my story

[nabelp]

My wife's story.....

 

There are no thoughts or opinions in this letter. Just facts of my wife's affair as she said them to me. It took 52 days for this whole story to come out and I am sure there is still more that I may or may not find out.

This is what I know:

 

My wife meets a guy in January of 1999. He is a new hire at **** in ******. No big deal to her. ****hires new people all the time. She never thought twice about him. As time went on, they developed a work relationship and by the summer of 99, my wife had friended his wife. So much so that she went to a baby shower for her. On July 30th, she went to his birthday party at his house. He lived on ********** which is off ******* Ave and less then a mile from our home on **** Street. I remember this night because I was laid up with a broken foot. We had just got back from California on the 18th and I had surgery on the 20th. I did not go to this party but I remember her coming home early. Around 9:30 that night. This was the night that a little spark was lit. When my wife tried to leave, he asked her to stay. My wife thought that was so sweet because he wanted her to stay. She left anyways but I can say this was the night that started the affair.

 

Later that summer, she took our son over there to play basketball because his wife called my wife and asked her if she wanted to. My son actually remembers this (he was 8 at the time) and told me that he remembers how excited Mom got when they got there.

In October of 99, a **** reel machine went into production at **** Its a 6 month job and my wife and OM were assigned to this machine almost everyday. They worked side by side, 5 days sometimes 6 days a week for 6 months. They would eat lunch together and they really got to know one another. My wife was enthralled with his stories of his childhood, growing up in The Bronx. His troubles as a child. His personality and his humor. In March of 00, she found out he was looking for another job. She was disappointed that he would soon be leaving and one day while they were working my wife told him the following, "You know ****, we've been spending a lot of time together and I have developed feelings for you." "So much so, that I love you." His response was, "Well, I don't know about that ****." "I do think about you when I am not at work though." This upset my wife because he didn't reciprocate. She felt embarrassed and ashamed of even telling him her feelings to begin with. A week later, they were in the lunch room at work and he told her that "this is my last day". My wife got upset that he was actually leaving but didn't say anything to him about what she had said a week earlier.

He quits and life goes on for my wife...for about two weeks. She finds his phone number from the baby shower invitation and decides to call him. This is when the phone calls started. She was calling him all the time. I would be in the house and she would go out to the garage and they would talk. According to my wife, his wife never answered the phone. The phone calls went on for a month or two and then she couldn't get a hold of him. She would call and call him but he never answered or no one would ever answer. He stopped calling her also. Although my wife doesn't remember the dates or month, she assumes that all contact with him stopped in the summer of 2000.

She was totally in love with him by now and she was upset that she could not get a hold of him. As time went on, it got easier and easier for her to forget about him and get back to normal.

 

There was no contact with him from July or August of 2000 until August of 2001. He got laid off from ****** Foundry and started to visit my wifes work place. My wife was on nights by this time. He would be there when my wife got to work and would stay for a couple hours while my wife worked and wait for her to go on lunch or break. They started hanging out again. They took lunch together again and everything started up like it never stopped. One night in early September of 01, they were eating lunch together and my wife said the following..."You know ****, you've been coming around a lot lately." "I've missed you and I still love you." His reply was "I love you too." He leans over and kisses her. My wife says it was just a peck but that was all she needed. They split apart and my wife says, "What are we going to do now?" "I don't think I could do this to my husband and your wife because I know her." "Could you do something like that?" His reply was, "With you I could."

That was all my wife needed to hear and according to her it was 'game on' after that comment. They talked that night about meeting up somewhere on a night she didn't work or during the day during the week sometime. They tried to do just that but one of them couldn't get away. He wanted to meet her at an abandoned car dealership in ****** a couple of times but either she couldn't get off work or when she could, he couldn't get out of the house.

 

On the night of September 16th, 2001, my wife volunteered to take the night off. (At ****, if there weren't enough orders or a machine was not running, they would ask for volunteers to go home). She was hoping that he would be there but he wasn't that night. My wife came home and went to bed. I left for work the following morning and she took our son to school. She came home and called him. She told him that she volunteered the night before so she didn't need to sleep. She asked him to meet her at ******** Park at 9am. His response was of course, yes. She takes a shower, gets ready and leaves. She was running a little late but as she pulled in ******** Park, he was already there. She pulls up next to him and gets in his car. The talking was very short before my wife leaned in and started kissing him. They started making out in his car. This went on for a few minutes when my wife realized that people could see her. After all, it was daylight. She tells him.."We should go check out that bathroom over there." He starts his car and drives over to the bathroom. They park and she stays in the car and he gets out. The bathroom door was already open. He waves for her to get out of the car and she walks in first. She takes off her jacket but tells him, "Im not taking off my shirt." He leans in and they start kissing again. It gets heavy and they both take off their jeans at the same time. He guides her towards a shelf and she sits on it. I wont get into the rest of what happened but you can pretty much guess. Before she knew it, it was over. According to her, he did not last but 2 minutes or less. No condom was used and he pulls out and ejaculates on her thigh. They get dressed, my wife had trouble putting on her shoes and he waited for her to get fully dressed before he opens the door. She walks out first and they drive back to her car. She gets out, says she will talk to him later and gets in her car. He waits for her to leave first and they leave. She goes straight on ******* Road to ******* Ave and he turns right on ******* Road.

