Perspective in the midst of Chaos

[HopingAgain]

A few days ago, my husband and I were driving home from a friend's Birthday dinner. It had started to rain, and we were on the freeway when suddenly we began to fishtail and spin out. We spun around at least 3-4 times as my husband battled to gain control of the wheel. Our car did a 360 and we were facing oncoming traffic. Thank God that traffic had slowed down enough that we didn't get hit. He finally got us back in the right direction and we returned home shook up and dazed. We held eachother tightly all night and into the next morning.

 

The next day, as the shock started to wear off and we discussed how lucky and blessed we were to avert disaster and able to return home to our children safe and alive, I realized something. If that had been my last few moments on Earth, with the exception of my children, my Husbands face would be the last one I would want to see. It would give me comfort to have him at my side in my final moments. Even in spite of what we've been going through in the aftermath of his affair almost 9 months ago. And that since the first time since Dday, I saw my husband as my protector again. Someone who would do anything and everything to protect me in the face of danger. All he talked about in the aftermath of the near accident was that he had to make sure I was ok, and that I was safe.

 

I'm finally starting to really feel at peace with my decision to give him another shot and rebuild because in the face of chaos and the aftermath of that trauma, it just reinforced my certainty that I do love him, and that he does love me. So much. Even with all that's happened, I still can take comfort that if catastrophe were to strike, he's the one person I would want to spend my final moments beside. And I know he feels the same way.

 

Just doing some reflecting today and wondering if there have been any definitive moments of clarity for anyone else in the midst of their rebuilding where they just KNEW that they had made the right decision for themselves in staying?

[sweet_pea]

I didn't stay, so I guess I can't really answer this specifically, but yeah, there were times when I realized I made the right choice for myself. I'm glad y'all are safe!

[HopingAgain]

I didn't stay, so I guess I can't really answer this specifically, but yeah, there were times when I realized I made the right choice for myself. I'm glad y'all are safe!

 

Thank's Sweet_pea! To be honest I guess this question could be answered either way, whether someone chose to stay or go...as long as they knew it was the right decision they had made for themselves.

[ladydesigner]

I love to read positive Reconciliation stories. I am glad you are both safe and sound and that it brought you even closer together and more aware of how much you both mean to each other.

 

I hope to feel this one day for my WH. He protected MOW to the bitter end so it doesn't make me feel too great. One day ... maybe. I do see how much he treasures me and the kids now. He is much more family oriented since we have started R. He says he missed his family and could see where he had deserted us during his A. It seems he doesn't take me for granted anymore either.

[Betterthanthis13]

I really liked reading your story too. (Not that you almost got in a car crash- glad you are safe!)

 

But it makes me happy to know that even though my Xbf is unfit for R, or for trust,or a relationship or even a friendship with me, there are success stories out there, and some WS do learn and grow, and are willing and capable of rebuilding.

 

I hope it keeps getting better and better for you

[HopingAgain]

I love to read positive Reconciliation stories. I am glad you are both safe and sound and that it brought you even closer together and more aware of how much you both mean to each other.

 

I hope to feel this one day for my WH. He protected MOW to the bitter end so it doesn't make me feel too great. One day ... maybe. I do see how much he treasures me and the kids now. He is much more family oriented since we have started R. He says he missed his family and could see where he had deserted us during his A. It seems he doesn't take me for granted anymore either.

 

Thanks LD. To be certain, I sure wasn't expecting to feel this way anytime soon. It took me by surprise for sure. I guess was one of those moments where the rubber meets the road (no pun intended ).

 

That is great that your H is more focused on your family now. Sometimes it really does taking almost losing someone to see how much they mean to you, and also for them to see how much they've taken us for granted.

[HopingAgain]

I really liked reading your story too. (Not that you almost got in a car crash- glad you are safe!)

 

But it makes me happy to know that even though my Xbf is unfit for R, or for trust,or a relationship or even a friendship with me, there are success stories out there, and some WS do learn and grow, and are willing and capable of rebuilding.

 

I hope it keeps getting better and better for you

 

Thank you Betterthanthis! We are gonna keep on keeping on. I wish you lots of happiness and healing as well!

[HopingAgain]

Thank you! This hit me on a day that I really needed it. Things are going well for us but I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I just can not shake. We had friends over and were "that family" once again. We have always been the ones to have lots of friends over, our boys are lucky because they are very athletic and successful in their lives-football captains, homecoming court, Deans List kind of kids-it all felt like such a fraud when I found out about my husbands affair so we pulled way back- we are starting to get back in the mix and instead of feeling good about being back to "normal" I have felt kind of empty and numb- ANYWAY your post reminded me to look at the glass half full rather than half empty and for that I thank you my friend, I really do!

