New discovery

[beck80]

Hi everyone,

Not sure where to start as my head is spinning right now. I've just discovered my husband has been in contact with a lady from Russia.

I'm not sure as to the depth as to whatever is going on.

 

As a bit of a background we separated last year for 6 months, and i went back home to the UK from Australia, where we had been living for the last few years. Nobody else was involved in our separation, well that i knew of.

Anyway we communicated almost every day i was away. Some of this was work related as we own our own company and i was still working for the business while in the UK.

Well we both mutually decided we wanted to try again. So in September i returned to Australia. Everything seemed relatively normal, although i could sense some distance in him, which i put down to being busy with work etc, and wanted to keep things going slow and steady between us.

I had a ticket booked back to the UK for Christmas as we decided before i returned to Australia that this would be a good idea, incase things didn't work out. Before i left we both agreed we were happy with how things were between us.

 

While i was away we had little communication. Again, i knew he was busy with work and spending all hours in the office. I was upset when he couldn't find time to talk to me on the phone on Christmas day or New Years. Again, i know these days aren't a big deal to him and again told myself it was work. Looking back on that time although we whatsapp'ed occasionally it was always instigated by me and his messages were always pretty blunt and short. I tried to make him feel part of my trip by updating him on hwat i was doing/photos etc, however he didn't seem too interested. I also felt guilty for leaving him alone during the holiday period and told him so, but he said it's fine as he's so busy with work.

 

When i returned to Australia in January he seemed pleased to see me. He made effort to spend some time with me inbetween work and his new hobby of cycling. Although the free time we spend together is very little as he has a lot of late nights at the computer working, he tells me its all ofr us and our long term benefit.

 

Today i am working from home on his computer as it has a programme on i need to use and he's aware of this.

This is where i guess it's my own fault for snooping. I wasn't even looking for anything in relation to another woman but another email about a member of staff. So i guess what i found serves me right. In a folder under finance marked personal i clicked on and discovered a load of emails going back to August of last year between my husband and this russuan woman. Fair enough at the time we were separated, but it still stung big time. Then i saw more recent emails sent in January of this year. The last one (well to his work email anyway) was sent a week before i returned home. On one of the emails sent last year it even said love you on it.

 

Now i don't know what to think or do Is this why he's had all the late nights at the computer? Awaiting me to go to sleep so he can chat to her. To be fair i know he's been working hard so it may not be the case, but i don't know... I was messing with his blackberry playbook in February looking at pictures of his work trip to South Africa. All of a sudden he looked really worried and snatched it off me. I thought nothing of it as we were in work, but funnily enough yesterday i thought i'd go on it to play this silly game and it now has a password on it. A lot of the emails between them were sent off his blackberry so now i assume this is why he looked so worrired about me being on his playbook.

 

I doubt they've met in person, although the emails seemed like they talked quite often and had grown close. Now i'm thinking is this why i sense a distance between us. This valentines day he made no effort. No card or anything. I was upset as i thought it would be a special day with us being 'happy' and back together, but wasn't too hard on him as i again, put it down to him working long hours. Same with xmas, no present, although i can't complain as i had a flight to go to the uk to spend time with my family.

 

He's at work at the minute and unaware i know any of this.

I'm in 2 minds as to confront him or not?? I want to as i'm upset. But i'm scared he won't want to talk and will just snap he wants us to get divorced So i'm thinking i should keep it to myself.

I love him so much and thought he felt the same again. He used to tell me he loves me every day. That didn't happen again after we got back together in September which i missed. Recently he's started saying it more often, and i've felt so happy and glad that we're back together and life seemed amazing. Then this morning happened. Now i'm questioning everything. His emails to her seem like from a different person. Sweet nothings saying he's thinking of her and kissses and stuff. I sign a lot of my texts to him with a few xx's he never doess that to me.

 

God i feel pathetic and like i musn't be a good enough wife for him to be contacting this russian woman.

I don't know what to do. Sorry i'm not very coherent but my heads all over the spot right now

[Toddbt12y1]

First: Do not say you are not a good enough wife for him, ever! It has nothing to do with that. You cannot be better than whom you are, and if he loved you as you were before, he has no excuses! Even then...none. You are not at fault here. Whether you and him argued, whether you and him seperated or not, it is all him.

 

It is extremely disrespectful of him to be talking to this OW behind your back; I can see it happening as you are seperated(even then, seperation isn't totally divorce, and I cannot see why anyone would want to go and see other people or talk to other people until they are *this is my opinion).

 

What he has done is a form of cheating, IMO. Certainly he should not be emailing sweet-nothings and kisses and hugs crap to some-other worman; especially after a strong desire to get back with you. You have every right to feel down. He should be ashamed of himself! If he wanted to work-things out with you, that is what he should be doing, not fooling around with some woman....

 

His behavior is strange...But please, do not beat yourself up. This happens, even in relationships where the people seem to be getting along just fine.

[WhoreyBull]

This has nothing to do with you, please don't say something like that. Some people are just a certain way.

I don't think it's of any condolence to you, but lately Russian dating scams are really really prevalent. There is a good chance he hasn't been talking to a woman. Or the one he has been talking to is only looking for money... So while you're heart might be hurting there is a very good chance he is making a (further) fool of himself.

You might want to make sure he hasn't sent anything to her...

 

I am not sure what to tell you in this situation. Other than this is probably one of those times to focus on your own happiness and then re-evaluate how happy this man makes you.

[SidLyon]

I just wanted to say that I'm in Australia too and my H had an affair with a Russian woman with a Russian e-mail address (*@mail.ru) however she was actually here in Australia, so don't assume she is a long way away.

[TaraMaiden]

That's true, about 'location'.....

 

I think you leave the folder open, and the most damning email on the desktop for him to see, and you tell him you want the truth, because he IS having an EA - and Emotional Affair.

 

However, as has been pointed out - simply because the lady has a 'Russian' email, it doesn't mean that Russia is where she is.

 

Has he met her?

Is this deeper than it actually appears?

 

This is just so wrong.

 

You didn't snoop.

If he leaves things accessible, then he has only himself to blame.,

And someone putting a 'personal' folder under 'finances' is asking for trouble....

[waterwoman]

Sorry - this wasn't meant to be here

Edited April 4, 2013 by waterwoman
Posted in the wrong place.