She gets home and she says she was shaking. She smokes about "12 cigarettes" then takes a shower. She slowly got over what happened that morning and tried to justify in head that she was doing the right thing. I get home around 5:30 that day. I actually remember this day because when I got home the television was on and the news was talking about Wall Streets first day back since September 11th. I was watching the tv between the kitchen and living room while my wife was at the stove getting dinner ready. She remembers it too and said she couldn't look at me that evening. She went to bed early because she had to work that night and obviously did not get any sleep during the day.

 

Less than a week or a week later, my wife volunteers again. This time **** is already there. They go outside and sit on a bench. They talk for a bit and my wife asks him is he wants to get a motel room. Again, he says 'yes'. They get into his car and my wife already knows what motel to go to because 'they rent by the hour'. Her friend ****** had told her that. They get to the motel and my wife pulls out 20 dollars out of her purse and gives it to him. He goes in and gets the room and comes back out. The room was at the end of the motel and they go in. My wife immediately walks to the bathroom to 'freshen' up. She comes out and they sit on the edge of the bed and start kissing. Clothes come off and intercourse was perform. This time a condom was used. Again, according to her, it was quick. Afterwards, she gets off of him and goes to the bathroom to get her cigarettes. She comes back and sits on the bed while he is laying down on the bed. They smoke a cigarette and after he puts his out, he starts to kiss her again. They start making out and intercourse happened again. A condom was also used this time. Again, it was over pretty quick. They get dressed and leave. She says the whole time in the room was about 40 minutes. He drives her back to **** and she comes home. I also remember this night. I was in bed and I felt her presence. I opened my eyes and her face was staring at me. She looked at me and smiled when I woke and said "hi". She leaned in and kissed me and I felt her hair brush my cheek. It was wet. I asked her why she was home and she told me her machine went down. I then asked her why her hair was wet and she told me she took a shower. I asked her what time it was and she told me...."quarter to two". I rolled over and fell fast to sleep.

 

Less then a week later, she volunteers again and hes there again. He asks her to go for a ride but she was reluctant. She was tired and just wanted to go home. However, she didn't and decided to go for a ride. The ride didn't last long and they ended up parking behind a closed up restaurant in ******. Again, they started making out and oral was performed on him that night. There was no intercourse. He drops her back off at her car and she comes home and tells me her machine went down. I don't remember this night.

 

A week later, she volunteers and again they go for a ride. This time is a long ride. They end up south of **********. My wife starts kissing his cheek and jaw while hes driving and oral was started while he was driving. They just pass ******* State Park and turn right on ***** Road. They pull into this gravel turn a round and park and oral was performed again. I sort of remember this night. This was the night she got home real late. I want to say about 2:30am. I don't totally remember it but I do remember a time when she was home late. Again, she told me her machine went down.

 

A little over a week later on a Thursday, he calls her up and asks her to go for another ride. Since she worked the night before, she originally said no. She just wanted to sleep. However, she had a change of heart and told him to meet her at **** at 10am because she had to get her paycheck anyways. She gets there and hes there. She hops in his car and he takes off. She tells him she doesn't want to go far because she has to pick up our sone from school at 2. He hops on the turnpike and heads east. Since my wife worked the night before and never got any sleep, she fell to sleep in his car. When she woke up, she asked him where they were and he didn't know. He was lost. She was lost. They drove around aimlessly for a bit and my wife spotted a sign that read '8* ****'. She knew that ** north would take her home but it was already almost 2 and they had at least an hour and 15 minutes to get back to ****, then she would have to drive to the school. She got pissed at him for getting lost and she was fuming. She was not going to be at the school on time. Nothing sexual happened on this trip. She finally got our son around 3:15. According to my wife, we got pizza that night.

 

That was it...All this happened between Sept 17th and around Oct 4th. He stopped calling. She continued to call but couldn't never get a hold of him. "it was like he fell off the face of the earth" she said. By Halloween that year, she still did not hear from him and decided to walk our son down to his house. He was passing out candy and they didn't talk but just made eye contact. She was mad that she didn't hear from him. November goes by and nothing. December the same thing. January of 02 rolls around and she doesn't talk to him. Not by her choice but by his. February, March, April...nothing. It was during this time she moved to another man.

