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How did they get caught?


LilGirlandOW

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I found evidence after my intuition told me to go looking.

 

There's always evidence if you're willing to dig. They tend to slip up at some point or another... Just depends if the BS is paying attention enough to go digging.

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I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.

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In my sister's case, the second time her husband cheated, the angry OW called my sister to inform her of the cheating. The first time he cheated, he confessed out of guilt. Unfortunately, the guilt feelings did not last for him. He has NPD and felt entitled to cheat. There were probably other affairs he had during their marriage, but both those two times were what my sister came to know about. With her second husband, he accidentally left his Email open, and she read the Email exchanges he had with a couple of other women.

 

In my older sister's case, the BS found out because my other sister and I told her.

 

In my friend's case, her husband found out because she was spending an inordinate amount of time on the internet, which was uncharacteristic for her, and he came across some Emails between her and her OM.

 

For some of the other people I know, it was lipstick on the collar, or discovered Emails, discovered hidden cell phones. That's mainly what caused a DDay. One BS discovered inappropriate text messages.

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whatatangledweb

He forgot to clear the browser on the computer. It showed his secret email with her name. I have heard of them being caught by phone bills, computer browsers, credit card statements, ..usually they start acting oddly which makes a bs look for evidence. Once you start looking it is normally easy to track it all.

 

Are you trying to keep him from being caught or are you hoping your MM gets caught?

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I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.

Good point. Hopefully that wasn't the intent of the OP in posting this, and she was just curious, and she's not looking to use this information for helping her MM to better deceive his BS.

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How did the WS end up getting caught? in situations where getting caught caused the dday.

 

No matter how much a cheater and the OW/OM may conspire to keep the affair a secret they cannot control random circumstances that eventually leads to a d-day.

 

The majority of WS's are like deer caught in headlights when caught. If it were not so devastating for the betrayed spouse it would almost comical how so many cheaters throw the OW/OM under the bus to save their own azz.

 

Rarely do cheaters confess unless they are threatened of exposure by the OW/OM or the other betrayed spouse going to their own spouse with the truth.

Most often affairs are discovered and in each situation is unique in how it's been uncovered.

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I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.

 

Indeed.

 

Contrary to popular belief , we are not empty headed no accounts. My intuition spoke to me in all three instances. Three women ( that I know of) in going on a decade. I knew something was up and not one of those times were we even living together. That's how well a betrayed person can know the wayward.

 

I do not in any way want to contribute to helping someone to humiliate an innocent person simply because they existed in the MP's life first.

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I was out at sushi with my man when a strange woman came up to our table. She put her hand familiarly on my boyfriend's shoulder and said "Hello" to us. I could feel the instant tension in the air. I thought maybe they used to date or something.

 

She introduced herself to me and my boyfriend said "This is my friend Naomi" in reference to me. I was thinking..."What the F*** is up with the 'friend' s***t."

 

She asked "Are you two working?"

Greg: "Ummm, no."

Her: "Is this like, a date type situation?"

Greg: "Kinda."

I'm thinking, "Who is this nosey bitch?"

At this point the OW turns to me and says, "Are you dating Greg?"

Me: "Yes."

Her: "I'm dating Greg too. How long have you been seeing him."

Me: "About two years."

Her: "I've been dating him for a year."

 

Hoooooly sh*******t. It felt like gravity had increased by a thousand fold. I couldn't breath because the atmosphere was pressing down on me.

 

I ended up dumping two cups of water, two cups of hot tea, and some edamame on his head before walking out.

 

I was completely unaware. There were signs, of course, in retrospect. But at the time I had no idea. It was a complete and utter shock.

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Betterthanthis13

Dday #1- found a thong in the pillowcase that was not mine. Horrifying. Very obvious. Instant breakup.

 

Dday#2- a year and a half later, after my dumb ass gave him a second chance----just a weird feeling, and an innocent looking text message caused me to blow up and interrogate him for a week

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acrosstheuniverse

my ex-MM (well, he wasn't married, but in a six year relationship) and I used to speak on facebook chat a lot, one night he was on his way over when he called and said he couldn't come, he had to go back home because S had 'found something'... chills ran down my spine, and that wait until the next morning was one of the worst moments of my life. Not knowing what was going on, running through all kinds of possibilities (has she found it all out, has he confessed, does this mean they're over and we can be together, does this mean we're over because she wants to work on it? etc.)

