I cheated too

[BreeannS]

Sadly, I cheated on that special someone. I believed my friend was here earlier and together we're trying to think of something. She's right, I blew it.

 

What are the likelihood that we'll get back together one day? I don't want labels. I only stumbled here thanks to my friend's suggestion as I was hesitant. I've seen someone who cheated getting called horrible names on another site. I was writing in 3rd person on my first post because I didn't want to get labeled.

 

Anyway if I go single for several years, will that be enough to show I really regret it?

Edited September 15, 2013 by BreeannS

[Toddbt12y1]

Labels come with the actions. I'm not going to label you...cause I don't really care.

 

You're bf may never get back with you. to some, cheating is the ultimate deal-breaker, and with it comes the end. No matter what you do, nothing can change this.

 

I don't know your full story -- yet.

[BreeannS]

Labels come with the actions. I'm not going to label you...cause I don't really care.

 

You're bf may never get back with you. to some, cheating is the ultimate deal-breaker, and with it comes the end. No matter what you do, nothing can change this.

Yeah I know.

 

Thank you for not passing labels. It makes my day that someone is willing to hear a cheater's version.

I don't know your full story -- yet.

I started talking to some guy at the gym my friend Kellie (not Miracle) introduced me too; she started me getting me ideas about how it's not bad meeting others and how one must live to the fullest at times (basically, she drained me in her world). His name is Dustin and it things started escalating in a rather short time.

I've only known Dustin for about 3 months but it was just talking at first, then it all happened this month.

[Editbee]

How did he found out you cheated? Did your bf knew Dustin?

[BreeannS]

How did he found out you cheated?

I'm not ready to answer that yet. It's too embarrassing but I was already ending contact with Dustin after I cheated. It was still too late. Now I have to live with this shame. I failed him and let everyone down.

Did your bf knew Dustin?

No, he didn't. This is what actually hurt him the most.

[BetrayedH]

I'm just guessing here but:

 

If you're not married, have no kids together, and no shared assets (like a house), then I wouldn't expect your betrayed boyfriend to be coming back.

[BetrayedH]

As for labels, perhaps the best question is what label your betrayed partner gives you. He's going to see you as a cheater that either has true remorse or doesn't. A lot of that is up to you.

 

I wouldn't expect him to give you many points for promising not to date other people; he's heard that before. Your actions will speak louder than your words.

[BreeannS]

I'm just guessing here but:

 

If you're not married, have no kids together, and no shared assets (like a house), then I wouldn't expect your betrayed boyfriend to be coming back.

I understand and I don't blame him if he never wants to see me again. I was wondering if we can one day talk as acquaintances first. I guess that would be something to me but if he wants nothing, then it's fine.

 

My friend Miracle told me that if he ever decides to talk to me again, I would have to start from zero, as an acquaintance, then a friend and so on. But damn, I missed him so much.

[BreeannS]

As for labels, perhaps the best question is what label your betrayed partner gives you. He's going to see you as a cheater that either has true remorse or doesn't. A lot of that is up to you.

I'm sure he has a lot of bad words for me in his head even though he didn't labeled me. He was hurt deeply and asked why and how many times, etc.

[BetrayedH]

I think your best gauge is whatever signals he's giving you.

 

The good news for you is that people end up being far more forgiving (at least initially) than just about anyone expects. A lot of people give second chances. But if you don't have other things binding you two to one another, it makes it that much easier for him to leave. And he's already left?

 

How long were you together? Is it correct that you're not married? What has he said to you?

 

And why the sudden change of heart from you? It's a confusing message you've sent him when you're caught cheating and then suddenly profess love and fidelity.

[BetrayedH]

I understand and I don't blame him if he never wants to see me again. I was wondering if we can one day talk as acquaintances first. I guess that would be something to me but if he wants nothing, then it's fine.

 

My friend Miracle told me that if he ever decides to talk to me again, I would have to start from zero, as an acquaintance, then a friend and so on. But damn, I missed him so much.

 

It doesn't sound like he's saying he's going to trust you enough for a relationship anytime soon. He sounds smart enough to know that trust is easily given and easily betrayed but damn difficult to restore. I don't mean to be hurtful; it's just a reality. If he was desperate to forgive you, you'd know it already.

 

The best thing for you is to figure out why you would have made such a decision. Besides the hurt to your partner, it wasn't logical, ethical, or healthy and probably violated your own standards for yourself. Find that answer and you'll be less apt to repeat using that coping mechanism and your betrayed partner might feel less likely to suffer a repeat performance.

[happysong]

Sadly, I cheated on that special someone. I believed my friend was here earlier and together we're trying to think of something. She's right, I blew it.

 

What are the likelihood that we'll get back together one day? I don't want labels. I only stumbled here thanks to my friend's suggestion as I was hesitant. I've seen someone who cheated getting called horrible names on another site. I was writing in 3rd person on my first post because I didn't want to get labeled.

 

Anyway if I go single for several years, will that be enough to show I really regret it?

