Wife Cheated On Me In Las Vegas (new)

[SLYRONE]

MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED ALMOST 1 YEAR. WE HAVE HAD OUR FAIR SHARE OF BUMPS AND BRUISES. 2 MONTHS AGO, I BROKE A PROMISE TO HER BY GOING TO A STRIP CLUB WITH MY FRIENDS ON MY BIRTHDAY. I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN FOR BREAKING THAT PROMISE, AND SHE FORGAVE ME.

 

SINCE THEN, THINGS HAVE BEEN TOUGHER, I KNOW SHE STILL THINKS ABOUT WHAT I DID. LAST WEEK, MY WIFE WENT TO LAS VEGAS WITH A FRIEND. I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEMS WITH HER GOING, I TRUST HER COMPLETELY. SHE WAS THERE FOR 3 NIGHTS. MY WIFE AND HER FRIEND (ALSO, NEWLY MARRIED) HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME. FROM WHAT MY WIFE TELLS ME, HER FRIEND WAS TRYING TO GET HER DRUNK AND DANCE WITH GUYS THE WHOLE TIME, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SHE WAS DOING.

 

THE LAST NIGHT THEY WERE THERE, THEY WERE HANGING OUT WITH TWO GUYS AT A CLUB. AT, 4 AM, THEY WENT UPSTAIRS TO THE HOTEL ROOMS. MY WIFES BEST FRIEND, WENT INTO THE ROOM THEY WERE STAYING IN WITH THE GUY SHE WAS APPARENTLY HANGING ALL OVER ALL NIGHT. OBVIOUSLY, MY WIFE DID NOT WANT TO BE IN THERE, SO SHE AND THIS OTHER GUY ARE TOGETHER. FROM WHAT MY WIFE TELLS ME, AND I BELIEVE HER, SHE WAS PLASTERED.....COMPLETELY DRUNK AND GONE. THE GUY TELLS HER THAT SHE CAN COME TO HIS ROOM AND CRASH FOR THE NIGHT, AND THAT SHE WOULDNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING. SHE AGREED. THEY GO INTO THE ROOM, AND LAY DOWN, SAME BED.

 

EVIDENTLY AFTER LAYING THERE FOR SOME TIME, THE GUY REACHED OVER AND TOUCHED MY WIFES LEG. THIS SPARKED SOMETHING IN HER THAT MADE HER GET CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. THEY STARTED TO HAVE SEX, AND SHE SAID ABOUT TEN MINUTES INTO IT, SHE SCREAMED AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM, THEN PROCEEDED TO CRY AND REGRET IT. NOW, SHE TOLD ME ALL THIS THE DAY AFTER SHE GOT BACK. I COULD SENSE SOMETHING WASNT QUITE RIGHT, BUT DIDNT EVER THINK THAT THIS WAS THE PROBLEM. SHE COULD HAVE NOT TOLD ME AND MAYBE I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN (NOBODY ELSE KNOWS, NOT EVEN HER FRIEND).

 

SO, SHE TOOK THE CHANCE OF TELLING ME AND LOSING ME (AND OUR DAUGHTER - 7 MONTHS). SHE HAS SAID THAT SHE IS VERY SORRY AND THAT SHE NEVER COULD LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MADE A TERRIBLE DECISION, PUT HERSELF IN A VERY BAD SITUATION (UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL - TO THE EXTREME), AND RISKED EVERYTHING WE HAVE FOR SOME STRANGER. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE SPONTANIOUS MOMENT TO BE DESIRED (THAT NEW FEELING). NOW, I AM HURT, BAAAAAD. I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE SOMETHING I HAD TO OVERCOME OR DEAL WITH.

 

THE THINGS THAT BOTHER ME THE MOST ABOUT THE WHOLE DEAL, MY WIFE PERFORMED ORAL SEX ON THE GUY, AND THE FACT THAT SHE ALLOWED HERSELF INTO THAT SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDNT KISS HIM, AND THAT HER PANTS ONLY CAME DOWN FAR ENOUGH TO "MAKE IT HAPPEN". NEITHER OF THEM CLIMAXED, BUT WITH THAT SAID, ANOTHER BOTHER OF MINE.....NO CONDOM WAS INVOLVED...ARRRRRRGH! THAT DISGUSTS ME, AND THE THOUGHT AND SIGHT IN MY HEAD OF HER GOING DOWN ON HIM. I REALLY DO WANT TO FORGIVE HER FOR THIS. I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY, AND I THINK SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY.

 

SHE HAS TOLD ME SHE WILL GO TO THERAPY TO FIND OUT WHY SHE DID THIS AND FIX IT. I AM HAVING THE WORST TIME, REPLAYING EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD - THINKING ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED THAT SHE DIDNT TELL ME. I AM CRUSHED BY THIS, AND EVEN THOUGH I THINK THERE IS A WAY THROUGH IT, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET MY THOUGHTS PAST IT. THIS WAS A FLUKE IN MY OPINION. I DONT THINK IT WAS PRE-MEDITATED IN ANYWAY. IT WASNT A RELATIONSHIP, AN AFFAIR, OR ANYBODY SHE EVER MET BEFORE. I GUESS THOSE THINGS ARE A PLUS, ALTHOUGH IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE ANY PART OF IT IS REALLY A PLUS. ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS??

