your husband just meekly said, "Ok," gave up his wife and went away??? Wow! I'm not sure how to react to that. Didn't fight for you or anything? No counseling or plans to work it out with you? Just rolled over and let his marriage die? All those years down the tube?? Wow, again! Just how do you square that with your Christian beliefs? And then you had a ONS with another guy to "pacify" YOUR pain!! Wonder what kind of pain your husband felt? Or had you two pretty much checked out of your marriage so that he actually felt relieved to get rid of you so easily? Very strange story in a lot of ways. Anyway, I hope you find a way to deal with this confusing situation.

 

 

I think she mentioned get H had a OW. Her OM's W also cheated.

Link to post
Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong

And I thought my situation was messed up.

 

Hang in there. It will be a bumpy road, but you can get through it.

 

Find a competent counselor to help guide you - you are going to need it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Before you can find the strength to end this cycle if bad behavior and heal, you have to know what brings healing. The original language of the bible (not the re-phrased text found in most modern translations) shows God doesn't swoop down and help us on command, infuse, intercede or any of the feel good, new look teachings taught in most churches today.

 

Forgiveness and salvation are found in the body; Christ's church. You go to it, not the other way around. Being honest, true, sincere and without deceit is where the believer starts; not what they hope to become. That's backwards. The word doesn't promise any worldly gain; wealth, health, acceptance or love. In fact, it warns the believer of persecution and insults.

 

Don't take my word for it. This comes from my work. You must read, learn and discover it yourself. God doesn't save lives, the church saves souls.

 

You haven't made mistakes, you've made bad decisions. That's a good place to start in your search for truth. You have the power within yourself to make your life what it could be. If that's what you want, truly want, then nothing will stop you from doing it. Pray that your understanding of the word be deepened and find those trusted followers for encouragement, comfort and guidance. Seek them out. That's your second best move.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Christ is Love

Thanks again for all the support. Tiredofitall, yes the affair went against my spiritual beliefs which was draining within itself. I went through a whole year of divorce counseling at my church which helped me come to terms with my divorce and yes I think my husband left so easily because we had been separated several times before and toward the end of the marriage we both was seeing a mp. After the divorce I continued for 3 more years seeing the mm even after he cheated on me with someone else other than his wife and then tried to blame the cheating on my actions.

 

I think the reason I stayed in the affair so long was because he was my high school sweet heart. But anyway a life lesson was learned . " If he is married, don't ever go there. Just leave him alone"

 

I am on this forum for now and will continue because I receive great insight here and it makes me know that I'm not in this alone. However , starting in January after the new year, I will begin counseling again at my church for another whole year, same center that helped me heal from my divorce .

 

With everything I have been through with my divorce and ending the affair day by day, I have definitely become a stronger woman.

 

Anyway, I had a great day today. No contact with the mm and I spent a lot if time with family.

 

Take care everyone:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Good morning all. Thanks for all the helpful comments. I cried when reading them because I could identify with truth . Yes I was in a marriage but now divorced . I reconnected with my high school sweet heart who is now the mm. Even though I was married when we ran across each other, I really thought I had married the wrong man because my husband and I fussed all the time and had been in counseling several times to try and make our marriage work .

 

Needless to say that the mm was also married to another girl that he use to date in high school. Long and complicated story. But anyway long story short. The mm man and I reconnected after 20 years. He convinced my husband that we were going to be together.

 

My husband and I got a divorce, my husband had another woman also. But after my divorce, the still mm was planning to get a divorce, or so he said, but I had a one night stand with another guy to pacify the pain I was experiencing by him being married. The mm found out about that and now is staying with his wife who also cheated on him. I never wanted to break up his marriage, he was a strong pursuer of me.

 

Wow what a complicated mess, but I have made up my mind to walk away from all the lies, deceit , and cheating. I am praying to God to give me the strength to continue on this long hard healing process.

 

You guys here have already helped me a lot. Thanks for not judging me. Sometimes you just never know what life will through at you or even the mistakes you might find yourself in, but the good thing is that there is always hope in Christ. Happy Holidays. I sure I have some rough days ahead, so I will need support.

 

Reading your post gives me little hope for marriage, God has already shown you what is right from wrong, your the one making the decisions in the end. You can stop this anytime you want, your the one that has to answer for your actions, to yourself and to your God.

Link to post
Share on other sites
tiredofitall2
Thanks again for all the support. Tiredofitall, yes the affair went against my spiritual beliefs which was draining within itself. I went through a whole year of divorce counseling at my church which helped me come to terms with my divorce and yes I think my husband left so easily because we had been separated several times before and toward the end of the marriage we both was seeing a mp. After the divorce I continued for 3 more years seeing the mm even after he cheated on me with someone else other than his wife and then tried to blame the cheating on my actions.

 

I think the reason I stayed in the affair so long was because he was my high school sweet heart. But anyway a life lesson was learned . " If he is married, don't ever go there. Just leave him alone"

 

I am on this forum for now and will continue because I receive great insight here and it makes me know that I'm not in this alone. However , starting in January after the new year, I will begin counseling again at my church for another whole year, same center that helped me heal from my divorce .

 

With everything I have been through with my divorce and ending the affair day by day, I have definitely become a stronger woman.

 

Anyway, I had a great day today. No contact with the mm and I spent a lot if time with family.

 

Take care everyone:)

 

 

You, you are doing the right thing. It seems that all involved have glass ceilings when it comes to relationships and boundaries. So you are not the only one at fault here. To bad your R ended in D. But one thing it is true. You will come out a better person out of this, just because you made the right decision and realized there was s lesson learned.

 

It will be difficult to detox from that A and the entire situation, so your decision to seek counseling is excellent. Love can heal all and to be given love at your congregation will help. The support of your family and loved ones will also help.

 

Don't dwell in self pity. Understand that your hurt is a consequence of your decisions and soon you will be happy again.

 

Love is above all, G-d understands the human condition, but you made the right choice to rectify while you were still on this earth.

 

Do random acts of kindness no only during the holidays, but for the rest of your life. Give love and you will heel faster.

 

G-d bless you

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Christ is Love

Today the ex mm texted me expressing how hurt he was that I spent time with him one day and didn't speak to him the next day . The last time I was with him, in my mind and heart, was the last time that I ever plan to be with him because he is married. He still seems to be confused about where I stand on the issue.

 

I'm not sure why he is still confused because the last time I talked to him, I told him that his actions were unfair to me and his wife and that he needed to rebuild his marriage honestly. I also told him that I wasn't going to allow him to hurt me in that way anymore and that I would seek help for healing.

 

Anyway, I didn't respond. Don't have any intention on responding or even responding for Christmas. Over is over and enough is enough.

 

Spending time with family tonight, Christmas Eve.

 

I had a great day. Each day I don't talk or text him, I actually feel better. I hope the good feelings continue but I guess I'm also waiting for the down days .

Merry Christmas Loveshack members

Link to post
Share on other sites
tiredofitall2

Yes, it is called the pain of being rejected. It is normal. But he has to get over it. He has his cake and eats it too and it is not fair to you. Move on and find a man that you don't have to share with another woman.

 

If he wants to wives he can move to a Pakistan or Utah :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sure some of the other women of LS can do better at this but from what I've read, it takes about six months of NC to get to a better place. Perhaps it will take less for you since it was initiated by you. For what it's worth, as a former BH, I have to give you props for your decision and I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Christ is Love

Thanks. I had a great Christmas I hope your was great also . I'm praying everyday that I can make it 6 months and longer with nc.

 

Take Care

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...