El.Flaco Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) Ok so a little info on us. We have been married for 2 years and together for 4. I’m 29 she 30. We have no kids and have had what I think was good relationship; the thing is recently I have been seeing a few red flags.I have been catching her in lies about her whereabouts and she gets very defense when I ask her and she lying about who she with. She always seems to always have her phone on her and it seems to never leave her sight and on to pof all of this your sex life since being of my off season is at all-time low.We have had sex only a hand full of times and went way for preseason but came back due to injury your sex life has not gotten any better. She seems even angrier have me around. With all of this it is making me suspicious that something going on. I don’t think she would cheat but I just can’t think of anything else. As of right now I don’t know what to do I was hoping to get some advice Edited September 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Those are a lot of red flags, especially the phone. Get the phone records and put a var in her car . I am sorry but she does appear to be hiding something from you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) Yeah. Those are red flags. I can tell you from experience, especially the anger, is a red flag that she might be involved (or is thinking about being involved) with someone else. Edited September 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Go into major snoop mode; install keyloggers on her computer and put a voice-activated recording in her car (where cheaters go to have private conversations). Hire a private investigator, if you can. Gather the evidence and then present it to her. Be prepared for the worst and expect her to gaslight you into believing you are making it up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Become Dick Tracy, and keep your findings safe from her. Have a separate copy that you show her, when you are ready to confront her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 Those are a lot of red flags, especially the phone. Get the phone records and put a var in her car . I am sorry but she does appear to be hiding something from you. Have looked that phone records they aren’t that many callsor texts and no numbers seem to be new but her data usages is a lot higher than previous months Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Sorry this is happening It's such a bad place to be in. Some common suggestions to get the truth: Check online phone bills for recurring numbers Check any email or facebook accounts you can. Does she print directions? I found directions to a hotel in my ex's car. Get a GPS tracker and put it in her car(or track her phone if you can) Get a Voice activated recorder and put it in her car. Hire a PI. Talk to people you trust, I've read cases where people learned by expressing concern to a friend. Of course there's the risk that the "friend" is actually helping them. sigh, sad but true. The phone records and the facebook snooping were big for me. Another regular poster here used the GPS to get the truth. One you have proof (and if you suspect like you do, there's probably something going on) then you face a dilemma. One one hand they usually will lie and deny and so on without proof...but if you show your hand and prove it, then you've just shown them how to avoid detection and go further underground. I think it's better to keep your sources hidden and hope they can be honest with you. If they can't be honest...this is a bad sign anyway. And, I have to be honest. I'm being a hypocrite, in my situation I eventually revealed all my sources in order to get her to confess. I wish I hadn't. Again sorry for your pain here, it doe sound suspicious to me. Hiding your phone, the crazy defensiveness. Lies. Very big signs. Less sex can be a sign, it wasn't for me but some WSs like to be "faithful" to their affair partner... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ClemsonTigers Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Suspicious??? Hide a voice activated recorder in her car and find out for yourself. Don't make the same mistake I made and confront your wife thinking she will told you the truth. If she's cheating...she's liar. She won't confess until you have prove. Get truth yourself first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Have looked that phone records they aren’t that many callsor texts and no numbers seem to be new but her data usages is a lot higher than previous months Fair enough, but how long has it possibly been going on? If it's been going on for a while, then the past few months won't seem unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Like the poster above said, do not confront unless you have serious evidence, or else she will just tiptoe around it. If it's legal, do the VAR thing [voice activated recorder]. But overall just gather evidence for now. You might also want to read a book called 'Women's Infidelity' by Michelle something [i always forget her last name]; it has some amazing information on both what men [and women] in your situation do wrong, and what happens to a woman's body around the age of 30. PS: You might also want to read up on the 180, but i would not apply it right now. PPS: Higher data usage can mean FB/mail/other services that use internet for direct communication. There are spyware apps for smartphones, but again ... try not to do something illegal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Have looked that phone records they aren’t that many callsor texts and no numbers seem to be new but her data usages is a lot higher than previous months Does she have a smart phone? There are apps you can use to call and texts. They will up the data but not show as calls on the phone bill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 Suspicious??? Hide a voice activated recorder in her car and find out for yourself. Don't make the same mistake I made and confront your wife thinking she will told you the truth. If she's cheating...she's liar. She won't confess until you have prove. Get truth yourself first. I don’t plan on doing anything yet. I’m going to wait andgather more evidence first. I’m thinking of hiring an IP Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 Does she have a smart phone? There are apps you can use to call and texts. They will up the data but not show as calls on the phone bill. Yeah she has IPhone 5. That’s my guess she probably usingsome app since her data use is higher Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Yeah