[FolderWife]

Well well well. You go to a strip club after promising her that you won't. You pretty much break her heart by lying to her, and watching other women take their clothes off, and you judge her?

 

Ok, I know that being a man, you can't begin to understand how what you did would make some women feel. She felt betrayed, she felt unloved, she felt unrespected, and she probably felt unsexy too.

 

Now, she leaves you for three days, and by peer pressure, gets drunk. Then, she ends up in a position that causes her to cheat, and EVEN THOUGH she is drunk out of her mind, she still has the love and respect for you to stop after only 10 measly minutes.

 

She was drunk, and depressed.

 

You were sober and a jerk.

 

I think if she can forgive you, then you should forgive her. In a sense, you cheated too. You lied so you could see another woman get naked. I know it's not the same extreme, but if you feel you can be forgiven for going to a strip club after PROMISING not to, then I think she can be forgiven for getting drunk and making a mistake.

 

Just be sure she gets tested for STDs, but don't be rude and rash about it...just tell her that for her own protection, she needs to be tested....don't be all smug and "You slept with him after not knowing him at all, so you probably got something...you need to get tested so I don't catch it too!"

 

Forgive her. Tell her you understand the situation, and you trust that she won't do it again, if she promises not to. Tell her you love her, and you don't want her to have an illness, so you think you should take her to her obgyn as soon as possible, then go with her.

 

You both screwed up. You sound like you love one another, so just forgive her like she forgave you, and raise your 6 month old together.

 

One more thing...don't you think it's kind of harsh to go to a strip club so soon after your wife gave birth? Especially since you said you wouldn't. I beleive she was in a low place, and I believe she got drunk, and I beleive that she showed her love for you by stopping it before it went to far, and by telling you.

 

Forgive her.

 

I'm sorry, but I admittedly got a little angry after reading your post, because I felt like you were being a jerk by judging what she did after what you did. I know it's not the same level, but I feel like you started it. I don't want to be a jerk about this. I hope you can forgive her, and work past it. I know it hurts.

 

Good luck!

[Arabess]

I don't think either one of you love each other or seem to respect any portion of your marriage. You are doing what you want to do....she's giving oral sex to friends.....WTF???? That's not a relationship...it's a porn film.

 

IF you want this thing to work out, expecially since you have a child together, I suggest BOTH of you zip up the booze and the outside sex and work on COMMUNICATION and getting your acts together.

 

I'm not meaning to sound judgemental....but you are upset over a problem you are equally contributing to.

[FolderWife]

I don't think either one of you love each other or seem to respect any portion of your marriage. You are doing what you want to do....she's giving oral sex to friends.....WTF???? That's not a relationship...it's a porn film.

 

IF you want this thing to work out, expecially since you have a child together, I suggest BOTH of you zip up the booze and the outside sex and work on COMMUNICATION and getting your acts together.

 

I'm not meaning to sound judgemental....but you are upset over a problem you are equally contributing to.

 

Yeah, what she said.

[SLYRONE]

Maybe I should have clarified my mishap a little more. When I went to the strip club, I was very drunk as well. And on top of that, I was with 8 of my friends, on my birthday. I foolishly didnt want to back out of the situation for fear of the heckeling I would get from my friends. It wasnt my idea to go to the club, and I did make efforts for hours to avoid going. Yes, I was a complete jerk for breaking a promise to my wife, instead of standing up to my buddies...... I know that, and have apologized and my wife gave me forgiveness. We both love each other very much, I know she cares about me a ton, thats why I think she told me so fast after it happened. My problem really isn't whether or not to forgive her, because I have pretty much convinced myself that I can do that. The problem is my head. I cant stop thinking about it, my wife in another mans arms. His d__k in my wife. My wife on her knees with his d__k! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It drives me crazy. Thats the real issue here. They need to create a memory eraser. Although I'm glad that she was honest with me and told me, I wish I never knew and had to live with it.

[fredrolin]

Monday, you are way out of line.

 

A person going to a strip club and a person having sex in a hotel room are completely different.

 

Yes it sounds like you believe that going to see a stripper is cheating, so I understand your point.

 

In strip clubs it's all about the women dancing for tips in public. What this guy's wife did was cheat on him, one on one alone.

 

----

 

dude, I don't know. I stick by the staying that once that trust is broken a relationship can never be 100% again.

Things will never be the same and this painful event will be in the back of your mind forever.

[Fritz]

I have a hard time equating getting drunk with your buds at a strip club with getting drunk and then having oral sex with a stranger. Yeah, breaking a promise is bad but two wrongs don't make a right.

 

I don't know how one gets those images out of one's head but getting counseling for yourself and as a couple would probably help.

[sassygal]

Well, honestly it doesn't sound like either of you have much repect for each other. When you said "I do" those 2 words are suppose to mean something. Also, " For Better Or For Worse" . You both made the bad, so now your going to have to lay in it.

