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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 30th September 2013, 2:54 PM   #1
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this is new....

I feel just blah. Flat, boring, not thinking about him or what he's doing at all. Detached... looking towards how big my life is with or without him. We have good times, etc.... but all the way in love with him - not even close. For now, this seems ok...

part of the process?
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Old 30th September 2013, 2:58 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katielee View Post
I feel just blah. Flat, boring, not thinking about him or what he's doing at all. Detached... looking towards how big my life is with or without him. We have good times, etc.... but all the way in love with him - not even close. For now, this seems ok...

part of the process?

Yes - and nothing wrong with this feeling - whether an affair took place or not. This kind of blah, not all the way in love, my life will be good for me... can last for months, years.

"meh".... it could be better.... it could be worse... whatever, i am good....is not a bad place to be at all.
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Old 30th September 2013, 4:36 PM   #3
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Just to say that I am with you on this totally. I find I can be really functional for a day or two, and then slip back again. I do find the overall trend is getting better though.

I went for another run today. I only did about 15 minutes at a leisurely jog but I feel quite good for it now. I am trying to build up to doing a big longer each day. I highly recommend this, especially if you have your favourite music on...

2 quick things to mention are: yoga and meditation. I have never done either and I am really not usually into that stuff at all. However, I am planning on giving it a go, especially the meditation. If it can provide me with half an hour of "empty mindedness" each day, then I say - bring it on!! I've seen a few posters on her rave about yoga but again I don't know much about it.
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Old 30th September 2013, 4:51 PM   #4
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I do yoga - hot yoga - and it's fantastic. I seem to be focusing more on connecting with other people throughout my day.
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Old 30th September 2013, 5:33 PM   #5
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Yes, it's part of the process. I've heard it referred to as, The Plain of Lethal Flatness.

For a while, I just didn't care about anything. Things could go good or bad and I just wasn't invested. I'm not so sure how 'lethal' it is but I can see how not giving a crap wouldn't be the best thing for improving a marriage.

For what it's worth, it didn't last long for me. I battled depression earlier in life and learned how it can snowball so I shrugged it off within a few weeks. I learned that negative emotions rarely contribute to a solution (and usually are a distraction from finding one) and so I try to determine an action to take instead. But with infidelity, there aren't many actions to make it all better. Grr. I tried everything (some of them were very ill-advised). Now I'm much more about being patient (with myself).

Good luck finding any good advice in there.
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Old 30th September 2013, 5:44 PM   #6
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Yep the Plain of Lethal Flatness. I was there for quite some time and am finally coming out of it. I think it is our way of turning off all the emotions for a bit, sort of a recovery period. Just don't get stuck there too long because that could be detrimental too.
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Old 30th September 2013, 5:47 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dichotomy View Post
Yes - and nothing wrong with this feeling - whether an affair took place or not. This kind of blah, not all the way in love, my life will be good for me... can last for months, years.

"meh".... it could be better.... it could be worse... whatever, i am good....is not a bad place to be at all.
I think it's fine if you are already on the right path to heal the affair. If you haven't made the necessary changes, told the full truth, gone NC, etc then being blah and sitting on things will destroy the M. I think that's what my counselor didn't understand. She wanted me to just accept the craziness for the present, live in the now, be ok with uncertainty, etc. It wasn't ok, I was going nuts and probably anyone else in my shoes would have as well. If exWW had done her part I could have lived in that place, but not the way it went down.
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Old 30th September 2013, 5:51 PM   #8
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Its just a way for your SELF to take a break. Conserve energy. I think its a self protection mode, a way to reduce stress so we don't overload our system.

All perfectly normal.
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Old 30th September 2013, 6:47 PM   #9
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Quote:
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I think it's fine if you are already on the right path to heal the affair. If you haven't made the necessary changes, told the full truth, gone NC, etc then being blah and sitting on things will destroy the M. I think that's what my counselor didn't understand. She wanted me to just accept the craziness for the present, live in the now, be ok with uncertainty, etc. It wasn't ok, I was going nuts and probably anyone else in my shoes would have as well. If exWW had done her part I could have lived in that place, but not the way it went down.
I am BH, if I could summarize it - enough reconciliation has happened so far to continue on. Not bad anymore, but not great or really good either... not all the way in love, but enjoy times together, I know my life is big, etc as mentioned by OP. I get it.

It could be worse, and it was.
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Old 30th September 2013, 7:15 PM   #10
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Quote:
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I am BH, if I could summarize it - enough reconciliation has happened so far to continue on. Not bad anymore, but not great or really good either... not all the way in love, but enjoy times together, I know my life is big, etc as mentioned by OP. I get it.

It could be worse, and it was.
Ah sorry for that. I quoted you but was actually addressing the op.
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