she has IPhone 5. That’s my guess she probably usingsome app since her data use is higher If she has a datacard you might be able to find something on there. One guy did that and found all these images they had been sending back and forth... Her phone was locked, but the storage card wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Have looked that phone records they aren’t that many callsor texts and no numbers seem to be new but her data usages is a lot higher than previous months She could be using a secret email account and accessing it via the internet on her phone (E.g. A Yahoo acct that she logs into on a webpage so that she never gets text/email alerts). Or Facebook. That would explain data usage but no calls or texts. Check her internet history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I have been catching her in lies about her whereabouts and she gets very defense when I ask her and she lying about who she with. She always seems to always have her phone on her and it seems to never leave her sight Phone like another appendage - the number one sign of a cheater. Voice-activated recorder in her car and in the house where she talks on the phone when you aren't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 If she's using an iphone then there's a chance she's used the home computer to charge it up. If this is the case, then there's a strong chance that, that phone and the computer sync'd up. Therefore, there's a hidden file on that computer that contains the text conversations from that phone on the computer. You need to go online and download a iphone file extractor. Download it and you should be able to pull up that hidden file and view the texts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Just a little update, I wasn’t able to get any soiled proof butI was able to install a key logger in her laptop and the pc at home. I alsofound out she is deleting her internet history on both the PC and her laptop.sohopeful I will be able to get some soiled proof. I finally come to the conclusionthat my wife is cheating on me. I feel kind of dead inside don’t know what door say just lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 Just a little update, I wasn’t able to get any soiled proof butI was able to install a key logger in her laptop and the pc at home. I alsofound out she is deleting her internet history on both the PC and her laptop.sohopeful I will be able to get some soiled proof. I finally come to the conclusionthat my wife is cheating on me. I feel kind of dead inside don’t know what door say just lost. Every new thing you find out is a bad one. I think she's cheating on you, too. If she doesn't discover the keylogger, you will have your proof very shortly. You may even have it already as I type this. Why do you think she is staying with you, and just doesn't leave you and divorce you? Money? Reputation? Other man won't commit? Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 I don't understand why people come here asking questions. Either not reading all the post but most of all what really confuses me is rarely taking any of the advice that others give. Most of us have all been through what you are now going through. Our advice is very valuable, If you follow some of the advice people are giving you. Gives you an opportunity to lessen your pain and despair You'll probably be going through... Also on how to handle this when it becomes overwhelming. People on here have told you to get a digital Voice Recorder (DVR) And GPS tracking device. keylogger awesome, What ever you do Do not whatsoever Confront her and tell you have enough proof. They are compulsive liars... Immediately contact a lawyer You could even file For divorce Just to let her know you mean Business. Doesn't mean you have to get a divorce you could stop it any time. By doing these things you take back the power. Good Luck buddy Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Sorry for disappearing on you guys I was in Vegas over the weekendjust came back yesterday. Well thanks to the key logger I was able to get some proofnothing solid just a Facebook conversation. She could still lie her way out ofit if needed. Its more then I need the prove that she cheating I still plan on moderatingher some more Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 Every new thing you find out is a bad one. I think she's cheating on you, too. If she doesn't discover the keylogger, you will have your proof very shortly. You may even have it already as I type this. Why do you think she is staying with you, and just doesn't leave you and divorce you? Money? Reputation? Other man won't commit? Yeah the key logger is doing its job. I am getting the proof I need. Now for why I think she staying with me it’s probably the money.Even though she does have a good job she still lives way above her means and won’t be able to live the life she lives without my finical backing and we do have akid but who knows why she stays but her Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 If you think it's someone in the same town, your best bet is to hire the PI. Set up a reason for you to be out of town for a couple days. Have the PI stake her out those days and see what she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Iris_88 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I am truly sorry that this is happening to you. I dont agree that you should look through her phone (yet) or phone records ... etc. This will only devastate you if in fact she is. What I mean is that if she eventually admits to having an affair, I highly doubt you would want to know the exact gruesome details of it. No one would. I think that you should confront her without accusing her. Think about what you are willing to do? i.e. attend marriage counseling? If she is having an affair, could you forgive her? Would it be better to go? Think of reasons as to why she would even have an affair? Is it because you are never home? Any resentment between the two of you? What could have triggered it? Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author El.Flaco Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 If you think it's someone in the same town, your best bet is to hire the PI. Set up a reason for you to be out of town for a couple days. Have the PI stake her out those days and see what she does. I might have to hire PI but I want talk to my lawyer firstand see what the best way to move forward with all of this 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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