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How to get couples to learn about infidelity before marriage?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 30th September 2013, 7:53 PM   #61
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Everything I thought I knew about infidelity did not help me at all. I feel like such a hypocrite. I was raised that you don't even make friends with the opposite sex when you are married. By friends I mean spend time alone or chat about deep things. I was also taught that infidelity springs up from soil that is fertile for it. But what makes the soil fertile? I was taught low morals, flirting, the opposite sex friendships within marriage, unaddressed marriage or personal issues, poor coping skills, and the list goes on.

And I still cheated. It didn't happen over night but at any point I could have stopped myself and I didn't. And I always thought I had good self control.

Maybe there are people who fall (or leap) into affairs who maybe wouldn't have if they hadn't had "fertile soil". And I guess all you can do is instead of simply saying "cheating is bad and only bad people cheat" when the topic comes up, you actually talk about all the different affairs there are, how hurtful they are to EVERYONE involved, and give your personal life experience on it without making absolutes. Like, "IN my situation..." I know a lot of people bristle up or just tune you out when you use words like always or even usually.
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Old 30th September 2013, 10:44 PM   #62
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I think we should educate all couples to the three stages of a long-term relationship:

Limerance, that heady, in lust, life is wonderful, on cloud nine, you complete me stage that lasts two to four years. The relationship is easy, fun and wonderful, and it is fueled by the hormones released by attraction.

Then, disillusionment. the rose-colored glasses fade, the chemicals fade and couples must deal with .....the reality of each othe and day-to-day life. Complacency, boredom and power struggles ensue. So can complaining, negotiating household chores, and a lack of romance.

Either a deep friendship is forged by acceptance of each other's differences or resentment builds and couples blow apart.

The third and final stage is mature love; you know how to weather the storms together, remain respectful and each other's best friend and celebrate not only what you have in common but even admire the differences between the two of you.

EVERY long-term relationship will go through all three stages....and if lucky, you will reach the third stage.

IF you are a romance junkie, and believe limerance should last forever, you are in for a sorry life of disillusionment about every two to four years....
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