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She finally admits it! But now what


Onceproud

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I am totally confused and dont know what is next. first let me give our history.we have been together since 1991. High scool an all.been married for 17 yrs now with 4 kids. Now step back 11 yrs and this is when the A happened. we have always been great sexualy together and still continue that til this day. we always talked about sexual fantasies while we had sex so on and so forth. Well we lived in a apartment complex at tbe time. She had struck up a friendship with a single neighbor. After months of them steadily getting closer I started to complain and say she was cheating pretty much just teasing her. she even set it up so me and him could play golf togethet one day.

Fast forward we had friends over to play cards and have drinks( I did not drink this noghy). As everyone left he hung around. As we were cleaning up she says I want to sleep with both of you tonight. I was shocked and surprised she had the balls to say that. She begged and pleaded and said I will do a 3some for u next time. After all is cleaned up kids we head up stairs I go back down but stop on stairs to listen, she says see I told you and they start making out. I return and they here me coming and stop. I go inside and shut the door. Well to summ it up they had sex and then she finished me orally. That was it for a 3some. Time goes by and hes still around. I get a call at workone night about my grandma dying so I go home and we are talking and the phone rings iys him! REAlly! XAFTER YEARS of lying and people telling me what yhey know, she finally admits but swears they only fooled around once so he would leave her alone. Basically she lyed to me for 9 yrs after and still holds back on the truth. Dont know what to do but mentally draining. There is more to lies as well through the yrs

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This is a sad story.

My guess is that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that she had been having sex with him for a very long period of time.

I know that this is painful but you need to have your children tested for paternity since it falls within this time frame.

 

Your wife apparently is very good at lying to your face. I would strongly suggest that you pay $450 and have a polygraph test done. She is only in damage control mode and has no intention of telling you the whole truth. I am sorry but it seems you have really been played.

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can you call him without letting her know you are doing so?

 

Can you insinuate you now know all about them and does he have anything to add?

 

Nine years is too long to get cell phone records I think.

 

So just casually ask him, before and after that threesome night, how many times and for how long did it go on?

 

Take what he says and multiply it be 10 I think.

 

Then go back to your wife. Tell he you spoke with him and know most of it. Tell her she has one shot to tell you everything. Multiply it by 10.

 

Stay calm. Good luck.

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I am confused by your story. You had a threesome with her and him, and she had sex with him one other time (according to her)? Is that what you are saying?

 

Did you agree to a threesome? Or did you say no, but then discover them making out and joined in?

 

At any rate, it sounds like you were aware of it before now. That's where I am confused.

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Is this even real? Granted we are not getting much history here but I just don't know too many people that would say "sure, let's go F my wife together" upon request. Hello!?? (scratching my head)

 

Before i even would consider giving advise, i need more background.

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Some will say you lit the fuse when you agreed to the 3some, but it's not your fault she cheated. Now the years of lying and hiding and cheating have destroyed whatever trust you had in her. Also, she's still lying - big time. A cheater will tell you only what they think you can verify or discover on your own and take the rest to their graves. More details will trickle out over the next month or two and each one will feel like a knife in the heart.

 

Since you have children I think you should try to reconcile with her. But you need to understand the "rules" that apply to any attempt to reconcile so you need to find a counselor that will help you. The caveat I will add is that if she has had multiple affairs, I wouldn't waste my time with reconciliation. Serial cheaters don't change, they just hurt more people.

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I was trying to tell the story quick and after reading it after I posted it I can see some confusion. This was by know means a traditional 3some. As I stated it was them with me watching. Then when they finished she gave me oral. I put this in the story to be as honest with everything and not hide a major mistake by both of us.

I would later find out that he was playing with her ( touching under table) at the table while we played cards. She never admitted to anything until about a year ago. I know she is only telling what she thinks she can get away with. My problem is that the truth to the affair is still new, she lied for 9yrs........She just wants to forget about it and move on. But the reality of the affair is new to me like it just happened. I could go on and on about her lies that have led to the truth coming out. I just cant take the fact that she continuely lies. We try to bury this but we have never taken head on and resolved our troubles.

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I know nothig about him or his where abouts now. We no loger live over there. If his gets brought up at all she just gets mad.

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So you know burying it doesn't help, yes?

 

And you know she isn't giving you what is real.

 

Have paternity tests on your 4 kids.

 

What do you think you have as the basis in this marriage?

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I know nothig about him or his where abouts now. We no loger live over there. If his gets brought up at all she just gets mad.

 

She knows where he is.

 

She's STILL lying!

