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can men and married women be friends


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confused33

Hi everybody just one question. Can men and married women be friends? My wife has a habit of having guy friends at work and hides it, she says it is none of my business and she doesn't tell me because i will get mad at her.Says there just friends and play games on the computer at work, when i asked her why i haven't met the guy she says because i will start trouble, not true but when i tell her i will be there at lunch to meet him she says ok then about 3 hours before lunch she calls and says her lunch has changed and i wont be able to meet him. I dont know what to do ,she keeps telling me i'm a big baby and don't trust her andd i'm just jealous.

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You both need to work on this--I reccomend couples therapy if you can't communicate about it.

 

She should not be having secret relationships behind your back, and you shouldn't be creating an environment where she's not comfortable telling you about her relationships for fear of you wigging out.

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radioflyer

No offense, but if you have been reading my posts, this is how i found out that my wife was having and affair with a co-worker! She later told me after i caught them in the act that they really just started out as friends and it escaladed from there. They start out with general conversation and the more that they work together, the more they start confiding in one another. The more intimate the conversations get, the more intimate the relationship gets and so on.....so, this is my advice to you! my wife told me and her family the same thing, that i was a very jealous person over this guy and i had no right to be because they were just "friends". She bold face lied about it to everyone and it finally came out after i caught them at his apartment. So, you need to keep a very close eye on it and start giving your wife more attention and affection. If you are not, she could very well be turning towards these male co-workers for what is lacking in your marriage. please take my advice because i found out the hard way and i feel to blame. go to divorcebusters.net (i think this is the site) and read peoples stories on that messageboard. It could just be innocent though, but i am just giving you my 2 cents! Hope this helps and let us know how things turn out!

md

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confused33

True, but this isn't the first time theres been many times ,and i have told her tell me at first and tere wont be a problem.

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Originally posted by confused33

i have told her tell me at first and tere wont be a problem.

Neither your wife nor I believe you.

 

Worry less about placing blame, and worry more about mutually creating a relationship where neither of you behave like this.

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SouthernRomeo

Glad to hear you 2 are getting counseling. That is a very big step. Hopefully you both are receptive and things work out.

 

I feel that single and married individuals can be friends, but for everyone that can, several can not be. As you did watch for the signs. With your wife, there are a lot of red flags (hope many of which come up in your counseling). Defensiveness is one thing. Secretive is another. If one does not feel guilty then usually defensiveness is unneeded. While we all have an urge to defend ourselves, those that have a guild associated with things or feel they are in the wrong, try harder to defend themselves in a way of removing accountability and increasing deniability. The secretive aspect shows they want to hide that. They are ashamed and thus must keep it secret.

 

I wish you 2 best of luck and when you come out of things definately make sure you give her the love and attention she needs and hopefully she will reciprocate. Best wishes.

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