 

I do believe that things can start to get better in this relationship, but it will take both of you!! I agree with ARABESS all the way. You guys really need to get your acts together especially for your child.

 

Wishing you luck!!

[fredrolin]

Originally posted by Fritz

I don't know how one gets those images out of one's head but getting counseling for yourself and as a couple would probably help.

 

In counseling only one person comes out of the room ahead, the counselor with your money.

 

As a teen I was forced into going to may "counselors" and as long as my parents medical insurance was filling there pockets they never "cured" me and would still be giving me appointments today, 25 years later if it were possible.

 

Any idiot can go to college, study psychology and get a degree. Said idiot isn't going to save the world or solve any problems.

There is enough information on the Internet to help everyone cope.

[dangerouslydead]

I do not know what to say to you folks. One argues that revenge is taken and the other one says that he had it coming. I believe neither is true. I made a bad sadnwich for my wife in the morning today, does this mean that she should serve me overbaked cake in the evening? Then next you know I am saying that I was 10% bad and she was 80% bad so I will need to have revenge on the rest of 70%.

 

I have been drunk and much to my surprised never did anything that I did not desire to do. How many of you ahve come hoem drunk and tried to sleep with your mother or father? Trust me, drinking does not make you do things you detest. In fact, she at one level or the other wanted to get even. I say you talk to her and tell her that this is not marriage when two people are trying to get even.

 

Marraige is for better or worse, you amde things bad by going to a strip club and she said "This is not better or worse this is better or bad", so she went out and made things worse. Boy this is one screwed up relationship. I advise you get marriage councelling. She had repressed anger from your act and you all caps story tells us that you will never be able to come to terms with someone else touching her body. I guess in your instance your strip club case was harmless fun in which you did not have anything like infidelity going on. But, how can a married person even let a member of opposite sex in their hotel room?

[nitram100]

Get rid of her..now. This other guys penis was in the same place your child first saw the light of day. She is going to kiss your child with the same mouth which performed oral sex, get rid of her now

[zarathustra]

What's done is done. You have a new child--just 7 months old--focus on caring for him/her.

 

Focus on the future of your child and the family. Let the past go whether it involves strip clubs or Las Vegas nights.

 

Sad to say, your wife is not the first, and won't be the last, spouse to stray in that drunken playground known as Las Vegas. You're not the first, and won't be the last, spouse to visit a strip club.Neither you nor your wife is a perfect human being. What a surprise.

 

The trick, now, is learning how to live and love together, again, without dwelling on past acts.If you live in the past, you're marriage is over and your child's family will cease to exist. Is anger and resentment over your wife's one half bj in a drunken stupor with a stranger in a Las Vegas hotel room worth your child's future?

 

It wouldn't for me.

 

Move on, my friend.

[echocrush]

If there was no hope neither of you would have the guilt you now have, thats a good thing. But the guilt can also destroy you if you let it.

 

I walked in on my ex in bed with another girl, so I had a lovely mental picture to go with all of the hurt, everytime I closed my eyes there it was. I wasn't able to forgive him totally for years, I tried but it was still there everytime he came home late, went out with his friends, or gave me a reason to doubt his commitment to me.

 

It drove me crazy, but I finally got to the point where I could make it go away, and now it's only here if I want it to be. First of all, i had to let myself grieve, be angry, feel all of the feelings I had been trying not to feel. I had to allow myself to really think about it. Once I got through the grieving process, I had to refuse to think about it anymore. When it came up I told myself it had been dealt with and I had moved on, no use going back to square one.

 

What happened is a bad thing, but anything bad can be made good. It just depends on where you focus your energies from here, dwelling on the bad will only emphasize it, so try to find the good... in her, you, your relationship... focus on that. This was a symptom of something very serious... it can be treated, but if left alone will progress to a disease that no longer has a cure. Take care of it now, counseling is a good thing if both people are commited to saving the relationship...

 

Good luck

[tac719]

1) There is a big (not just big but huge) difference between going to a strip club and actually having sex with someone outside of the marriage. Reverse the rolls, how big of a deal would it be if she had gone to a male strip club? You would both be dealing with an eye for an eye issue, basically. You still shouldn't have gone to the strip club, either way you both cheated on your marriage.

2) Her friend is not someone you need involved in your lives. She is toxic to your marriage.

3) You both confessed to one another, that is a starting point.

4) For the sake of your child and marriage you need to go to marriage counseling. There are good counselors out there. Look for ones that have been recommended by others. If you go to church check and see if they have a marriage group and couple counseling, it's free typically and can work very well.

5) Another member here made a good point to another poster in the forum. It is all in your head at this point, you need to get past that. Maybe in the end this will bring the two of closer and make you realize how important your marriage is.

6) As hard as it is, she does need to get checked for STD's.

 

Hold her hand you are in this together...

[Shaka]

Unfortunatey. the "visions" u have will never go away.

 

Its up to u whether u want to deal with that while dealing with her (and her regret) or just move on.

 

 

But they NEVER go away... and its demoralizing..