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I have a 'meeting' with the OM tomorrow to 'discuss' his failure to adhere to the NC.


HurtHalo79

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So I posted my story a few weeks ago here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/442988-blindsided-wife-s-ea-her-direct-workmate

 

My wife and him still share a monitored work inbox (unavoidable until he moves on in two weeks), however they are both seperated geographically now and do not see each other at work as part of the post D-Day arrangements.

 

I have full access to my wife's emails (work and home) as well as Facebook...as she has mine, and my WW has sent OM a NC letter stating that all non-work related emails/contact to her private inbox are to cease.

 

Turns out the OM does not get the hint, and is still reaching out to my wife by sending her chatty emails to her private work inbox. My wife has disclosed this, and is getting annoyed by it, as she knows it is causing me/us more hurt. I have warned this guy before, and now it looks like I have to warn him in person. I told him today via Email that he evidently doesn't listen, and so I will be coming around to have a talk to him. I also told him if he keeps this up, I will contact his wife (she was the one who told me their affair was going on) and tell her he hasn't stopped. I have recommended he brings a 'chaperone' of sorts so that I don't get tempted to do something I shouldn't....which I would dearly love to. Amazingly he has agreed to meet me tomorrow morning.

 

Come on guys, I have a golden chance to destroy this prick verbally....any suggestions?

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yellowmaverick

Forward the emails to his wife. Don't meet with him. If his emails continue, have your W file sexual harassment charges against him at work.

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If you do go, take a chaperone for you to protect yourself against false charges. Also take a VAR.

 

You have been given excellent advice not to go, and to send the emails to his wife. (also to have her file for sexual charges)

 

This jerk is not worth prison time. How would he like it if someone sent his wife these type of emails, etc?

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painfullyobvious

Don't go meet him. What could you possibly get from the meeting besides more anger, more mental imagery and possibly get you into a situation that could get you in more trouble? I agree with the posters, contact his wife through forwarded emails cc his email and yours and save these emails for later as evidence as proof he is harassing your wife. Any more contact will result in a police call.

 

Start reconciling. Commend your wife for sharing the emails. Block all contact with this person

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Forward the emails to his wife. Don't meet with him. If his emails continue, have your W file sexual harassment charges against him at work.

 

This is all you need to do. I would not confront him because no good will come of it. If he is doing this on work email, have your wife reply back to his email stating that she does not want to harassed by him and if it continues she will forward all messages to upper management.

 

Trust me, upper management will put a stop to it real fast. He might even lose his job over this.

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Since you have already arranged the meeting him then you have to go. If you don't show up you will look like the pussy and he and your wife will view you as weak and will give them license to continue the affair.

 

Stand your ground. Accept no compromise or negotiation. Take a witness of your own and tell him to his face to immediately cease all non-work related communications.

 

Have your wife also send him a registered letter stating explicitly that any further personal communications or personal comments will be considered unwelcome harassment and will be forwarded to the authorities and to Human Resources at work as well as to his wife.

 

Make no further threats or insinuations. Do not argue. Do not negotiate. Do not accept any of his terms.

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If you do go, take a chaperone for you to protect yourself against false charges. Also take a VAR.

 

Yes on the recording device.

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Make sure your personal liability umbrella policy is up to date. Take your lawyer and hand him the cease and desist letter. Meeting over.

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Don't meet him, its a game he is playing. He's hurt because your wife ended with him and now he wants to destroy any hope you both have. Like some people said on here, go through the proper channels. Don't put yourself in a situation where you will regret your actions with the authorities.

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Make sure your personal liability umbrella policy is up to date. Take your lawyer and hand him the cease and desist letter. Meeting over.

 

If you want to cover all bases, that's good idea. It will cost several hundred in lawyer fees but it would show no doubt to your wife and him that you mean business.

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Come on guys, I have a golden chance to destroy this prick verbally....any suggestions?

 

Yeah, don't do it!