 

There is absolutely NO foundation to what you call your M.

 

She gets mad? What the heck? Why aren't YOU mad at her - enough to throw her out NOW with nothing but the clothes she has on?

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I was trying to tell the story quick and after reading it after I posted it I can see some confusion. This was by know means a traditional 3some. As I stated it was them with me watching. Then when they finished she gave me oral. I put this in the story to be as honest with everything and not hide a major mistake by both of us.

I would later find out that he was playing with her ( touching under table) at the table while we played cards. She never admitted to anything until about a year ago. I know she is only telling what she thinks she can get away with. My problem is that the truth to the affair is still new, she lied for 9yrs........She just wants to forget about it and move on. But the reality of the affair is new to me like it just happened. I could go on and on about her lies that have led to the truth coming out. I just cant take the fact that she continuely lies. We try to bury this but we have never taken head on and resolved our troubles.

 

 

First thing, I am having trouble grasping you allowing this quasi-threesome out of the blue, you gave no history of an open relationship or if this a fetish or if this stems from a larger problem.

 

Second, it seems like a large part of your marriage is a lie, and she has no remorse. Whoa... such a large mountain to climb if you even have a shot at trying to heal from this. Can you handle all of the unknown lies? You need to ask if you can move forward with her.

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What now? Consequences!!!

 

Especially since she didn't have any in the past.

 

She's not even sorry she screwed you over for almost 20 years - she's just sorry you're noticing now.

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You say she get's mad?? What about you!?? Wow! I would have blown a gasket! If you are not in to "cuckolding" then you gave her a free pass to F the man she is lusting in front of you! What are you really asking us here? Do you really think you can move forward from here?

Are you stuck on staying for the kids? Don't, kids don't need to also live in a lie of a M.

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I was trying to tell the story quick and after reading it after I posted it I can see some confusion. This was by know means a traditional 3some. As I stated it was them with me watching. Then when they finished she gave me oral. I put this in the story to be as honest with everything and not hide a major mistake by both of us.

I would later find out that he was playing with her ( touching under table) at the table while we played cards.

Yeah, in hindsight watching your wife cuckold you wasn't fun, but you both decided to experiment and you seem to own your decision. As far as all of the sexual things she was doing behind your back (and under the table) - that is infidelity. She cheated.

She never admitted to anything until about a year ago. I know she is only telling what she thinks she can get away with. My problem is that the truth to the affair is still new, she lied for 9yrs........She just wants to forget about it and move on. But the reality of the affair is new to me like it just happened. I could go on and on about her lies that have led to the truth coming out. I just cant take the fact that she continuely lies. We try to bury this but we have never taken head on and resolved our troubles.

All of the betrayed husbands on this forum understand what you are feeling. Many BH's come here with a story similar to yours in that they discovered their wife cheated on them some number of years ago. Every single one of them that share that kind of story feels as if it just happened yesterday because for them, it did. You don't need any further validation of your feelings. They are what they are.

 

All cheaters want to forget about it and move on. Every god-damn one of them. If she truly wants to save your relationship she must take responsibility for what she did and acknowledge the feelings you are feeling right now. If she won't do this then it's up to you as to how you want to proceed.

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I know nothig about him or his where abouts now. We no loger live over there. If his gets brought up at all she just gets mad.

 

 

That is because there is a lot more to the story.

 

Your WW did this guy before the three some and after more then just the one other time that she claims. This is why you must schedule a polygraph test and a DNA paternity test.

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bubbaganoosh

First of all I have a question. What the hell are you doing having a threesome with you kids in the house? What if one of the kids woke up, walked in your bedroom saw Mommy screwing some other guy, Dad sitting there like a jackass watching and "waiting his turn FOR HIS WIFE."

 

When she begged and pleaded for the threesome that night, your response should have been to tell her that we'll talk about it later that night and set some kind of ground rules so you wouldn't be blindsided like you were.

 

Got news for you pal, it ain't real cool having threesomes with your children in the same house. Second, you got the shaft and she got away with it and she knows your going to do nothing about it. Take a real good look at that woman and ask yourself if you could ever trust her again especially since she just wants to forget about it. Honestly, she is quality by no means and if that's what you want, be prepared.

 

Just for the hell of it, tell her it's your turn and you know a woman that's willing and see her expression. That should tell you everything

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Have her give you a timeline of the affair and a diary.

 

Ask her how many more affairs she has had.

 

What has she done for you?

 

Tell her family about her affair.

 

She does not respect you.

 

If she can not help you heal from this, then file for divorce.

 

She has had more affairs.

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