Comments on this? Cuckolded again?

[foolme]

oh where to begin? My wife of 8 years quit working a few years ago to be a stay-at-home mom. This is my 2nd marriage, while it is her first. My first marriage broke up when I discovered my wife's infidelity, though, to be sure, I knew it was bound to end as we had been drifting apart. Fast forward to our current situation... My 2nd wife has become similarly distanced from me. she used to say "love you" when hanging up from phone conversations, but that ended over a year ago. If I say it, her response is a mumbled "mm hmm, bye"

She recently lit me up for my own choices in hobbies, namely, poker. On average, I play once a month. Sometimes with a friend who is the husband of her best friend. She calls it a degenerate actiwvity and guilts me because this friend is marginally employed and can't afford the possible losses. FWIW, we both win more than we lose. Meantime, the Mrs. has become involved with a lot of social media stuff and travels to numerous conferences. I've been cool with her travels, even though she has to pay for much of it. In the end, she devotes an inordinate amount of time to this. Oh, sure, she gets compensated for some of her work, but her net income from these endeavors worked out to a little under 2k last year. In my opinion, this is more of a hobby than a career.

Anyway, she is kind of weird about me reading her blog, so if I read it, I avoid making references to it. By and large, I think she's pretty guarded about what she writes, though she enjoys writing about the funny things that happen in her day.

Why mention all of this??

Because we had the following text exchange today wherein I'm out of town with the kids...

 

Me: sorry I missed you last night

Her: Headache, I was in bed

Me: I really wish you'd see a doctor about that.

Her: I stunt have a doctor. Besides my shoulder it's the bigger issue. Today we decide if I give up and go for an MRI (she's prone to "swypo"" errors)

Me: You should pick a doctor, imo. Is <chiropractor name> referring you for the MRI? Perhaps he would have a doctor to refer you to.

Her: Him or a doctor I'm friends with from <school where she is in the pto>. Too much other stuff to do to worry about myself

(an hour and a half later....)

Her: Btw <chiripractor name >is sending a video to a neurologist friends of his because he's fascinated - and not in a good way (1:31)

Me: When are you going to the neuro? (1:32)

Her: hey baby. It's a neurologist friend of <chiropractor>'s who he sent the video. After the doctor takes a look at it.he's going to call me (1:42)

Me: Ok. Quick question... Since when did you start adressing me with "hey baby"? Or was that text intended for someone else? :-( (2:45)

Her: Ohhhhhh. That was a Swype thing. I couldn't future out what you were graphing about. I think I was trying to say "I'm not" but I don't remember now (3:45)

Her:

Anyway, <chiropractor> videoed the twitch and sent it to him to look at. After his friend sees it, he'll call.gr to let me know his thoughts

Me: Yes. I saw that message. It was kind of disconnected to the conversation we had been having since you had told me the same thing 10 minutes earlier.

Her: You asked when I was going to the neurologist, and I was clarifying that I'm not at this point. But something isn't right

Me: So what did you do today?

Her: Cleaned more, write, went to the chiropractor, went to the store, ate lunch, cleaned more, put stuff together, cleaned more

Me: Chopping block, right. Anyway, you do realize how your 1:42 text looked, right?

Her: Yes, but I'm not sure how that happened. Sort of like when it was obsessed with the word titties instead of what I was trying to type

 

 

so there it is ... Did I overreact? Or is she the definition of cool in the face of a big error that could've exposed an affair? I mentioned her blogging stuff because if this was really a Swype error, I can look forward to reading about it on her blog, right? Looking forward to hearing some opinions because I get home tomorrow night and I'm driving myself crazy with concern that I've been cuckolded once again.

[ac11442]

Why doesn't she want you reading her blog?

 

I think you may be overreacting. You are sensitive because of your first marriage, fair enough, but don't make her pay for someone else's mistakes.

 

The longer we are married the more things can slack off. If you miss her saying "Love You" when you end a phone conversation, tell her. She may not even realize it, just got busy, job, hobbies, kids, etc. It happens.

 

If her friends husband can't really afford to be playing poker she may be getting pissy with you about it out of concern for her friend. In her mind if you weren't encouraging him to go by going with him then they wouldn't have an issue. Not saying its right, just a thought.

 

The time lapses in the texts. Was that am or pm? If am is it possible she was falling asleep between texts? If pm, she said she was cleaning. Sometimes even with my phone in my pocket I don't feel/hear it. When I get busy doing something I miss things. Again...just a thought.

 

IMO, give her the benefit of the doubt...for now. But file it. Keep it in the back of your mind, WAY in the back. If you start noticing other things, well, there ya go. If it turns out to be nothing then it's no harm no foul.

[turnera]

If you're saying you think she thought she was texting her boyfriend because she said hey baby, why would she tell him about the medical stuff?

[turnera]

On the other hand, in my experience, most women who cheat are SAHMs.

 

If I were you, I'd quit paying for all her conferences.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm on the fence on this one honestly. I'd keep my eyes open...after my experience..ugh...never again will I be that trusting. But your conversation did sound a little like jumping at small things. You know your history better than anyone.