 

You visualize yourself having a verbal lashing with this guy, but sometimes what we visualize and what actually happens are two different things. Plus, you don't know what HE'S going to do! This guy is still hung up on your wife and YOU are an obstacle!

 

Best thing for you to do is have your wife get a restraining order out on this guy to include email, texting and social media. If he breaks it, then he'll be spending the holidays in lock up. I think that would have more of an impact than a verbal lashing.

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He hasn't said anything about doing anything illegal or inappropriate to this OM. The OM has consented to meeting with him to discuss this.

 

Why are we all being a bunch of 'fraidy cats???????

 

His wife needs to see him stand up for her and matequard for her and show that he is strong and willing to stand up for what is his.

 

The ON needs to see he is going to just hand her over cause he's afraid of meeting with another face to face to deal with this like men.

 

Each can and should bring someone with them to serve as there witness and to keep things from becoming out of hand. Bringing legal counsel and a CAR are valid suggestions.

 

If he backs down now and rolls over because he's afraid of some potential conflict or bad feelings, the both the OM and his wife will see that they can get away with it and their affair will eventually resume.

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He hasn't said anything about doing anything illegal or inappropriate to this OM. The OM has consented to meeting with him to discuss this.

 

Why are we all being a bunch of 'fraidy cats???????

 

His wife needs to see him stand up for her and matequard for her and show that he is strong and willing to stand up for what is his.

 

The ON needs to see he is going to just hand her over cause he's afraid of meeting with another face to face to deal with this like men.

 

Each can and should bring someone with them to serve as there witness and to keep things from becoming out of hand. Bringing legal counsel and a CAR are valid suggestions.

 

If he backs down now and rolls over because he's afraid of some potential conflict or bad feelings, the both the OM and his wife will see that they can get away with it and their affair will eventually resume.

 

He needs to carry a voice activated recorder with him.

 

He needs to forward those emails to his wife first though to show he's not playing around anymore.

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Tell his wife TODAY.

 

Then, early tomorrow, before meeting time, let him know that you have no need to meet with him. By then his wife will have taken care of most of it for you.

 

I understand the desire to meet and destroy......I really do. But the damage his wife will/should deliver will be longer lasting that what you can do......and she can do it legally!

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...unavoidable until he moves on in two weeks... and do not see each other...

 

I have full access to my wife's emails (work....

 

as an employer ---- YOUR WIFE should be fired for allowing an outside person access to company email.

 

and your 'comment' he should bring someone: that's an assault - threat of violence...

 

and that VAR --- that's illegal in some states.

 

STOP, think of ALL the repercussions. if he is really 'gone' in two weeks. let it go.

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The OM's wife informed you of the EA and now you have information that he continues to try to contact your wife of a personal nature and you still have not shared this information with his wife? What is wrong wrong with this picture?

She helped you by giving you valuable information and now you refuse to do the same for her? What is wrong with you?

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The OM's wife informed you of the EA and now you have information that he continues to try to contact your wife of a personal nature and you still have not shared this information with his wife? What is wrong wrong with this picture?

She helped you by giving you valuable information and now you refuse to do the same for her? What is wrong with you?

 

I vote for all 4 of you meeting in a public place where you hand over printouts of his continued breaking of NC and demand it stops now.

 

Otherwise, you wind up in a he said, he said situation and all the nonsense can escalate all over again.

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Meeting him is a very bad idea. Stop giving him the power, he knows he is getting to you. All that has to happen is your wife ignores his emails, in two weeks he's gone anyway. Inform his wife and let her deal with his scanky ass.

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So I posted my story a few weeks ago here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/442988-blindsided-wife-s-ea-her-direct-workmate

 

My wife and him still share a monitored work inbox (unavoidable until he moves on in two weeks), however they are both seperated geographically now and do not see each other at work as part of the post D-Day arrangements.

 

I have full access to my wife's emails (work and home) as well as Facebook...as she has mine, and my WW has sent OM a NC letter stating that all non-work related emails/contact to her private inbox are to cease.