 

******* was just a crush and I believe that. Although it should've never happened. She moved her attention towards him and in March of 02, she went into a common bathroom at **** and he follows. He grabs her and starts to kiss her while his hands feel her ass. She said the kiss lasted about 30 seconds before she stopped and told him to leave because someone might come in.

May of 02 rolls around and her friend ****** was moving to Georgia. We had a going away party for her. ******* was there. I met him. I shook his hand. **** was not. She says, he wasn't invited for two reasons. One, because she couldn't have the man she had sex with in the same house as her husband and two, because he 'disappeared off the face of the earth'. There was no contact with **** until August of 02. She never did anything physical with ******* after that kiss in the bathroom

 

In August of 02, **** announces they are closing the ****** plant and moving it to Mexico. **** hears this news and starts to show up again. My wife is still on nights and he brings her lunch. Hangs out at her machine most nights and they take rides while on her lunch break. She says nothing physical happened. That they never even kissed. They would just talk. On October 6th, 2002 he was there as my wife volunteered. He asks her to go for a ride. She said no. She just wanted to go home. He tells her that because ***** is closing, that he probably will never see her again. She buys it and jumps in his car. They go to ****** Park and park. He wants sex this night and asks for it. She tells him no. She wasn't going to have sex in a car. He asks her to have sex out of the car and she said no again. They talk a bit and he starts kissing her. They make out and oral was perform. He takes her back to **** and she comes home. I do not remember her coming home this night.

**** closes on October 12th. Shes out of a job.

 

Every time oral was perform, she says that he would always wanted her to watch him finish as he masturbated.

 

After that night at ******* Park, she doesn't hear from him. She never tries to call and he doesn't call either. November goes by and nothing. In early December, her Dad has a major stroke in West ********. She called me up in a panic and took off to West ******** that morning. She was gone 4 days and came home on a Saturday. It was that day when she decided she had enough of his crap. She decided that day it was not going to happen again. She believed and still believes that her Dad had the stroke because God was punishing her for what she did. I remember her calling me when she was in West ******** and blurting out..."I HATE THAT MOTHER F*****R, I HATE HIM". I asked what she was talking about and she paused and said she was talking about her brother...that he was being an idiot. I never questioned that but she admitted now that that was the only time she almost slipped up. That drive home for her was the worst 6 hours of her life according to her. She debated for 6 hours on whether or not she should tell me. She even had fake phone calls and pretended I was on the other line. She got home that day and I was on the porch when she pulled up. I remember this drained, tired woman getting out of the car. She looked terrible. I asked her if she was ok and all she said was, "im going to bed." I still didn't think about it. Her Dad just had a major stroke and she just drove 6 hours home. Of course she would be tired.

 

On December 9th of 2002, **** finally surfaces again. He calls her around 2am. I remember the phone ringing. I remember her getting out of bed and leaving the room. He wanted her to sneak out of the house for sex. She told him off. Called him a 'bald headed skinny flint' and told him she was done. That he had nothing to offer her and he was a loser. His last words to her were 'F**K YOU' and he hung up. My wife has never spoken to him again. She did see him once at ***** **** but quickly walked away.

That was the end of the 4 year affair. It was also the end of her wrong doings. Dewight was history also...until 2011.

 

One night years later, my wife and I are sitting on our patio when she asks me if I remember **** *********. I told her yes and she proceeded to tell me how they kissed one time. I snapped my head towards her way and asked her..."WHAT?" She told me again and I wanted to know what else they did. She swore that was all that happened. That they were getting close because they were working side by side all the time and a kiss just happened. That they both got so scared it was over in a snap and they never talked about it again. I believe that line of **** too. Why wouldn't I though? I trusted my wife totally and she is not possible of having an affair. I dismissed the kiss and forgot about it.

 

In May 2011, my wife accidently stayed signed into Facebook and I read a bunch of conversations between her and ******* (this was the guy she kissed in the common bathroom where she worked). It was not an old friend type conversation. There was sexual talk in these messages and he admits..."I should've done more than kiss you when I had the chance". I was taken back because now there were two guys she has kissed. I let this go for three weeks because I wanted to find out more. I kept checking her FB every day but found nothing. Little did I know they moved on to texting. I finally said something to her and she was totally scared. Because this was the time she admitted her affair with **** to *******. She just couldn't remember if she did it in a text or on FB. I didn't know this at the time and only found out a few weeks ago.

 

Fast forward to October 28th, 2013 and I catch her texting ******* again. Very sexual. Very very sexual. She admits and talks about ****. This time I read everything. This was my Dday. October 28th, 2013 at approximately 12:30pm. This was the day that I now had two lives. The one before and the one after. This along with future days were the worst days of my life. Im sure there is more to come too.

