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Had an affair with a married man; got caught . Now what?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 3rd January 2013, 12:45 PM   #1
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Had an affair with a married man; got caught . Now what?

So here goes, I was babysitting for this married couple . The affair started about two months after I starting watching their children...in the mean time he would always txt me and ask how I was ect...so I would reply thinking nothing of it. Then we began talking more and more and I began to develop strong feelings for him and he developed strong feelings for me....we decided it wasn't right and went through a period of time without talking to each other at all. I was hurt because I was emotionally attached to him. But I knew he was married to it could never be... then it all started again and the feeling were multiplied by x10000000 I truly fell in love with this man and he in love with me...we began to see each other secretly he was my world ...said he was going to leave his wife etc....and I believed him and told him this is going to be messy , not easy, especially because he had children and he said everything would work out.....we had sex several times and our feelings got deeper and deeper for each other. I truly could not help the way I feel about him, I was so in love and still am. Then of course his wife found out and we got caught . I completely owned up to everything I did and everything that happened and I truly am remorseful and feel terrible about it. but its eating me alive because I truly love him with all my heart...and now he wont talk to me..he completely abandoned me and I am so hurt..i was expecting this but I just need some advice on what to do...he saying how everything is ruined because of me...when I told him all this would happen way before hand and now he all of a sudden turned away from me wont talk to me nothing. I just need advice on what to do...... how to handle it. please and thank you ...
its crazy I know should have never done it but I honestly couldn't help the way I felt about him; and now everything is upsidown. And he just stopped talking to me...its been two days. Should I give him his space and maybe hell come around? they are for sure getting a divorce now...

Last edited by XoLolyta; 3rd January 2013 at 12:48 PM..
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Old 3rd January 2013, 12:54 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by XoLolyta View Post
So here goes, I was babysitting for this married couple .
It would be helpful to know how old both you and your MM are?

Mr. Lucky
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Old 3rd January 2013, 12:58 PM   #3
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Age

Im 19 hes 35
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:11 PM   #4
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welcome to LS.

I am sorry for your pain.

Right now, I would assume he is working on his marriage and is not to have ANY contact with you whatsoever.

His wife will divorce him immediately if he does, and as much as that hurts you, you have to try to understand that, and that he is fighting for his marriage and his family.

I think it is very admirable that you fessed up to e erythi ng. That took a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself.

I am dismayed that, because of your age, you were manipulated to a degree by an older man who possible took advantage of your youth and inexperience.

I would take some solace in believing his wife is mighty angry with HIM, because he IS old enough to know better.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:17 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by XoLolyta View Post
we had sex several times and our feelings got deeper and deeper for each other. I truly could not help the way I feel about him, I was so in love and still am. Then of course his wife found out and we got caught . I completely owned up to everything I did and everything that happened and I truly am remorseful and feel terrible about it.
But only after you got caught.


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but its eating me alive because I truly love him with all my heart
Why? He is a cheating dog. That appeals to you?


Quote:
...and now he wont talk to me..he completely abandoned me and I am so hurt
Of course he won't talk to you. You both got caught and now he either has to work on his marriage, or leave. If he is staying in his marriage he HAS to not talk to you.



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..i was expecting this but I just need some advice on what to do
Move on and don't get involved with married men.


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he saying how everything is ruined because of me
Thats where he is wrong. Everything is ruined because of you both. More him than you, but you still have a responsibility in all of this since you knew he was married.


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when I told him all this would happen way before hand and now he all of a sudden turned away from me wont talk to me nothing.
He can't. If he did, he would be continuing to disrespect his wife and crap on his family.

Leave it be, its over. Move on and don't do it again.


Quote:
its crazy I know should have never done it but I honestly couldn't help the way I felt about him; and now everything is upsidown. And he just stopped talking to me...its been two days. Should I give him his space and maybe hell come around?
Come around for what? Him leaving his family for you?
I'll digress, he should because his wife deserves better than a cheating dog, so do his children. But really?

Quote:
they are for sure getting a divorce now...
I wouldn't bet on it. My instincts tell me they haven't made that decision yet and if he has any hopes of keeping his marriage, then the least that has to happen is he never talks to you again.

Leave it alone. Move on. A cheating jerk isn't an adonis to be slobbered all over.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:27 PM   #6
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Quite simply he is going to try to salvage his marriage. DO NOT expect him to be in contact with you. And for the benefit of the children that you were responsible for, please leave him/them alone.

I give you a big hug for being honest and open with his wife about the affair. But now you have to stop. DO NOT speak with either of them. You are only 19 yrs old. You have plenty of time to find a wonderful man. Consider this a lesson learned and DO NOT repeat it.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:33 PM   #7
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Hate to burst your bubble but you need to give up all hopes that his marriage is going to end and then you two will be together. The damage that has been done is too much. You babysat his children, and there's NO WAY his wife will ever allow you to see or speak to them again, let alone be step mother to them.

