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Is my brother-in-law cheating on my sister?


LasalleBelle

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My older 26 year-old sister came to visit me a couple days ago and she was very depressed. I've never seen her like this before and asked what was wrong. She started telling him that Frank, her husband of 2 years told her about how he would want to share her with a friend of his or another man and how he wouldn't mind at all. She was almost in tears when he told her this but try to pretend he didn't mean it but he did. From what she told me, he was serious about it.

 

Now they don't have kids yet but what he told her ruined her motherhood dreams. She is now convince he has cheated or is planning to. I'm thinking the same too.

 

I told my bf of 3 years this and he also think Frank is a sick jerk that doesn't love my sister and has been cheating for some time. I love Patrick a lot and he definitely would never share me nor vice-versa.

 

I believe Frank has to be cheating because what husband or bf would even suggest this? Why did he wait 2 years to tell her this? What type of man would be ok with that? Is Frank hiding other things that we don't know of?

Edited by LasalleBelle
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He doesn't have much respect for his wife (your sister) or for the marriage.
Should she file for divorce in this case? Or counseling?

She's devastated and is reconsidering their whole history together. It doesn't look like the man she met.

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She should very quietly investigate. First place to check is his phone. Then look at phone and text records (look for frequent numbers or deleted texts). Also check his internet history and financial records. Beyond that are voice activated recorders (for the car), keyloggers for computers, GPS devices, and PIs.

 

Some guys want a threesome with another woman. Other guys have a fetish for seeing their wife taken by another man. The existence of the fantasy doesn't necessarily mean he's cheated. But he's not who she thought he was. I think what's key is to figure out who he actually is and then she has to decide if she wants to be married to that guy.

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She should very quietly investigate. First place to check is his phone. Then look at phone and text records (look for frequent numbers or deleted texts). Also check his internet history and financial records. Beyond that are voice activated recorders (for the car), keyloggers for computers, GPS devices, and PIs.
Thank you. I also believe she needs to investigate this.

Some guys want a threesome with another woman. Other guys have a fetish for seeing their wife taken by another man. The existence of the fantasy doesn't necessarily mean he's cheated.
I would feel very insulted if a man wanted to share me. It would mean I can't even trust him to see me more than just an object he uses and that he doesn't even have the basic male protective instinct. I heard of certain men that are this way and I don't think that's even normal.

But he's not who she thought he was. I think what's key is to figure out who he actually is and then she has to decide if she wants to be married to that guy.
It's sad that he carried this on till 2 years into their marriage and now she's starting to discover the real him. She would have definitely dumped him right away if they would have just been dating or engaged.
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Thank you. I also believe she needs to investigate this.

I would feel very insulted if a man wanted to share me. It would mean I can't even trust him to see me more than just an object he uses and that he doesn't even have the basic male protective instinct. I heard of certain men that are this way and I don't think that's even normal.

It's sad that he carried this on till 2 years into their marriage and now she's starting to discover the real him. She would have definitely dumped him right away if they would have just been dating or engaged.

 

Trust me, most of the people here really wish they had known who their spouse was before they made a lifetime commitment. I found out about my wife's 13-month affair after 12 years of marriage and when we had two kids just 4 and 8 years old. We'd been together 18 years. I'd like those years back. Wish I knew what to tell you.

 

I'm not sure there's a connection between your sister's husband having a cuckold fetish and cheating, though. In his mind, he probably thinks she'd like to have sex with another man so it was a safe thing to offer. Or perhaps he actually wants sex with another woman (or his own threesome) and so he's giving it up to her first before he makes his request to get even. Some people are good with having an "open" relationship. If he hasn't cheated, I at least tive him credit for having the courage to have a difficult conversation before acting on it.

 

But again, I think investigating is the key. She needs to avoid confronting him. She's going to have one shot to know the truth. If she confronts him, he can either put the affair on hold until the dust settles or he csn just tske the affair further underground (if he's even having one).

 

It sounds like your sister would not be cool with anything like what he's suggested (and it's not uncommon for women to lose interest in men like this for the exact reasons you listed), then counseling is probably the best route to determine if he can refrain. Or she could just divorce and cut her losses at two years.

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Thank you. I also believe she needs to investigate this.

I would feel very insulted if a man wanted to share me. It would mean I can't even trust him to see me more than just an object he uses and that he doesn't even have the basic male protective instinct.

 

That is your belief and opinion, but that does not mean he sees her as an object nor doesn't have respect for her. This is controversial of course and i think you are jumping to conclusions based on a sexual fantasy your bro-in-law may have. It may disgust you and your sister but does not mean he has any less love than you are projecting nor does it mean he is cheating. But as betrayedH said, investigate if your sister suspects.

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a 26 yo can snap her fingers and men come running, please just pack those bags, do not waste your pretty years on this profound malfunction, at 52 yo, you'll see life gets quieter, men want the cutie version, not the middle-aged one xx

Edited by darkmoon
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I'm not sure there's a connection between your sister's husband having a cuckold fetish and cheating, though. In his mind, he probably thinks she'd like to have sex with another man so it was a safe thing to offer. Or perhaps he actually wants sex with another woman (or his own threesome) and so he's giving it up to her first before he makes his request to get even. Some people are good with having an "open" relationship. If he hasn't cheated, I at least tive him credit for having the courage to have a difficult conversation before acting on it.
This is what I'm thinking too. I don't see how having another man screwing your wife would be a turn of for the man. Though when I spoke to my sister about it, I understood that Frank just wants to see her with another man and according to her he didn't mention about bringing another woman. His fantasy is only about my sister getting screwed by another man.