 

Turns out the OM does not get the hint, and is still reaching out to my wife by sending her chatty emails to her private work inbox. My wife has disclosed this, and is getting annoyed by it, as she knows it is causing me/us more hurt. I have warned this guy before, and now it looks like I have to warn him in person. I told him today via Email that he evidently doesn't listen, and so I will be coming around to have a talk to him. I also told him if he keeps this up, I will contact his wife (she was the one who told me their affair was going on) and tell her he hasn't stopped. I have recommended he brings a 'chaperone' of sorts so that I don't get tempted to do something I shouldn't....which I would dearly love to. Amazingly he has agreed to meet me tomorrow morning.

 

Come on guys, I have a golden chance to destroy this prick verbally....any suggestions?

 

What is stopping you from contacting his wife? I think you should talk to her regardless how this talk with him face to face goes. She needs to know that her husband is up to no good and bothering your wife again, not letting go.

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This is not going to be taken well but the only reason to go see this OM should be to beat his head into the ground. I would not put yourself in that situation at all cost. You need to involve other people like the cops, his employers and his wife.

 

If you think words are really going to stop this guy then your mistaken. He knew she was married so why should he care how you feel now.

 

Clay

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Make sure your personal liability umbrella policy is up to date. Take your lawyer and hand him the cease and desist letter. Meeting over.

 

 

I'm curious as to what if anything you think these two actions have anything to do with this situation?

 

The umbrella policy isn't going to help him if he does something illegal, save for libel or slander. A cease and desist letter could be used as an intimidation technique, but it has no legal standing in this case. If he violates it then what? He can't take him to court over it.

 

OP, you can meet him if you so choose, but it really serves no purpose. Oldshirt seems to think it serves some alpha male purpose, but I think ambivalence is the stronger hand to play here. Here is my reasoning behind that. If you go meet him you are showing him and your wife that you think he is still a threat to you. In real psychological terms that is showing weakness. Power is more less defined about what you can do, and more about than what you don't do. He can send all of the chatty emails he wants. If your wife ignores them they will stop. He is getting a reaction out of you which he controls, and it shows he has the power. Don't fall for it.

 

IMO, this meeting is just setting yourself up for potential disaster. Chances are you will be so worked up about "I have a golden chance to destroy this prick verbally", and after you have done that (hopefully) walk away with nothing accomplished but venting your feelings. Do you think he cares about your feelings? No.

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Best thing for you to do is have your wife get a restraining order out on this guy to include email, texting and social media. If he breaks it, then he'll be spending the holidays in lock up. I think that would have more of an impact than a verbal lashing.

 

There are no grounds for a restraining order.

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as an employer ---- YOUR WIFE should be fired for allowing an outside person access to company email.

 

and your 'comment' he should bring someone: that's an assault - threat of violence...

 

and that VAR --- that's illegal in some states.

 

STOP, think of ALL the repercussions. if he is really 'gone' in two weeks. let it go.

 

These are all very valid points.

 

Numbers two and three are very big mistakes.

 

If you expressed by written word the need/suggestion for him to bring someone else as a chaperone to the meeting, that is a threat. If he wanted to he could actually file a charge on that.

 

Number three could set you up for some serious civil fines, and in some places even criminal charges.

 

Don't eff yourself, which I'm sure he would love for you to do.

Edited by Realist3
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As much as I want to kick the ever loving "stuffing" out of OM, I'd rather not meet "Bubba" in the clink!

Don't meet the guy, just don't. You don't know what he & his chaperone may be capable of. I did my thing over the phone, scripted before hand fo I could keep my cool and get my point across. Let himm both know if one more instance happens, you will press harassment charges, and do so

Tell his wife everything!

Good luck brother.

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His wife needs to see him stand up for her and matequard for her and show that he is strong and willing to stand up for what is his.

 

Sad part about the above statement is that he is standing up for her. She's the one who caused the whole problem by not being adult enough to act like a wife. If she would have behaved herself, none of this would have happened. She sure as hell didn't do much in the way of mateguarding when she stepped out of line and now he protects her honor? She lost that.

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