It's over and he's begging and doing all that he can to save his marriage. His wife may or may not divorce him - Who knows, but you need to stay away from him and go on with your life.

he was wrong to have let this happen. Not only because of the age difference but because he took advantage of you.. He's a complete scumbag to do this to his wife and children!
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:47 PM   #8
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Just a note that this should probably go in this forum:
The Other Man / Woman - LoveShack.org Community Forums

This area is dominated by betrayed spouses (like me).

I wouldn't count on a divorce. People usually try to reconcile. You have no business being with him. Think of his kids at least. The best thing is to cut all contact. If his wife finds evidence that you contacted him, that's bad news if he didn't share it with her immediately. And she will be searching hard now, trust me. Deal with your pain somehow. Coming here is a step.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:52 PM   #9
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I will also chime in to say that he has gone "no contact" with you because he has chosen his wife. And statistically, it's very likely that his wife will attempt to reconcile with him (about 90% of women do). It's one thing for a 35 year old to entertain the thought of leaving his wife for a 19yo and to say it out loud to you so that you'll sleep with him. It's quite another to be caught in an affair and then actually abandon your wife and children and destroy your reputation with everyone you know in the process. He is working on salvaging his marriage.

If you have any true remorse for your part in this, you will also go NC with him.

By the way, it's not uncommon for the MM to make a "fishing" attempt with you sometime down the road to "check in with you" or "make sure you're ok." Of course, this will be after the smoke has cleared. One thing is for sure and that's that he will simply want to resume the affair, not leave his wife for you. Watch and see. If he wanted to be with you, he would move mountains to be with you. He is right where he wants to be, with his wife, unless he gets another chance to have both his married life and your vagina on the side. I suggest you don't give it to him. Being someone's side dish is not a healthy thing.

Do some reading in the OM/OW forum and you'll see the same crap time after time. The only person that wins is the married man. Both women lose (as do the children). Put a stop to it.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 1:52 PM   #10
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Question

What to do?

Leave them alone!

You participated in ruining lives of many as they knew it!

Life will never be the same for them - even the kids!



You are young - let it be a lesson learned! Married men cheat - they will cheat with YOU -IF you're willing!

Don't be THAT gal!
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Old 3rd January 2013, 2:23 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XoLolyta View Post
So here goes, I was babysitting for this married couple . The affair started about two months after I starting watching their children...in the mean time he would always txt me and ask how I was ect...so I would reply thinking nothing of it. Then we began talking more and more and I began to develop strong feelings for him and he developed strong feelings for me....we decided it wasn't right and went through a period of time without talking to each other at all. I was hurt because I was emotionally attached to him. But I knew he was married to it could never be... then it all started again and the feeling were multiplied by x10000000 I truly fell in love with this man and he in love with me...we began to see each other secretly he was my world ...said he was going to leave his wife etc....and I believed him and told him this is going to be messy , not easy, especially because he had children and he said everything would work out.....we had sex several times and our feelings got deeper and deeper for each other. I truly could not help the way I feel about him, I was so in love and still am. Then of course his wife found out and we got caught . I completely owned up to everything I did and everything that happened and I truly am remorseful and feel terrible about it. but its eating me alive because I truly love him with all my heart...and now he wont talk to me..he completely abandoned me and I am so hurt..i was expecting this but I just need some advice on what to do...he saying how everything is ruined because of me...when I told him all this would happen way before hand and now he all of a sudden turned away from me wont talk to me nothing. I just need advice on what to do...... how to handle it. please and thank you ...
its crazy I know should have never done it but I honestly couldn't help the way I felt about him; and now everything is upsidown. And he just stopped talking to me...its been two days. Should I give him his space and maybe hell come around? they are for sure getting a divorce now...
Well since he is getting a divorce and is in love with you too, when are you guys getting together? Did you ask him this?
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Old 3rd January 2013, 2:24 PM   #12
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Don't be THAT gal!
She already is.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 2:24 PM   #13
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Im 19 hes 35
You're young and got played by a married horny liar. He is now in self-preservation mode with his wife and family. Chances are he has already thrown you under the proverbial bus.

I highly doubt that you're in love with this man. Infatuated? Yes, of course. How well do you know this man besides that he is a cheat, liar, and puts his pecker above being a faithful husband and a caring father?

My advice on how to handle this? Never contact him or his family again. Learn from this experience and make better decisions in the future.

nofool4u summed it up nicely.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 2:24 PM   #14
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How was the sex? That's what he was after. I hope it was at least good for you.

Next time try to find someone who isn't married.
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Old 3rd January 2013, 2:25 PM   #15
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Well since he is getting a divorce and is in love with you too, when are you guys getting together? Did you ask him this?
Where does it say he's getting divorced?

My take was that he's still with his W - and went NC with this OW...
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