 

Also statistics say that most wives who cheat are working wives. I've seen that over and over again in articles and books. But yeah my cheating wife was a SAHM, so....I tend to want to generalize my experience =P

[confusedinkansas]

Her traveling aside.............

 

OMG

Have marriages come to this?

 

Why didn't you just pick up the phone & talk to her?

 

If I had to talk to my husband in text (as long as this one is) I'd poke myself in the eye.

Seriously - There are too many ways text messages can be taken & autocorrect is a Bitch.

[pteromom]

On the other hand, in my experience, most women who cheat are SAHMs.

 

If I were you, I'd quit paying for all her conferences.

 

You do know that in a marriage, the money belongs to both partners, right?

[pteromom]

If you're saying you think she thought she was texting her boyfriend because she said hey baby, why would she tell him about the medical stuff?

 

 

This.

 

I think it was an autocorrect or something. She wouldn't have been telling an affair partner about the medical stuff she was talking to you about.

[turnera]

You do know that in a marriage, the money belongs to both partners, right?

True, but he can decide they aren't saving enough and can't fund her hobby unless she gets a job to pay for it.

[foolme]

Her traveling aside.............

 

OMG

Have marriages come to this?

 

Why didn't you just pick up the phone & talk to her?

 

If I had to talk to my husband in text (as long as this one is) I'd poke myself in the eye.

Seriously - There are too many ways text messages can be taken & autocorrect is a Bitch.

 

Well, this was all happening while I was not alone and didn't want to have this conversation within earshot of others. She is the one who is big in the social media stuff and had facebook and twitter long before I did.

 

There really does exist a double-standard with her. When I go to do things, the first thing she complains about is how much money I spend. (Full disclosure: Each year I buy a package of baseball season tickets and manage to sell them at a profit. This year will be no different, albeit the profit will only be about $1K or less, yet, in her eyes, I "spent" > $6K on myself. Each check that comes gets deposited, so... ). As far as income goes, I gross >$100K, so I sure don't FEEL like we're struggling to make ends meet.

I was recently invited on an out-of-town weekend trip by a friend, but she went on a tirade about my spending habits, and how she's just not interested in the things I'm interested in, but she went on to say, "Just do what you're going to do, it's what you do anyway."

So, I turned my friend down.

[turnera]

So she uses passive aggressive bullchit on you and it works? Good to know! What else can we get you to do if we just pressure you?

 

Here's your solution: two books: No More Mr Nice Guy, and Hold On To Your N.U.T.S. (from www.bettermen.org). Read them and implement them and see how she changes.

 

btw, aside from being a SAHM being the main indicator for a cheating woman (IME), guess what the one OTHER indicator is? A husband who is a Nice Guy.

[alexandria35]

Actually I think there is some validity to the OP's concerns. Why would her auto correct change I'm not to "hey baby". Often auto correct changes things to words or phrases to those which the texter uses often, so I think if she wasn't texting "hey baby" at the moment then she must have at some time. Secondly why wouldn't she be telling her affair partner about her medical issues? As I hear it told people in affairs often spend day and night talking and texting each other every mundane detail of their lives. Then they think they are soulmates because they can't go 30 seconds without communicating with each other. They even text when they're taking a dump for god's sake. Lastly she had just told her husband that the video was being sent to a nuerologist friend of the choirpractor. Why was she sending him that exact same information 10 minutes later?

 

I'm not saying this is enough to prove an affair but if it were me I would certainly be keeping my eyes and ears open in the near future.

[GLDheart]

I'm not saying this is enough to prove an affair but if it were me I would certainly be keeping my eyes and ears open in the near future.

 

This.

 

Something is up. I have learned to trust my intuition. If you feel something is off then, IT IS. Time to go stealth mode. STOP tipping her off to her weird discrepencies. She will go underground or cool things for a while.

 

Good luck. I truly hope you find nothing and can rest easy.

[Athena]

For an affair to be taking place, you'd see a few things taking place 1) Change of behavior (think back since this may have started a year ago) 2) Time/Venue/ Opportunities for meeting and communicating (her conferences, staying behind now when you have the kids, anytime you are at work, kids at school or at friends), texting via phone, computer communication 3) Distancing certainly is NOT a good sign (although some spouses can keep up a front of frienliness, distancing is the bad sign which can indicate an affair)

 

You need to access your cell phone records online, or go through old bills and request your phone company to provide itemized calls/texting if you don't have this. Go online and create a user name and ID and log on and see your records right now... see any numbers that she corresponds the most with.

 

VAR in her car or in your home.

 

Good luck.

[stillwater]

Lastly she had just told her husband that the video was being sent to a nuerologist friend of the choirpractor. Why was she sending him that exact same information 10 minutes later?

 

If you replace "hey baby" with "I'm not" the conversation really does make sense. She says the chiro is sending the video to a neurologist, he asks when she's going to the neuro, she explains that she's not going, the chiro is just sending the video then the neuro will look at it and call her.