I find it some people funny when they cheat. They don't think about getting caught and the consequences of their action.

 

Once they caught, they will just ask for forgiveness like nothing serious was happened and expect the BS everything is alright like they owe her a second chance.

 

Did you know because of your itch you just killed the man half of his life and may not recover after this?

 

The best thing you can do is to leave this man alone and let him find a better person than you.

 

And you continue your relationship with AP until you cheated him for another AP or he cheated you first. Karma is b**ch.

 

Sorry for my blunt but you deserved it.

Edited September 15, 2013 by happysong

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Sadly, I cheated on that special someone. I believed my friend was here earlier and together we're trying to think of something. She's right, I blew it.

 

What are the likelihood that we'll get back together one day? I don't want labels. I only stumbled here thanks to my friend's suggestion as I was hesitant. I've seen someone who cheated getting called horrible names on another site. I was writing in 3rd person on my first post because I didn't want to get labeled.

 

Anyway if I go single for several years, will that be enough to show I really regret it?

 

You seem more concerned about the labeling than the act (suggesting massive immorality).

 

Personally, I have and will continue to label people like you. You've earned it.

 

Hopefully, your bf has some self-respect and won't come back. I've had a long term girlfriend cheat on me before and I never even confronted her about it. I found out, texted her to let her know that I knew, and then never spoke to her again. I would advise all people in that situation to do the same.

[BreeannS]

How long were you together?

4 years

Is it correct that you're not married?

Yes, it's correct

What has he said to you?

That I gave him no choice but to break up, to move on with our life and how he can't guarantee anything in the future. Yes, I lost him for good.

And why the sudden change of heart from you? It's a confusing message you've sent him when you're caught cheating and then suddenly profess love and fidelity.

Actually I ended contact right after it happened and was disgusted with myself. But as I mentioned, it was still late and he already found out.

[BreeannS]

The best thing you can do is to leave this man alone and let him find a better person than you.

Well, that's what I'm doing. I haven't been contacting him since the break up and only been asking my friend Miracle for advice and off course got on this site.

And you continue your relationship with AP until you cheated him for another AP or he cheated you first. Karma is b**ch.

I'll be going single for a while.

Sorry for my blunt but you deserved it.

Yes, I'm such a loser. I really regret it all.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Breanne,

 

I have just a few points to make. Firstly, do not be bothered too much with labels. They do not really matter in the greater scheme of things. What matters is what you think of your self and about what you did. I would say this is a time to reflect on your actions and what drove you to do something like this knowing full well what it would result in if you were found out. Also put your self in your ex-boyfriend's place and then think as to how you would have felt or reacted to something like this. This will give you a better perspective on the whole sordid affair.

 

Secondly, your friend Miracle actually seems like one and is, apparently, blessed with abundant good sense. Why did you not ask her for advice when your other friend Kellie was leading you down the Highway to Hell? Had you got a second opinion from Miracle at the right time I am sure you would not be in the sorry mess that you find yourself in.

 

Thirdly, now that you have alienated your ex-boyfriend, it is best that you consider your relationship with him to be a closed chapter and move on, hopefully wiser and more mature in your thoughts and actions. Treat this whole sorry episode as a learning experience and build your self esteem and self confidence and yes, your self respect. In the future take time to assess a man before you give your heart to him and when you do, make sure that you give it to him wholly and not in part, as you seem to have done this time around. Hope this helps. Cheers!

Edited September 16, 2013 by Just a Guy

[harrybrown]

When you cheat on someone that loves you, you rip their heart out. Your boyfriend is hurt deeply. If someone hurt you like that, what would you want them to do for you? Leave them alone or apologize? If he wants left alone, that is what you should do. Hopefully, you answered all of his questions about the cheating, and did not make him feel second best. If someone cheated on you, you would feel like you were not their number one in their heart and mind.

 

If you ever do get the chance to help him with the pain, be truthful, but you should also find out why you cheated so you will not cheat in the future. You should talk to a counselor.

[Chi townD]

Well, sorry you're going through this but, you have no one to blame but yourself. Cheating is a choice and that's the choice you made. Anytime you cheat, you take the risk of losing everything. Some people get away with it, but the majority don't.

 

You hurt him and you hurt him bad. A good definition of love is to literally give your heart to someone and trusting them enough not to break it. Take a scientific wild ass guess what you did.

 

Since you're not too forthcoming with your story, I can only speculate that your BF found out about your cheating on his own. Which is the worst possible thing to happen because he would always wonder what else you're lying about. He has no reason to trust anything you have to say. If you told him right away when it happened, it may not have changed the outcome of what would happen with your relationship. BUT! In the long run, sooner or later he would have respected your honesty.

 

Now, you're not going too much into your story because you're afraid of backlash. Well, you have to remember that you're coming to a place where a LOT of us have been hurt by the same kind of actions you did to your boyfriend. So, yeah... you're going to get some of that anywhere you go. Especially from some that just had that happen to them. It's still raw with them. BUT!!! The one thing that I love about LS is if we see that a person is truly remorseful about what they did. No finger pointing or coming up with lame ass excuses...they tend to get a lot more help.

