beyond repair

[firststeps]

I screwed up!! I let my STBXH get under my skin. l should have stuck to NC.

 

l let my STBXH come over to replace a door handle piece and collect some belongings.

 

He called me up to say he was on his way but sounded cold and said that he didn't want me to cry, get emotional, or fight with him when he came over. It made my blood boil that he started off so cruel. When he came over, l couldn't stop glaring at him in contempt.

 

l got angry at him and he was cruel with his words. l heard the dreaded words "get over it". everyone has to "get over it". I told him to enjoy his new happy life, and that got him angry. He shouted that he wasn't happy.

 

He said he was never coming back and he was sorry but he cannot change what he has done. He is angry that his mom is supporting me and not him. He said he couldn't stand her.

 

He said that the OW had enough of everything so he needs to move on. Apparently all those times he was coming around missing me was because he was pressured by family's feelings toward him.

 

Getting pulled by the muppet strings from OW!

 

Im numb. Another reminder that old husband is dead.

 

I hope that doesn't cause a set back for me. l actually feel stronger that his true colors are shining through. He wants to shift all blame on everyone else but him.

 

There is no getting past this, its beyond repair.

[tiredofitall2]

I understand what you are saying. Just remember, it is the WS speaking not your real H. It is the stupid fog. Perhaps your M is beyond repair if you feel that way. Not saying that he will come back anytime soon. But in many, many cases they do once they realize the grass was not greener on the other side. Also if you truly have moved on. If they know you are there waiting for them they will continue to eat cake.

 

Start dating and you'll see him go nuts. lol

 

I know, I was a WS and when my STBX did I almost died!!!!!!!

[harrybrown]

Do the 180 for yourself. Do not contact him. Wash him out of your hair.

 

Do something for yourself this week. Go shopping, exercise, join a club.

 

Someday you will find someone that cares about you. He does not. He is not who you thought he was. He is poison to you.

 

Go to counseling and go dark on him.

[Steadfast]

Don't focus on it endlessly. I understand that your outburst might set you back (to where ever you thought you were...) but the truth is, cheating and divorce bring out the worst in most of us. On both sides. Oh, how I'd love to take back some of the things I said! I realize many of her memories of me now are that guy, and I don't like it. Wounded pride is a dangerous thing...

 

Not sure if it'll help, but you can rise above and apologize. Don't do it to somehow suggest you agree with his actions, yet simply to communicate that what he is doing is causing you to act out of character. That's it.

 

Don't expect much of a reaction. Do these things for you. Lesson learned.

[Snowflower]

I screwed up!! I let my STBXH get under my skin. l should have stuck to NC.

 

l let my STBXH come over to replace a door handle piece and collect some belongings.

 

 

 

Let's face it...if you are married, its likely to be impossible to have complete NC with your cheating spouse.

 

Real life dictates that their are issues to attend to because like it or not, your lives are still intertwined.

 

I'm sorry he was such a jerk to you!

 

The best thing to do in these situations is be calm and polite. Don't let him get under your skin. The calmer and politer you are, the more it will knock him off balance. However, I'm not suggesting that you be calm and polite just to toy with him...he is seriously off the rails, right? Well, you don't need to go off the rails with him. Someone needs to maintain some control and that is you.

 

If it seems unfair, look at it this way, your calmness in the face of all this will likely be good for you too. Taking the high road isn't such a bad thing because you don't want to get down in that pit where he dwells these days. You are a lot better than that and deserve more. This is a first step.