 

Her: Btw <chiripractor name >is sending a video to a neurologist friends of his because he's fascinated - and not in a good way (1:31)

Me: When are you going to the neuro? (1:32)

Her: hey baby. It's a neurologist friend of <chiropractor>'s who he sent the video. After the doctor takes a look at it.he's going to call me (1:42)

Aside from that, the fact that she gave him crap for going out of town doesn't sound like cheating behavior. If she's having an A shouldn't she be encouraging him to go away as often as he wants? I don't know, definitely keep your eyes and ears open but it doesn't seem very conclusive to me.

[GLDheart]

VAR in her car or in your home..

 

Looking back, I wish I had done the Voice activated recorder. I never even thought about that little trick. Man... dropping one of those in her car would have given me SO many answers.

[foolme]

 

You need to access your cell phone records online, or go through old bills and request your phone company to provide itemized calls/texting if you don't have this. Go online and create a user name and ID and log on and see your records right now... see any numbers that she corresponds the most with.

 

VAR in her car or in your home.

 

Good luck.

 

Well, so far, so good. If she has been unfaithful, she's done a dandy job of doing it without using her phone much. When I pull her records for her 100s of calls and texts in a given month, the person she corresponds with the most... is me. The next three that show up an awful lot? With substantial use of minutes? I can link those to three friends of hers. After that, the numbers contacted are her parents' numbers. Otherwise, it's scattered calls and texts to numbers I don't know (she's made numerous female friends via social networking), but nothing rises to the level of a pattern. Moreover, she hadn't been exchanging texts with anyone the afternoon of the suspicious "hey baby" remark. And that was my first thought; was that she was texting w/ me and someone else and got us confused.

So, unless, she's having a series of one-time encounters with randoms and having no follow-up contact, I appear to have some reasonable assurances that there's no affair going on. But I'll keep my eyes open, and I AM awfully tempted to get her phone out of her purse while she's sleeping tonight. She has a lock code on it, but I've seen her enter it and am pretty sure I know it.

[foolme]

Looking back, I wish I had done the Voice activated recorder. I never even thought about that little trick. Man... dropping one of those in her car would have given me SO many answers.

What about a GPS tracker?

[TobyBoy]

If she's got an iPhone she could be using iMessage, it won't show on your online bill detail.

 

PS. Yes, this is my first post in this website, but I'm an old pro at uncovering lies! Some might recognize my username from another infidelity website.

[Just_A_Poster]

Maybe she's using her phone to chat in a chatbox, instead.

 

It seems odd that she has all the time in the world to blog and twitter and goof off and go to networking conferences, but can't get her ass off her computer chair and get out and get a JOB. What an uproductive human being.

[Chi townD]

I would say that you have enough to be concerned, but not enough to point the finger. If she's cheating, most of her communication is probably happening through her social networking. I would put a keylogger on the computer when you get home. I would also put VAR's in the house. Then, get some heavy duty velcro from the hardware store and put a VAR under her car seat.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm glad you checked the phone records. If she's not cheating and she catches you doing all this stuff...ugh. I dunno man, at this point I think you should focus on communication and rekindling your relationship.

[foolme]

I would say that you have enough to be concerned, but not enough to point the finger. If she's cheating, most of her communication is probably happening through her social networking.

Right, and that's the one thing that's really curious about her social networking. She has created a fairly high-profile blogging persona, to the point she has 1000+ followers on Twitter. And yet she's really coy about me peeking into this little world she has developed. When I do take a look at her blog, or book reviews or products reviews, it's pretty tame stuff. And the comments are overwhelmingly female followers. Once in a while I get some insight I never knew about. For example, she recently posted a LOT of details about her previous fiance and broken engagement; much more than I ever knew. I mean, there wasn't anything casting her in a negative light, rather it was more about what a crummy guy she nearly married.

I would put a keylogger on the computer when you get home. I would also put VAR's in the house. Then, get some heavy duty velcro from the hardware store and put a VAR under her car seat.

She has her own laptop computer, as do I, though mine is work issued. I rarely have reason to ask to use her computer.

 

It really does seem that, ever since she quit working, she feels compelled to over-schedule herself, though many of these things I can verify... 2 different PTOs (kids were in 2 different schools this year), her blogging stuff... And yet she complains how busy she is! Her own mother has even commented to me that she seems as though she does whatever she can to stay away from the house.

Yet, so far, I've got nothing direct, aside from one text that alarmed me into checking cell & text records, which showed nothing.

[BetrayedH]

What about a GPS tracker?

 

I caught my wife via GPS tracker. About $200 for the one that you out in the car and later download (via GoogleMaps) where it has been. Caught her the first time I pulled it. You can get realtime ones for more like $500 and a subscription. This might be a decent idea in your case where she has a lot of free time and away from home. She could just be using another pre-paid cell.

[TobyBoy]

I would not bring up the "hey baby" incident again and just watch for suspicious activity. Does she leave her phone out in the open or does she take it everywhere she goes in house? You can bet that she has covered her tracks by now, if she's up to no good.