 

You would say, "I screwed up." We would say, "YES YOU DID!!!!......now, this is how you fix it." or "This is what you need to do to cope."

 

So, here's what you need to do. You need to let him go. Not what you wanted to hear. But, as someone already stated, there are things that are dealbreakers in a relationship. I think you found his. You need to remove yourself from is life. You need to go dark on him and not contact him. You need to block him on Facebook. It's only a matter of time before he starts posting pics of him and other girls on there. You don't need to see that. I see this more with girls but guys are known to do this too. They want you to feel a little of their pain. That's why they do this.

 

IF he reaches out to you in the future, be nice and respectful towards his feelings. Just have a conversation with the idea that it's friendly chit chat and nothing more. If he explodes on you, let him. Let him get it out. And he would say the most hateful and vile things. Remember, he wants you to hurt as bad as he's feeling.

 

But, don't get your hopes up for anything.

[BreeannS]

Ok I'm ready to say how he found out:

 

Dustin called his cell phone instead of mine by accident. No one picked up and he assumed it was me and left a quick message to let him know when we can meet again and said bye.

 

My bf knew by then but pretended not to for the meantime. He then got into my facebook account and the two picture of Dustin and I sitting down at a restaurant and the other one where we're hugging each other at a park. Then he confronted me the following next.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, that's not good. To your boyfriend, he will never get that picture of you in the arms of another guy out of his head. He'll continue to see the smile on your face as you're holding someone that wasn't him. And he'll also remember that you were comfortable enough to have someone snap a picture of the two of you together in a public place. He'll feel like he was replaced because you didn't even try to hide it. And if someone else snapped the picture, that means other people know about your relationship with Dustin. Which, will make him feel like a fool and the last person on earth to know. I'm not saying all of this to be mean, but as someone that has been betrayed before, I'm giving you an idea of what may be going through his head.

 

When was the last time you talked to him?

Edited September 16, 2013 by Chi townD

[samsungxoxo]

Yeah, that's not good. To your boyfriend, he will never get that picture of you in the arms of another guy out of his head. He'll continue to see the smile on your face as you're holding someone that wasn't him. And he'll also remember that you were comfortable enough to have someone snap a picture of the two of you together in a public place. He'll feel like he was replaced because you didn't even try to hide it. And if someone else snapped the picture, that means other people know about your relationship with Dustin.

I'm afraid you're right Chi townD. There is nothing the OP can do in that case. Her bf (now ex bf) pretty much saw her with the other man. That is the second worst way to find out you're getting cheated on apart from actually catching them right in the act like it happened in another story; seeing pictures or videos of them together or in compromising positions. The bad news is men are extremely visual and once they see it, they never get over it. That always stays in the back of their mind. Maybe if this happened to a woman, she might be slightly more forgiving but not a man.

 

From what I've known, only certain men actually forgive cheating and those that do are because either the woman confessed or they found out about it but without the visuals. As long as they don't catch the woman in the act of cheating nor see pictures of her with the OM, then there is a better chance that he might give another chance.

 

I think the OP have to just move on and if her ex bf wants to speak to her, then that's when she should be completely honest about it.

Edited September 16, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

I can tell you as a guy, getting cheated on sticks with us. Even if I were to ever forgive someone for cheating on me and took them back, there would be times I'd have to look at her in disgust. Even in the most minute way.

Yeah that's the one thing you men in general never really forgive. It's like you can work out through almost everything; practically any issue except cheating.

 

I'll give out a short example that has nothing to do with cheating:

Long ago, I broke up with my then bf in a horrible way over the phone. I insulted him and said the worst things ever (verbally abused him over the phone). He still contacted me later on but recently said something like that ''If you had broken up like that with me because you found another guy, then I would have never forgotten that nor be talking to you now''. He is glad my reason I broke up wasn't because of another guy but only in anger.

Edited September 16, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[Imajerk17]

Ok I'm ready to say how he found out:

 

Dustin called his cell phone instead of mine by accident. No one picked up and he assumed it was me and left a quick message to let him know when we can meet again and said bye.

 

My bf knew by then but pretended not to for the meantime. He then got into my facebook account and the two picture of Dustin and I sitting down at a restaurant and the other one where we're hugging each other at a park. Then he confronted me the following next.

 

Sounds to me that you aren't so much sorry you cheated, you are sorry you got caught. I wonder if you would have ended your affair otherwise.

 

You deserve all the pain you get.

[BreeannS]

When was the last time you talked to him?

On Sept 5. That's when he broke up with me.

[BreeannS]

Sounds to me that you aren't so much sorry you cheated, you are sorry you got caught. I wonder if you would have ended your affair otherwise.

I did ended it on Sept 4 but I didn't know he knew it even days ahead. It was the following day, which he broke it off.

You deserve all the pain you get.

I already know this.