 

The next morning he got in touch and basically she'd used his laptop, opened his internet browser and facebook was the last thing on... he was still logged on, and she saw our chat box. She saw a line he wrote where he said 'I can't wait to see you so much xxx' after they'd been back to their hometown for the weekend together. He managed to wriggle out of it and made up some story for why he wanted to see me, but she was mostly furious and really upset about the fact that he was confiding in me about his mental health issues, and not in her. She said:

 

'I don't want to know what acrosstheuniverse means to you; I just want to know what I mean to you'

 

That line (she was already a bit weird about us hanging out because we suddenly seemed to be together all of the time out of nowhere, he rarely hid our hanging out, until we were balls deep in the affair and started to conceal it), and the fact that she stopped reading after a few messages when she could easily have read much further back and seen the evidence it was a full affair in all its glory, tells me that she knew something was going on, but she didn't want to know the details.

 

They're still together, he and I are still 'mates' who text occasionally and have to see each other at some university events and when with mutual friends, but we don't go out of our way to hang out anymore and obviously we are completely over. It did limp on for another month or so until it ended.

 

What did I learn...? I will NEVER mess with a taken man again. This one took me by such surprise and was so intense, it was a love like I'd never experienced before even during long term relationships (not 'better', just 'different'). In the future I just wouldn't go there. The stress of the situation was immense for both of us. In a different stage of life I'd never have done it because I'd have felt so guilty about his girlfriend, but I was in a post-nasty-breakup stage where I had a crisis of identity and decided I was sick of always being the better person. So I fcked and fell in love with a taken man. Never, ever again.

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I walked into his home study and he was a bit slow in closing down the window on his computer, so I saw a picture of a woman. I'd been noticing for a few weeks that he'd shut down the computer window, whenever I walked in.

 

I asked about what he was doing and got a bulls..t story about being on a chat board, so a couple of days later I asked again and insisted he show me. It turned out to be a dating website. I was in a state of shock but I managed to register his "name". The next day I tried to access the account and guessed his password on the third attempt. I then looked at all his chats on the dating website, which led me to his secret email account.

 

It was obvious that nothing had come of him being on the dating website.

 

The secret email account revealed, a 3 year affair that had ended more than 3 years earlier, but also that they were trying to resurrect the affair after the recent death of her husband.

 

Yippee that was D-day for me! :rolleyes:

Edited by SidLyon
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Betterthanthis13
Are we telling an OW how to preserve her affair?

 

No, she's contemplating all sides from what I've known of her.

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Good point. Hopefully that wasn't the intent of the OP in posting this, and she was just curious, and she's not looking to use this information for helping her MM to better deceive his BS.

 

Even if it was the intent for evil. Does not matter because BS are given advice on how to catch their WS on here. And dday discoveries are reported here in detail all the time.

 

How many people can keep a secret?

 

Two people can keep a secret.

 

When one of them is dead.

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(she was already a bit weird about us hanging out because we suddenly seemed to be together all of the time out of nowhere,

 

What did I learn...? I will NEVER mess with a taken man again.

 

Never, ever again.

 

 

You learnt no more married men for you. Yet you think she was acting weird. You are not as smart as you think you are.

 

To describe her as a bit weird is weird on your part. Out of no where you appear. Seem to be all over her WH 24/7. Which would make any spouse suspicious.

 

And that according to you is weird?

 

That is normal response to the danger your actions represented.

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CantgetoveritNY

WW had been texting a guy inappropriately. But had me persuaded that she never saw him in person. Just wanted the attention. Would never consider more bc he was un attractive.

 

Late at night, she was sound asleep. Drank a lot that night. Her, not me. Her phone lights up. It's a text from him.

 

AP/MM: Sorry about pregnancy. Def me?

 

I was blown away. I knew immediately what this meant. I woke WW up and showed her. I was too shocked to be angry or hostile. My head was spinning. I could hardly breath. She denied they had sex. She said she could explain it. That I was reading too much into it.

 

I’m sure she did think that she could talk her way out of it in the morning. She had talked her way out of many other similar, albeit less damning and concrete situations over the last 2 years. She took her phone and fell back asleep right away as she had been drinking quite a bit.

 

I knew the truth but did not want any chance for her to be able to have even a fig leaf of cover. Once she was asleep again I got her phone and texted back to The dirt bag, pretending to be WW.

 

Me for WW: What do you mean by Def me???

 

Dirt Bag: Are you sure it was me that got you pregnant?

