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My Husband Left and I Still Love Him


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Beginning November of last year, I began to see a change in my husband. He started becomming very distant and closed in. He also began binge drinking a lot. I felt like nothing I did was right. Everything I did made him angry and was very short with me. I couldn't understand it because he has been my best friend for so many years and we shared everything. He later began talking about how he wasnt happy with his life or his career and we had changed. He said things like, "this is not my life, its not a bad life, but its not mine." The drinking and staying out late continued until on some nights he didnt come home at all. I began to feel alone and sad all the time. So I kicked him out. Within less than week he called crying say he loved me and wanted to come home. So I let him. It was in no time before he started up again. I later found a womans number in his phone which was the last straw for me. I moved out of our home and so did he. He said he was going to travel back east (which is where he is from) to find himself and that he still loved me and didnt want to get divorced. He has been gone for a little less than a months. A few times on his voyage to find himself he called and apologized for ruing our marriage and wanted to come home. I did not say he could stay with me but i didnt say he couldnt either. We still have a joint phone bill and i see that he still speaks to that woman and they have long talks late at night. I do not know what to do. He knows i know they still speak but he says he wants to continue our "love story." We have been married 4 years. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like the more i beg him to come home and tell him i love and miss him, the more he pushes me away. Also, i dont want him to come back because he feels guilty.

Edited by denice
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It's impossible for you guys to "continue the love story" if the third party is still involved.

 

He knows you're aware of her and isn't even stopping. He doesn't even seem to be ashamed about it. Classic case of having your cake and eating it too.

 

If you want him back and want to work through this then he becomes completely transparent. This new woman needs to be erased from all avenues. Computer, phone, Facebook, etc. And you guys need to get into couples counseling.

 

If he can't agree to all of that, I doubt it will work itself out.

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So do i need to just accept that its over? I feel my so devastated. Like my heart has been ripped out. But the fact that he knows that I can see his call log and still calls her says a lot about how he feels about me.

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UpwardForward

All the symptoms you have listed re: your h's new attitude toward you and change of habbits (with the exception of the drinking), these attitudes could have described my H's change before he left, after a 22 yr M.

 

Your H's obsession w the OW, is most likely what has caused this change in your M.

 

It would seem in your situation that either the OW is not free, or your H wants both of you (the cake-eater).

 

It doesn't seem any of this can be solved until he gets over her. In the meantime he may ruin both your lives.

 

My H moved out on his own, but with his hurtful sudden indifference toward me, I was relieved - as I had been feeling more lonely with him there.

 

Since my OW was single, they eventually married.

 

Keep a close watch on the bank accounts/ assets.

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It takes two to make a marriage. You can't do it alone. You can't trust his words and his actions are speaking volumes.

 

Sometimes filing for D is the wake-up call to what they are losing by their actions. If it doesn't, you keep moving forward. If you don't have children, you might want to consider cutting your losses. You will find someone that won't do this to you.

 

Sorry you find yourself here. It will take time but you will heal.

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In my opinion (and i am not a DR) my H is an alcoholic. He has always been a drinker but it has gotten worse. Recently, his mother told me that prior to us dating he had been abusing alcohol. So much so that he had to get his stomach pumped. However, he up until now he has never cheated on me. She and i both live in the same state and drove to Philly to find himself. He quit a good paying job because he said it wasnt his passion. We have only been married 4 years and i want to stick it out but i feel so defeated. Before he left, during some of our worst times, he would cry and say how depressed he was because of his job not being his passion (side note, a friend of his who worked with him quit the company before my H to find his dream, and then is the guy he spent the late nights drinking with). Also, i started a photography business and while he was happy for me i think it made him resent me.

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