 

That's her story...its what she told me and after questioning it numerous times it doesn't change anymore. I did not write my thoughts or opinions because that's a whole other letter. I was put on Zoloft this morning. I start taking them tomorrow. It will be at least a year before I can start to take myself off of them.

[thummper]

My God!!!! How does a guy cope with this?!!!

[BetrayedH]

Sorry, bro. I know how that feels. My wife had a long-term PA, too. But it was more like 60-70 hotel stays in a year. It's quite something to get your head around (to say the least). You have my sympathies.

 

I can't help but ask though, you don't think his wife deserves to know about all this?

[Clay]

File for divorce and walk away. Don't say a word. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

Clay

[Fluttershy]

Sorry, bro. I know how that feels. My wife had a long-term PA, too. But it was more like 60-70 hotel stays in a year. It's quite something to get your head around (to say the least). You have my sympathies.

 

I can't help but ask though, you don't think his wife deserves to know about all this?

 

Tell his wife. Even if she doesn't believe you at least you have done what tou could and given her a chance.

 

Because your wife is willing and ready to restart te affair and because she has tried to fill her missing xMM with her new sexting buddy there is nothing here to save. If you can live in an open marriage in order to stay with her that is your choice. But if a faithful wife who loves you with all her heart is what you want this woman is not the one for you.

[ChooseTruth]

Ugh, that's some nasty stuff. I'm so sorry.

 

by a weird coincidence your D-Day is the very same day my divorce was finalized, almost exactly 2 years after my D-Day.

 

What questions do you have? Obviously you are feeling terrible

 

Keep posting.

[aliveagain]

It'a a special Hell to find out your wife was the pursuer. You must have misunderstood her speech at the Alter, cheap $20 hotel rooms, coworkers, public park bathrooms, sex in cars without protection(interracial affair children create other problems for the betrayed family) and BJ's are exempt so it's not considered cheating. I'm sure she meant everything else she promised. What was different then when she actually perused him to now, your both the same people? You gave her your most precious possession, your heart, and that was all the value she put on it? How much value does she put on it now? What value do you put on it?

[drifter777]

It's a disgusting story - I'm so sorry you have to live through this hell.

 

Maybe you know all of the details you need to make your decisions, but know that your wife is lying and/or holding back details or her sexual activity, right? They all do, they always do.

 

You should go NC with your wife right now. Kick her out or leave yourself. You need time away from her to think clearly. Get to work with a counselor on this, and good luck.

[Fluttershy]

It's a disgusting story - I'm so sorry you have to live through this hell.

 

Maybe you know all of the details you need to make your decisions, but know that your wife is lying and/or holding back details or her sexual activity, right? They all do, they always do.

 

You should go NC with your wife right now. Kick her out or leave yourself. You need time away from her to think clearly. Get to work with a counselor on this, and good luck.

 

No, they don't always. Anyways, she was already holdin back until this confession. I don't think it really matters as she gave a lot of information. OP really doesn't need to buy into the "generalization" that they always hold back. Usually is a much bette and more accurate word to use. I don't know why so many people are allergic to it.

[drifter777]

No, they don't always. Anyways, she was already holdin back until this confession. I don't think it really matters as she gave a lot of information. OP really doesn't need to buy into the "generalization" that they always hold back. Usually is a much bette and more accurate word to use. I don't know why so many people are allergic to it.

In my experience - including every single BH d-day thread on this site - a WW will ALWAYS outright lie or hold back information on the sex. It trickles out and devastates the BH all over again. It has caused a lot of divorce for the posters on this very forum.

[BHsigh]

No, they don't always. Anyways, she was already holdin back until this confession. I don't think it really matters as she gave a lot of information. OP really doesn't need to buy into the "generalization" that they always hold back. Usually is a much bette and more accurate word to use. I don't know why so many people are allergic to it.

 

I would have to agree that the WS always holds back, they never tell the entire truth. But, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that sometimes they do, in these rare cases it's still better for the BS to think that they might be, it always pays to be vigilant, just in case they are gaslighting, or my favorite "trying to protect the BS from even more pain".

 

OP, you need to tell OM's BS ASAP. (Abbreviations ftw)

[miguelcervantes]

I read your entire thread and also your other thread. Why are you still with her? She is toxic for you. You are going to be on Zoloft for a year but will never get better as long as you are around her. She did not feel any real remorse or guilt - just disappointment with OM1 and now real lust for OM2. Not only does she not love you but is showing utter disrespect and contempt for you. However, she probably feels that you are soft enough to "forgive" her and stick around as Plan B. Don't be Plan B or any sort of support for her. Kick her to the curb now. Separate your finances, protect yourself financially and family wise, consult an attorney and file for D now. Before you get any worse! Good luck with all this and stay strong.

[miguelcervantes]

Oh and blow up the worlds of OM1 and OM2 - tell any BS's involved immediately. And inform friends and family too.