advisepls Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I was involved in a work A for six months until January this year. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I knew the A. was wrong. It is not an excuse but I became addicted to it.I had a choice initially and failed. The AP made me feel wanted and alive. My wife has always complimented me but that wasn't enough for me. AP's advances tempted me and I was too weak. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I firmly believe in the chemical surge. That is not an excuse but it does make doing the right thing more difficult once the A. has started. It became an addiction to me. I needed it just to stay in the now. It still is an addiction.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I am getting IC for my problems.My wife and I are getting on better.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]It was the most difficult period of my life from January to May. I was depressed and a poor husband again. I tired to avoid the OP but I saw her most days. NC may be impossible or very difficult in certain situations, such as where the MM and the OW work in the same organisation. I have nothing to compare it against as I have not gone complete NC due to the work situation. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Recently Op and I have had to work together on projects and this has definitely set me back. OP has been telling me that her boss is unreasonable and asks my opinion on correspondence she sends.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]It is easier than it was. I am no longer depressed thank God but still find it very difficult and think of OP often. It hurts like hell. Any contact from her gives me a thrill.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]I know that I am being self-indulgent but just putting it on paper seems to help somewhat.[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 The battle within I was involved in a work A for six months until January this year. I knew the A. was wrong. It is not an excuse but I became addicted to it. I had a choice initially and failed. The AP made me feel wanted and alive. My wife has always complimented me but that wasn't enough for me. AP's advances tempted me and I was too weak. I firmly believe in the chemical surge. That is not an excuse but it does make doing the right thing more difficult once the A. has started. It became an addiction to me. I needed it just to stay in the now. It still is an addiction. I am getting IC for my problems.My wife and I are getting on better. It was the most difficult period of my life from January to May. I was depressed and a poor husband again. I tired to avoid the OP but I saw her most days. NC may be impossible or very difficult in certain situations, such as where the MM and the OW work in the same organisation. I have nothing to compare it against as I have not gone complete NC due to the work situation. Recently Op and I have had to work together on projects and this has definitely set me back. OP has been telling me that her boss is unreasonable and asks my opinion on correspondence she sends. It is easier than it was. I am no longer depressed thank God but still find it very difficult and think of OP often. It hurts like hell. Any contact from her gives me a thrill. I know that I am being self-indulgent but just putting it on paper seems to help somewhat. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Does your wife know you see xOW almost every day and have to work with her? Do you and xOW talk on a 'personal' level, or do you keep it strictly business? Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 My husband was where you are...for a variety of reasons, he had to continue working with his ex other woman. I know it was hard for hi at first, but it got easier, and in his case it may have actually been therapeutic. It allowed him to see her for what she really was...a human being with feet of clay, jut like the rest of us. There are a couple of former wayward spouses who post on here...RickFoxx is one I believe Thomasb is another ( I think)as well as a few others. Take a look at their posts and you may find they are helpful to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author advisepls Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 Many thanks for the edit and replies. My w knows that I see OP most days but we need the money and I have been looking elsewhere. OP sometimes talks personal stuff but not about the A. But sometimes a look can tell a thousand words. I guess I am wondering if I can ever give recovery my full and undivided attention if I am triggering by seeing OP and communicating with her. It is still difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 So is your W doing anything to hold your feet to the fire as incentive to keep looking for another job? Or is she acting like its not that big of a deal for you to take steps to break contact with the OW. And the OW asking you for advice what goes on in her department under her own boss? That needs to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author advisepls Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 She knows there is some necessary business contact. I have initiated any contact, even business contact. I am not going to delude myself into thinking that I am comfortable with business contact from my W sake or for my own feelings. What I am wondering is whether working with an AP makes reconciliation much more difficult. I thought it wouldn't be this difficult Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Did you write a No Contact letter to OW? That gives you a mental push to 'make' it final in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Did you write a No Contact letter to OW? That gives you a mental push to 'make' it final in your mind. Some people seem to be able to reconcile while still in contact with their fAP at work. Traditional thinking though is that every contact sets your withdrawl back to day 1. Your writing seems to indicate this and the nature of the contact does, too. As well, every day you work with your fAP is a day or torture for your spouse. She may not say it (it's common to desperately want to fix your marriage, save the family, and so forth after Dday and thus NOT say things that set you back) but I guarantee she has visions of you doing her over your desk or sneaking off to a hotel during lunch. If you will truly do anything to make your marriage work (which is what your BW deserves), that includes leaving this job and having NC with your AP for life. Good luck to you. Edited July 17, 2012 by BetrayedH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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