 

You are so welcome, Stronger! I am really glad that I did decide to share this now. It is so nice to be able to encourage others and for us to be able to support one another! I know what you mean about getting back to normal...there is a fear and hesitancy that can exist with that, at least I know there has been for me. But sometimes those quiet peaceful moments are some of the best times of our lives, we just don't always realize that at the time!

[Journee]

First of all, I am glad you all are okay! I'm also happy for you that you are feeling confident in your decision to R.

 

 

I think I may have just had one of those moments that puts the cheese on the cracker of why I we should just call it quits.

 

Just a silly argument about household chores and then he grumbled something like " What is this really about? Because this is so petty." I couldn't help it I let loose. I honestly just resent the poo out of him. Just five days ago it was the anniversary of DDay and I tried not to bat an eye. That was my pride sneaking in from her long vacation away. I didn't want to make that day about the affair or OW. Anyway, we went back and forth for some time before I asked a very basic , down to the nitty gritty question. " Why, after everything, should I stay? Give me one good reason." The man I have held down since we were kids , the man I care for , whose children I carried , who I have been ride or die for flatly replied "There isn't one."

 

Well that was simple huh? If he can't come up with a reason I sure as shoot won't try to.

 

Knock Knock? Whose there? Defining moment!

 

Lord Almighty help me .....

[harrybrown]

Glad that he is your protector again. I hope he realizes how lucky he is for a second chance.

[HopingAgain]

First of all, I am glad you all are okay! I'm also happy for you that you are feeling confident in your decision to R.

 

 

I think I may have just had one of those moments that puts the cheese on the cracker of why I we should just call it quits.

 

Just a silly argument about household chores and then he grumbled something like " What is this really about? Because this is so petty." I couldn't help it I let loose. I ithonestly just resent the poo out of him. Just five days ago it was the anniversary of DDay and I tried not to bat an eye. That was my pride sneaking in from her long vacation away. I didn't want to make that day about the affair or OW. Anyway, we went back and forth for some time before I asked a very basic , down to the nitty gritty question. " Why, after everything, should I stay? Give me one good reason." The man I have held down since we were kids , the man I care for , whose children I carried , who I have been ride or die for flatly replied "There isn't one."

 

Well that was simple huh? If he can't come up with a reason I sure as shoot won't try to.

 

Knock Knock? Whose there? Defining moment!

 

Lord Almighty help me .....

 

 

 

Thanks Journee!

 

That does sound like a defining moment for you. He was probably caught off guard that you just laid it out on the line so plainly. I'm sorry that his answer was so disappointing and not at all what you deserve!

[HopingAgain]

Glad that he is your protector again. I hope he realizes how lucky he is for a second chance.

 

Thanks, Harry! I hope he realizes it too!

[photogirl2006]

i am not there yet, but this was encouraging....I'm only a month and a half since dday.

 

A few days ago, my husband and I were driving home from a friend's Birthday dinner. It had started to rain, and we were on the freeway when suddenly we began to fishtail and spin out. We spun around at least 3-4 times as my husband battled to gain control of the wheel. Our car did a 360 and we were facing oncoming traffic. Thank God that traffic had slowed down enough that we didn't get hit. He finally got us back in the right direction and we returned home shook up and dazed. We held eachother tightly all night and into the next morning.

 

The next day, as the shock started to wear off and we discussed how lucky and blessed we were to avert disaster and able to return home to our children safe and alive, I realized something. If that had been my last few moments on Earth, with the exception of my children, my Husbands face would be the last one I would want to see. It would give me comfort to have him at my side in my final moments. Even in spite of what we've been going through in the aftermath of his affair almost 9 months ago. And that since the first time since Dday, I saw my husband as my protector again. Someone who would do anything and everything to protect me in the face of danger. All he talked about in the aftermath of the near accident was that he had to make sure I was ok, and that I was safe.

 

I'm finally starting to really feel at peace with my decision to give him another shot and rebuild because in the face of chaos and the aftermath of that trauma, it just reinforced my certainty that I do love him, and that he does love me. So much. Even with all that's happened, I still can take comfort that if catastrophe were to strike, he's the one person I would want to spend my final moments beside. And I know he feels the same way.

 

Just doing some reflecting today and wondering if there have been any definitive moments of clarity for anyone else in the midst of their rebuilding where they just KNEW that they had made the right decision for themselves in staying?