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Shocked


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I've been married for the last 30 years, we have had our up and downs just like every marriage has had, about 10 years ago my wife had an affair with her "X" boyfriend the one before me, she finally told me cause she was afraid that his wife would call, next day she did, we got help to save our marriage and things were great from that day on.

 

34 days ago she told me in 5 minutes that she's been unhappy with me for the last 25 years and that she was going to go to New York so we could have some time by apart, I begged her not to go and asked her to let's get some help to save our marriage, she told me that her sister asked her to come and live there and that she had contacts for my wife to get a better paying job, my wife told me she was gonna quit her job after working at the same place over 6 years and go, I knew that wasn't the reason she wanted to leave since her and her sister have never gotten along in their lives. I kinda suspected that "He" was back in her life so I pressed for the truth, then the bomb fell. She told me she wanted to see and I quote her "if the grass was greener with him".

 

We celebrated our 30 anniversary last year I took her to Cabo San Lucas for a week and found out that she emailed him on our anniversary saying "I miss you" when I ask her what that was about she refused to answer. We talked and talked and she agreed not to go and to get help. A week later she came home from work and told me she gave her 2 week notice and that she couldn't get her money back from the airlines so she was going. The last weekend came and I left because I so mad and lost. She packed her bags and left me and our dog, she agreed to let me stay in her Condo that we've had for the last 25 years together cause she didn't want us to be homeless and that she would give us money for the household. that weekend I found some pills and some wine and was gonna take my life away I just couldn't handle it. I told her that she's welcome back but I didn't know who was gonna be behind the door. We started talking again and I listened to what my friends told me to do, I sent her flowers and candy and cards every time we talked I cried begged etc to ask her to come back... One day we had a 3 hour talk and at the end of the talk she asked me to by her a ticket home, I said 'What"? she said she was ready to work it out. So like a stupid dummy I bought her a ticket and told to reassure me that she would be at the airport, I told her that day I was gonna go to movie to clear my head, she said she would call me later. I asked what she going to tell her friend and sister and she told me not worry, Sunday came and she was still talking and sounded like she was excited about coming back, the phone rang at about 6:30 that nite and she told me that she wasn't ready to come home and that she was moving in with him, she also told me that her "loving" sister told her that if she goes back to me she's making the worst mistake in her life.

 

She has been calling and text ting me every other day, I've been doing the same with no hope. on the 24th day I finally asked her what she really really really wanted to do and the bomb fell, she asked for a divorce.

 

I told her that I didn't really hear any truth into what she was asking cause she kinda mumbled it. When I asked her what has changed in her life cause she keeps telling me he does exactly what I did and other stuff, when I said the only thing I can see that's different is he has a job and I don't, she gets very defensive when I say that. My brother is a lawyer and he's agreed to help us out, he told me that what I should ask for is "Free Rent" for a specific time, we've agreed to a "Legal separation" instead of a divorce, When her parents passed away they left me out of the will and the deed so if we do get a divorce I get NOTHING.

 

I am seeing therapist but really can't afford it, and I've been steadily looking for any kind of work but getting nowhere fast, and the hardest part is coming home and I start talking to myself and getting upset, many nights I have sat and cried. I've told her many times I am willing to forgive and forget if she just came home, when my brother talked to her she told him that doesn't ever want to come back.I know that she's confused and talking to people who don't like me, I even offered to pay for her to seek help.

 

I had asked her for a weekend just to talk I told her we could meet somewhere not in LA or NY but like Vegas or somewhere, she asked why and I said just to see you if its only for last time to hold her smell her and even maybe make love to her since she has withheld that for going now about 6 months, she said that wasn't a good idea. I don't know what to do, I still love her a lot and I've told her I can change for her but I can't do it if she's 6,000.00 miles away, I'm so lost I'm so confused and have been heavily depressed for the last month and a half HELP

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Darren Steez

She's been sleeping with him, now moved in with him so no amount of begging is going to get her back.

 

You are not the one who has to change, she has got you so twisted, you're the one tying yourself in knots to try and change.

 

She's not calling you because she wants to reconcile or that she thinks she's made a mistake. She's calling you to alleviate whatever guilt she's feeling. But the more she settles into her life the more that guilt will pass and soon I'm sorry to say you will just become annoying to her.

 

She has been callous, I hope you stop begging even though it's hard to accept she's gone, do not beg! Reduce the amount of texts or calls you send or receive from her, it's called detaching. Read about the 180. So sorry for you at this time but the only way to salvage this is to take care of yourself first. File for divorce.

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