 

I woke her again and showed her this new evidence. She no longer denied it. She was in tears, begging for forgiveness.

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acrosstheuniverse
You learnt no more married men for you. Yet you think she was acting weird. You are not as smart as you think you are.

 

To describe her as a bit weird is weird on your part. Out of no where you appear. Seem to be all over her WH 24/7. Which would make any spouse suspicious.

 

And that according to you is weird?

 

That is normal response to the danger your actions represented.

 

Huh? When did I say I thought I was smart? I left the decision to hide things or not down to him.

 

I didn't mean 'weird' in a way that means out of order or too extreme, just that she picked up on it... 'Uneasy' would be more apt a word.

 

In her position I'd have been a lot more confrontational and inquisitive but they had a strange relationship... Was almost like she just didn't wanna know.

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painfullyobvious

I caught my girlfriend on what many have called that gut feeling that something was not right. I started to follow her behaviors and question everything. Of course I was paranoid and possessive. I stated to notice that she was attending a lot more "continuing education credits" and conferences than I believed a normal employer would allow in a given year. On one of her conferences out if town I called her employer and asked to get in touch with her. They had no idea what I was talking about. I waited for her to return from the conference but I tore our apartment finding phone bills, letters and messages that confirmed my suspicions. When she returned I asked her about her conference and she told me it was boring and so sick of all these conferences. I laid the notes, letters and phone bills in front of her. I was composed for some reason and she freaked out siting invasion of her privacy. I moved out a short time later as she could not let the relationship go. Just glad I got this revelation before I married her.

 

Every now and then I bump into her and I ask her if she is still furthering her education. The look is priceless

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In no way am I digging for info about how to hide anything. I'm just curious. In the past, there have been many time where I hoped BS would find out so MM would be forced off the fence, and get the cake he's been eating squished in his face like a clown. I love him, I think he gaslights both myself and BS to keep us where he wants us. I would never play cover-up for him or any AP.

 

Thanks for all the imput. Bless you all :)

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I've only had one man cheat on me and I caught him in the most easiest way. That loser wasn't even creative in cheating. Typical story: I got home early from work (and I believe it was Easter Day) and walked in on him with the other woman in my own bed. I dumped him immediately. This has to be one of the lowest ways of cheating.

 

Strangely, I only told them to be out by the time I come back. I didn't do anything to him nor the OW. I don't think she knew I was dating him and even if she did, in the end it seem like doing me a favor.

 

If I had a cheating mind, at the very least I wouldn't invite the OM in my lover's house.

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One word: FACEBOOK

 

If I were take a guess I would say that Facebook is the most fertile ground to find a cheating spouse. It is just so dang easy. It's just like texting without the trail if they delete. And they don't even have to be friends.

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Even if it was the intent for evil. Does not matter because BS are given advice on how to catch their WS on here. And dday discoveries are reported here in detail all the time.

 

How many people can keep a secret?

 

Two people can keep a secret.

 

When one of them is dead.

True, these testimonies can also help a BS to know what to look for, or what should be a red flag that could indicate cheating. I've posted the signs of cheating on this board before when posters have come with suspicions that their partner may be cheating.

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In the past, there have been many time where I hoped BS would find out so MM would be forced off the fence, and get the cake he's been eating squished in his face like a clown.

Maybe you could help that process along a little bit, if you know what I mean. ;) If sending an anonymous letter or making an anonymous phone call to the BS is out of the question for you, maybe you could get a little careless yourself. Put on some lipstick, and be sure to kiss his neck right before he leaves you. :) Start wearing your perfume a little heavy and make sure you come in contact with his clothes. lol. Start sending him texts late at night when you know he'll be with his wife and have a hard time explaining himself to her. Slip a little love note discretely in his pants pocket for his wife to find when she's doing the laundry. Call the house a lot and hang up when someone answers the phone. Ask to go out in public where someone might see the two of you together. Tell your friends and relatives about this guy, and maybe they'll help you out with the tip off to the BS. Have a friend of yours anonymously take a picture of you kissing the MM out in public, and have them deliver it to his wife. There are 50 ways to expose your lover :laugh: and get him off the fence without him blaming you for his BS discovering the affair. ;) Of course, you run the risk that when he is forced to choose between the two of you when a DDay happens, he might decide to stay with the wife, but would you really want someone that didn't choose you anyway, when he was finally forced to make that decision?

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