 

I don't really get what would he gain out of that. Maybe I can understand if a man is focus on bringing other women into it but Frank is just focused on another man doing the banging while he does nothing but watches or lets it happen. That's why I think he's up to something.

It sounds like your sister would not be cool with anything like what he's suggested (and it's not uncommon for women to lose interest in men like this for the exact reasons you listed), then counseling is probably the best route to determine if he can refrain. Or she could just divorce and cut her losses at two years.
No, she's not cool with it at all. She is absolutely disgusted by it and has even lost some interest in being intimate with him after he said all that.
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This is what I'm thinking too. I don't see how having another man screwing your wife would be a turn of for the man. Though when I spoke to my sister about it, I understood that Frank just wants to see her with another man and according to her he didn't mention about bringing another woman. His fantasy is only about my sister getting screwed by another man.

 

I don't really get what would he gain out of that. Maybe I can understand if a man is focus on bringing other women into it but Frank is just focused on another man doing the banging while he does nothing but watches or lets it happen. That's why I think he's up to something.

No, she's not cool with it at all. She is absolutely disgusted by it and has even lost some interest in being intimate with him after he said all that.

 

he has a cuckold fantasy, he may not like the reality but he likes the fantasy and your sister shouldn't be so harsh in my opinion over a fantasy, but talk it out or simply say no, that she is not willing to partake. I just wouldn't take this so far as to cause real damage to their marriage over a fantasy. Just my opinion.

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yea, something i read up on cuckolding coming from the male side as the one making the request is as Macbeth said, they get pleasure in seeing there wife being pleasured. I read whether the article was right or wrong that it stems from feeling inadequate in satisfying their wife or incapable of it or they are simply insecure and take great joy as in a gift to their wife of seeing that she is satisfied. If you think about it, it is macho, many men love to satisfy their women in bed... me included :p but cuckolds do it through proxy if you will.

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I guess I'll search a bit more about this cockholding fetish. It's a very strange way of showing you love your wife, the one he proposed to and took the marriage vows serious.

 

My way of love is different than what Frank feels towards my sister. I only want to be with my bf Patrick and no one else. I can't even think of other guys and only have him in my mind when we're intimate.

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I guess I'll search a bit more about this cockholding fetish. It's a very strange way of showing you love your wife, the one he proposed to and took the marriage vows serious.

 

My way of love is different than what Frank feels towards my sister. I only want to be with my bf Patrick and no one else. I can't even think of other guys and only have him in my mind when we're intimate.

 

cuckolding not cockholding, you will get very different search results i'm sure

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Sorry, but I'm not sure this is a real post. The use of first names is an indication it's not, and it's a fantasy. If it's real, you should get your sister-in-law to post here.

 

I think every wife should have a 'cockholding' fetish, but only for their husbands. ;)

 

LMAO!!! yep cockholding for sure! every wife should indeed .:laugh:

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Sorry, but I'm not sure this is a real post. The use of first names is an indication it's not, and it's a fantasy. If it's real, you should get your sister-in-law to post here.

 

I think every wife should have a 'cockholding' fetish, but only for their husbands. ;)

Yes, that's her husband's name and Patrick is my bf. I initially thought he was cheating because usually if a man is so passive about his gf or wife being with another man and doesn't get jealous, it's for something in return, not for nothing.

 

My opinions for him have changed ever since she told me all that.

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cuckolding not cockholding, you will get very different search results i'm sure
I noticed but thank you. I'm kind of new to that fetish. It got me by surprise that some men can be like that.
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I noticed but thank you. I'm kind of new to that fetish. It got me by surprise that some men can be like that.

 

 

that's just the tip of the iceberg for sexual fantasies i have heard about. best of luck to your sister.

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I have a feeling that you're dealing with a cuckold fetish moreso than a cheating scenario.

 

I also tend to think that this is something to discuss in counseling rather than it being an automatic dealbreaker. I'm fairly liberal so while I would decline to indulge the fantasy, I wouldn't end a marriage over sharing it. I would think that has more to do with how insistent he might be over it. If he could honestly let it go, perhaps she could do the same.

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IMO he might have thought that maybe she would be interested in swinging. Lasalle Belle. That term isn't like a porch swing (I'm thinking back to you saying cock holding) I don't know if the subject had been brought up with her but the way he brought the subject up had to be a real shock to her and why she's mad.

 

That takes a lot of balls to just blurt something like that out. There had to be a reason. Did she give you any information as to why he just popped the question to her out of the blue?

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I initially thought he was cheating because usually if a man is so passive about his gf or wife being with another man and doesn't get jealous, it's for something in return, not for nothing.

 

Usually? How many times have you come across this situation before? Is it enough to form an opinion that starts with "Usually..."?

 

You're making this out to be some brand new thing you just heard about so to jump to conclusions about it seems strange to me.

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whatatangledweb

He may not be cheating. There are some men that get turned on by watching another man with his woman. It's not for me and sounds like not for your sister. She needs to sit down and discuss it with him. She should also be very clear that she is not doing that.

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